“As we will ever be.” they chime in.
“Let’s do this.”
The car comes to a halting stop as my boys box them in with cars and bikes. Rubbing my knuckles, I stalk over to the car. “GET OUT!” I bellow. “It’s time, boys. I said I’d be coming for you. Tonight’s the night you get to meet the demon you all turned me into, and he’s a fucking delightful dish best-served stone fucking cold!” Ripping the doors open, I go in, pulling out the first of them, throwing them to the ground at the feet of my pack of Devil’s sons. Thumping, kicking, screaming is all I can hear. I am on a quest to feed the demon who lays dormant deep below. Then, finally, after flinging what seemed like a shit load of jocks, I grab Dan, the prize cock of their little pack, around his neck, pulling him out into the dark of the night. A chill rolls through me, followed by the intense flame of heat licking at my skin, my fists forming into hard, jagged weapons. I lay one into his chest, sending him back skating on his ass. Leaning down, I grab him by the scruff of his neck and pull him up to meet my fist. Crack! The sound of his cheekbone shattering under my taped hand sends chills down my spine, feeding my anger, fueling me. Slamming one more fist to his face I break his nose. He’s spitting blood, pleading with me to leave him alone.
“Let's work something out bro,” he stammers, speaking like we are friends.
“I ain’t your fucking bro,” I spit at him. “You piece of shit. You wanna work something out? Just like I tried to do that day when you and your boys jumped me!”
Grabbing him around his throat, I pick him up, lifting him high above the ground in a choke hold, his little toes tippy-toeing on the asphalt below him. I choke slam him to the ground before standing back up. I watch him try to gain his breath back, trying to crawl away from my assault on him as I wipe my fists down the backs of my jeans. I look around, the guys have put the others into a state of unconsciousness, tied their hands with cable ties and leaving them laying on the cold ground like dogs in pools of their own blood.
Jamie is walking towards me, dragging an unconscious Clarke behind him. I smirk up at him as I stalk over to Dan. “Going somewhere, punk?” I kick him square in his ribs.
“FUCK OFF, KNOX!” he says with fear bedded in his voice.
A low rumble erupts from the shadows of where my soul once resided. “Not likely there boy for I have been laying in wait for this day.”
Jamie pulls on me then, turning me to face him. “He ain’t here, brother, just the jock squad and a couple of girls, along with a few omega shitheads in the other Escalade. The boys had to shut them, damn women screaming the place down, They’re sleeping at the moment not by their own will either, It had to be done, brother. We will make sure they are safe when we are done here. What do you want to do with this guy?”
Kicking the sack of shit that is Clarke, I say, “Give him an ass whooping he won’t forget in a while. We are sending a message after all.”
Winking down at Dan, I say. “Time to meet your maker, baby boy. Lift him up, will you, Jamie? Hold him still so he can taste the kill punch! She’s sweet and delightful... she’ll leave you fucked up in a pool of your own piss, mother fucker! Enjoy!”
With that I back up, breathe out, step forward on the right foot before I slam my fist up and around into his temple. He goes down like a cold sack of shit. Stepping back, I throw my arms up in the air, roaring as the demon exits my body, feasting on the soul of the former jock known as Dan Johns. I lean down over him, dangling the white dove charm. “That was for her! My forever and my soul that I had to sell to the fucking Devil,” I turn and before walking away, I look up at Jamie. “Clean up, I have unfinished business with the great Mr. Briggs. I’ll see you back at the hotel within the hour. Will that be enough time to clean up?”
“Sure, sure sweet man. You sure though, brother? You don’t want me to come?” I hear concern lacing his breath.
“Nah brother, I have to do this one alone.”
Pulling up to the house that the father of the year lives in now with the champagne whore of the hour, I walk around the back, casing out just where to enter. Many nights I have been here before, watching, waiting, observing. He spends a lot of time with his lips firmly wrapped around a liquor bottle. I’m not worried about alerting him as I adopt my stealth mode. I enter through the back door. Not locked. Too easy John, too fucking easy. I pull it behind me as I make my way up the stairs to the master bedroom which takes over the whole upstairs of this over the top dick pad he calls home.
I walk up the stairs and I suddenly see the image of my angel laying in the hospital bed. I hold onto that image. I’ll need it to get through what’s coming next. Looking past the image, I see her standing at the foot of his bed watching them sleep in their drunken glory. Her back to me, her wings spread out in their full glory so delicate, so beautiful, a pristine white with the small flicker of black that’s tainted from me, from my darkness. She turns as I approach her. “Leave Angel, go, you don’t want to see this.”
“I will not allow you to sink to this level, Knox. It's not right,” she says, tears pooling in pristine blue eyes.
“Angel, go,” I say, pushing through her. I see the champagne whore with a dirty needle in her arm. “Oh for fuck’s sake!” I spit, ripping my phone out from my back pocket. I punch in Jamie’s number.
“Brother, I need you here, now.” Not even waiting for an answer, I start to pace this room like a caged tiger. I fucken hate drugs. They killed all that I had ever wanted in this world and that was my family. Because of drugs, my mom and dad took it all away and inflicted so much hurt, pain, worry and burden onto my grandparents.
Then he’s in front of me, stopping dead in his tracks as he looks at her, my Angel. He walks towards her and places his hand to her cheek. “I knew you would be here.”
“Jamie, you know me well.” She says back.
“You can see her.” I say, confused, rubbing my hands over my face.
“Sure can, brother.”
Shaking my head, I move over to her. Holding her hand in mine, no longer is it cold. I look at Jamie. “Take her away, will you? To Tammy’s place, get her to clean her up. I’ll finish this once and for all. It’s time this bastard got to feel a bit more pain. “Jamie leaves and my angel gives me a look of pure sadness. Blowing me a kiss, she disappears in a whirl of lace, leaving behind the smell of apples and rain.
Standing over him, I lean down, wrapping my hands around his throat, slowly squeezing the air out of his body. He bucks awake, eyes bulging out spluttering to life. “Hello John, nice evening for a whooping.” He’s squirming under my grasp. I let up just a little so he can speak. “You say what now John?”
“What the fuck are you up to boy?”
“Well, I’m here to make you pay,” I say, straddling his body.
“Knox, Knox, think, about what you're doing. You’ll be sorry for this boy.” His voice is full of fear and false bravado.
“Me? No I won't be! I wasn’t here I don’t know what you're talking about. My word against yours... isn’t that the way it goes, John?” I smile at him. I love using people’s words and games against them. Tightening my grip once more, his eyes bulge out.
“Knox! I’m... I’m... I’m... sorry,” he says spluttering.
“It’s a little too late for you to say sorry now, John. You ran me into the ground, sent me away for fucking years. I sat, fought and wept! I sold my fucking soul to the damn Devil just to survive. I never meant to take her! Your little jock squad did that. You know that don’t you? You’re paying those that did that to Sarah- Jane. You all kicked me when I was down, you showed me nothing but hate so guess what bitch? You get what comes around. You get the love of my fists. This is for all the times you broke June, for when you beat her down, cheated on her, for all the pain and sleepless nights you placed on Sarah-Jane, for the emptiness you placed in her heart.”
Pushing him harder into the bed, I raise my fist up and slam it down into his face, one punch after another, blood spilling ar
ound him. His bones crack, breaking under my touch. Before long he is limp and lifeless. I lose all control. I see nothing but red and her eyes. I fall back onto my heels, wiping hands over my face, breathing deep, pulling much-needed air into my lungs. I close my eyes, wishing for the release of the hatred to leave me but it doesn’t, it's embedded in me deep. Standing up, I look down on his body, watching the shallow rise and fall of his chest I thought that would help me. But now I just feel sorry for the waste of space lying in a pool of blood. Leaning down, I whisper to him, “Take heed, leave me alone! This is done, finished, over. I don’t need you taking up any more fucking space in the hate-filled darkness that has engulfed me. I hate myself more than you fucking ever could. I’ll leave you be if you stay the fuck out of my way. Oh, John? Your whore is gone. I hate junk. It won’t touch her soul again, neither will you.”
Back at the hotel, I go straight past all the guys. Jamie and Kash follow me into the room. “I’m fine. boys. I’m going to take a shower, crash out. It’s been a long night.”
“He ok brother?” Jamie says to me as he looks into my dark eyes.
“Yeah, he’s alive. Barely.”
“Right, we’re just out here, brother, holler if you need us.” He says as he pulls Kash from my room.
Stripping off, I feel the effects of the battles I have fought tonight. Unwrapping my hands I let the tape fall to the floor. I step into the spray of hot water, allowing it to cascade over my body, rolling over my shoulders down my back and thighs.
Damn it feels good. I slip to the floor, hands in my head. I weep the night's drama away from the last fucking three years, it all leaves me but I still feel like I have so much weight sitting on my shoulders. The world is so cold, this darkness is so deep, this demon has his fingers deep in me. I push my head back to the wall, water running over my face, washing the blood away, I shut my eyes.
“Angel? What the fuck do I do now? I lived for this vengeance. I fought for it, fed on it. It kept me going. Now what, Angel? If you are there, I need to know what the fuck’s next? How do I leave this world to be with you? How do I get from hell to the pearly gates of heaven?” I say out through tear laced breaths. I’m fucking broken! Then I hear her voice. The sweet sound sounds out around me and, in that moment, I feel alive, like it’s my time to dream of the sky that she lives in and me putting this fire out so I can catch a ride up on the wings of my Angel that I can’t and won’t live without. But what she says is so far from what I want to hear. Standing there she looks me deep into my eyes and, for a split second, I feel like there could be a bit of soul left in there.
“You will let go what is left of me, allow me to leave this world that I don’t belong in. Let us walk away from each other, we’re no good. I died, Knox. I’m gone, dead. You buried me, Knox, to make way for this new tide that’s going to sweep you away. You’ll know when it comes, for it will take you under. Please let it, you have to cut the tie of this cool, jagged illusion that you will be joining me. You will be staying here, fighting to find yourself again. I can’t help you, that sick twisted smile has to go. You rained your vengeance down on them; you are the devil that you have disguised with this demon. You said that you sold your soul to the Devil, but you didn’t, baby, you became him. Now you are bound to this world. To fight for your soul back, to break the chains of fire that bind you. She will help you, the woman with my eyes, she’s your answer, you need to believe it. She’s coming. You have to leave me behind. The fire that licks at you is not for me. I will always be here for the rest of your life, here within your heart. I need you to carry me back to heaven’s arms. I'll be the light you need to guide your way, but you have to take me back to where I lie, to my place in the dirt. It hurts now, but it won’t for long. I can’t allow you to keep dragging yourself down. I will fight you each step of the way. You have to let the pain crawl out from under your skin. Bury it, Knox, it’s over. I’m sorry but this is the way it has to be. Look at you, you're beaten black and blue, and for what? The never-ending quest to see me? To tear the whole world down? They can’t all be your enemies. Let go. I’m always here, just say my name, I will come. Now get up.”
I’m fucking speechless, just staring up at her as the water falls down over my face, sticking my hair to my cheeks. I slowly rise to my feet. Sore, tired, broken. She leans over me to grab the soap. She gently washes me and this dark soul, so torn by anger. I feel some of the rage echo out around me, leaving with each wipe of her touch. She stops washing and she kisses my lips. |A kiss I have longed for, dreamed of in nights haunted with pain and silence. She turns to grab the towel as she breaks the kiss, then she steps in, turns off the water and begins drying me. I never knew angels could do this but apparently, they can.
I don’t have the answers anymore of why or even how this happens but it does. “Angel, can you come and lay with me? Sleep with me tonight? Wrap me in your wings and just stay! Stay with me. I know this isn’t just my imagination. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I’m tired of being alone, Angel.” My voice cracks on the last bit. Because I am. I’m so fucking tired.
“Shhh come here,” she says.
I lay down as she scoots up to the head of the bed. Pulling me into her and wrapping me in her arms, she brings her wings in tight. I can smell her; my Sarah-Jane, my Angel. I lay my head down on her chest listening for the beat of her heart I so long to hear, but it’s not a beat I know, or have heard. It’s like a small murmur now, beating out of sync, just like mine! Her fingers run through my hair, the other hand draws circles on my thigh. This is my drug; her. I’m an addict for her, how will I get over this?
I lived for vengeance. She is right. I have nothing left but hate. It's consuming me deeper as I sink into its depths. The eviler I become and the shit I have done to women haunts me. That’s not me. It’s who I have to be. I don’t have to feel or let them in to touch me. I locked that away for her only. “That part of me belongs to you, Angel, so tell me what do I do?”
“You go to sleep, baby. Wake up tomorrow, put your boots on and do you. Now sleep, stop thinking, stop fighting this. Let the change in. Not all of it will be bad.”
Waking up is not something I want to do at all today. It marks a day of shit questions, shit life, shit loss, death all over again and changes. I don’t want to let any of it in. So, I yell, “fuck off!” to the mother fucker who is opening the godforsaken blinds and letting in the happy as shit light. I want to shut the world out and stay in this dark cocoon of warmth with her smell and the security of her wings.
“Get up, you sad sack of shit. You have slept for a straight twenty-four hours. You needed it. I left you to get it, but now it’s time to get up. You need to stay here with us. No longer in the world of angels wrapped in lace. That shit ain’t good for your head. You're making us all feel fucking crazy. I can't say she wasn’t the kick in the ass you needed but it’s time to move on. It’s over now. You will see her face again but not in this world. You have to stop the suffering, Knox, man up! Let’s go! Training in an hour. You shower, I’ll call for brekkie.”
Looking up at the pain in the ass that is my best friend I pull the covers back. I see the feathers, white mixed with black, and a small smile forms on my lips along with a slight pain in my heart. Time to let go, they say. Well, we will see about that. I shall be with her sooner than they all think. Picking up the feathers, I place them into the tiny box that I keep all the others in. It reminds me that I’m not fucking bat shit crazy. Pulling my sore bruised body into some sweats and a shirt, I swing my bag over my shoulder and walk away from here where I have to ‘Man up.’ but we’ll see.
Walking into training, I feel fucking broken. Throwing my bag down, I head to the mats and start to stretch and warm up my weak, sore muscles. Jimmy’s working in the cage. I sit, just watching. It’s a chick. Shit she has moves, she really has skill. She is twisting and turning, hunching low, taking Jimmy down again and again. Move after sweet move. Arm bars, vice locks, waist locks, choke holds. It’s hot as hel
l. She moves so swiftly and with such grace she makes it look like a sexy form of dancing, flicking her lean toned legs out and up in kicks and roundhouses, mixed with high knees and sweet combos.
I’m drawn to her right off the bat, watching her every move, wanting to see more. She is beautiful. The buzzer goes, signaling end of session time. She spins around getting Jimmy in a playful headlock before looking over. Her eyes meet mine. There they are, those moss green eyes flecked with blue; her eyes Sarah-Jane’s, my angel's. Everything comes flooding back to me in one foul evil swoop. I jump up and run. I can’t do this. I’m out. Running through the front door, I hear Jamie yelling after me. Fuck that. I can't stop. I run and run.
To be Continued........
Acknowledgements
This is where I guess I shall get all mushy and sentimental. I wanna send a massive thank you to all who have been in my corner always; the ones who have had my back through and through. To Joe, my amazing husband, my soul in this crazy world. He gets me, loves me, picks me up, pushes me, he really is remarkable. I’m a lucky lady. To my six hellhounds (oh, I mean children) you are my world, my light, my reason to breathe, I do all I do just for you. Thank you for putting up with a Momma as crazy as me. I freaking love your faces and shall continue to kiss your faces off till I’m grey and old.
My family, my sisters Jade & Emma, God, it’s wild, isn’t it? This thing we call life, I love you beyond all else in this world, it’s always been just us three. I’m beyond proud to be your big sister. My Mom, who lives in heaven, I hope you see that I’m sitting just above the water without you here. I freaking miss you. My Dads, well I’m sorry this book is intense and I love you both a lot, lol. I’m sorry. Not that you shall read it but people who know us may so if you get weird looks that’s why.
Broken (Reapers Reign, #1) Page 23