by Chrys Cymri
‘He wants to help the other snails know more about God,’ Jago translated. ‘How can they learn unless someone teaches them?’
‘Let me think about what we can do,’ I said. ‘I’ll sort something out, I promise. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ Clyde waved at me, and I bent down to pick him up. ‘Tea?’
‘And coffee. What a great idea.’
I made a fresh pot, more toast, and poured out a bowl of tea for Clyde. Then I said Morning Prayer with Clyde, Skylar, Morey, and Taryn in attendance. Morey’s wife usually had to leave early to join Peter, so it was a nice change to have a third female voice for the office hymn.
My house mates went their own ways after we’d finished. I poured myself another cup of coffee, and studied my phone for a moment. Then I forced myself to dial the number of Bishop Nigel’s office.
The phone rang several times before a male voice answered. ‘You’re speaking to Bishop Nigel Blake. How may I help you?’
‘Bishop Nigel,’ I said, floundering. ‘I was expecting Sally.’
His chuckle was warm and reassuring. ‘My chaplain’s stepped out for a moment. Was it her you wanted to speak to? Or can a mere bishop help you?’
‘Well, it was, I mean, it could probably wait…’
‘Penny. Is it something personal or is it to do with Lloegyr?’
‘Lloegyr.’ I pulled myself together. ‘It’s about Clyde.’
‘The charming snail shark I confirmed? I hope he’s recovering well?’
‘Oh, yes, thank you.’ I wished it weren’t too early to add a dash of whisky to my coffee. ‘A number of snail sharks have come over to England. And Clyde wants them to learn about Christianity.’
Morey flew into the study, landing on the bookshelf near my desk. ‘That’s an interesting development,’ he commented, tail flicking.
‘I’m certain you would make an excellent teacher, Penny.’
‘My neighbours,’ I pointed out, ‘might worry if they find me talking to myself in my back garden.’
‘Good point,’ the Bishop said. ‘Bring them into the house?’
Morey’s drawn back ears echoed my own feelings. ‘I don’t think most of them understand human language, particularly the snail pups. And then there’s the slime. It’s bad enough cleaning up after Clyde.’
‘Hmm. Tricky one.’
‘I did have one idea.’ I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. ‘Could Clyde teach them? I’d oversee him, of course.’
There was a moment of silence. Then Bishop Nigel laughed. ‘Conversations with you are certainly never dull. I suppose that, since they now live in Northampton, those snail sharks are parishioners in this diocese. So the cure of their souls is our shared responsibility. Penny, I give Clyde my permission to instruct other snail sharks in the Christian faith. This is to be done under the supervision of the ministry team, namely you, Morey, Rosie, and Skylar. Are you happy with that?’
‘Yes. Thank you.’
‘Is there anything else?’
I coughed. ‘I think that’s probably enough for one morning.’
‘It’s certainly made mine more interesting. I’ll keep Clyde in my prayers.’
‘Thank you.’
As I placed the phone back in its cradle, Morey was shaking his head. ‘That’s it, you know. How God nudges people on. First a bit of teaching, then some preaching, and next thing you know, God’s really got you, and you’re in seminary training to be a priest.’
As it had been some time since I’d felt even a nudge from God, I said, ‘It’s good of Bishop Nigel to see you as part of the ministry team here.’
‘He probably realised I was listening in.’
‘I’m sure there’s more to it than that.’ I sighed. ‘Maybe I should have talked to him about the vampire colony we visited last week.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m worried about them,’ I said. ‘Should I warn them that they won’t be welcome over here?’
‘You don’t trust our governments to take care of matters?’
‘Do you?’
‘Not with your minister’s attitudes towards Lloegyr,’ Morey admitted. ‘Though I do try not to take them personally.’
I glanced at the clock on my computer. ‘I need to go. Home communion, and I’m taking Skylar. You’re welcome to join us.’
‘I’ll find Jago and have a chat with Clyde.’ His feathers smoothed at my look. ‘He’s my godson, after all. It’s my duty to instruct him in the Christian faith.’
‘Fine. I’ll see you at lunch.’ I shut down my computer, shouted up the stairs for Skylar, and headed for the door.
<><><><><><>
My curate seemed rather subdued as I drove us into the parish. We travelled in silence, her head bent over her iPhone. After a couple of attempts to start a conversation, I gave up and turned on the radio.
We were warmly welcomed into Bob’s bungalow, and Skylar pretended to be interested as he showed her photos from his travels in the 1950s. After communion and a cup of tea, I took us back home. The return trip was as quiet as the drive out.
At some point, James had gone out and returned home, and his car was yet again resting alongside Skylar’s on my drive. I wearily braced myself for yet another conversation about not blocking my access to the garage as I parked on the road.
I slid from the car and found Albert standing on the edge of his property. ‘Penny. I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s a naked man in your back garden.’
Morey landed onto my shoulder. ‘Angwyn,’ he said quietly. ‘I tried to convince him to return to bat form, but he wouldn't have it.’
‘Don’t worry,’ I told Albert. ‘I’ll take care of it.’
‘Are you certain?’ A breeze stirred what was left of my neighbour’s thin hair. ‘Maybe you’d like me to be there? Just in case?’
Albert was somewhere in his mid-sixties, but he was still offering to act as my protector. I suddenly regretted every evil thought I'd ever had about him. ‘I know who he is, and it’ll be fine. But, thank you, that was very kind of you.’
I let us into the house and gave Skylar the back-door keys. ‘Let him in, please.’
She flushed. ‘I think it’d be better if you did.’
‘I have something else to do first,’ I said as I headed up the stairs. ‘Morey will go with you.’
I strode into my bedroom, grabbed my dressing gown, and hurried back down. The magister and I entered the kitchen at nearly the same time, albeit from opposite doors. ‘Angwyn, welcome to my house,’ I said, wondering whether vampires had to be invited over the threshold. Had I ever invited Skylar in? ‘And please wear this.’
‘Why?’ he demanded.
‘To make me more comfortable,’ I said.
‘Humans have different customs than ours,’ Skylar told him. ‘Please?’
The vampire pulled a face, but he accepted the clothing. After he’d tightened the belt around his waist, he pulled out a kitchen chair and took a seat. ‘Skylar Grey, good, I’ve come to speak to you. And to the young man who’s been escorting you to church. Could you please arrange for him to join us?’
Morey opened his wings. ‘I’ll fetch him.’
‘Can I offer you something to drink?’ I asked. ‘Tea, coffee?’
‘I had a drink before flying over.’
I forced myself not to ask what sort of liquid that had been. Since lunch was going to be delayed, I ate a breakfast bar before joining the two vampires at the table. Angwyn had a small notepad lying by his hand, and my mind boggled, wondering how he had brought it with him. And I really didn’t want to think how he’d transported the pen.
James appeared a few minutes later, gryphons on either shoulder. ‘I’ve got an important email to write, so I hope this won’t take too long.’
‘James Alfred White,’ the magister said so sternly that I straightened, ‘this is the most important moment of your life. And it’s for family only. Please lose the gryphons.’
‘Jago is family
,’ James retorted.
‘Not by blood.’
‘Come on, Son,’ Morey said to Jago. ‘I’m feeling a bit peckish. Let’s rustle up a pigeon. Or a carrot, if you insist.’ The gryphons pushed their way through the cat flap.
I started to rise from my chair. ‘No, you stay,’ Angwyn commanded. ‘You have custody of James, and you have responsibility for Skylar. This discussion requires your presence.’
Skylar looked distinctly uncomfortable, seated at the vampire’s left. But the gap between her and James was even larger, and I realised she’d not even so much as glanced at my brother. ‘What can we do for you, Magister?’
Angwyn tapped his pen on his notebook. ‘The colony has held a conference. And we’ve decided that we cannot endure the presence of a vampire in our church who is not a member of our group.’
I scowled. ‘Now, wait a minute--’
‘So,’ he continued, ‘we’ve decided that the Grey will be adopted into our colony. Skylar is now one of us.’
‘Well, that’s nice,’ I said brightly. ‘Isn’t that nice, Skylar?’
Her face was expressionless. ‘Lovely.’
‘Which means that we must now sort out your marriage.’
It never ceased to amaze me that my mother’s strict training always held firm. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Most vampires are married by the time they’re seventeen,’ Skylar said grimly. ‘That’s why the magister has flown over here.’
‘You’re long past due to take a husband,’ the older vampire agreed. ‘We have no one from the colony to offer you. All of the men in your age range are already matched.’
Skylar shrugged. ‘That’s fine by me.’
Angwyn’s hand slapped the table, making her jump. ‘You need a life partner. The colony has decided this.’
His dark eyes were fierce, but it was hard to take seriously a man who wearing a TARDIS dressing gown. ‘Your colony might have done, Magister,’ I said politely, ‘but surely Skylar must have a say in this. Or do young people in your culture have to accept marriage to whomever you choose?’
‘They usually have more options than Skylar. She’s left this very late.’ Angwyn’s gaze moved to James. ‘She’s far too old to be picky. So we’ve decided that the human can have her.’
James paled. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘We’ve seen you two together,’ Angwyn continued. ‘You’re of a like age. Skylar has a career, James has a business, so they’ll be equals and can offer mutual support in the marriage. And we’ve even noted signs of affection between you both. A good match doesn’t need love, but such emotions do make the commitment easier.’
‘Love?’ Skylar repeated. ‘What makes you think James knows how to love?’
‘Now, steady on,’ my brother protested. ‘I mean, yes, I know it’s early days yet, but I thought we were getting on great.’
‘As great as with Trixie?’
‘James?’ I prodded.
‘I haven’t seen her in over a month,’ James said. ‘It’s over with her.’
Skylar pointed at his iPhone, lying face down on the table. ‘You know what happened yesterday? I accidentally picked your phone instead of mine. And what did I find? A text from her. “Can’t want to see you again, XXX.” Do you want to define “XXX”, James Alfred White?’
‘I told you, it’s over with Trixie.’
‘Then what about Sarah? The text from her? “You are so hot, my little smoochie-pie. I’d love to stick you back in the oven.” Does she mean that literally?’
James’ face was bright red. ‘But that ended weeks ago.’
‘And what about Sophie?’ Skylar crossed her arms over her chest. ‘“Ditch the job and come work on me, baby.”’
‘They don’t mean a thing to me.’
‘And do you think that makes it any better?’ Skylar snapped. ‘That you’ve had relationships with women who meant nothing to you?’
James leaned towards her. ‘None of them were like you. You’re different. You’re special.’
‘Until the next Trixie, or Sarah, or Sophie comes along?’
‘None of this matters,’ Angwyn said sternly. ‘We’ve decided that James is the partner for you. We will expect him to remain faithful to you, of course, once you’re married. If he does commit adultery, all the blood will be drained from his body.’
James swallowed hard. ‘Look, Skylar, I mean, can we go somewhere and talk about this?’
But the younger vampire had turned her head to glare at the magister. ‘You might have decided. I have not. And I’m not going to marry a man-child.’
‘Now, really, that’s a bit much,’ James protested.
‘Seriously?’ The gaze was transferred to him. ‘It’s not only the texts, James. I’ve seen how you behave in this house. How you never clean up, or clear away. How you leave Penny to do everything for you. Well, I blame her too, for not making you grow up. But you have a long way to go before you’re ready to be a full partner in any commitment, never mind marriage.’
Her chair scraped against the floor. Angwyn ducked slightly as she walked behind him before letting herself out into the back garden. I watched her stomp over to the decaying garden furniture to throw herself onto a wooden bench. The structure wobbled but held her weight.
Angwyn closed his notebook. ‘I’ll let the colony know that a date is yet to be agreed for the wedding.’
‘She doesn’t want me mate,’ James said, rubbing his face. ‘You’ll just have to find someone else.’
The magister chuckled. ‘This isn’t the first match I’ve arranged, James Alfred White. Some take a bit longer than others. And she does like you, this Skylar Grey. I heard the tempo of her heart.’
The bathrobe slipped from his shoulders as he reverted to bat form. I got up and opened the back door for him. As he flew out, passing Skylar on his way, I realised I was still none the wiser on how he carried his pen and notebook. I could see nothing in his feet or mouth.
Clyde rested on the bench near Skylar, his body pulsing with soothing colours of green and blue. The vampire leaned close, and her hand rubbed his shell. I closed the door and returned to my chair.
James’ face was a mixture of red and white. ‘I can’t believe she said those things about me. I mean, “man-child”, seriously? And those other women, that wasn’t me, not really. Not the real me.’
I hadn’t realised that something had been thinning in me until, suddenly, it snapped. ‘Really, James? Not the real you? Then who exactly have I been living with?’
‘But I, really, I mean--’
‘Because I can only go on what I’ve seen,’ I continued. ‘So, the “real you” would pick up after himself, do his own laundry, park on the road, and generally contribute to the running of this household? The “real you” wasn’t the one dating at least three women at once?’
James gaped at me. ‘I mean, maybe I’ve been a bit lost--’
‘What, you wandered helplessly into a snowdrift? Stop making excuses, James. You chose to be this way, you chose the easier path of being looked after and bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend.’ I rubbed my forehead. ‘Yes, maybe I should’ve been stricter with you, and insisted that you did your fair share around the house. But your love life is down to you.’
‘I really like her.’ James stared down at his hands. ‘She’s different to the rest. I think she could be the one. And I’ve messed it all up.’
Or had I been the one who’d messed it up? I sighed. ‘If Skylar is interested in you, she might give you a second chance.’
James nodded vigorously. ‘Yes, you’re right, I can show her. I’ll start pulling my weight around here, and I’ll tell anyone else who’s texting me that I’m not interested. I can change for her.’
‘No, don’t change for her.’ I reached out and gripped his arm. ‘Change for yourself, James. Do it for yourself.’
I left him to ponder and went out into the back garden. Vampire and snail looked up as I approached. I feared a
third body would cause the bench to collapse, so I remained standing. Skylar’s eyes were red, but her cheeks were dry. ‘I can’t believe what I ever saw in that idiot. I should’ve known when he just left his laundry for you, but then I thought that maybe you split the chores. He never pays for anything and he just doesn’t think of other people. And all those texts, I mean, I only read out the ones which were on top of his lock screen. How many more women is he involved with? What did I ever see in him?’
‘You saw what you wanted to see,’ I said gently. ‘There is another side to James. Talk to Morey about the challenges James faced with the gryphon clan. Or have a chat with Jago. That gryphon is only alive because of James. And look at the business James is trying to set up, so children won’t have to work in factories to help support their families. He didn’t have parents for most of his childhood, and I don’t think that helped.’
Skylar bit her lip. ‘He had you.’
‘I did my best.’ I looked off into the distance, remembering the many nights James had cried himself to sleep. ‘And I made mistakes along the way. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not trying to bring you two back together. And there’s no way the Church will let you be railroaded into a marriage you don’t want. I’m just saying that there is more to James than dirty underwear and texted love messages.’
‘Okay.’
‘Would you like some lunch?’
She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry. I’ll think I’ll stay out here for a while.’
Clyde bent his tentacles protectively over her arm. So I left her in the company of the snail shark and headed back inside.
James had left the kitchen. I made myself a cheese sandwich and took it into my study. My household might be falling apart, but I still had a funeral service to prepare.
Chapter Nineteen
The funeral morning was bright and warm. This meant that the mourners clustered in the churchyard rather than go into the building. I waited until ten minutes before the service was due to start, and then the funeral director and I politely suggested that people move inside.