Michael and I have been together over six months now. We are settled into our places in each other’s lives. We are practically inseparable. The only time we aren’t together is when we have class or Michael has to work. His sexual appetite is insatiable. Having him in my bed nightly, now, is enjoyable. He still has his own place but spends most nights with me. Sometimes he leaves me after sex, but most nights I go to bed after an orgasm and wake up to start my day with one. I’ve realized I have no stamina, maybe some time at the gym will help.
The other night, while lying in bed, Michael pinched my thighs, saying, “It looks like that freshman fifteen waited to catch up to you now.” This awakened me to my poor eating habits and lack of exercise outside of our bedroom activities. My clothes don’t fit me any differently from when we started dating. Maybe my muscle tone is not what it once was. The more I think on it, the more I realize I need to go back to the gym. Hopefully, Maggie will want to go with me. I miss my best friend.
To have that time together would be good for us. I don’t see her much. Michael doesn’t like us hanging out. He says his time with me is limited, and he prefers us to be alone. Even when Maggie is home, when Michael is over, we stay in my bedroom. Michael feels that Maggie is too boy crazy and unfocused. He doesn’t want her immaturity to rub off on me. Yes, Maggie is wild compared to me, but she’s fun. I miss the times we had before my parents died, when I had not a care in the world. I’ve had to grow up and Maggie isn’t there yet, Michael says. I don’t know that I agree. Maggie was with me through my loss. It may not have been her parents, but she felt my loss all the same.
Michael is wrong about Maggie. She’s not boy crazy; she’s Brayden crazy. She’s happy, carefree, young, and blissfully in love. I wish Michael would get to know her better, then he could see, she’s my rock. Michael wants to be my rock, that’s why he cares so much about what I do and who I associate with. He wants to be the one to be there for me. It’s hard because I miss my best friend, but I know Michael does this because he loves me. He brings up valid points when we discuss the future. Maggie and I will eventually go our separate ways, it’s bound to happen. She and Brayden are already serious. One day, probably sooner than I would like, she will leave me to go on with her relationship with Brayden. Michael doesn’t want me to be hurt and alone when she moves on with her life. He wants to be my comforter, protector, and go to person for all things. Knowing that, in a way, Michael is right, I let things slip with Maggie and I.
If we could start going to the gym together, maybe we could get some of our bond back. Maybe this will show Michael that she’s not a bad influence. He will see how focused she and I can be together, when achieving a goal. He can see she won’t be taking me away from him, nor will she be leaving me. I can have time with my best friend as I work away my jiggles, as he calls them.
That’s my new nickname from Michael as a matter of fact. Jiggles. At first, I didn’t know what to think. What woman wants to be called Jiggles? Now I find it to be a cute endearment. He cares that I take care of my body. Looking over his schedule, I see where I can work in gym time, while Michael is at work. I don’t want to sacrifice our time together because I didn’t control my eating habits and gained a few pounds. No need for Michael to be punished for my mistakes.
Being with Michael centers me. I feel driven to please him, to make this work. Michael’s parents divorced when he was younger. His dad left and never looked back. He says it’s because his mom didn’t keep his dad satisfied. According to Michael, his mom lost the best thing that ever happened to her when his dad left. She didn’t make his dad a priority, that’s why he left. I don’t want to lose Michael. He is my top priority. The void I felt before he came into my life is not a feeling I want to have again.
Maggie and I are having a girl’s night. We are in our pajamas watching a movie. My phone rings, its Michael, he’s not feeling well.
“Hey, baby.” I answer.
“Where the fuck are you?” He barks.
“I’m at home, watching a movie with Maggie. What’s your problem?”
“My problem? My fucking problem, since you’re too dumb to figure it out, is I’m sick and my selfish bitch of a girlfriend is whoring around with her slut friend instead of taking care of me.”
Not wanting Maggie to hear his obscenities, I retreat to my bedroom. Trying to keep my tears at bay, I reply.
“Michael, do you want me to come over? Earlier you said to stay home and you would see me tomorrow. I don’t appreciate the things you are saying. I’m not a whore; I would never cheat on you. I love you Michael. Maggie is in a committed relationship; we are two best friends catching up. If you want me at your house with you, just say so.”
“You don’t give two shits about me. If you did, I wouldn’t have to ask. You’re priority is with that cunt you live with and not me. Dina, she doesn’t care about you like I do. She’s going to leave your ass and then you will be crying to me. You have no family; no one cares about you but me. You are one stupid bitch to think you mean more to her then him; especially when Brayden has his dick in her daily. I bet you’re at his house right now. Did I interrupt you from sucking her boyfriend’s roommate off?”
“Michael, where is this coming from? I don’t understand.” I cry, unable to stop the tears at his harsh words.
“Where is this coming from? Damn, you are a true dumbass. Look around you Dina; no one is here but me. Maggie pities you for who you once were, she’s waiting for her time to fade out. And you are so far up her ass, you don’t realize she is fazing you out. She is more important than me. You would do anything for her.”
Sobbing now, I respond. “Yes, I would do anything for her, she’s my family. I would do anything for you, too.”
Immediately, his harsh laughter cuts me off. “Family, you have no family, Dina. You’re damn lucky I stick around. Do you really think any man would put up with your whining? You are used goods, Dina. Yes, I noticed I wasn’t your first, you whore. How many were there before me? Wait, I don’t want to know. You will have some excuse for that. Daddy issues or some bullshit. Oh poor Dina, the orphan, because her parents died. Poor Dina, she doesn’t know what to do. Look in the mirror; you won’t get anyone better than me. Your precious Maggie, whom you have on such a pedestal, thinks of you as an afterthought in her life. A convenient companion.”
Crying hysterically now, lost in the truth behind his words, my body shudders. “Michael, please, you mean so much to me. I don’t want to fight. I love you, Michael.” I stammer. I don’t want to lose him. His tongue, the sharpest of weapons tonight, holds truth behind some of what he says. Maggie and I do have a distance between us. My other friends are gone. My real family is nonexistent. Without Michael, I’m no one’s priority; I’m barely anything to anyone.
“If you love me, then you would be here with me.” He states suddenly much calmer. The sharpness gone from his tone, now sounding sincerely hurt.
“I’m leaving now. I will be there. I’m sorry. I didn’t put you first and come without being asked.”
I spend the next four days taking care of Michael, who has the flu. As soon as I arrived he acted as if nothing happened between us. My insecurities tramped down my ability to face him with his hurtful words. Rather, I internalized my emotions and carried on. Is this what my future holds? Walking on eggshells, waiting for the next time I don’t read Michaels mind.
I’m so confused. I love this man and when he’s good, he’s good. He does all the right things: opens doors, pays for our dates, and spends time with me; talking, listening, and all that. He can be kind when he wants to. He makes snarky remarks daily, giving me little put downs to let me know what’s bothering him. It’s always in a passive aggressive way. I know I’m not perfect, but I never realized how flawed I was until Michael began pointing it out.
Michael really doesn’t want me to hang out with Maggie anymore. She wants me to go out to dinner with her and Brayden, as a double date. They’ve gotten serious and yet I ha
ven’t really spent much time with him. What a friend I’ve been. I know so little of Brayden, other than he has a roommate named Ryder and he makes Maggie happy.
Knowing Maggie and Michael aren’t overly friendly with one another, I purposely don’t tell him about dinner with Brayden. I’m tense as I arrive at the restaurant. It’s been so long since I’ve casually hung out with anyone other than Maggie or Michael. Settling in, I quickly find myself relaxing. Brayden is great and Maggie is the happiest I’ve ever seen her.
We finish our meal. Dessert is coming, when my body instantly seems to ignite. Looking around I see the most gorgeous man walking toward us. He has a girl with him, but I’m so drawn to him, I don’t notice her at first.
He strides directly to our table and fist pounded Brayden. He looks right at me, "Well, hello beautiful, you must be Maggie’s roommate, Dina. I am Ryder Davenport."
I stick out my hand to shake his, "Yes, I am Dina Fowler."
Before I could say anything else, I feel cold fear run through my veins. The next moment, Michael has his hands wrapped in my very long hair and is yanking me out of my chair.
Ryder steps in, Maggie jumps up and before they could make a scene I say, "It’s okay, we have to leave."
Michael releases my hair but is now holding, painfully tight, to my wrist, half dragging me away as I stumble to gain solid footing.
As we walk out, I hear Ryder yell, "Dina, don't go with him!"
I can hear Maggie crying but I can't stop myself, I want away from it all.
Michael drives me home, all the while screaming obscenities at me. He’s saying I am a whore and cheating on him. I deserve to be alone. I should have told him where I was going. I did go behind his back, knowing he doesn’t particularly care for Maggie. I deserve his anger.
Confined to the car, in close proximity, I have nowhere to escape his rage. Suddenly, he hits me in the face. Surprise, shock, and humiliation consume me. He continues to back hand me repeatedly, causing a black eye, a busted lip, and bloody nose. As quickly as he began, he stops and leaves, kicking me out of the car, saying nothing further. I reach my apartment and crumple to the floor in agony. Does this mean it’s over? Is he leaving me for good? What the hell happened? He’s never done this before.
I know things haven’t been perfect, but I love him. My selfish need to feel like I’m a part of Maggie’s life caused this. Michael was right, she’s moving on with her life. She’s got a good thing with Brayden, I see the love they share in their eyes. Michael is all I have left. Now, I messed up and he’s angry. Can he forgive me? I won’t do it again, if I can find a way to fix things with him. These thoughts swirl on a continuous loop in my head. I caused this, my selfish wants, my lack of honesty. I deserve this. Michael was right when he screamed at me all the way home.
Brayden and Maggie arrive home, not far behind us. Since someone had to pay our dinner check, they were a few minutes behind, giving Michael the time he needed to escape. Michael left. He was long gone now, but that didn't stop Brayden from looking. He took one look at me, told Mags to lock the door and not open it for anyone. He bolts, taking off looking for Michael.
Maggie cleans me up and holds me silently while I cry. What can I say to her? She’s happy and in love, she won’t understand my relationship with Michael. Our love is special; he’s my everything. Maggie is beautiful, full of life. She can get any guy she wants. Never having dealt with the loss I’ve had, she doesn’t understand that Michael brought me out of the dark. He’s my safe place from the loneliness that once engulfed me.
Every relationship has problems, ours is no different. I hope I’m given the opportunity to fix this. Maggie is crying beside me, snapping me out of my lost thoughts.
“Dina, what the hell is wrong with him?” She asks.
“It’s all my fault. Maggie, I didn’t tell him where I was going.” I sob.
“THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. No man ever should hit a woman.” She declares firmly.
“He didn’t mean to. He’s never done this before. Maggie, I should’ve invited him. I was selfish wanting time with you.”
“Dina, nothing justifies this. He made you bleed. I’m sure you will have bruises.” She cries holding my hand. “Please, Dina, think about this.”
I say nothing and go to my room. She doesn’t understand. Michael doesn’t call me and the silence is maddening. I’m hurting and he’s not here to comfort me. I deserve the punishment, but to be shut out, it crushes me.
(2 Months Later)
Michael and I worked through things. Things aren’t perfect, but he’s with me. He loves me. We’ve been together long enough that I know what he wants, needs, and expects of me. When I fail, I deserve to be punished. This teaches me to think before I make the same mistake twice. Michael doesn’t want to hurt me. He does it to make me be better. The last few months have been hell. It’s my own doing. I know what triggers Michael, well most of the time.
I’m not one hundred percent sure what set him off last night though. He usually likes green on me. When I put on the silk green bra and panty set with garters and stockings, I never imagined it would have upset him. I wanted a romantic evening. Candles lit throughout my room, Maggie is at Brayden’s for the night, I text Michael to come over.
He enters my room, I saunter over to him. As I reach up to kiss him, he grabs my wrist. “What the hell is this?” Taken aback by his attitude, I remain silent.
“Dina, what the hell is this? You dirty little whore. You want dick. This is about not getting my cock enough?” He says grabbing himself with his free hand. “Everything is always on your terms.” He shouts at me.
“No, Michael, I just thought…..”
“You thought….. who told you to think. I’ll give you my fucking dick when I damn well want to, not because you are being greedy and trying to seduce me.”
Before I can respond, the back of his hand comes across my face. I taste the metallic of my blood, from my now busted lip. He’s holding me by my wrist so tightly my hand is numb from the lack of circulation. He back hands me again. The room is spinning. My nose now bleeding, my eyes swelling, as he repeatedly hits me.
Suddenly, he releases my wrist and grabs both my breasts, yanking them free from the cups of my bra. He pinches one, at my wince; he comes down and sucks the other then bites me harshly.
“This what you want, bitch? You want my dick, that’s what you called me here for.”
With that, I am shoved onto my bed. Scared and unsure of what’s going to happen, I become frozen in this place and time. He tugs harshly on my panties, removing them. Lost in emotion, lost in the rough sensations, and lost in thoughts of a night going terrible wrong, I’m surprised when Michael roughly inserts two fingers in my core.
“Oh, yes, you like it rough. Keep it tight for me, baby, fight it.”
Oh no, this is not what I wanted for tonight. What am I going to do? Michael stops the assault of his fingers on me as he removes his clothes. He is over me, nudging my legs apart as he bites at my neck.
“Get ready for me, Dina. I’m going to give it to you rough and dirty, like the little whore you are.”
I can only manage to nod my head up and down. Not that I’m in agreement, but what else can I do? The quicker this is over with, the quicker I can fix myself. My silence and inactivity sets Michael off more. He puts his hands around my throat, choking me.
“Bitch, you wanted this, now take it.”
I struggle, gasping for air. He slams into me at the same time he releases my neck. The need for oxygen over takes the pain I feel as he is harshly ravaging my body. I want to crawl in a corner and die. Hell couldn’t be nearly as bad as the eternal scars this man has left on my soul.
Michael finishes. He kisses me, I don’t respond.
“Dina, baby, I love you. This is what you wanted. You invited me here, dressed like a hooker. That’s how hookers get treated. Its role play. Certainly you understand this.”
I can say nothing. Is this what I asked
for in dressing up? Was this all role play? Michael pulls me to him as he falls fast asleep. By morning I’ve convinced myself that he was right. I was inviting new stuff into our bedroom activities by initiating our evening. Michael came here to visit his girlfriend. He finds me dressed for sex and only sex; of course I was being self-centered and greedy. He had class and work, he was tired. I shouldn’t have set either of us up for this, if I wasn’t prepared for him to take me. Michael is always in control. This was his way of controlling that situation.
I wake up unable to open my eyes. Michael is gone and my face is so swollen my eyes can’t open. I lock myself in my room to hide from Maggie. The last time he messed up my face she freaked out. She’s a loyal friend and helped me find the make-up to conceal the marks, but she wasn’t happy about it. Harrison is back state side from his deployment. If she sees me like this, she will call him. He will kill Michael out of principal. They don’t understand him like I do.
(1 Month later)
Hell. Hell is the place you are supposed to fear. Live your life in the right way so you don’t burn in hell. What happens when your hell is lived daily on Earth?
I’m in hell. I’m worthless, I’m broken, and I don’t even know the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Things have only gotten worse with Michael. Other than going to class, I can’t go anywhere; he’s my priority. Therefore, I should be home waiting on him and doing what he needs me to do. How did I get here? How do I escape? Maggie and I had the worst fight last night about Michael.
Crash and Burn (Daddy's Girls 0.5) Page 3