by Jay Rubin
His waitress returned with a dented aluminum kettle, from which she poured some greenish water into a squat cup that had no handle. The green leaves in the fluid sank languidly to the bottom. The woman pointed to the other end of the gray Formica table and said, “Menu.” He took one of the plastic-covered folders from behind the napkin holder and opened it while she stood over him.
“This might take a while,” he said to her, but she merely smiled and waited. He let his eyes wander down the menu, the four corners of which were decorated with drawings of the cat. The terse English explanations of the Japanese items were not much help when it came to choosing one dish over another. The woman’s presence made it difficult to concentrate, and so did the noises from the kitchen. There seemed to be two cooks at work in there, one of whom yammered endlessly in Japanese, the other responding sometimes with grunts, sometimes in a form of English.
Near the bottom of the second page, one word struck him as familiar: O-nigiri. The menu described o-nigiri as rice balls wrapped in seaweed, which sounded anything but appetizing.
“I’ll have this one: o-nigiri,” he said to the waitress, who giggled and bit her pencil.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“I surprise. You say word so nice. Not many hakujins—I mean, white people—know o-nigiri.”
“I really don’t know what it is. I’ll try it, though.”
For a moment, she looked puzzled. “Oh, I know,” she perked up. “You study Japanese at U.W. Konnichi wa. O-genki desu ka?”
She cocked her head, obviously waiting for some response from him.
“No, I don’t know any Japanese,” he said, smiling weakly.
“You sure you want o-nigiri? I don’t think you like. Sukiyaki has beef.”
“That’s all right. I’m just experimenting.”
She smiled and started to move away.
“Wait, just a second,” he called. “I want to ask you something. What is this cat? I mean, why is he holding his paw up?” He pointed to the drawing in the corner of the menu.
“Oh, that maneki-neko, like Maneki Restaurant,” she said, smiling, as if no further explanation were called for.
“Yes?”
“It mean welcome. Cat go, ‘Come here.’” She made a pawing motion with her left hand.
“It looks as if you’re waving goodbye.”
“Oh, no. Japanese people wave like this mean come here.”
She left him to place the order, and he tried sipping the contents of his cup. It was bitter but not unpleasant. He drained the cup, being careful to avoid swallowing the leaves at the bottom, and poured himself another. The stained, yellowish aluminum kettle had the words “Made in Occupied Japan” stamped at the base of the handle.
Accompanied by a small, covered bowl, from which steam was escaping, his plate arrived with three thick, triangular wads of rice, each sandwiched between paper-thin sheets of blackish-green stuff.
“How do I eat this?” he asked the waitress.
“Just pick up and—” she chomped at the air in her hand.
She went off to another table, and he took the wad on the right. The black stuff crinkled as his teeth tore through it, and suddenly his mouth was filled with secret delights long denied. He had eaten this! He had enjoyed this penetrating, salty, sea-like flavor, but along with the pleasure, it brought back an ancient fear: a monster would find what he had inside his stomach and rip it out of him.
3
BILL FOUND A NOTE in his dormitory mailbox. Clare wanted to know why he had not met her for lunch. He was not ready to explain his excursion to the Japanese district, but by the time he found her in the library, the best excuse he could come up with was that he had taken the car to the gas station—which, in a sense, was true.
“You’re keeping something from me, Bill. I know it. Do you have another girlfriend?”
“Absolutely not. I swear to God. It’s nothing like that.”
“So there is something going on. Why can’t you share it with me? I’m going to be your wife, aren’t I? Who else can you share your problems with?”
Who else? There was only one person he had to share his problems with at this point: his father. But he needed something to talk to him about. When Clare hurried off to her European history class, Bill went to the college’s Office of Missions for the umpteenth time. He didn’t have to search long before he found a newsletter from an organization called the Evangelical Alliance Mission. The Japan branch was run by an Englishwoman named Irene Webster-Smith, who described her experience of finding Tokyo in ruins after the war. Now she had an office near a big student center, where she concentrated her efforts on bringing the Gospel to Japan’s new generation. This would be the perfect thing to talk to his father about.
Bill sat in the phone booth in the dormitory lobby, fingering the pebbled metal surface of the wall with one hand while the other played with the nickel in his pocket. Finally, he dropped the coin in the slot and dialed the number of his father’s church.
Thomas Morton seemed to be in particularly fine spirits, and he readily consented to have a talk with Bill about his missionary plans. He had some ideas on the subject himself, he said, and he could spare an hour at two o’clock tomorrow afternoon if Bill would come to the church.
Even in first gear, the Chevy barely made it up the roller coaster slopes of Dravus St. the next day. As much as he still loved the old car, Bill half wished it would break down then and there. The closer he came to his destination, the more he dreaded the moment when he would open his mouth to speak of what had never been spoken between them. The car whirred and chugged its way past the tiny, boxlike houses to the summit of Magnolia, where wood frames suddenly gave way to brick and stucco, and the roof lines soared upward, above them all the red brick steeple of his father’s church, glowing in the light that filtered through the dense gray clouds.
He parked out front and sat for a moment, staring at the white letters on black felt backing, announcing next week’s sermon. “The Reverend Thomas Morton, Pastor.” Those words stood out from the others, reminding him of his own special relationship with God through his father, who seemed simultaneously to be pushing him toward the holy gate and also standing before it, challenging his right to enter.
He glanced at his watch. The time was exactly one minute before two. His father expected him to be punctual.
Thomas Morton welcomed Bill into his sparsely decorated office and invited him to sit down in an armchair by the side of his dark, heavy desk, turning in his swivel chair to face him. The ceiling lights reflected momentarily on Tom’s octagonal wire-frame glasses. Rather than a son wishing to speak with his father, Bill felt like a member of the congregation who had come to see the pastor about a personal problem.
“You know I’ve been thinking for some time of missionary work,” Bill said.
“Yes, of course,” Tom replied, smiling and clasping his hands together atop crossed knees. Tom wore his skin like a firm leather covering stretched tight over the square jaw bone. It seemed to match the strong, almost radiant voice that Thomas Morton always projected, though it made him appear somewhat older than his fifty-one years. The impression of age was especially noticeable these days when he had his thirty-nine-year-old wife by his side.
“I think you know I’ve been seeing someone steadily since the beginning of summer,” Bill added.
“Well, I have had the impression that there was one particular girl, but you’ve been pretty vague on that topic.”
“We’re, uh, thinking of getting married.”
“Oh? Not right away, I hope. Marriage is too serious a matter for young people to rush into.”
“I’ve been planning to bring her home and introduce her to you and … to both of you.” He hesitated to use the word “Mother” for Lucy.
“Good. What’s her name?”
“Clare. Clare Korvald.”
“Ah, a Ballard girl, no doubt!” The deep slash of a smile cut across Tom’s leather visa
ge. Ballard was the sprawling Scandinavian neighborhood north of the ship canal.
“Of course,” Bill said, trying to smile back. “Her parents are from Norway.”
“Which means they’re Lutherans.”
“No, surprisingly, they’re Baptists. I think that’s one of the reasons they left. Her father works for Boeing.”
“And she goes to Cascade-Pacific with you?”
“That’s right. We’re planning to do some missionary work together for a year or two after graduation and before I enter seminary. Clare wants to go to Norway.”
“Sounds perfect. Is she pretty?”
“I think so. Very pretty.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? How about this weekend? I’d love to meet her.”
Bill was not quite ready to make firm plans. “Actually, I wanted to talk about … Norway,” he was surprised to hear himself saying. His father looked just as surprised.
“You probably know more about the country than I do,” Tom said.
“Well, I mean, I don’t really want to talk about Norway.”
“Oh. You don’t want to talk about Norway.”
“I mean, I’m not too crazy about the idea of going there.”
“Well, where would you rather go?”
Bill hesitated a moment. Then he looked directly into his father’s eyes and said, “Japan.”
Tom’s leathery jowls began to darken in color, almost to a brownish-purple, and his eyes turned to glass. “You don’t want to go there,” he said with such absolute finality that it seemed unthinkable there could be any divergence between his own determination and Bill’s.
“What’s wrong with Japan?” Bill asked as innocently as possible.
“What’s right with it? Heathens, all of them. Look at what happened at Pearl Harbor.”
“Which is precisely why they, above all, need to hear the Gospel of Our Lord. I think this country has a moral obligation to bring the healing words of Christ to those people after what they’ve been through.”
“You mean, after what they put themselves through.”
“That’s not a very—”
“Christian?”
“Not a very forgiving attitude. I’ve been reading about an Englishwoman doing missionary work in Tokyo who—”
“She’s wasting her time. And you will be, too, if you go there. There’s no such thing as a Japanese Christian.”
“How can you say that? Thousands are being converted every year.”
“Lies. Deception. That’s all it is. Not one of them knows how to take Christ into his heart.”
“How can you be so sure?” Bill pressed.
“Believe me,” Tom concluded. “I know.”
“How do you know?”
Tom was now shifting in his chair, the muscles of his jaw working.
“Are you questioning me?” he bellowed. “You don’t know anything. You’re barely out of your teens. I have lived. I’m talking from experience.”
“And that’s exactly what I’ve come to you to learn. Teach me from your experience! Show me the error of my ways!”
“How can I if you won’t listen to me!”
“But I am listening. Tell me why I shouldn’t go to Japan. Tell me what you have lived through. Why have you written off an entire people as heathens beyond redemption?”
Tom glared at Bill and said nothing.
“All right, then, let me ask you this,” Bill went on, emboldened now by the emotional upheaval he had caused in his father. “Who was this so-called ‘aunt’ I was staying with in Kansas after my mother died?”
Bill knew that he was unleashing a bomb, and it had its intended effect. Tom rose to his full height, towering over Bill, who sat gripping the arms of his chair. Tom raised his fist, then slumped back in his chair, arms dropping limply by his sides.
“Why don’t we ever hear from this ‘aunt?’” Bill continued. “Why aren’t there any letters? Why aren’t there any photographs? What was her name?”
“What does all that have to do with missionary work in Japan?” Tom spluttered.
“I don’t know,” Bill answered truthfully. “That’s what I want you to tell me.”
“The two have nothing to do with each other. They’re completely separate.”
“It’s not true! You’re lying to me! You’ve always lied to me about that!”
“Do you know who you’re talking to, you young fool!”
“Yes, of course! You’re my father, and you’re not telling me the truth! I want to know about Mitsu—who she was to me and to you!”
“Get out!” Tom shouted with such force the windows rattled. “Get out!”
Suddenly, it was as if Tom’s energy was spent. He turned his face away and waved feebly toward the door.
Bill pried his fingers from the arms of his chair and struggled to his feet. He dragged himself across the office and closed the door behind him.
PART TWO:
1939
4
BILLY CHEWED ON the end of his little brown necktie as Tom struggled to pull the groggy boy’s coat on. Five months past his first birthday—the first anniversary of Sarah’s death—Billy was becoming increasingly difficult for him to deal with alone.
Tom had to be at the Japanese Christian Church on Terrace Street an hour and a half early to address the older congregation. His own sermon for the English-language service was ready, but he needed at least ten minutes with Pastor Hanamori before the Nichigo service.
Billy rubbed his eyes as Tom placed him in the back seat of his Hudson Coach and headed from Summit Avenue down Union to Broadway. The main thoroughfare was so much more pleasant on Sundays without the long lines of black, boxy, frog-eyed cars. On Sundays you could see people on the sidewalks instead of rows of horse-drawn wagons overflowing with fruit and vegetables. Even the usual mounds of horse manure had been cleaned away, as if in deference to the Lord’s day.
The gigantic white cone of Mount Rainier towered over the city like a hill of freshly ground grain. To Tom, there was nothing beautiful about Seattle’s most famous landmark. He had spent endless hours under the blazing Kansas sun grinding grain for cattle feed. Whenever he saw the mountain, he could almost feel the grinder’s white dust caking his sweaty arms and face.
The car’s engine shuddered and coughed as he pulled up in front of his red brick church. Only a short way down the block from Broadway’s bustling traffic, the place seemed closed off from the rest of the world, especially now, as the spring leaves of the oaks lining both sides of the narrow street cast their shadows on the brick facade and on the concrete stairs.
Tom carried the sleeping Billy inside, surrendering his bundle to the hands of the aged Mrs. Uchida. Her skin of wrinkled parchment drooped from every skeletal protuberance, which gave her face the appearance of having been formed of capital “U”s. Tom climbed the dark stairway to the second-story office of Reverend Hanamori, where the Japanese books were crammed into shelves from floor to ceiling and there was an ever-present smell of damp paper.
The diminutive, gray-haired Japanese pastor greeted him with the benign smile he showed to all the world, wrinkling the large, brown mole on the side of his nose.
“Good morning, Tom,” he said softly. “You are here early.”
Just as Tom had expected, Reverend Hanamori had forgotten.
“The outing,” said Tom.
“Yes?”
“Today’s outing, Reverend Hanamori. I want to invite the Nichigos myself.”
The old Japanese pastor’s perfectly round face slowly lit up with recognition.
Was it just the difference in language that caused this inevitable delay in communication every time? The gap between the American-born generation—the Niseis—and these native Japanese was enormous in so many ways! He had learned long ago that, whenever he spoke to the Nichigo congregation, a good deal of preliminary coaching would be necessary if his remarks were to be translated into Japanese accurately. Too often, he had assumed his wo
rds were getting through, only to find out afterward that all of the Nichigo choir members had shown up at the wrong time for practice, or that only the ones with children attending his own worship service had managed to find their way to the outing on Hunt’s Point.
Oh, those children! What a God-given blessing and inspiration it was to see their hopeful faces turned up to him on a Sunday morning! He blushed to think of the resentment he had felt when he had been sent to shepherd an all-Japanese congregation. Now, each day, he thanked the Lord for the great harvest that it had been given him to reap.
After repeating to the elder reverend his mission this morning, Tom followed him down to the gloomy narthex and into the sanctuary with its three high windows. He watched the gaze of the congregation move from Reverend Hanamori and up his own tall frame to meet his eyes. They never seemed to have grown accustomed to the piercing blue of his eyes, the wheat-field yellow of his hair. He felt to see that his suit coat was buttoned and his vest straight.
Standing beside Reverend Hanamori, listening to the staccato syllables of his Japanese, Thomas Morton allowed his gaze to wander. There was Paul Morikawa, his skin blotched and sagging from years of work under the sun. Not once had the long trek and ferry ride from his Eastside farm prevented him from attending Sunday worship. The widowed Mrs. Tamura: the picture brides she had taken in after their arduous crossing from Japan were still a matter of legend, fifteen years after the floodgates had been closed by the Immigration Act of 1924. Mr. and Mrs. Nomura, among the most youthful and vigorous of the elderly Nichigo congregation: in their zeal for Christ they had boosted Sunday school enrollment to more than four hundred after the retirement of Miss Tessie McDonald, the missionary who had founded the school upon her return from Japan. Mrs. Nomura was wearing a large hat again today—her personal trademark.
The woman sitting next to Mrs. Nomura also wore a broad-brimmed hat. She seemed to be reading something in her lap, and the brim obscured her face. Just as Pastor Tom was about to look away, the woman raised her head, and he felt his legs grow weak.