by Bones Monroe
“You almost—ohhh,” she said looking back where Ben had been standing. She covered her mouth in surprise.
He turned to see what Brenda was so worried about.
The vacant desk next to Brenda’s belonged to Ava, her cube mate. Ava was a strange bird. She was one of the first employees of the firm and enjoyed the perks of knowing the owners the longest. She came and went as she pleased. Due to her tenure and annual increases, she made more money as an accountant that most directors or VP’s.
The strange thing is that although she was rarely there, she finished all her work on time. Not that she was working from home. That wasn’t possible since she never took her laptop out of the office.
Several ritualistic chalk circles had been drawn the floor around Ava’s empty chair, each containing sigils and undecipherable text running along the outside diameter. The perfect triangle that was circumscribed in the circle met each sigil at the prescribed spot … except in one corner. The corner where Ben had stepped and smeared it, breaking the perfect triangle and circle.
Ohhhhhh, I’m telling… a hint of a voice wafted through the cubicle.
“What was that? Did you hear that?” Ben asked, a hint of alarm showing around his mouth.
Brenda shook her head in despair. “Now, you’ve done it haven’t you? You done messed up Ava’s summoning circles.”
“Summoning circles?”
Brenda pointed at Ava’s cubicle walls where Ben now noticed several glaring yellow signs warning visitors to watch their step. They had been there so long that Ben had gotten used to them and had tuned them out.
“Ummmm, do you have chalk? Maybe I can fix it. It’s just a smudge,” Ben said.
“Just a smudge? You have completely ruined my summoning circles. It’s more than just a circle, there was a ritual and significant bloodshed,” a voice said. The voice grated, not like cheese but like a steel grate being scraped against rough concrete. The kind of gravelly sound that could only come from decades of smoking.
“Great,” the voice finished.
Ben and Brenda turned to see Ava standing at the doorway. She was bald but had extensive black tattoos all over her scalp. Her scalp work was impeccable, with patterns that were sharp and intricate. However, another less talented tattoo artist worked on her eyebrows. He must have had some nervous affliction since her eyebrows were at such an angle that she looked both constantly surprised and confused. As a result, Ben found it hard to take her seriously, even though she was distraught.
“Do you think spirits are summoned easily? That they can be drawn from eternal rest on a mere whim? No, my boy, there must be something to draw them here. A sacrifice. A ritual. Procedures must be followed, and now you have undone all my work!” Ava complained.
Ben’s confused gaze shifted from Brenda to Ava. “But why? Why are you summoning spirits? At the office?” he asked.
Ava sighed heavily and looked at Ben as a parent would look upon a child trying to understand calculus. “Simple economics really. I outsource my work. Spirits work cheap. Once they are back on the mortal plane, they are terrible voyeurs. Such pervs, imagine what you could see if you could glide through solid objects,” Ava said with a sly wink. “They get phantgasms from watching.”
“They work for you?” Brenda asked.
Ava nodded. “Those summoning circles are how I watch them, a remote viewer. Spirits need to be watched; they tend to drift.”
“And they do what you tell them?” Ben asked.
Ava shrugged. “Most of the time.” She pulled a small bone charm from her pocket. “According to our contract, if they slack off I can use this to get them back in line.”
“You control them with that?” Brenda asked.
Ava nodded.
“From far away?”
Ava nodded again.
“So, it’s a …”
“Remote control,” Ben finished the sentence. “For your remote workers.”
Ava smirked.
Brenda facepalmed.
“Do you have any idea how much trouble you have caused me? Now I need to start all over again. Who knows if I will get the same quality spirits again? It took me forever to get this crew trained. Didn’t you see the signs? I mean, they are right here,” Ava said pointing to the signs plastered over the walls. “They are bright yellow for a reason.”
Ben shook his head. “Is this why I have been feeling cold spots all over the place? I get shivers when I come to this floor. Your remote workers are the reason. There should be a law …”
That comment incensed Ava. “Listen, don’t you dare throw accusation around with no proof. Why are you so prejudiced against the differently animated? What have they done to you? They deserve an afterlife just like the rest of us. You know, you too will get there one day!” Ava said, indignant.
“No, no,” Brenda said stepping in between the two. “That’s not what he meant. Is it Ben? It’s just that he was caught by surprise. He has had little exposure to specters before. It’s understandable right?”
“Well, some of my best friends are specters—uffff” Ben gasped as Brenda elbowed him in the stomach.
“Stupid males. Tell me, Ava. Are the male spirits as dumb as the human ones? Did you hire any?” Brenda asked.
“Ohh girl, you have no idea. They are still dogs in the afterlife. They even hit on me during the interview process.”
“Are you serious?” Brenda said, her voice rising in disbelief.
“Yessss. I think since the undead have all eternity, they lose some of their inhibitions. I could tell you some stories.”
“Let’s go grab a snack. I’m dying to hear all about it,” Brenda gushed.
As they walked away, Brenda looked back over her shoulder at Ben and mouthed ‘you owe me.’
Chapter 4
The HR manager called Ben to her office up on the 5th floor the next day.
Great! Ben thought. They are finally moving me to a new cube. He had put in a request to move to a warmer spot several weeks ago. Since then, the only progress he’d seen was a few zombies shuffling around his cube.
Ben figured that they were measuring the office temperature to support his request. He wasn’t sure why they didn’t send a human to do that. Necrotics didn’t have a core body temperature that allowed them to discern temperature variations.
He suggested moving down the hall to an empty cube. He had checked it out, and after clearing out several cobwebs, he thought it would be an excellent location for him. The desk sat across from a window. Not that he cared about the view, but sunlight blazed into the cube for most of the day. That should take care of any cold spots that lingered. An added benefit was that the vampires from accounting would never come to visit. He much preferred interacting with them via email.
He knocked politely on Cecilia’s door. (No cubes for HR; they all had offices.) Just when he thought a politely appropriate amount of time had passed, he was about to knock again when the door swung open.
“Why Benjamin!” Cecilia glanced at her smart watch. “You are precisely on time. Thank you for being punctual. Please, come in and take a seat.”
Ben sat down while she closed the door behind him. The lock clicked ominously.
“I’m so excited!” Ben said.
Cecilia sat behind her desk looking at Ben quizzically. “You are?”
Ben nodded. “Yeah, I have been scoping out that cube down the hall. I swept it up a bit. I know it was premature, but I figured no one would mind. I chased out a few spiders,” he confessed.
“Ohhh, I see. You realize that cube is occupied?” she asked.
“It is? I never see anyone there.”
“Vlad has been using that cube for the last four years.”
“Vlad? Who’s Vlad? I’ve never seen him. Sounds like a damn vampire.”
“He is a vampire. They hired him under the Undead Outreach program. We sent a memo. Works the night shift. His condition doesn’t allow him to work during the day.”
“Co
ndition? I’ve seen vampires out and about during the day.”
“He’s allergic to sunblock. Breaks out in hives.” Cecilia waved her hands in the air. “We are off on a tangent. I’ve already said too much. HIPAA regulations prohibit me from talking about an employee’s medical status. To sum it up, we will have to refuse your request to move to that cube since it is occupied. This meeting is not about that.”
“It isn’t?” Ben asked in confusion. What else would HR want to talk to him about?
“No. There was an incident yesterday. Care to tell me about it?” Cecilia asked pointedly with a slight edge in her voice.
Ben sat up straight at the sound. It reminded him of his elementary school teacher when she would get ready to reprimand the entire class for one person’s mischief. She was very militaristic that way, and unfortunately, Ben was usually the prankster that got everyone in trouble. Elementary school were tough years for Ben, he didn’t make many friends. In fact, the rest of his years didn’t improve much either. If he’d been more self-aware, he would have realized that the pattern was about to repeat itself.
He wracked his memory. “No, I can’t say I recall any incident yesterday. Can I phone a friend?”
Cecilia’s eyebrow raised as much as Ava’s tattooed ones had. “That’s not even remotely amusing. This is not a laughing matter, Benjamin,” she said archly.
“I really don’t know what you are referring to. What incident?”
“The incident with Ava yesterday. She was very upset at the desecration of her summoning circles.”
“What? I merely stumbled and smudged a chalk mark on the floor. It’s not that big of a deal. I offered to fix it.”
“Even now you commit sacrilege. We respect all religious denominations as long as they don’t interfere with the workplace. It is in the employee manual, right here,” she opened a book she had bookmarked and pointed at the paragraph.
“Do you always carry that around?”
Cecilia shrugged. “It’s part of the job.” She stowed the manual back in her drawer, “The consequences for this are severe, Ben.”
“Are you going to put me in time out? I mean, she was summoning spirits, for Christ’s sake. Spirits, Cecilia! That’s not natural!”
Ben felt a cool draft on the back of his neck. The delicate hairs on his arms and neck stood at attention. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. In the seat next to him, a diffuse apparition manifested. After a few seconds, he could see the hint of an outline. A smartly dressed young lady with wispy hair tied back in a ponytail and wearing glasses was taking notes.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m Sophia. I’m interning here three times a week for class credit. Nice to meet you. What were you saying about spirits?” she said in a hollow voice.
“I was, well, not very used to working with the dearly departed. I thought you all had other stuff to do in the Hereafter. I mean, why do you want to hang around here anyway?” Once again, Ben was displaying his knack for not making friends.
“Not that it’s any of your business but my premature exit from the living prevented me from finishing college. I’d rather take this opportunity to finish my education with relevant work experience rather than mope around haunting the living for eons,” she huffed.
“And let me tell you,” Sophia said, pointing her ghostly pen at Ben, “We heard you yesterday. We felt the vibrations in the Ether when you disturbed the circles. Those are sacrosanct.”
“What do you mean ‘we?’” There are more of you here?” Ben asked in shock.
“Have you been living under a rock, Ben?” Cecilia asked, interrupting her ghostly assistant. “Get with the times, will you? We have several types of differently animated beings in the office. Haven’t you noticed? You really need to open your mind. We have weekly séances and metaphysical study sessions every week in the conference room. Don’t you ever attend?”
“Nah, I don’t have time for that. Anyway, I already have an open mind. I just have a hard time seeing the dead.”
“We prefer to be called unliving,” Sophia piped up in a barely heard whisper.
“A rose by any other name …” Ben trailed off in a whisper.
“You see,” Cecilia said, catching every syllable. “Right there. That sarcasm is proof you do not take this matter seriously. You need to respect all the beings that work in this office, irrespective of their state of existence. At first, I didn’t believe the reports about you, but now I think this action is completely warranted. I expected better of you, Benjamin. I’m sorry.”
Cecilia reached back into her desk and fetched a plain manila folder. She opened it up and presented it to Ben.
Inside was a sealed envelope.
“I’m sorry, Ben, but we will no longer be needing your services. This is your last paycheck. While we have been talking, security has swept your cube and retrieved all your belongings. You’ll find them in a box in the lobby.”
“Cecilia, please. You’re breaking my heart. Can’t we talk about this? I need this job. I have a home and daughter to raise. Can’t you just give me a warning?”
“Ben, this decision has been approved at the highest levels. It is final. Please leave now. If you insist on making a scene, I will have to call Brock in security to escort you off the premises.”
Ben waved his hands in surrender. “No, no, that won’t be necessary. That brute gets rough for no reason.”
Cecilia picked up the phone and dialed Brock's extension. Ben left the office immediately. He did not want to tangle with Brock.
Ben was in total shock. This termination caught him by surprise. He did not understand that those circles were that important. He didn’t feel like going home and instead, he hung his head letting his feet take him wherever they wanted.
His feet knew the way. They took him someplace familiar.
Chapter 5
“Fancy seeing you here so early Ben,” the large blue-tinged octopus behind the bar said when Ben walked in.
Ben took a seat at the bar and glanced around at the empty chairs. Even the regular drunks were off going about their business. The Lazy Eye would be packed later, but for now, Ben was happy for some quiet time. He needed to process things. Mac was a swell guy, a great sounding board.
“Hey Mac, yeah, I’ve had better days,” he said.
“The usual?” Mac asked.
Ben nodded.
Two of Mac’s tentacles continued wiping the bar down while the others busied themselves with preparing Ben’s whiskey sour. Mac just hovered around close to Ben, but not too close. Mac could tell when people needed their space. When Ben was ready to talk, Mac would be within earshot.
Ben sipped his drink for a while, running recent events over and over in his head. Where did he go wrong?
“I insulted no one. I was just, you know, talking, and it was just an accident,” he muttered.
“You’re a good guy Ben. I’m sure it was unintentional – whatever it was.” Mac shrugged two of his shoulders, or what passed as shoulders for octopods.
Ben sighed. He took a few more sips of his drink, and his inhibitions loosened. He filled Mac in on the details.
“So you see?” Ben said after unloading to Mac. “Not that I wanted to disrespect whatever crazy religion Ava wants to follow, but life is for the living. It's right there in the word itself. I mean spirits and undead working alongside those of flesh and blood ain’t right. It’s not natural. It’s against the natural order of things. You know?” Ben asked Mac.
“You do realize that you are talking about the natural order of things to a cursed man who is living as an octopus?”
Ben waved his hands dismissively. “Yeah whatever, but you’re still alive. It’s not your fault you slept with a jealous wizard’s wife. We all make mistakes.”
“Thank you for the vote of confidence. I’ll tell you, I learned my lesson. Still working on breaking the curse, though. I miss having a spine. And sitting. Man, how I envy you being able to sit on a sto
ol and have a drink.” Mac stared at Ben’s ass wistfully.
“Hey brother, you’re creeping me out,” Ben said shifting in his seat uncomfortably.
“Sorry man, just that I miss being a vertebrate.”
“I got a spine and you got a job. Grass is always greener on the other side. But the thing is, you’re alive. A different species, ok FINE. Yeah, but you’re alive. This exanimate thing gets to me. Everyone is so sensitive about it. Can’t call zombies slackjaws. Bah,” Ben complained.
“Hey now, they have a right to live like the rest of us,” Mac said, waving the tip of tentacle #5 at Ben.
“Ha!” Ben said triumphantly. “You see that’s the problem right there. They aren’t even alive!”
“All right, I misspoke. They have a right to exist like the rest of us. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t have a problem with them existing, but they can go exist someplace else. Don’t they have jobs in the Hereafter? Why do they have to work here on Earth? Can’t they spend eternity in everlasting bliss?”
“Well, reality ain’t all that we thought it to be. You need to get with the times my man, you need to open your mind,” Mac said.
The door opened, the sunlight corrupted the soothing, deep darkness of the dimly lit bar. Ben and Mac squinted as a shadow crept inside. After a few seconds, their eyes adjusted to the shaft of light, and they searched for the newcomer. There was no one there. The door closed on its own.
Mac saw it first. He quickly placed a napkin in front of an empty stool.
“What’ll it be?” he asked what seemed to Ben to be empty air.
Ben squinted and could make out a vague outline sitting on the stool. A portly fellow wearing a tweed jacket and an ascot leaned toward Mac.
Ben could barely hear the barest hint of a voice waft toward Mac.
“Do you serve spirits here?” he asked.
Mac nodded. Here at the Lazy Eye, we server everything and everyone. “What’ll you have?”
For Ben, the mood at the bar soured considerably. He threw down a few bucks for his drink, tipped Mac and was out of there before he heard what the specter ordered. He had other pressing business to take care of before 5:00 PM and he couldn’t be late.