by Opal Carew
I choke on my coffee—a necessity for hockey moms who spend long hours standing around in a freezing rink. “Not getting into trouble like you.”
Peter snorts a laugh. “They’ll watch a movie and be in bed by ten. That’s what happens when you get old.”
“Mom’s not old,” my lovely Justin says. “She’s ten years younger than dad. He’s the old one.”
Not old enough, apparently, since he’s the one all raring to go for a kinky Saturday night.
“I think my filling cracked.” Justin taps his newly bristled jaw. “I heard something when I was eating my carrots this morning. Can we go back and see Dr. Steadman?”
My breath catches in my throat, and I imagine I am in Edvard Munch’s painting, The Scream. “No.”
“No?”
“I’m busy at work,” I tell him. “We have the state inspectors coming to the hospital for a visit on Monday. Your dad can take you when he gets home.”
“But it’s sore.”
“I’m sure it will feel better tomorrow.” Desperate, I play the competitiveness card. “Peter once had a filling fall out and he walked around in pain with a hole in his tooth for three weeks without complaining.”
“That’s true,” Peter says, nodding. “I’m too badass to feel pain.”
“I’m badass,” Justin complains.
“Then stop whining and suck it up.” Peter grabs the cooler and pumps his fist in victory.
One hour and two coffees later, I am huddled on the bench beside my friend, Barb, watching the boys play. Her husband ran off with his secretary three years ago, and left her with two kids and ten years worth of debt. Not one to take things lying down, Barb moved in with her mother, hired a private investigator and a lawyer, and is now dragging that bastard’s ass through the court. Her oldest son is Peter’s age and they play on the same team.
“I think it’s about ten degrees colder in here today,” she says. “I can’t feel my fingers or toes.”
“That’s because you’re wear fashion boots and no gloves.” I hand her my coffee and she takes a little sip, then fluffs her blond curls—her new signature move to indicate she’s on the hunt.
“Who are you freezing your hands off for this time?” I ask, retrieving my coffee.
“I met the new coach after practice last week.” She smiles and counts off his attributes on her ungloved hand. “He’s forty, divorced, no kids . . .”
“I thought you were after the Vice Principal of the high school.”
“That was last week when I didn’t know he was dating Moira from the diner.” She leans back against the bleacher and sighs. “He’s no Doctor Steadman, but I tried it on with our new drop dead gorgeous dentist when I took Lily for her checkup last week and he wasn’t playing ball. I think he might be seeing someone already.”
“He’s only been here for three months.”
“Have you seen him?” Barb’s voice rises in pitch. “I mean, half the single women and gay men in town suddenly needed dental work when he moved to town fresh out of dentist school. He could have had his pick. All that thick, dark hair, the blue eyes, the chiseled jaw, the bit of scruff . . . he looks like Chris Pine, except a bit younger.”
“I didn’t notice.” Well, I did, but only in passing. Although I’ve fantasized about other men, I’ve never wanted to be with anyone else but Dan. If I met him for the first time today, he would still take my breath away. But maybe I don’t do the same for him. I had assumed Saturday night was just about me. Now Barb has made me wonder if it is about him.
“Liar,” Barb says, interrupting my train of thought. “You have ovaries just like the rest of the women in town. No way you didn’t notice him. Even little girls notice him. My Lily wants to marry him, but I’m going to get there first.”
I fake my way through another hour of conversation without succumbing to the urge to text Dan and tell him Saturday is definitely off. Then I take the boys home, feed them and help them with their homework. After they’re asleep, I crawl into bed and make the call I’ve been dreading all day.
“Are you gay?” I blurt out after he answers the phone. “Is that what this is all about? Were you afraid to tell me so you plan to show me instead?”
Dan barks a laugh. “No, sweetheart. I’m not gay.”
I lower my voice although there is no way the boys could here. “I don’t think I could watch you with another man.”
“Aidan and I won’t be touching,” he says. “It’s just about you.”
My hand drifts down over my curves. “And you’re okay with another man touching me? When we were first together, you went crazy when guys even talked to me in the bar. You almost broke someone’s arm when he asked me to dance. You would have gone ballistic if I had asked to have someone join us in bed.”
Dan sighs and I imagine him lying on his hotel bed in his pajama pants, his chest, deliciously bare albeit his dark hair is now slightly peppered with grey. “I’m older now, Kylie. I’m not as passionate about things as I used to be. I want you to be happy and I when I saw the book you were reading . . .”
Not just one book. I’ve been on a ménage reading kick for the last year, although I’m not about to share that with him.
“Have you done anything like this before?”
Silence
“Dan?”
“Before we were together,” he says. “I was heavy into the kink scene, but all that changed when I met you. I couldn’t imagine sharing you, or wanting to do the things I did with other women with you, although I know you were willing to try. But then you got pregnant, and I didn’t feel that I needed it anymore. You and the boys were everything to me. And now, here we are.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” And how could I have lived with him for so long and not know this about him?
“It was in the past,” Dan says. “And I was never unhappy with how things were between us. Just lately, I feel like I’m losing you and if I was that man again, the man you fell in love with . . .”
“I still love you.”
“Then let’s try this, sweetheart,” he says. “For both of us.”
Of course, everything goes wrong on Saturday and I am stuck at work until six making sure things are fixed up for Monday’s inspection. With no time left to shop, I race home only to walk into an empty house. I check my phone and find two missed messages from Dan. His plane was delayed, but he’ll be home by seven-thirty. He’s already talked to Aidan. We should start without him.
How are we supposed to engage in a ménage with only two people? What am I supposed to wear for the hottest man in town? Somehow I don’t think my hot pink department store lingerie from five years ago is going to cut it—much less fit. And how does this kind of thing work? Should Aidan and I just strip off our clothes and get down and dirty on the coffee table until Dan shows up?
I can’t even imagine how awkward this is going to be. So I don’t. Instead, I pretend Barb is coming over for a chat. I change into my sexiest pink bra and panties, yoga pants and a fitted, V-neck T-shirt. Although I’m not comfortable with my curves anymore, I am always looking for an excuse to show off my breasts.
I feed Rusty, our Labrador Retriever who we rescued from the pound five years ago. Then I whip up an avocado dip, cut up some veggies and put Dan’s favorite beer in the fridge.
By the time the door bell rings, I have almost forgotten about the ménage.
By the time I reach the door, my heart is pounding and I’m sweating like I’ve run the marathon. Twice.
I take a deep breath.
Let it out.
Open the door.
“Hi Kylie.” Aidan Steadman smiles and I almost melt into a puddle on the floor. He looked hot in his office, wearing his dentist coat with the little tools lined up in pocket, but standing on my front porch wearing a pair of low rise jeans, his abs rippling beneath his tight black T-shirt, a duffel bag in his hand, all ready to have sex with me and Dan, he takes my breath away.
And my voice.
My mouth opens. Then closes again. Rusty rushes in to save the day by sniffing at Aidan’s crotch, as if he knows that’s why Aidan’s here. I force my lips up into a smile and will the ground to swallow me up.
Finally, I manage to squeak. “Come in.”
Aidan gives Rusty a pat and then steps inside, closing the door behind him.
“Sorry about Rusty. He always sniffs strange, new things . . . I mean people. He sniffs strange people. Well, not strange people. Strangers. He sniffs strangers.”
Shut up, Kylie. My cheeks heat and I look away.
“No problem,” Aidan says. “I’ve had dogs all my life. I’ve just bought a German Shepherd pup. I’m picking it up next week. My wife kept our Collie after the divorce.“
I’m not sure if he’s happy because he hated the Collie and his wife, or sad because he liked the Collie and hated his wife, or liked the Collie and liked his wife, so I just nod. “I have snacks.”
Aidan makes himself comfortable while I race to the kitchen and contemplate sticking my head in the oven and turning on the gas.
“Nice place,” he says, when I return with the beer and veggies and dip.
“We’ve been here since Peter was born.” I perch on the edge of the loveseat, while a betraying Rusty curls up on the couch beside his new best friend. “We redecorated this year. Since I’m the only woman in a house full of guys, I had to give up my dream of pink and chintz and settle for dark leather, wood, and browns and creams.”
“I see a woman’s touch in here.” Aidan plucks a carrot from the veggie plate. “Those paintings are beautiful. Lots of color.”
My cheeks warm with a small burst of pride and I glance up at the colorful landscapes on the wall behind me.
“I painted them when I was young and wild and thought I’d be able to make a living as an artist.” I ease back on the chair. “Then we were faced with the reality of having two small kids and I went into hospital administration instead.”
“It happened to me, too.” Aidan crosses one leg over the other and I try not to stare at the significant bulge in his jeans.
“I used to be in a jazz band, but just as we were making a name for ourselves, my dad was killed by a drunk driver. I had to get a real job to look after my mom and sister. My grandfather was planning to retire from his practice and he said he’d wait for me to finish dental school so he could hand it over to me.”
“I’m sorry about your father.”
Aidan shrugs. “I still miss him, but it’s made me more relaxed about life. I take each day as it comes. Try to enjoy myself. I don’t hang with people who bring me down, don’t hold onto things that don’t make me happy.”
I assume he is talking about his ex, not that I would ever ask. But maybe that’s the mistake Dan and I have made. Once we drifted apart we should have cut it off and sought our happiness elsewhere, instead of in bed with a stranger.
“So, does this make you happy?” I gesture vaguely around the living room, taking in everything from the family pictures, to the afghan my mother made for our wedding, to Rusty dozing on the couch. “I mean, you could be at the local bar picking up any of the single girls who I hear have been panting after you since you arrived.”
Aidan laughs. “I liked to try to new things, have new experiences. I’m pretty much up for anything. And I’ve been with lots of couples before. I like the dynamic.” He leans forward, his elbows on his knees, his beautiful blue eyes fixed on me. “I’m just here to have fun. You want to have some fun, Kylie?”
All the air leaves my lungs in a rush, but just as I am about to blurt out something stupid, the door opens and Dan calls out, “Hello.”
Aidan gives a little shrug, like he’s disappointed Dan’s here, and for the briefest of moments, so am I.
“Sorry I’m late.” Dan crosses the room and presses a kiss to my cheek before shaking hands with Aidan. “Who wants another drink?”
“Me.” I cringe inwardly at my over-exuberant voice, but there is no way I’m going to get through this sober.
Dan looks over his shoulder and grins. “Gin and Tonic? You want a double, sweetheart?”
“Two doubles. Maybe just give me the bottle. Or better yet a drip feed.”
Dan pours the drinks and joins us in the living room. We chat about the town, Aidan’s decision to make a clean break after his divorce, the state of the nation’s teeth, and home renovations. I have several drinks. We eat all the snacks. On the surface, it all seems very normal, and yet at the back of my mind I keep wondering: when is it going to happen? How is it going to happen? Why am I the only person in the room who isn’t relaxed?
“Well,” Dan says after about thirty minutes of friendly talk. “Should we go upstairs?”
“I’ll grab my bag.” Aidan takes his glass and the now empty plate of veggies to the kitchen and returns with his duffle bag.
Dan holds out his hand. “Come on, sweetheart.”
“I can’t move,” I say. “I think I’m frozen to the seat. You go on without me. I might just catch-up on Game of Thrones.”
“She’s very tense,” Aidan says coming up behind me. He drops his bag and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Relax, Kylie. We’re just going to have a good time.” He kneads my muscles with warm firm hands. And, oh God it feels so good. I look up at Dan to make sure he’s okay with this and he nods.
“Good idea,” he says. “Kylie has trouble relaxing.”
So I roll with it.
Aidan massages my shoulders and my neck. Then his hands move down my arms. I try not to think about the fact my arms are fleshy, not toned. Or that my body is soft and not hard and fit like Mimi’s. Or why he would rather spend his evening with us than with one of the hordes of singles desperate to get into his pants.
My tension eases and I sink into my seat.
“Good girl,” Aidan murmurs. And although he’s about five years younger than me, and I’m not really a girl, his words make my blood hot and my insides quiver. Not because Aidan said them, but because it’s how Dan used to talk to me, and nothing ever got me wetter than his dirty talking.
Dan perches on the arm of the couch, and drums his thumb on his thigh. If this was any other time and any other place, I would say he was agitated, but he’s the one who arranged this evening, so maybe he’s just impatient to get started.
Aidan sweeps my hair to the side and softly kisses my neck. “I was with a couple one time and the woman got so stressed she passed out in the kitchen,” he says. “We had to find something to relax her before we could begin.”
“What was it?” I look back over my shoulder and he gives me a warm smile.
“Cat videos.”
Laughter bubbles in my chest. “You won’t have to go to those extremes with me. I’m not the fainting type.”
“No you’re not.” He rounds the loveseat and offers a hand to help me stand. “You’re very grounded, Kylie. Very self-assured. Very beautiful. Very real. To be honest, you make me nervous.”
“I make you nervous?”
My gaze flicks to Dan to check if there’s some joke that I’m missing. How could I possibly make a sex god nervous? But Dan isn’t laughing. In fact, he’s looking curiously unsettled.
“Yeah, you do.” He looks over at Dan. “Is kissing okay?”
Dan’s corded throat tightens when he swallows. “Sure.” His voice thickens. “If Kylie’s good with it.”
I lick my lips, imagine kissing Aidan’s perfect mouth.
Oh God. I forgot to brush my teeth.
“Some couples draw the line at kissing.” Aidan steps closer, nuzzles my neck. “Some at sex. Some at anal, although then we can’t do any double penetration.”
I gag on my tongue.
“Do you want to discuss limits in advance?” Aidan asks. “Or just as we go along?”
Since Dan is being uncharacteristically quiet, and I am now feeling more relaxed after my gin, massage, and nuzzle, I step in. “If we start talking about it in detail, you’ll need more than
cat videos to get me off the floor.”
Aidan laughs and cups my jaw. “You on the floor I wouldn’t mind, but I do like my partners conscious.” He leans in and kisses me lightly. His lips are warm and firm and he smells strongly of cologne. Unfamiliar.
Hesitantly, I trace my tongue over his lips. His mouth opens and he lets me explore, taste the faint traces of gin and avocado dip on his tongue. With a soft groan, he slides his hand around my neck and draws me closer. When I am pressed tight against his deliciously hard body, he kisses me again, deeper this time, his tongue tangling with mine. Exploring.
Heat floods my veins. I haven’t kissed another man since my first kiss with Dan over fifteen years ago. And although he wants this, it feels wrong without him. Aidan must sense this, too, because he motions Dan over.
“Come over, Dan. You stand behind Kylie and we can tag team.” His relaxed demeanor, and his ability to joke around in what could be an incredibly awkward situation, do much to ease my tension, especially when I catch sight of Dan’s rigid jaw.
“You okay?” I ask as he joins us.
“Yes. Of course.” He slides his arms around my waist and drops his head to my shoulder, drawing in a shuddering breath as he pulls me toward him, and away from Aidan. Possessive. In a way he hasn’t been in years. But his touch feels right, like coming home.
Dan brushes his lips over my ear. “Did you like kissing him, sweetheart?”
Although I suspect he doesn’t want to hear the truth, I will not lie to Dan. We may have drifted apart, but I have always been honest with him. “Yes.”
His arms tighten around me and he hisses out a soft breath. Before I can say anything, he cups my jaw in his firm grip and forces my head back. Pulling me against him, he leans down and kisses me long and hard, like he’s trying to erase Aidan’s kiss, marking me.
Heat sears through me in a massive wave. I don’t know this dominant man kissing me.
Or maybe I do.
“Let’s go upstairs where we can be more comfortable.” Aidan picks up his bag, and, after Dan releases me, gives me a last, lingering kiss before we follow Dan up the stairs to the master bedroom.