"The tramp is quite a success," I say to Amy, my body out of breath, my nose and neck beginning to burn from the sun.
"I'm glad." Amy has been bagging up the plastic plates and party dishes. She always seems to be cleaning up somebody's mess. "Gilbert. Brace yourself."
"Sure, okay." 1 jokingly grab the orange counter top with the backs of my hands.
"I'm serious. I've got some news."
"Yeah?"
"Okay." Amy looks stern.
"Did somebody die?"
"No. Gilbert?" This eerie silence from Amy is beginning to worry me. I squeeze the counter, my fingers turn white.
"It's what Arnie wants and it's his day and if that's what he wants, we'll give him that, and so, for dinner, we're going ... all of us . . . and your presence is expected, requested, and so thanks, favorite brother."
She moves to kiss my cheek.
"No," I say. "Never."
Momma calls from the living room where she's been talking with Sonny's mom about whatever the mothers of retards talk about. She says, "Listen to Sonny's mom."
Sonny's mom pops her head into the kitchen, her dentures a little loose, she struggles to say the simplest things. "Sonny and me went to the Barn for the first time. Yesterday. For brunch."
Brunch? Surely she's kidding.
Sonny's mom licks her lips; her brittle hands fluff her blue hair.
"Let me say this, Gilbert." She says my name with relish. "Best burger 1 ever had. Ever."
"Hear that?" Momma screams out. "Best burger ever."
"And," Sonny's mom continues, "don't assume because of my
PETER HEDGES
petite size that I don't know a good burger when I taste one. These burgers—I give you my word—are the best."
Amy looks at me as if I have no choice.
The retards' chant of "Hurry, hurry" has built to a scream. Ellen takes a surprise picture of Amy standing there and the back of my head. The flash blinds Amy, and I push Ellen out of my way and go outside.
When the retards see me, they let out a cheer and start begging for who gets to go next.
Pulling Ricky and Rica with the bumpy head out of the way, I say, "It's my turn."
I start my jump.
I go up so high that the kids all stop their complaining. They admire the height Gilbert Grape can achieve. Their jaws drop in awe.
Amy stands by the picnic table, drying her hands on her jeans. She shakes her head and mouths some words. My jumping slows, I fall to my knees, dribble a few times and then call out a "What?" to Amy.
She mouths two words. Burger. Barn. Then she points a finger at me. She nods—certain that she's won.
Amy drives her Nova. Arnie stretches out in back, bouncing on his seat the whole way. Larry drives his car. Ellen rides in the middle. Janice is to the right. She holds her brown cigarette out the window. Momma gave her order to Amy. Shell be waiting at home, and we're to bring her the food she requested.
1 follow in my truck slowly.
They hit all three green lights on the way. I slow down enough to be stopped by the light in front of Dave Allen's. Dave is checking the oil on a Plymouth. He sees me, half waves. I look out the other side and wait for the light to turn green.
At the Burger Barn, it takes a minute to find a parking space. They are already inside. The place is packed, and my hope is that maybe there isn't enough room for us Grapes and that we'll have to go elsewhere, preferably home.
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
I open the door, which is designed to look hke the wooden kind on "Gunsmoke" and other westerns, the kind you push through and they slap back on their own. But there is no push-through or slap-back, so I don't know who those Burger Bam people think they are fooling.
Looking through all the clusters of families and kids, I don't see my people. Far across the restaurant, though, in his polyester blue pants, in his orange and blue shirt, stands Tucker Van Dyke. I notice his name tag. with the words Assistant Manager spelled out in capital letters. He gives me the thumbs up and points with his head to his right. I move toward him. The noise of the people ordering and eating is intense and the closer I get, the bigger his grin grows.
"Tucker, enough" is what I almost say. but instead I say nothing and smile back. Even he can obligate my lips.
"Look," he says, pointing to the corner of the room. A sign hanging proclaims. "Reserved for Arnie Grape and friends."
I walk to where my family sits. They all look up. Larry and Janice and Ellen are seated on one side. Amy and Arnie sit on the other side. I'm to squeeze in between.
Tucker approaches and speaks to all of us. "Normally, you'd stand in line to place your orders. But. seeing as this day is Arnie's day, the management has provided you the exclusive use of one of Burger Barn's finest. This is Maggie, " he announces. Maggie, a fourteen-year-old sixth-grader, who Ellen claims has been held back twice, appears with her pad ready to take everybody's order.
Amy starts reading Momma's order. Maggie writes quickly and when Amy is done tcilking, Maggie turns and walks toward the kitchen.
"Maggie," I have to call.
She stops.
"You got to get everybody else's order. That was for our mother. We'll need that to go when we're ready to leave."
Maggie looks confused momentarily, but then she puts it together. Whew. She takes everybody else's order. When she gets to me, I shake my head.
Ellen snaps, "Gilbert, order."
PETER HEDGES
Larry says, "It's on me."
Amy says, "You've got to try the Silo fries. Or have a milk shake."
I order "water" and everybody is beyond mad. Ellen whispers
into Janice's ear, Janice looks at my shirt, then my face and
giggles. Larry lights Janice's cigarette and she blows her smoke
in my direction. "I won't be eating a thing," I say.
The food comes and everybody is eating and they all seem to be oooing and ahhhing over each bite. "Yum-yum" is what I keep hearing, and it's all designed to make me regret my decision not to eat, I know it.
1 remember how Becky said regret is the ugliest word.
Followed by family. Family is a terrible word.
"I have no regrets," 1 say, wishing I hadn't.
Janice spits up some of her vanilla milk shake, Ellen chokes on a fry. Larry looks at me like the word "regret" is a word he's never heard before. Arnie is under the table because he dropped a slice of pickle. Amy is on her third burger. She's the only one smiling. She's determined to believe this is the most beautiful day ever.
Over the microphone sound system, a voice can be heard. "Farmers and friends, the Burger Barn is proud to announce that in our birthday room—at this very moment, Endora's own Grape family is celebrating the eighteenth birthday of Arnie Grape. So all you Burger Barn animals, join us in singing 'Happy Birthday.' "
Tucker rounds the corner holding a cake shaped like a cow. Many Burger Barn employees and a crowd of customers follow. They stand and sing an off-key but sincere version of "Happy Birthday." Arnie has cupped his hands over his mouth to cover his smile.
Amy's face is dripping and the others, Janice and Ellen, sing along. Larry watches, detached.
I must say that this catches me off guard. There must be fifty people singing and Arnie is squealing now and he sticks his fingers in the cake and nobody minds and Momma would be loving this if she were here.
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
The singing echoes while Arnie takes three tries to blow out the candles.
The second cake of the day is cut up by Amy and eaten by everyone. She offers me a piece. I take it and eat two bites.
But I have to excuse myself. I move to where people place their orders and flag Tucker down. "Thanks," I say.
"Don't thank me," he says. "Thank Burger Barn. I am merely a conduit for their vision. It's the Burger Barn way."
Tucker would keep talking but he sees that my eyes are full. He says, "What is it? What's wrong?"
He pulls me through an employee door and I stand where they make the french fries. The other employees walk carefully around me as my back shakes and my face remains covered by my hands.
Tucker has no words. He lets me stand there, out of the public eye.
"This started last night and I uhm I can't seem to stop. I feel so stupid," 1 say. "So stupid."
Later, 1 thank him.
He says, "It's my job."
I ask for Kleenex. He hands me a stack of Burger Barn napkins. I use them to dry around my eyes.
56
Jjter the Burger Barn, we drive home. Larry, Janice, and Ellen in the lead, then Amy's Nova, with Arnie in back, follows.
At the top of our street, Amy puts her left arm out the window and sticks a thumb up in the air.
At home, the women go inside to give Momma her food. Arnie gets an old croquet mallet out of our garage. He runs around slamming it down on whatever anthills he can find in the dirt or in the cement cracks.
PETER HEDGES
Larry and I are out back of the house, considering the trampoline. I sit on it. He goes to the swing. He pulls on the rope to check its strength. "Hmmmm," he says.
"How's the swing?" I ask.
Larry looks at it for a time longer than the swing probably deserves. He looks at me, scratches his head, laughs to himself, and looks the forty, fifty feet up to where the rope is tied to the branch.
"Larry?"
"Hmmmm."
"How. Is. The swing?"
He takes in a deep breath and says, "Still sturdy." He sits on it and looks up.
"1 remember the day you climbed up there—I was a fourth-grader and you were a big-time senior. Momma said for you not to and Amy was sure you'd get hurt, but you did it anyway. You remember how no one said it could be done? But you did it. Do you remember that?"
"No."
"Come on—and how at night, you'd stay up with a flashlight, guarding it so the neighbors' kids wouldn't sneak over and take a free swing. ..."
"No."
"You don't remember?"
Larry shakes his head and gestures for me to get off the trampoline. He steps out of his brown shoes and crawls out to the center.
"Don't you want to change out of your clothes? A person does not jump on a trampoline in a dress shirt and a tie. Larry, I've got some cutoflfs, some gym shorts."
Again Larry has no answer for me. Standing now, he rises up on his toes and back down. He does this many times, never leaving the ground. "Stupid."
"Huh?" I say.
"Trampolines are stupid."
"You've got to jump, though. You've got to get up in the air."
"I am."
"No, you're not."
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Larry continues this timid move of toes up, toes down.
"JUMP!" I scream.
Larry does, out of fear; he almost falls over; his arms shoot out to regain balance. Larry is pissed. 1 laugh and this might be the first laughing at my brother that I've done in a long, long time.
"I can still kick your ass, Gilbert."
"Yeah, I know."
"So shut up."
"JUMP!"
This time Larry stops moving and Arnie comes squealing around the house from the front, hopping kangaroo style. He comes jumping our way, ketchup smeared on his chin and a chunk of pickle still stuck in his teeth.
"Jesus, get that kid a napkin," Larry says.
"Hey, Arnie, do you know the words 'dental floss'?"
Arnie stops his hopping and goes, "Jeez, you guys. Jeez."
Larry sits down on the trampoline. The idea of jumping is too much for him. He's as scared as I am, as scared as everybody, even though he'll never admit it.
The sun is back behind trees now, the sky is growing dark and this day, the big day, is almost over.
Ellen stands on the porch, waving us her way.
"What?" I yell.
She waves more frantically.
"Something's up," Larry says, putting on his shoes and heading toward the house. Arnie tags along. I lean on the trampoline until they hit the porch steps, then 1 follow reluctantly.
In the house, I hear through the screen door "Oh, Momma, you can do it. Yes, Momma."
Momma is on her third stair step. She's looking down, careful that each move she makes is on target. Janice is above her, walking backward, coaxing her on. "Yes, yes." Larry and Amy have moved behind her and have their arms stretched out to catch her, as if such a catch were possible. Surely they would be killed if she fell. I don't do a thing to help, really. I say a few "Hooray for Momma's and a few "You can do it "s, but my mouth, for the most part, hangs open; my head shakes itself.
PETER HEDGES
This is supposed to be a natural thing, climbing the stairs. Not in the Grape family—here, the simple becomes the extraordinary.
"Gilbert should be helping," Momma huffs out.
The others call for me to get involved. 1 put my arms up but study an escape route in case Momma tips over. I'm behind Larry and Amy, and my chance of survival seems best. Arnie disappears into the living room and drums on top of the TV.
Momma is halfway when she says, "I can't go on."
"You're halfway," Larry says.
"Who said that?" Momma is in shock.
"Larry did," Janice says.
"No," Momma says. "Larry? Larry spoke?"
"Yes," Amy says.
"Larry, my son, Lawrence Albert Grape spoke to his mother?"
"What's the big deal about that?" Larry asks.
Momma makes a sound that would be a laugh were she not out of breath.
Larry looks around at all of us, trying to figure out what he did wrong.
"I have ..." Momma can barely speak she is so out of breath. "I have renewed ..." She breathes in deep, determined to speak. "I have renewed strength."
Larry, Amy, and I push Momma while Janice and Ellen pull from above. She completes the final steps. She makes it to the top and into her room which she hasn't seen in months, if not years. Momma lies down on the bed and before we can get her cigarette lit, she falls asleep.
We turn on the two window fans and leave her to rest. Amy gets the hand bell from her room. This is the bell she uses during the school year to signal the end of recess. She sets the bell on Momma's night table. If Momma wants any of us for anything, she'll ring it and Amy or me or whoever will come running.
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
57
Ljany is in the kitchen listening to Amy, cind he's got his checkbook out. A good sign. Upstairs, I press my ear to Ellen's door and make out vaguely that Janice is recounting her sexual adventures. The girls giggle in that girl way. I check on Momma and find her sleeping soundly, a soft snore, her beauty parlor curls crunched on a feather pillow.
Back downstairs, I see that Amy's looking sad. I say, "Why so down, huh?"
She says, "Look at my hair. One night of sleep and it looks awful—it will only look good when Charlie styles it. It will never..."
She continues on. Larry is signing a check and smiling.
I look out the back window and see Arnie sticking old sheets up through the trampoline springs. I go out back and call to him. "Arnie, what you doing? Building a fort?" He pokes his head through one of the sheets and shakes his head, I say, "What then, what you doing then?"
"Jeez, Gilbert, jeez. You're dumb."
I walk over toward him, saying, "Yes, I know. I'm very slow at these things. What are you making?"
"A rocket ship."
"Oh. So uhm where you going to?"
"Not telling."
"Where you going to?"
"Not telling."
"Okay."
"To find ..."
"To find what?"
"Find Albert."
This stops me. 1 crawl under the sheets and watch Arnie as he builds his rocket ship. I say to Arnie that Dad really missed out.
PETER HEDGES
not being here today. "He would have been proud of
you. He wouldVe liked all your friends and all the people from town. He really missed something."
"Yeah," Arnie says.
"And he really missed getting to know Arnie Grape."
"Yeah, he really missed out, yeah."
Later Amy and 1 clean the downstairs, while Janice carefully takes down the streamers and the birthday signs. "We can use them again next year."
Already we're talking about next year. 1 want to say, "Can't we just take this year, take this day?" But that wouldn't sound like me at all. It sounds like something Becky would say, so I just go, "Good idea, Janice," and leave it at that.
"What did you just say?"
"I said 'Good idea.' " Janice is holding a stack of party hats, looking confused. "Good idea about saving the decorations, Janice. That's all."
"Amy?"
"Yes?"
"Gilbert, our brother, you know, Gilbert?"
"Yes, I know him."
"He just gave me a compliment. Can you believe it?"
"Well, I'll be."
"GILBERT GAVE ME A COMPLIMENT. I CAN DIE NOW! I CAN DIE!"
"Shhhhh," I say. "People are sleeping."
Janice starts for the porch. She stops off at her purse and takes out her pack of brown cigarettes and a lighter.
"There's some cake left," Amy calls out.
"No, thanks."
"Oh, come on, you guys. Help me eat this. Lets get it all eaten before Momma wakes up." Amy hands me two plates full and says, "The smaller piece is for Janice." Amy cuts a piece for Arnie and Larry, and goes out to make cake deliveries.
Janice takes a bite and then a drag from her cigarette, then another bite and so on. She has a smoking and eating system.
Suddenly it's feeling like those lazy hours after a Thanksgiving
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
meal or late on Christmas afternoon. Amy comes down the stairs still carrying three plates of cake. I've only been poking at mine. She goes, "You should see upstairs. Arnie's fallen asleep in Momma's room, curled up at her feet. And Larry is out back resting on the trampoline, face down even. Ellen wants to nap but she's got her Bible meeting."
"How nice," Janice says.
Amy sets down the extra plates of cake. "So eat up, you two, let's finish it off."
What's eating Gilbert Grape? Page 29