by Amy Brent
The diner looked empty. A month and a half ago it had been filled with cheerful Christmas lights, and the windows had all been painted with images of Santa and candy canes. Now it felt somber.
My chili arrived quickly. I leaned over it, the steam wafting up into my nose. When I opened my eyes, I was looking across the room.
To my surprise, I found a familiar pair of eyes staring back at me.
Steven was sitting at a booth, alone, on the other side of the diner. He had a small smile playing on his lips, and I suspected he had been watching me for a while. I smiled back and gave him a little wave.
He stood up, collected his winter jacket from the seat across from him, and made his way over to me. He stopped when he stood above me. “Well, hey there stranger,” he said.
“Hey there,” I said, rubbing my palms over my thighs anxiously.
“Can I join you?” he asked, nodding at the empty seat across from me.
“Please,” I said.
He slid into the booth and folded his arms over the table. “You look good,” he said. “I like the new haircut.”
I had cut some of the length off my hair earlier that month. It was still long, but shorter than it had been the last time he saw me at the Italian restaurant. That had been three months ago now.
I swallowed. “You look good, too.” I wasn’t lying. His jaw was darkened with stubble that had never been there before. It gave a rugged, handsome look to his dark features that suited him. His hair was styled differently, too. I was used to seeing an unruly dark mess atop his head; now it was slicked back and shorter on the sides.
“What have you been up to?” he asked, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine. He seemed genuinely interested. It didn’t feel like he was forcing himself to talk to me just because he had run into me. Maybe some of the anger he felt toward me had started to ebb away with the passing of time.
“Oh, you know, the same old stuff. I’m keeping busy with work.”
“James still being a perv?”
“Yes,” I said, almost laughing. Almost. “What about you? How are things? The scruff suits you, by the way.”
Steven scratched his chin almost self-consciously. “Yeah? Well, you know, gotta try new things every now and then. I’ve been alright. Things with the app have really taken off. It’s in the beta testing stage right now, and most reviews are positive. A couple more rounds of adjustments and it should be released to the public. Keep an eye out for our advertising campaign,” he winked.
How dare he wink. He should have known what it did to me. All those feelings for him, all that desire and need came rushing back. “I miss you,” I blurted out. I clapped my hands over my mouth like I could catch the words and stuff them back in before he heard them.
That smile of his that I loved so much appeared. His teeth looked whiter than ever against the contrast of his dark facial hair. “I’ve missed you too, Allie. It’s been weird not having you around.”
“Yeah,” I said, picking absently at a peeling part of the booth beside me. “Same.”
Things were quiet for a while after that. The waitress arrived, and Steven ordered some chili. I waited for her to bring it to him before I dug into mine. We ate quietly together. Neither of us knowing what to say, or neither of us willing to be the one to speak first.
The food was good and warmed me up. I started to dread going back to work, so I wracked my brain for any potential conversation starters. It was more than awkward sitting together with the heavy and very full silence hanging between us. There was a lot that we should be saying, but were unwilling to voice.
“Are you seeing anyone?” I asked when we finished eating.
Steven chuckled and leaned back in the booth. “Seeing anyone? Come on, it’s been three months. But you know me better than that.”
“So, that’s a no?”
“That’s a no,” he nodded.
“Right. Well, you never know. Stranger things have happened,” I said.
“True. Like my best friend hooking up with my brother,” Steven said. There was still a hint of amusement in his eyes, but it was faint.
I bit my lip and looked away from him. “Yeah.”
“What about you?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “You seeing anyone?”
“No, definitely not,” I said, wishing painfully that I was so I would have something to talk about. “How’s Chance?”
“He’s good. Doing the same old stuff, too. You know how it is. He still busts my ass about you and I not talking. Drives him a bit crazy.”
I smiled. Chance was one of the good ones. He and I always got along. I missed him, too. “Well, Chance always has been more invested in other people’s lives than his own. It’s a blessing and a curse.”
Steven chuckled again. “I suppose you could look at it that way. How’s your sister? She still working her ass off? Pedal to the metal?”
“Yes,” I said, feeling a bit lighter now. “She’s keeping busy. She asks about you a lot. I took a breath to continue but didn’t say anything.
“Yes?” Steven asked, sensing my hesitation.
“She knows how much I miss you. The last few months haven’t been easy, Steven. Not at all. I have a lot of regrets. A lot of guilt. I still feel terrible. I think I always will. I’m so sorry.”
Steven was looking at me like he wasn’t sure what to say. Some of that anger I had seen in him that night at The Italian Corner resurfaced in his dark eyes. Then he shrugged, and it was gone. “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now, right?”
I nodded and nudged the salt and pepper shakers around on the table. Conversation between Steven and I used to flow so effortlessly. Now there was this big elephant in the room.
I reminded myself that I was lucky to even be talking to him. Yesterday, and all the days over the last three months, I never would have believed I would be sitting down with Steven today. I was sure that I would never talk to him again; and I was positive that if I ever saw him in passing, he would turn away from me.
“Why did you get up and come sit with me?” I asked after the waitress brought us our bill.
Steven scooped it up before I could and pulled out his wallet. “I was watching you for a while. I had decided that if you saw me, and if you smiled, I would come over.”
“And if I hadn’t smiled?”
“I probably would have left,” he shrugged, dropping thirty dollars on the table.
“You don’t have to buy mine,” I said. “Please let me.”
“Nah,” he said, waving his hand at me. “Don’t worry about it. I want to.”
That awkward silence returned. Our conversation wasn’t natural like it used to be. Every word felt like I had to work for it. Every sentence felt like a masterpiece.
“Would you want to come over tonight by any chance? We can catch up in private and, I don’t know, try to reconnect?” I asked, bracing myself for rejection. “I’d like to talk more.”
Steven tilted his head to one side thoughtfully. I was sure he was going to shoot me down. After what I had done, and how things had ended, I wouldn’t blame him. The choice was his to make.
“Sure,” he said. “I’d like that.”
“Really?” I said.
Steven chuckled. I remembered how much I loved the sound of his laugh. “Yeah. Really. Eight o’clock alright?”
“Yes, it’s perfect. I’ll cook dinner.”
Steven nodded as he slid out of the booth and put his jacket on. “Sounds good. I’ll bring the wine.”
I nodded. He buttoned his jacket and gave me one last small smile before he turned and left the diner. I stayed in my booth, my heart hammering in my chest as I thought about him coming over to my place that night.
The waitress passed by and gave me a knowing smile. “Quite the catch you have there,” she said, nodding to the seat Steven had just vacated.
“Yes. He is. He isn’t mine though,” I said.
“Oh.” The waitress blinked. “Real
ly? The way he was looking at you when you came in here made me think otherwise. I think he likes you, sweetheart. And I have to say, if I were you, I’d be willing to do anything he wanted me to.”
I couldn’t help myself from laughing. The waitress giggled too in a proud sort of way—as if she had been trying to make me laugh.
“If he’d have me, I would too,” I said. “But I made some mistakes that I don’t think he can forgive me for.”
The waitress frowned. “A man who is still holding on to anger doesn’t look at a woman like that. I’m just saying. Maybe he’s moved on. You’ll never know unless you go for it.”
“Right,” I said, standing up and gathering my things. “Thank you for everything.” She gave me another smile, and I went out the door, the bell chiming above my head. It was easy to give advice when you weren’t the one who carried the guilt.
As I walked back to the office in the cold, I thought about Steven. I thought about how intense the sex had been in the bathroom at The Italian Corner. He had been angry. He had fucked me even though he was angry. Even now, three months later, I still got wet thinking about it.
Then I would be sad thinking about how he left me there alone. His face, when he turned back to me, had been so anguished, so distraught, that I couldn’t keep myself from crying. I cried for him. I cried for what I had done to him.
If he had somehow found a way to put all of this behind him, I would be relieved. I didn’t want him carrying around that grief and betrayal. I wanted him to move on; even if that meant he and I could only be friends.
I would take whatever part of himself Steven was willing to give me. He was worth it.
Chapter 17
Steven
I stared at the number pad outside Allie’s condo. It was strange to be standing outside her building again. In the past few months, I had driven by a few times—only because I needed to on my way to other places—and each time I had looked up the steps, hoping I might catch a glimpse of her. I never did. The last three months had been entirely Allie free, and if I was honest with myself, it had sucked.
I missed her, everything about her. I missed her care-free laugh, and the way we used to be able to talk for hours about anything and everything. And the way she would rest her ankles on my thigh when we watched movies. Now, in the colder weather, she would nestle her feet between my legs and the couch to stay warm. I missed the smell of her shampoo, and the home-cooked meals she prepared for me whenever I visited.
And I missed fucking her.
I buzzed her suite, and she let me in. I climbed the stairs and found her apartment door open for me. I shook my head, smiling to myself. She had fallen back into old habits.
I kicked my shoes off and called down the hall to her. “I see you have started leaving your door open again. Just because we haven’t been talking for the last three months doesn’t mean you can start being reckless again.”
“Oh, please,” she called back to me. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
I believed her.
I made my way down the hall and rested against the archway into the kitchen. Allie was stirring spaghetti sauce over the stove. She was wearing tight black leggings and a gray sweater that showed a little bit of her midriff. Her feet were bare, and her toes were painted red.
She ladled some sauce on to the wooden spoon and held it out to me. “Try,” she said, cupping her hand beneath the spoon. I let her feed me a mouthful.
“Delicious,” I said, wiping my bottom lip where a bit of sauce caught me.
“Perfect. It has to simmer a bit longer and then we’re good to go.”
I held up the bottle of red wine I had brought over. Allie nodded approvingly at my choice of an earthy merlot, retrieved two glasses from a cupboard, and handed me her corkscrew. After opening the wine, I poured us each a glass.
The first mouthful was a bit bitter, but it mellowed out after that.
Twenty minutes later we were sitting down to dinner over a plate of spaghetti. Allie had prepared sides of garlic bread and Caesar salad, and my mouth was watering as I stared down at all the food.
“Are you trying to make up for three months of lost dinners in one meal?” I asked, twirling some pasta around my fork.
Allie sipped her wine and shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe.”
“You know how to manipulate me, Allie Wright, that’s for damn sure.”
“I’m glad you agreed to come over,” Allie said after swallowing a mouthful of salad. “It feels nice to be sitting here with you. A little odd, I will confess, but definitely good.”
I couldn’t say she was wrong. Sitting in her apartment felt almost foreign. “Well, after I saw you in the diner, I figured it was fate that had us run into each other again. I don’t think the timing could have been better?”
“No? How do you mean?” Allie asked.
“Well, I think that, maybe, I’m ready to put everything behind me. Move on. Forgive.”
Allie stopped eating and put her fork down. “Really?”
“Yes,” I said, nodding. “But on one condition.”
“Anything.”
I met her eyes. I wanted to make sure I was crystal clear about my expectations. I had no intentions of running into a similar situation in the future. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it. The anger at being betrayed had taken me a long time to process. Even now, if I thought about it too long, I could work myself up again.
“I need to make sure there isn’t anything else you’re hiding from me.”
“I’m not Steven, I swear,” Allie said.
“Hang on a second,” I said gently. “I mean it. I won’t do this again. If there is anything—anything—now is the time to tell me. No more lies or secrets.”
Allie nodded. “No more lies or secrets. Steven, I promise, there isn’t anything else. That was the only thing.”
I waited, staring into her eyes to see if she would falter. She didn’t. She held my stare, and the look in her eyes was enough for me to believe her. “Okay.” I breathed out. “Okay. Good.”
“Good,” she smiled. She lifted her wine glass and held it between us. “Friends again?”
I tapped my glass to hers. “Hell, yes.”
Allie and I both sipped our wine at the same time. Our eyes never left each other over the rim of our glasses. After setting them down, Allie sighed. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I played this moment over and over in my head, but I never thought it would happen.”
“When you played it in your head, were we sitting here?” I asked.
“Sometimes. Or in the living room. Sometimes we were at your house. Sometimes you showed up at my work and surprised me and told me you forgave me,” Allie giggled bashfully. “Then things would go back to normal. We would have our usual movie nights. We would be us again.”
“What happened after I forgave you in these moments you imagined?”
I saw her swallow. She fidgeted with the stem of her wine glass before she gathered the courage to speak. “You kissed me. You held me. And then you fucked me.”
“Huh, imagine that,” I said, slowly rising to my feet. “That’s exactly what I was planning on doing right now.”
Allie stood too. Our eyes never left each other. I stepped around the table to stand right in front of her. I put my hand on her waist. Her bare skin beneath my palm reminded me of how good it felt to touch her. Her hand closed over mine, and she guided me down the front of her leggings between her legs.
“It’s already better than I imagined,” she whispered as she lifted herself up on her tiptoes and kissed my jaw. “And the stubble,” she purred. “The stubble is perfect.”
I let her hand guide me where she wanted. She set me to rubbing her slowly up and down the length of her pussy. I could feel the heat through the thin fabric of her leggings. I cupped her cheek with my other hand and held her steady, inching closer and closer to her lips with mine.
The kiss was thrilling. My cock was hard and
pressing up against my pants. I had been missing this and missing her for a long time. I was straining to feel her pussy wrapped around me again.
She returned my kiss with equal intensity. We didn’t break apart even when I lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I carried her to her bedroom. I dropped her on the bed. She sat looking up at me, smiling coyly as I undid my pants.
When my fly was undone, she reached out and tugged my pants down my hips. Then she worked my boxers down. I came free, and she took me in her hands, running her fingers up and down the length of my shaft.
Then she leaned forward, her lips parting, and licked the head of my dick. After a couple more teasing flicks of her tongue, she wrapped her lips around me and eased me into her mouth until I felt the back of her throat close around my cock. She held herself there until her mouth became slick and wet, and then she began sucking me off.
I watched her, and as I did, I ran my fingers through her hair. I tightened my hands into fists, gathering her hair in my palms, and held her steady as I moved my hips for her. She kept her mouth open and stared up at me as I slipped in and out of her throat.
Her hands wandered up my thighs and brushed my balls. They were tight with excitement, and she massaged them gently, rolling them in her palms delicately.