by Allie Adams
“Take a walk, Allen.”
“But sir, she needs to know.”
Weber's expression stilled as his gaze turned lethal. “Walk. Now.”
Spencer narrowed his eyes. He thinned his lips. With a curt nod, he spun on his booted heel and stormed off, leaving Kat stunned. And then pissed at Weber for sending him away before he could tell her anything.
Now she understood why he couldn't say anything. Dan Weber wouldn't let him.
Well, fine. She'd just make Mr. Arrogant SAC tell her. She folded her arms in front of her and faced him. “I'm waiting.”
“I'll give you the coordinates of the cabin.”
“Not good enough.”
“That's all you're going to get.”
“Then you'll get nothing from me.” She brought her radio back up. As much as she wanted to help find Tommy Miller, she would not put her teams in harm's way. She was about to make the call to have the teams return to base when Weber stopped her.
“Please, Kat. We can't find this kid without your help. We don't have the resources.”
Something snapped when he said those words. As much as she wanted to tell TREX to go to Hell, she couldn't do that to Martha Miller. It wasn't her fault TREX kept secrets and it certainly wasn't Tommy's. “Anything else you'd like to tell me?”
“We found blood where we located two of the kidnappers and ran it. It's Tommy's. Our subject is hurt.”
“My God,” she whispered and went numb.
“The rest of your answers can wait.”
She nodded and drew in a breath to regroup. The frigid air caught in her lungs, stopping her dead still. A sniff thrust a prickled wash across her skin. The heaviness in the air as she breathed it in—not wet, as it smelled before or after a rain storm—but heavy with frost and crystals, and sharp chills. She closed her eyes and for an instant she was a child again, praying for snow and jumping around in excitement when that smell hit her senses.
She prayed for the opposite now.
She lifted her gaze to the sky. Ominous gray clouds had already started to roll in. A quick glance at the haze hovering around Capital Peak confirmed her worst fear on a search.
Snow.
As if they didn't have enough of a challenge. “Uh, Dan?”
He looked at her and then up at the sky. “What is it?”
“We need to move fast. That Winter Storm Warning NOAA has been predicting is here.”
NINE
Spencer rode in the back of the SUV as Weber drove the logging road that connected the peak of Larch Mountain to Capital Peak. Shit. How could they have been so myopic to not see this? They'd wasted hours searching for Tommy Miller on the wrong fucking peak.
They had a fifty-fifty chance on the direction he'd go. They chose wrong.
The droning of the search frequencies cluttered his thought process. He pulled the receiver out of his ear, looking up at the ceiling of the SUV while he deliberated.
They may already be too late. The memory of another search hit him hard. Kathryn had taken the death of Emery Haynes personally. As the head of K-SAR, she blamed herself when the rescue turned to recovery. She had no idea her involvement in that search was for nothing more than show. Emery Haynes' fate had already been decided.
Nothing Spencer could do or say would have changed that, so he'd remained silent. He could have told her about his role in that search. He could have gone against direct orders and filled her in on the details. But he didn't. He chose his loyalty to TREX over his love for her.
And she'd left him because of it.
Putting aside the issues with the Haynes Search, he could have chased her down the road when she peeled out of the driveway. But he didn't. It disgusted him what a coward he was for not going after her. He'd let her run away, let her give up on him. Hell, he'd given up on himself that day and every day since.
“The snow is falling faster,” Gessler pointed out the obvious.
“You think?” Weber fired back.
“It's a bitch finding anything when it's snowing.”
“Thank you.”
“You should let me drive.” Gessler grinned, as always. It still shocked Spencer that he and Weber were best friends. Talk about opposites.
“I'm driving.”
Gessler moaned. “But you drive like an old man.”
“Kiss my ass. I'm trying to keep us alive.”
“I could keep us alive and get us there ten minutes faster.”
Spencer tuned them out and closed his eyes. He hadn't slept more than a few hours over the past two days and Jesus did he feel it now. Snyder had already passed out on Spencer's left and snored. His head rested against the window. McKoy's snores joined in on Spencer's right.
“Driving in the snow always reminds me of Star Trek.” Gessler brought his hands up as if grabbing a yoke in front of him. “When they'd hit warp speed all the stars whizzed by. The snow blowing by looks just like it.”
Spencer glanced out the windshield and hated to admit he was right. It looked exactly like the stars at warp speed. The fact that anything Gessler said made sense told Spencer that he really did need sleep.
He let his mind settle back on a beautiful redhead with intense pale blue eyes. If only things were different. He could see himself with her the rest of his life and that scared the shit out of him. The instant Kathryn had confessed her love, things changed between them. He had no choice but to pull back and push her away. He couldn't afford to fall in love. Next would be marriage. Kids. And then they'd live happily ever after.
He knew better than to believe in fairy tales.
Who was he kidding? He fell in love with her the instant he met her. That would never change. His misery was his own damn fault. He should have never let it get that far. That was his first mistake. He knew better. Hell, he'd made a personal vow to never fall in love, to never have another human being rely on him for anything other than his duty as a TREX agent. Each time an agent died in the line of duty solidified his belief. He didn't live a lifestyle that catered to the happily ever after.
After what he went through with his own father's death, no fucking way would he put Kathryn through something like that. Did that make him a selfish bastard? Maybe. But the look on the face of each agent's loved ones at the funerals clawed at him. Every goddamn time. The desolate grief at losing their soul mate. The anger directed at the other agents for surviving when their loved ones hadn't. The hopelessness in their expressions now that they were alone.
And the pain. So much pain.
He'd never forget the night he lost his dad. Spencer ground out a sigh as the deep, menacing memory stirred in his gut. He'd been thirteen and a general pain in the ass sprouting into his hormonal teenage years.
It was three in the morning and his mother had answered the door after what seemed an eternity of knocking. For the longest time she just stood there staring at it with wide, frightened eyes. When she opened the door, TREX agents four deep stood there. They didn't even have to say anything.
And then she screamed. Dear God how she'd screamed at hearing the news, a sound that echoed in his head and curdled his blood, even now. She'd cried out for Spencer and held him so tight he couldn't breathe. The memory, so vivid and forever seared in his mind, still constricted his throat as he relived the gut-wrenching pain he'd felt that night.
And what did he go and do? Become a TREX agent himself. Maybe it was some obscure need to somehow right the wrong that had been brought down on him and his mother. He wanted, no he needed to make the world a safer place so no other child, no wife would have to endure what he and his mother had to.
He groaned, a low, tortured growl that shuddered through him. Kathryn had been his salvation from all that. She made everything more…well…just more. And he'd fucked it up.
His entire life he'd distanced himself from others, never getting too close. Then Kathryn went and challenged all that. He never knew someone could love a person that much, never knew it was physically possible to hurt
when that person hurt. No one could affect him like her, and that terrified him. She'd opened up a whole new world to him, both good and beyond terrible.
The night she'd told him she loved him opened his eyes and gave him no choice but to deal with his own horrible memories. The familiar darkness he'd held inside for twenty years overtook his sanity and won. He wasn't proud of it but couldn't change the outcome now. The idea of having a wife and kids had paralyzed him. Spencer couldn't bear to have a son forced to look at pictures in order to remember his father's face. He didn't want Kathryn crying herself to sleep while whispering his name. He couldn't do that to her.
It didn't matter how much he wanted the happily ever after. He had a duty and that duty took priority over anything else. Thinking about a future, dreaming of a life with Kathryn, poured salt into the already gaping wound that had been his childhood without a father. He'd watched helplessly as his mother died a little more with each passing day.
Could he do that to Kathryn?
An epiphany hit him so hard he jerked his head up. Was it really his choice to make? She'd already made her decision. She wanted him, despite what he did for a living. And, goddamn it, he didn't want to live another day without her. He needed her, even more than she needed him. It wouldn't be forever and he knew that. But it would be something, and that was more than he had now.
His gut pinched as his pulse raced. What right did he have to play with fate? He'd screwed up a year ago when he let her go. He wouldn't make that same mistake. Fate brought them here. And now he had the chance to make it right, to put the past behind him and go on living. Hell, he even had the board's permission.
Could it really be that easy?
“Are we there yet?” Spencer leaned forward in the seat.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Weber growled.
Gessler laughed. “Told you that I should have driven. Sit back and relax, Allen. You look like a kid at Christmas about to pee his pants from excitement.”
“Just want to get out there and finish this.” Spencer slowly sank back in the seat as his epiphany continued. The minute they completed this find, he'd go to her. He'd right the mistake he made a year ago. He just hoped it wouldn't be an even bigger mistake. Would this be the happy ending he'd been searching for?
Or would this ultimately destroy them both?
* * * *
Kat studied the large map posted to the outside of the Com Van. The awning protected her from the snow as it came down even harder. The storm brought in a good two inches just in the last hour since they'd moved base camp to the Peak. They had to find Tommy now. If he wasn't mobile, the snow could have already covered him to the point the searchers would miss him.
Travis joined her and handed her a cup of steaming coffee. “We could have run the search from where we were. We didn't have to waste time moving base camp.”
“I want to be as close as possible to the PLS.” She traced the new search grid with her finger and shivered. Damn was it cold out here and the temperature kept dropping. “All these main logging roads are like spokes on a bike wheel, with the Peak the center hub. The easiest way back down is following the C-Line logging road.”
“Someone would have seen him,” Travis pointed out. “We've got the mobiles on the C-Line. Our horse teams are on those skinny ass trails the four-wheel drives can't fit on. The ground pounders are scattered all over this side of the mountain. If he's out there, we'll find him.”
“Unless he's hiding.”
“Why would he hide?”
Kat wished she could tell him more, but couldn't. Hell, she wasn't even supposed to know as much as she did. TREX definitely didn't like that she knew the truth behind Tommy Miller's disappearance. Too damn bad.
But she also knew the less people that knew the truth, the less likely anything would leak to the authorities, or worse. The press.
“Because he's six.” She paused and scanned the map for where'd she'd be if she were a kid lost in the woods. Tapping into her own personal experience, she put herself in Tommy's situation. “He's got to be heading downhill.”
“How can you be so sure?” A warm baritone voice sounded from behind her.
She spun around to see Spencer and his TREX men standing there, the white snow falling around them a stark contrast to their all black attire. Travis snapped his brow into a frown as he swept his gaze across them all.
Wow. It was like staring at a football team's frontline. They were huge, well over six feet, and all hard-bodied. All very male. Each set of eyes settled on her, but she only felt the smoky gray gaze as his look heated her, liquefying her from the inside out.
“To what do I owe the honor of a visit from the entire entourage?”
“We want to help,” Spencer offered after a longer-than-necessary warning glare at Travis. He took a step toward Kat and Travis took a step back in response. “Tell us what you need.”
“We've got it covered.” Travis crossed his arms in front of him. He clearly didn't like the sudden appearance of the TREX men.
“Travis, have Ed move radio checks to every ten minutes. It's getting dangerous out there.” When he didn't move, she turned to him. “Please?”
He gave her a curt nod, delivered a final glare Spencer's way, and then disappeared into the Com Van, slamming the door so hard the motor home rocked.
“Is he always like that?” An agent with midnight blue eyes and dark brown hair nodded toward the Com Van.
“An asshole?” Spencer clarified. “Yes, he is.”
“He's just stressed,” Kat defended. “We all are. Searching for kids always adds another layer of anxiety to any search. So are you going to introduce me to the boys?”
“David Snyder.” A sandy blond man with rich chocolate eyes that danced as he smiled stepped forward.
The blue-eyed agent with the dark hair went next. “Logan McKoy.”
“Alan Cummings.” A man with long brown hair nodded, knocking some of that hair into his equally brown eyes. Kat didn't know they allowed agents to grow their hair out that long.
“Bruce Aims.” When the blond with hazel eyes nodded, his glasses slid down his nose. He pushed them back up with a single finger to the bridge.
“Gabriel Lyons, ma'am.” The chestnut-haired agent rested ardent green eyes on her.
“One big happy family?”
“More like a brotherhood,” Spencer answered and tossed a look at the team before holding his attention on her. “Tell us what we can do to help.”
She had plenty of teams in the field, but men with TREX training out there with them made her feel better. Although Weber insisted TREX's intel showed only three kidnappers—all now dead—that intel didn't pick up on Salazar's involvement. There could be others.
“Are you all on foot?”
They nodded.
She turned to the map. Because of the gates, she couldn't get any of her horse teams or mobile units on the switchbacks. Her ground pounders were already on the more likely trails. The chances that Tommy passed through those gates and got himself stuck on the switchbacks were slim to none, but it kept the agents busy while keeping them close in case she needed them to protect any of her teams.
She followed the switchbacks with her finger. “See these spurs? Let's check each one. He's panicking and disoriented. Hypothermia can set in pretty quick in the smaller bodies.”
“Especially the wounded ones,” Spencer added.
“Exactly.” She highlighted the trails she wanted them to check. “Do voice checks every quarter mile. Be sure you identify yourself as friends of his grandfather so he'll answer.”
“If he can answer.”
“Right.”
The team broke into a jog and disappeared up the hill leading to the switchbacks, but Spencer stayed back.
“Aren't you going with them?”
“I'll monitor their traffic from here.” His voice softened and she immediately didn't want to trust it. And yet, for some crazy reason, she did.
She
didn't trust him when he looked at her like that. Smoldering gray eyes held her still. And he was being nice, which set her alarms off. “Why? What's going on?”
“We have a chaplain and ambulance on the way.”
Good. One less call she'd have to make to Rand. But that didn't answer her question. “Why are you staying behind, Spence? Shouldn't you be out there with your team?”
“Someone needs to relay radio traffic to you.”
“You could always give me one of your radios.”
When he smiled, she knew better than to believe it to be genuine. It broke her heart that they couldn't be honest with each other. “Why don't you head inside the Com Van and get out of this snow? I'll sit with the family. If my team finds anything, I'll come get you.”
“Sounds good.” Besides, she didn't have much of a choice. She stepped into the Com Van and stared at the map she had posted on the big wall. They had to find that little boy. She didn't want to think about the mood base camp would be in if this turned into a recovery. Especially with a kid.
“Coffee?” Travis lifted the pot in offering. She nodded and handed him her Styrofoam cup. He topped it off and then set both cups on the table before sliding onto one of the benches. “So where did you send Rambo and the Rambettes?”
“Switchbacks.”
“But those are gated. He's not back there.”
“I'm just being thorough.”
“He's not back there,” he insisted. “Seriously, Kat. Why waste their time sending them somewhere you know this kid isn't at?”
“Because I don't know for sure.” Nothing about this search made sense. She chewed on her thumbnail as she studied the map, waiting for the answer to jump out at her. A six-year-old would do one of two things. He'd either stay put until someone found him. Since TREX didn't find him where they found the blood, he ran. If it were Kat, she'd run away from the person trying to hurt her.
And then she'd hide.
The ground pounders would check logs and hollowed out stumps. The horse team wouldn't get off their horses at every log or they'd never even get a mile in before dark. The mobiles wouldn't even get out of their rigs.