by Margaret Kay
Lassiter took his jacket off and sat beside her.
Cooper sat on the other side, close, taking her into his arms. “I’ll leave when either of you want me to,” Cooper said.
Lassiter nodded.
Madison took a drink and then began unprompted. “Thank you for coming here. I really didn’t want to go into the office tonight.”
“I imagine not. You look beat.”
Madison nodded, losing her battle with the tears that flooded her eyes. “I killed a man tonight.” She pointed to the blood on the carpet. “Right there. I know it was him or me, but I feel like shit about it.”
She felt Cooper’s arms tighten around her. She leaned into him for strength, appreciated his presence.
“Have you ever killed anyone before?” Lassiter asked.
“One man, during Sandstorm, and countless others from the drone or airstrikes I called in.”
“But as you pointed out in one of our first conversations, that was different. You didn’t see their faces, didn’t look them in the eye as they were dying.”
“True. It was like one big video game. You knew it was real, but it was so far away. You weren’t there, it was different.”
Lassiter nodded.
“Tonight, I knew it was Diaz or me. One of us was going to die.”
“Don’t you think it’s time we talked about Iraq?” Lassiter pressed.
Madison wiped her tears. “The assault on the outpost happened so fast. Obviously, we had no idea we’d been made, didn’t even know a team of un-friendlies were in the area tracking us. When I saw my opportunity, that assault team had already killed what turned out to be five of my teammates, my friends. I had a clear shot, and I took it and then I used that opportunity to get away, so I wouldn’t be killed too. I had to leave my friends, not knowing if they were alive or dead or I would have been killed,” her voice faltered. “And tonight, again,” she paused shaking her head, “it happened so fast.” She took another drink from her wine glass. “I didn’t have time to think about it. I just reacted.”
“Yes, you did. You are trained very well, and you did your job tonight.” Lassiter’s eyes bore into hers.
Madison swiped at the tears on her cheek. “I’m not crying because I killed Diaz. He was a piece of shit and was going to kill me.”
“People make the choices they make, and they have to live or die from those choices,” Cooper interjected.
She nodded. “I know it was his choice.”
She felt Cooper’s hand caress over her shoulder and arm. Then she felt him press a kiss to the side of her head. Her eyes met his, and she forced a brave smile. She placed a small kiss on his lips. She didn’t care that Lassiter sat there. Their secret was out now with everyone else, anyway. She pushed that thought from her mind. Why add more stress to the situation by worrying about that now?
“Let’s go back to the men you killed when you ordered in a drone attack or missile strike. You said it was different. Did you feel bad about the lives being taken?”
“No. I never wrestled with any guilt or pangs against my conscience about it until after Sandstorm.”
“What made it different after Sandstorm?” Lassiter pressed.
“Before, you didn’t see their faces, didn’t know their names. They were a threat to your troops. And even when collateral damage happened, and you accidentally took out civilians, you justified it that they probably would have been taken out by the enemy anyway, or were sympathetic to the enemy’s cause, could have been a threat to your troops. I can’t tell you how many times I saw women or children with explosives approach our soldiers. They had to be taken out, so they didn’t injure or kill our people. That was hard. It was one thing being responsible for the death of armed men, but it was something completely different when you had to order force against a child armed with an explosive. Especially because they probably didn’t even understand what they were doing.”
“But they were still a threat,” Lassiter said.
“Yes,” Madison agreed. “And the threat had to be neutralized to protect our troops.”
“So, why did you feel differently about it after Sandstorm?”
Madison’s voice was soft, and it cracked as she spoke. “Because, those men, they killed my friends. They were there in the room, human beings, taking the lives of other human beings, in the same room I was in. They,” she paused as her voice quivered and she sucked in a shaky breath. “They weren’t just enemy troops. It was personal, the attack. I had to make a decision to kill them, to get out, to leave my friends so I didn’t die too.” She cried, Cooper holding her snuggly in his arms.
“I don’t understand, Madison. Why did that make you feel differently?”
“Because, the horror I felt from it, anyone would feel that when they are attacked, they’d have to. No human can go through that and not feel. I’d caused others to feel that way, those left behind who saw their friends or family taken out by my actions.”
Lassiter gave her a few seconds, watched her sip her near empty glass of wine. “Do you ever think about those people?”
“Which people? My friends from the outpost? The enemy troops I had a hand in killing? Those they left behind? The civilian casualties? Or the children?”
“Any of them,” Lassiter replied.
“Yeah, I think about my friends and I wonder if I had stayed if I could have gotten them help, if I could have saved any of them. I think about our troops, who died, because we didn’t identify a threat fast enough, and I think about the children used by vicious adults. I wonder if one of them could have been the one to bring peace to that region or would they have grown up to be the next Osama Bin Laden and reign even more terror down on the world.”
“You think about a lot,” Lassiter remarked. “But you haven’t talked about it much, which is what you needed to do.”
“I didn’t think about it for nearly two years. I pushed most of it out of my conscious mind.”
“I’ll bet your subconscious mind was still rolling it around,” Lassiter said, watching her closely.
She smiled a small grin. Busted. “Probably.” She finished her wine and handed it to Cooper. “Refill please?”
“Only if you have something to eat with it,” Cooper said as he came to his feet. “How about I start that frozen meal kit that you bought? I think someone put it in the freezer.”
“Sure. I’m not sure I’m actually hungry, but we should probably eat something.”
Lassiter watched Cooper move into his kitchen. “If Diaz or another Tango came through that door right now and it was either him, or you and Cooper, would you think twice about taking him out?”
Madison shook her head no. “I wouldn’t hesitate for even a second. There are bad people out there and when they are a threat, they have to be dealt with. Threats have to be neutralized so innocent people aren’t hurt or killed.”
“And Diaz?”
“He was going to kill me.”
“So why the tears?” Lassiter pressed.
“Knowing it was justified doesn’t mean I can’t feel bad about it too. I’m sure he had a mother and others who loved him. They would feel sad that he was killed. I’m human and empathy is a human emotion.”
The corners of Lassiter’s lips pulled up. “Yes, it is.” He took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll drop in tomorrow to touch bases with you both. I’ll text before I come by.”
“Wait, what about the fact that everyone at the office now knows about us, that we’re in a relationship?”
Lassiter came to his feet. “We’ll talk about that tomorrow. But I’d say, don’t stress about it too much. Shepherd didn’t seem to think it was a problem.”
After Cooper saw Lassiter out, he pulled Madison into his chest and kissed her, really kissed her, like he had wanted to all night. “Are you really okay, darlin’?” He asked.
“I will be,” she replied, her hand caressing over his stubbled cheek. “What are we going to tell everyone about
us?”
“Nothing. We carry on as though we’ve done nothing wrong. If asked directly, yes, we’re in a relationship. No one’s biz but ours. No regrets.”
She forced a brave smile. “No Regrets.”
Zulu
January 3rd
Jackson excitedly led the way, pulling Angel by the hand from the interior elevator on the fifth floor of the Shepherd Security building. At five months pregnant, Angel no longer climbed the stairs from the private parking garage. In his other hand was the bag of cigars he’d purchased after they left the obstetrician. He knew they were ten minutes late for the staff meeting but the extra stop had been necessary.
As they reached the closed conference room door, he halted them and bent down to kiss Angel’s expanding abdomen and his child within. When he stood to his full height, his lips took hers. “I love you so much,” he said after the lengthy kiss.
Tears filled Angel’s eyes. “I love you more.”
Then he opened the door.
Shepherd stopped midsentence, his eyes on the happy couple who came into the room. “Well?”
A proud smile spread over Jackson’s face, his brown eyes twinkling. “It’s a boy. We’re having a son.” He pulled the box of cigars with a blue wrapper around each from the bag.
Angel went to Shepherd, and he engulfed her in a tight hold. Jackson embraced each of his teammates as he handed cigars out. Congratulations resounded through the room. Madison hugged Angel tightly before Angel slipped out, closing the door behind herself as she left. The eighth floor was her next stop to tell both Michaela and Yvette, followed by the fourth to tell Joe Lassiter that they found out they were having a boy.
Jackson took his seat, apologizing for being late to the staff meeting.
Shepherd got back down to business. “First, I’m glad everyone got time off over the holidays.” His eyes went to Cooper and Madison seated side by side across the table from him. “I’d like to plan another team vacation to the Caribbean. John and I will watch for an opportunity to pull that off while accepting and staffing cases.”
Madison and Cooper exchanged glances and knowing smiles. Yes, the vacation in Aruba they had just returned from had been incredible, seven days in paradise with eight of their teammates, their friends. Jackson and Angel came as well as Yvette and Michaela. Doc shared a suite with Shepherd. Garcia and Lambchop also came. Even though it had been so much fun, Madison and Cooper were planning a getaway for just the two of them as soon as possible.
“We have a new case we just accepted,” Shepherd said, drawing everyone’s attention back to him and work. “The DEA has requested that Razor go back under in his former role of the notorious gang-leader for an extended time.” Shepherd and Garcia exchanged head nods. “We’ll support and backup Garcia for however long it takes to get to the bottom of how the Juarez Cartel and the Colombians are getting the quantities of drugs into the U.S. that they are.”
“Not to mention figuring out what that alliance is and why no one knew about it,” Cooper added.
“This is going to be a long one, people,” Shepherd warned. “I’m making Miller a permanent member of Alpha Team while Garcia is under.” He nodded at Lambchop. “Delta will be on alert to assist them at all times. Charlie Team will still handle the private security jobs, leaving Bravo to handle all other cases.”
Lambchop nodded. His eyes met Garcia’s, who’s were focused and determined.
“One of our teams will stay in close proximity to Garcia at all times and remain vigilant. His ass will not be hanging out there uncovered,” Shepherd ordered.
“Michaela and I have worked out some tech that will help keep me in communication with the team, covertly.” His eyes met Madison’s. “I’ll be counting on you and Ops as my lifelines. I won’t be going under for a few days. You, BT, Yvette and I will spend every minute possible going over what I need from you.”
“You got it, Anthony,” Madison said, a lump in her throat.
In his eyes she saw trepidation, sadness, and the disgust that was churning inside of him at once again becoming that gang leader. She respected him immensely, intentionally putting himself into not only a life-threatening situation, but into a role he had nearly lost himself to. While he had been under, he often had to abandon all sense of right and wrong to completely be the person he was supposed to be. He’d had to do things that haunted him to this day, to keep his cover.
Cooper shook his head, a frown etched deeply over his face. He had wanted to tell the DEA to go fuck themselves when the request came through to them. He didn’t even want to suggest it to Garcia and, he sure as shit was shocked when Garcia agreed to the assignment.
The meeting broke up shortly after. Madison gave Anthony a hug. “I can’t believe you agreed to this.” While in Aruba the two of them shared the details of their pasts, letting their ghosts out over many shots of tequila late one night while everyone else slept.
Garcia’s eyes locked onto hers. “Lassiter got me through it last time. I figure with both him and you here for me this time, I can’t possibly get that lost again.”
“You’re a good man, Anthony. Even without Lassiter you would have found your way back. Maybe when this is over, you can even help bring Juan Carlos back too.”
Garcia shook his head. “I let the innocent kid down the first time, and now I’m going to use him again. I’m not sure bringing him back’s in the cards.”
Five days later
Within a secure hanger at the edge of the airfield at Leeward Point Field, Gitmo, the seven members of Shepherd Security were alone in the main office. All the regular troops were pulled from the building. The airfield itself was nearly vacant. All troops stationed at the field were confined to other buildings.
“Okay, that’s it then,” Garcia said.
Cooper shook his hand and then pulled him in for a shoulder bump.
Jackson embraced him next. “Wrap this shit up before Junior comes in April. I want my boy to know his Godfather from the day he’s born.”
Garcia smiled and nodded.
Mother shook his hand, and they did the shoulder bump thing, followed by the Undertaker doing the same.
Lambchop laid a hand to Garcia’s shoulder. “Dear Lord, keep your son Anthony in the palm of your hand. Wrap him in your mercy. Keep his senses clear, his morals steadfast, and his eyes on all threats.” He then made the sign of the cross on Garcia’s forehead. “The Lord shall be with you. Go in confidence and fulfill your mission.”
Garcia nodded.
Madison had tears in her eyes when they met Garcia’s. He took her into his arms and embraced her. “Don’t cry, Madison. I’ll be fine.”
“You take care of yourself and watch your back,” she said.
“That’s what you’re for.” His eyes then flickered to Cooper as he held Madison. “If you are stupid enough to fuck this up with her, I’ll be making a move when I get back.” He flashed a grin at Cooper.
Madison cry-laughed and then pulled away to look into his eyes. “You better believe I’ll be watching your back.”
“Okay, let’s do this,” Garcia said, placing his hands behind his back so they could handcuff him.
Lambchop and the Undertaker led him to the cell beside the one the still sleeping Juan Carlos was in. They secured his ankle shackles to the chain that bolted him in place to the floor. He waited an uncomfortable half hour until Juan Carlos woke, groggy and disoriented. He too sat in a chair, his hands cuffed behind him, his ankle shackles also secured to the chain bolted to the floor.
“What the fuck?” Juan Carlos asked as he came awake.
“Broken bird delayed our departure, from what it sounds like,” Garcia said. “They must have given you more happy juice then me. I’ve been awake for over an hour from what I can tell.”
“Where are we?”
“Looks like near the airfield. I guess they’re moving us.”
Juan Carlos stood and looked out the small window. “Where is worse than fucking Gitmo?�
�
“I don’t even want to know,” Garcia said. “Hey, stay vigilant and go with it, is all I can say.”
Juan Carlos noticed something in Razor’s eyes and the expression on his face that gave him hope. He knew there was probably someone watching and listening in, so he asked nothing. He hoped Razor had a plan, when the four men came for them. The big, black guy and the shorter dark-haired guy who had both grabbed him up from Compton came into his cell. The Mexican guy who had been at the Compton warehouse and had taken part in his interrogations, and the blonde dude who had come in with the blond chick entered Razor’s cell.
They were both led out of their cells and out of the building. The bright sunlight blinded Juan Carlos’ and Razor’s eyes. Juan Carlos watched Razor carefully.