I feel sick as I search for every scrap of information I can find about Melanie’s family. Then I come across a small piece buried in the Mirror: TV cook’s Christmas Surprise. And there’s a story from two years ago, about Cat Tinsall’s teenage daughter giving birth in a barn to a daughter named Louise, “but we call her Lou Lou,” explains Cat in the article.
That’s what Melanie was keeping from me. She has a two year old daughter. I’m beyond furious.
“What are you going to do?” Izzy asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “Have it out with her. What else can I do?”
Chapter Seventeen
“You could start by telling me the truth,” he says.
His voice is cold and harsh. Never has he been this distant. And I know I’ve really blown it.
“It’s not like you think,” I say, but it sounds pathetic. What else is it like? I’ve been lying to him ever since we met.
“What is it like, Melanie?” he sneers. “Or should I call you Mel? That’s is your name, right? Were you ever going to tell me you have a daughter?”
I crumple inside.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I wanted to, but I didn’t know how.”
“Not good enough,” he says. “I told you everything about my life. Stuff I’ve never told anyone else. And yet you couldn’t even share that basic fact. How can I trust you?”
“I know you can’t,” I say. “There is no defence for this. It’s just …”
“What?”
“I did try,” I say weakly, “but you seemed so anti single mums.”
“What?” said Will, “when?”
“That time in the cafe,” I said, “when you started going on about girls not having babies too young.”
“Oh, that,” said Will, “I was thinking more about my mum. She’s never made any secret of the fact she had us too young. Anywaydon’t try and lay this on me. I’m not the one who lied.”
I take a deep breath.
“How did you find out?”
“I saw your mum on the telly,” he says, “with your daughter.”
The way he says daughter makes it sound like a dirty word. I feel worse than ever. That’s what he thinks about my darling Lou Lou.
“I knew you were hiding something from me. And two and two finally added up. Now I know why you wouldn’t let me meet your family,” he says. “All the time I was afraid you were ashamed of me, and it’s your own daughter you’re ashamed of.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
I know my words are deeply inadequate. But I don’t know what to do.
“It’s over, Melanie.”
“Will –” I cry, but he’s cut the connection, leaving me stunned and in shock.
I’m never going to see him again. And it’s all my own fault.
***
“It’s over,” I say, switch my phone off and slam it across the floor.
Izzy stands in the doorway looking at me thoughtfully.
“It went well then,” she says.
“What do you think?” I say aggressively, and then feel bad. None of this is her fault.
“Poor ickle Will,” Izzy comes over and ruffles my hair.
I nudge her in the ribs, but I like that for once she’s looking after me. I’ve just finished it with Melanie, but it hasn’t made me feel any better. I feel sick and betrayed and angry. So angry.
“Why?” I burst out. “Why did she have to lie to me?”
“To be fair,” Izzy pointed out, “I don’t think it’s just you. Does anyone else at college know Melanie’s got a baby?”
“Um-,” I cast my mind back. Melanie isn’t especially close to any of the girls at college. If any of them knew anything, I’m sure I’d have heard. College is a massive gossip factory. Anything that good would have gone down in minutes.
Although – suspicion rears its head again. Melanie has been there a year. Maybe it’s such old news, no one bothered to tell me.
“And,” continues Izzy remorselessly, “didn’t you say her tutor was always on her case? Wouldn’t he be more sympathetic if he knew the truth?”
I think about the number of times Melanie has screamed in late to class, and Tom has made some sarcastic comment about why she finds it so hard to get out of bed in the mornings. Would he really say that if he knew what she was dealing with?
“Oi, you’re meant to be on my side,” I say.
“I am,” says Izzy. “But I like Melanie. And you two, you’re good together. I know I’ve been a pain in the arse the last year, I think Melanie has been good for you.”
“How can we be good together if it’s all built on a lie?” I say
“Maybe she had a reason to lie,” says Izzy. “Melanie doesn’t strike me as a dishonest person. Don’t you think you owe it to her to at least ask?”
Izzy’s right. I always knew Melanie was holding out on me about something. I just never imagined this. And it’s going to torture me not knowing why.
“So what do you suggest?” I say.
“First you use 192.com to find out where she lives,” says Izzy. “Then you go and get the girl.”
I swear she’s watched too many romcoms.
Chapter Eighteen
After a while I can’t cry anymore. The moment I’ve been dreading since I first met Will has finally happened. And more than anything I wish I’d told him the truth from the beginning. But how could I?
Then I start thinking about how he found out. I’m mad as hell with Mum. Why didn’t she tell me Lou Lou was in those shots with her? I wouldn’t have minded, but I wish I’d known. Suddenly I’m furious. If Mum hadn’t done that, everything would still be ok. I know that I’m being irrational, but if only I’d been able to tell Will my way …
I storm downstairs.
“Mum, how could you!” I’m so angry I can’t think straight.
“How could I what?” Mum looks surprised.
“Do that bloody TV programme online?” I say.
“What’s wrong with it?” Mum says, she clearly hasn’t a clue.
“You never told me Lou Lou was going to be in it,” I say. “Did you know it’s gone viral?”
“Yes I’d heard but-” Mum says and then she looks at me in concern, “What is the problem exactly? Is it a boy?”
“Yes it’s a boy,” I yell. “A boy who thought I was Melanie Carpenter, an A level student, and has just discovered I’m Mel Tinsall, daughter of Cat Tinsall and mother to Louise Tinsall.”
“You’ve got a boyfriend who doesn’t know about Lou Lou?” Mum looks horrified, and I wince a bit under her disbelief.
“Not anymore, I haven’t!” I say. “Thanks a bunch.”
I grab the car keys, run for the door, slam it and run out to my car. I am crying so hard I can barely see in front of me. But I have to get away. I don’t know where I’m going or why. I need to go somewhere to clear my head.
I don’t know what possesses me but I decide to drive for the hills. The sky is turning purply blue, and the last pink rays of the sun are casting light on the hillside. I love being up here, it’s so peaceful. Maybe it will calm me down.
Or maybe not. It’s beginning to snow when I get to the top. Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea.
Flic, flac, Flic flac. The windscreen wipers are going faster and faster as the snow falls more heavily. I start feeling a little nervous. There are always stories of people who get stuck in snowdrifts up here in winter. What was I thinking of? I should go back. But I’ve taken a wrong turn at the last crossroads, and now I’m completely lost. I pull over, planning to do a three point turn and turn back. By now the last rays of the sun have gone, and the clouds are heavy and ominous. The snowflakes are so thick now, the windscreen wiper can barely clear them. I completely misjudge the edge of the road in the dark, and I find myself skidding slowly into a ditch.
It’s dark, it’s snowing, and in my hurry I forgot my coat, and I haven’t a clue where I am. How could I have been so stupid?
***
I drive like a maniac down the long windy road towards Hope Christmas, where Melanie lives. Finally, too late, I know where to find her. I wish she’d trusted me before.
It’s dark and snowing heavily by the time I nervously, I pull up in front of her house. If Melanie hasn’t told me about them, has she told them about me?
I ring on the door bell and a small fair haired woman I recognise from the TV flings it open and says, “Mel!” followed by “Oh.”
“Er, hello?” Mel’s mum says looking a bit confused. I can’t say I blame her.
“Hi,” I say feeling more awkward than I’ve ever felt in my life before, “you must be Mrs Tinsall – Melanie’s mum?”
“And you are?”
“Will Harris,” I say, “Is Melanie in?”
“No, she’s not,” says Cat. She looks worried, “And I’m not sure when she’ll be back.”
“That may be my fault,” I say feeling sheepish, “I think I overreacted a tad.”
“If you mean you just found out who Mel really is, no I don’t think you did,” Cat says. “I’ll try and ring her to let her know you’re here.”
“She’s not answering my texts,” I say. I’ve tried several times on the way over here.
Just then the phone rings. Cat leaps as if she’s been shot and answers it eagerly.
“Mel,” she says. And I can hear Melanie’s panicked voice on the other end.
“Oh my god,” Cat says to me, “Melanie’s stuck up on the hills, in the dark, and doesn’t know where she is.”
Chapter Nineteen
I feel like such an idiot. It’s cold, and it’s snowing and it’s dark, and I’ve got my car stuck in a ditch. I’m feeling a bit panicky now. What if I can’t get to get home?
I ring Mum. Thank god, there’s a signal. There isn’t always up here.
She tells me not to panic and that she’s on her way. But I can’t even tell her where I am. I was in such a state I wasn’t looking at the signposts. I feel so stupid.
I’ve been stupid about everything. Why did I ever think I should keep Lou Lou a secret? Why did I have to lie to Will? If he liked me enough he’d have been happy to accept her I’m sure. And Mum. I feel guilty about Mum. She wasn’t to know I’d made such a big cock up of things.
I start shivering. I don’t know whether to leave the heater on in the car or not. What if I run the battery down flat? Why did I rush off without my coat? Why did I come up here of all places, and when it’s snowing.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
I think about Lou Lou, and have a horrible scary thought that something might happen to me out here, and then what would happen to her? I think about Will and wish I had done things differently. Maybe I can give him a ring and arrange to meet, and he’ll be prepared to listen when he’s calmed down … maybe.
I start crying again. I’m lonely and frightened and cold. What if Mum can’t find me? What then?
My phone rings. It’s Mum.
“Mel, have you any idea which where you might be? Which direction did you drive in?”
Oh god, I wish I knew. I can barely speak for sobbing, “I drove up to the top of the hill to look at the view and then it started snowing and I must have taken a wrong turn …”
I hear Mum instructing someone in the car to go the way I came.
“Any idea where you took the wrong turn?” she asks, but before I can reply I’ve lost the signal.
Now I really start panicking. Mum won’t know which way to go. What if I can’t get hold of her again? I feel sick and scared. What if I get stuck here all night?
I keep frantically ringing her number, but I still can’t get a signal. I’m getting really cold now, and think I have to turn on the heater, battery or not. I don’t want to freeze to death. After what seems like foreverthe signal returns.
“Mel, thank god,” she says when she answers the phone, “I lost the signal. Are there any landmarks you recognised?”
“I don’t know,” I’m feeling hysterical by now, “I skidded and the car’s in a ditch.”
“But you’re not hurt,” Mum says.
“No- oo just cold and frightened.”
“Take a deep breath, and stay calm,” Mum says. “can you remember anything that might help us?”
She is so cool and collected it helps me gather my thoughts a bit. In between sobs, I try and think about the way I came.
“Wait, I think there was a crossroads,” I say.
“I think I know where you mean,” says Mum. “We’ll head up there and try and see if we can find you. Sit tight and we’ll be there as soon as we can.”
***
Melanie’s mum is amazing. She’s being so calm and cool about this. I wish I felt that calm, but my heart is hammering inside. From what Cat’s told me, Melanie’s got herself lost in a potentially hazardous situation. The hills round here can suddenly turn treacherous in these conditions. I feel really bad. This is all my fault. At least when she gets off the phone from Melanie, she seems to know where she is.
“Be very very careful,” Cat says to me, “you need to go this way.”
The going is very treacherous so it is nearly half an hour before we reach the road that runs across these hills. I’ve driven over here once in the daytime, but I haven’t got a clue where I am now.
“So you and Mel?” Cat says to me, as I negotiate my way round an ominous looking pot hole.
“She’s not mentioned me?” I say, feeling more hurt than I should. I suspected as much.
“Well to be fair, it doesn’t sound like she really mentioned us,” Cat says, “let’s just say I think she was trying to keep her two lives separate.”
“We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months,” I say.
“And?” said Cat.
“And I saw your TV programme. I recognised you from one time when you came to pick Melanie up from college. I had no idea you were famous or that Melanie had written a book.”
“Or had a daughter,” Cat says.
“Or that,” I sigh. “I didn’t handle it well.”
“I’m not entirely surprised,” Cat says. “She is silly, she should have told you.”
Cat pauses for a minute then says, “but Mel has had a hard time of it. Her previous boyfriend treated her very badly. Don’t be too tough on her.”
“That’s why I’m here,” I say, “To say sorry, and see if we can’t give it another go.”
Just then we come up to a crossroad, and Cat starts looking a bit anxious.
“This way, I think” she says.
But she’s wrong and I very nearly end up in a ditch. I have to reverse back out of the road, till we take the second fork which proves to be right.
To my relief halfway down the road, half covered in snow, is Melanie’s car. I get out and park the car. Cat hangs back, while Melanie gets out of her car and stands staring at me in disbelief.
“Will?” she says
“Oh Melanie,” I say, “I am so sorry,” and I throw my arms around her and hug her as if I’ll never let her go.
Cat kindly holds back so I can talk to Melanie alone.
“I’m so sorry Will,” she says. “I never meant to lie to you.”
“Why did you?” I ask though I’ve a good idea.
“Because I was lying to everyone,” she says. “I just wanted to be a normal teenager at college. Can you understand that?”
I think about the last year and how tough it’s been at home. Yes, I can really understand it.
“I did want to tell you,” she says, “But then you seemed so anti single mums.”
“What? When?” I said.
“We were in the cafe and you started ranting on about how stupid single mums were. I’d been about to tell you, and then I lost my nerve.”
Oh god. Me and my big mouth.
“I was just mouthing off,” I say. “It’s not single mums, it’s mums like my mine who had kids too young and have never grown up. I know you’re not like that. Your mu
m has been singing your praises in the car. I’m really sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” says Melanie. “Are we ok?”
“So long as I get to meet your daughter,” I say kissing the end of her nose, “I’ll say we’re more than ok.”
We walk back to Cat who is standing looking relieved that everything has worked out. She gives Melanie a hug, and says, “Don’t you ever do that to me again, do you hear?”
Then she turns to me and smiles and says, “Fancy coming to ours for Christmas?”
Christmas Day
I wake up in a house full of laughter and love. Melanie kindly doesn’t wake me up at six, which is apparently the time Lou Lou gets up, but they both come in excitedly at nine o clock to tell me it’s snowing.
I’m not sure yet how I feel about taking on a two year old. But she’s so sweet, it’s hard not to love her. And now that Mum’s had her baby, I suppose I’d better get used to having little ones around.
My mum asked us for Christmas, and while Izzy wanted to go – she’s a sucker for babies, I’m not quite ready to go there yet. Maybe in time. Besides, I want to get to know Melanie’s family better. Having been kept in the dark for so long I want to know everything about her.
I follow her and Lou Lou downstairs. Cat and Noel, Melanie’s dad, are already in the kitchen, and I can smell turkey already. There are carols on the radio and Noel hands me a glass of mulled wine.
“Happy Christmas, Will,” says Cat and gives me a big hug.My own family has never felt this homely.
We have a lovely leisurely breakfast, opening presents, under the huge Christmas tree, which twinkles away in the conservatory. Cat and Noel have kindly bought me a couple of DVDs I want, and Melanie whispers that she’ll give me her present later. I feel so comfortable and welcomed. This is the best Christmas I can ever remember spending.
“Come on,” says Melanie, “we can’t sit indoors all day, when there are snowmen to make.”
“Yes, come on Will,” says Lou Lou in delight, pointing at the snow.
Pulling on hats, scarves, coats, gloves and boots, we rush out into the snowy garden.
As we make three sets of prints in the grass, I realise that if I want it to, this is the way it’s going to be now. Me, Mel and Lou Lou between us. It’s a daunting thought, but Lou Lou is so sweet, and I know Mel’s worth it.I take Mel’s hand and say, “New start?”
A Hope Christmas Love Story Page 5