by Jackie Braun
Still, he heard a damning trace of wistfulness in his tone when he told her, “My real estate agent called just before I left the office today. He claims to have found exactly what I’m looking for.”
In the past couple of months, Julia had accompanied Alec when he’d looked at two other listings. Both had been large and impressive and, because of the current market, priced right. As investments, they would have been hard to beat. But neither had made him feel settled or compelled to offer a down payment, much less to put down roots.
“Have you set a time to go see it?”
“Not yet.” Alec had waited to get her schedule. Now he asked, “Do you still want to come with me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Her tone held a subtle challenge that made him want to smile in relief.
“Tomorrow then? After work?”
“I’ll meet you at your office and we can drive together from there,” she suggested.
* * *
When Julia woke in the morning, she stretched out a hand on her bed. She didn’t realize what she was reaching for until her hand came up empty. She’d sought Alec. But, of course, she was alone. Her choice. Even her children were gone, making the apartment unnaturally quiet.
The previous night, at his apartment, she and Alec had made love in his bed before she’d roused herself, dressed and left just before midnight. As many times as she told herself it made sense—this careful way she had compartmentalized her life, keeping the man she was dating from the children she adored—she was beginning to realize they couldn’t go on this way.
She’d seen it in his gaze last night when she was leaving him. Even before that, she’d heard it in his voice when he’d told her about his parents. Their relationship was hobbled. As such, it could only extend so far before it foundered and fell apart. Were they already at that point?
In the dim early morning light, her gaze drifted to her left hand, the fingers of which were curled into the covers on the empty side of the bed. During her marriage, Julia had slept in that spot, switching sides after Scott’s death and then only because she’d sworn that at times she could still smell his scent on the mattress. It had been a long time since she’d turned her head into the sheets and inhaled deeply, searching for comfort. Now, she relaxed her hand. This morning marked the first time she’d found herself reaching for someone else.
Surrounded by the lonely quiet of the morning, Julia accepted a truth she hadn’t wanted to see coming. She’d fallen in love again.
TWELVE
The house where Alec and Julia were to meet Fred was in the same neighborhood as the first one they’d seen together. This house, however, was several hundred square feet smaller and vaguely cottage-esque thanks to its cobblestone and cedar-shake-siding façade.
Alec pulled the car to the curb, leaving the engine and air-conditioning running while they waited for his agent to arrive.
From the passenger seat, Julia said, “I like the exterior. And the landscaping is nice without being too ornate.”
It did look welcoming with its curved walkway that was lined with cheery flowers. He didn’t know enough about plants to know what they were called, but they were pink and white with waxy leaves, and apparently didn’t mind the yard’s abundance of shade.
Fred arrived. He parked in the driveway, his grin wide and just this side of smug as they walked with him to the front porch.
“Didn’t I tell you it was perfect?”
“We haven’t seen the inside yet,” Alec reminded him.
Fred was undeterred. “Then let’s not waste any more time out here.”
He unlocked the front door and ushered them inside, offering a printout that detailed the home’s key features. The foyer opened into a great room. The formal dining room in this house didn’t come across as formal. No crystals dangled from its charming chandelier. Alec noticed that the electrical outlets were covered in plastic safety devices. This was a home where children lived and played, a suspicion confirmed a moment later when he spied a stickman-like drawing in red crayon on the wall in the kitchen.
Beside him, he heard Julia sigh.
“I love the floor plan. No matter where you are, you feel connected to the main living spaces.” She nodded to French doors that led out to a patio. “I could stand here at the island, making dinner, and see the kids playing in the yard. And, oh, look, there’s a swing set.”
“The yard has a nice privacy fence,” Fred pointed out. “Even without it, the lots here are generous enough that you wouldn’t feel like you were right on top of your neighbors.”
“I see what you mean.” She tapped her lower lip in consideration. “There’s plenty of room out there for a pool. I wouldn’t want one now. I’d worry too much. But in another year or two, when they’re older...”
She smiled absently, as if picturing it. Oh, yeah, she could see herself there, he decided. And no wonder. Alec could see her there as well. With her children. The four of them together under the neatly pitched roof.
He’d never had one, but he knew it instantly. This was a home.
Excitement built, accompanied by rawboned fear. Maybe that was to be expected. Surely, a man walking the high wire without a net for the first time could be excused for the butterflies in his stomach. Julia glanced over and smiled at him. A look passed between them. She knew he felt the pull of the house, too. He smiled back.
The twenty minutes they spent on the rest of the walk-through was merely a formality. In his head, in his heart, the house was his. Next, he would set to work on making Julia and her children his as well.
“Oh, Alec, I’m so happy for you,” Julia told him as they returned to the car. “Everything about that place is perfect.”
His agent was going to write up an offer as soon as he got back to his office. Alec wasn’t interested in haggling. He’d told Fred to make it for the full amount of asking. Hell, he would give them more if need be. He wanted this house and the bit of heaven he’d glimpsed standing inside of it with Julia.
“It’s something all right.” He grinned and gave the steering wheel a celebratory thump with the heels of his hands. “A real home.”
His gaze connected with Julia’s. Emotions tumbled inside of him, their once-sharp edges worn smooth by the force. The words that went along with those emotions took form and begged for release, but they were so alien and new, and he felt so vulnerable, he swallowed them back.
“Let’s celebrate,” she said quietly. “At my place. You can stay overnight, if you’d like. I’ll drive into work with you in the morning to pick up my car.”
An entire night. It was a concession, a large one on her part, yet suddenly it wasn’t enough. Not now that he’d found his home. Pieces tumbled into place. They’d been there all along, Alec realized. He just hadn’t understood how they fit together.
He did now.
He cleared his throat. “We’re not far from your parents’ house. Why don’t we stop in and see Colin before heading back to the city?”
The suggestion was met with a gut-hallowing amount of silence. Finally, she said, “I’d rather we didn’t. He’s having fun, but if he sees me, he’ll probably want to come home.”
What she meant was that she still wasn’t willing to mix the two halves of her life.
Alec nodded and managed to keep his expression neutral, even as that sharp blade he’d feared looming over his neck slipped from its perch. The pain was sharp, and the blow, he knew, fatal. Even so, he debated his options as they drove back to the city.
He could continue to pretend that all was well. That everything between them was perfect and satisfying. Their affair might last a few weeks longer. Their time spent together would be bittersweet as each of them let go. Or maybe it would just be bitter. He’d never been in love before.
The other option was to call Julia on the fabrication she’d just fed him regarding Colin. Funny, how such a lie wouldn’t have mattered overmuch to Alec in the past. But then he’d never before been emotionally invested
in a relationship with actual ties to sever once things had run their inevitable course. Letting go was easy when you’d never been holding on.
Tell her you love her, a voice inside his head insisted. The problem was, Alec could see things too clearly from Julia’s point of view. He meant what he’d said to her the other night about his pedigree. The truth was, he was a bad investment, hardly the sort of man a smart single woman wanted around as she raised her children. Even if that man realized he loved those children as much as he loved their mother and wanted them in his life.
He’d found a home at last, but that didn’t mean he truly understood the dynamics of one. He suspected he had much to learn, and as patient a teacher as Julia could be, who could blame her for not wanting to let him try out his new skills on her kids?
When they reached her apartment forty minutes later, Alec had reached a decision. He bypassed a parking spot and stopped in the loading zone adjacent to the building’s front entrance, where he shifted the car into Park, but didn’t kill the engine.
“You’re not coming in, are you?” she said quietly.
“No. I’ll have your car brought over first thing in the morning.” Concentrating on those small details helped.
She nodded. “We’re not just talking about tonight, are we?”
Anger born of pain flashed and had him pointing out, “I won’t be welcome in your home another time anyway, not unless your children aren’t there, which, let’s face it, is a rare occurrence.”
“They’re my children!”
He reined in his emotions. Reason was called for here. “I know. I admire the way you are with them, how much you love them. You’re the kind of mother all children should have, and I wouldn’t want you to treat your kids any other way, especially on account of me.” Anger left, replaced by sadness. “But you lead two separate lives, Julia, and I’m only part of one.”
She didn’t deny it. Rather, she said, “I thought it would be best that way.”
He didn’t want to ask, but the part of him that felt as if it were dying needed to know. “And now? Is it still best?”
He counted the beats of his busted heart in the silence that followed. Fourteen in all, each one more painful than the last.
“Yes. I’m sorry.” As she studied the hands clenched in her lap, a tear slipped down her cheek. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Because he was hurt, he blurted out, “And I didn’t mean to fall in love with you.”
Her head snapped up at that. Her expression was panicked. He’d been hoping to see pleasure. “Alec—” she began.
He shook his head. “My problem. Not yours.”
“I didn’t think things would end this way,” she said sadly.
Unspoken was that she had expected things to end. He couldn’t fault her for that. Hadn’t he thought so too in the beginning?
Julia leaned over the console and pressed a kiss to his cheek before getting out of the car. He waited until she was inside the building to start the Porsche’s engine and drive away.
THIRTEEN
The beginning of the school year was always hectic as Julia and her children settled back into a routine. But by the end of October, everything still seemed off. Julia blamed it on the fact that she was so busy at work. She wanted it that way. Busy meant she wouldn’t have time to think about Alec.
Or the fact that he loved her.
Or that she loved him, too.
She’d taken on three new clients, including a high-profile fitness guru who’d been photographed smoking cigarettes and eating fast food on several occasions. It didn’t help that the woman was unrepentant. Her do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do attitude had cost her several public appearances and a couple of sponsorship opportunities. She made resurrecting Alec’s image seem like a walk in the park.
Julia’s efforts on behalf of Best For Baby had wound down, so much so that she had appointed Sandy to handle most of the contact with Alec. Avoiding him completely, however, was impossible. When they did see one another, their conversations were utilitarian or painfully polite.
So, she knew from updating the address in his file that he’d moved into the bungalow on Cloverleaf Lane. She’d sent him a potted plant as a housewarming gift, signing the card on behalf of Stillwell Consulting. She’d received a thank-you in the mail last week. It was impersonal, too, and signed simply Alec. Still, she’d studied the card for several minutes, wondering if the stray pen stroke just above his name might indicate that he’d considered adding a closing remark. Sincerely, perhaps? Or Love? The possibility had caused her to cry.
Julia had been crying a lot since their breakup, though she did her best to hide it from her kids. They’d picked up on the fact that something was amiss, though. Just the previous night, Danielle had curled up on the couch with her while she’d sat with Colin watching one of his action hero movies.
“Do you miss Daddy?” she’d asked out of the blue.
“Of course I do.”
“Is that why you’re so sad lately?”
Colin stopped watching his show and both children had looked at her. “I’m not sad. I’ve just been busy.”
“I think you need to get married again,” Colin had announced.
Instead of immediately shooting down the idea, as Danielle had in the past, she had studied her mother and asked, “Would that make you happy, Mom?”
“I’m happy now.” Julia had forced a smile.
Danielle’s expression was full of skepticism. She wasn’t the only one not buying it.
* * *
“Are you sure I look mean enough?” Colin asked. He was dressed as a pirate for Halloween, complete with an eye patch and a gray plastic hook over his hand. Julia had just finished drawing a scar on his cheek with her makeup.
“You look fierce,” she assured him and plopped a triangular black cap on his head.
“Come on, Mom. We need to go. All the good candy will be gone if we don’t start early,” Danielle said from the doorway of the bathroom. She was a princess for the occasion, wearing a gemstone-studded tiara and a couple of yards of filmy pink tulle.
The plan was to drive to Julia’s parents’ house so that the kids could trick-or-treat in a neighborhood.
“Remember, we need to make a stop first.”
Since she would be out that way, she’d sent Alec an email and told him she would be dropping off some feedback from a focus group she’d commissioned early in the summer. She could have sent the letters over by messenger. Or had them scanned in and sent electronically for that matter. But the plain truth was she wanted to see him in person, away from work. And having her kids with her was a way to let him know...well, she wasn’t sure what it was supposed to let him know. Maybe it was her attempt at another apology.
A few minutes later, they were loaded in the car and started off.
“Do you wish you were a kid again when it’s Halloween?” Colin asked from the backseat. “Adults miss all the fun.”
“It’s fun to hand out candy, too,” she said.
Julia’s thoughts turned to Alec. Would he be at the door in his new house, handing out goodies to the neighborhood children? When she reached his street, she drove slowly. Though it wasn’t quite dark out, kids in costume were everywhere, followed by parents wearing coats to ward off the evening’s chill. Porch lights were on up and down the block. Houses were lit up like the carved pumpkins resting near their front steps. The porch light was on at Alec’s house, too. A jack-o’-lantern sat on the top step, candlelight flickering from behind a pair of asymmetrically carved eyes.
Alec opened the door even before she and the kids had climbed the steps. If she’d picked his clothes, this would have been the outfit she chose. Jeans and a rust-colored long-sleeved shirt, which he’d left untucked. Just the right amount of casual without being sloppy. He looked...gorgeous. And though she thought she was prepared to see him face-to-face, her knees wobbled a bit and the bruised edges of her heart began to ache.
“Hello, Julia,”
he said. His smile encompassed her children as well. “And you brought a princess and a pirate with you, I see.”
Colin grinned and pulled up his eye patch. “It’s me, Alec!” Then, not one to miss an opportunity, he stuck out his bag. “Trick or treat!”
Alec grabbed a handful of candy from the dish next to the door and dropped it inside. “What about you?” he said to Danielle.
She considered a moment before holding her bag out as well.
Just then, from behind Alec, came a howl and the scramble of four feet seeking purchase on polished hardwood.
“Cool! A dog!” Colin shouted.
“It’s a puppy,” Danielle corrected. But her smile went all liquid at the sight of the golden retriever. It looked to be about three months old. Its paws belonged to a dog a dozen months older than that.
“You got a dog?” Julia said.
“Last week.” He shrugged. “The house seemed too empty.”
“They’re a lot of responsibility.”
“So I’m finding out.” But he smiled. “He thinks my briefcase is a chew toy, and I have to get up half a dozen times at night to let him out, but I think I’m up to the challenge.” He reached down to pat the dog. Then he asked, “Can you come in for a minute?”
“Sure.” Julia expected the kids to protest after she said it. They were eager to get out trick-or-treating, so she added for their benefit, “But we can’t stay long.”
Apparently the chance to play with the puppy more than made up for the delay in their evening plans.
Danielle was already on her knees in the foyer, tiara askew, when she asked, “What’s his name?”
“He doesn’t have a name yet. Nothing seems to fit.” Alec angled his head to one side. “Maybe you and Colin could help me come up with one.”
“Sure!” Colin hollered over Danielle’s more sedate, “I guess so.”