by R. E. Carr
“Oh, that would explain why all the signs are in English and there are recycling bins, huh?” He rubbed his temples. “Paige . . . something is up. We were talking. I was gonna leave and then lights out, but now I have this sinking feeling that something is wrong.”
“Well, your vampire mom kidnapped her. But she claims that was just to keep her safe. Paige didn’t quite see it that way, so she broke out, and we don’t know where she is because the Russian doctor with her has ripped out her tracking chip and killed the GPS on her phone.”
“So, Paige was in danger, and now she’s not? What is this weird taste in my mouth? It’s like I bit my lip while raiding someone’s liquor cabinet.”
“We were having drinks with your mom and your ex-wife, and as for Paige, no one really knows what is going on.”
“Well, did anyone just try to call her mom, or Nadia, or anyone she would go to if she was scared?” Jonathan asked incredulously.
Gail blushed a little. “Yeah, that would be logical, wouldn’t it? But wouldn’t it be a little obvious for her to . . . oh look at that, messages,” Gail said as she whipped out her phone. “Looks like she’s at the restaurant and ordered her mom to hole up in the basement because she thinks your mom is trying to kill her.”
Jonathan wasted no time and walked right over to the albino vampire on the phone. He waited a few impatient moments before clearing his throat. “Excuse me, but do you know where I can find the sheriff, ma’am? It’s kinda important.”
The sheriff raised a finger until she could put her call on pause. “Lorcan, what kind of nonsense are you playing at now?”
Jonathan cocked his head. “Sorry, Lorcan’s not home right now, so you’ll have to dumb it down for the current resident, ma’am.”
“Are you kidding me? No, you’re not kidding me. I’d recognize that smoldering, yet clueless, expression anywhere. Mr. Dean, is that really you again?”
“Boss lady? Oh yeah, shapeshifter. I’ve never seen this one before. It’s um . . . different to say the least. Are you trying to kill Paige?”
“Not currently. Just give me one more minute.”
“We don’t have a minute—”
“I’ll have to call you back,” she said quickly into her phone. “Just get me answers and quickly.”
The sheriff turned an irritated gaze over to Jonathan and Gail. “Are we going to have to go through this whole mess again?”
“Paige is apparently at the restaurant with her mom, and she is really afraid you want her dead,” Gail offered helpfully.
“Are you sure you don’t want her dead?” Jonathan asked.
“We have had this conversation before, boy. I do not want her dead. In fact, I made a promise to you that I would see her safely through her delivery if I could, so unless you want to accuse me of being an oath breaker and challenge me for my position as sheriff, please shut the hell up and stay out of my way. Was any of what I said unclear?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Why are you here now, of all times? We need Lorcan, his skills and his experience,” the sheriff said with a sigh.
“With all due respect, you used me to hunt down and track people who betrayed you. I have this gut feeling that the other guys let me out on purpose, so they could argue about something in Latin, and I can do something that I’m comfortable with.”
The sheriff gave him the slightest of nods. She motioned towards the door. “We should probably go straighten this mess out sooner rather than later, don’t you think? I believe Steven can keep Mina occupied for quite some time, and I doubt that Paige wants to see your ex any more than I do.”
The sheriff went over to speak to one of the guards. Gail and Jonathan shuffled awkwardly while they waited. “Did I miss anything else?” Jonathan asked.
“I barely know what is going on at any given moment. I had to duct tape a guy’s jaw after Paige punched him. I wouldn’t get into a fight with her over anything, if I were you. Pretty much my job is to be mediocre at everything compared to you guys and patch you up after you do something stupid. Anything else you want to hear about? The weather, perhaps?”
“Hey, you knew more than me, and apparently, I’ve been here the whole time. Also, do you happen to know what Rex quondum, rexque futurum means? That’s the phrase I heard in my dream. The guy who looked like angry Kyle shouted it, I think.”
Gail smiled. “For once, I know something, J.D., sorry . . . Jonathan. It’s from Mallory. It’s the Latin for I’m the once and future king. I think it’s on Arthur’s tombstone.”
“He was yelling it to someone in armor.” Jonathan shuddered and turned slightly green. “There was a lot of blood . . . so much blood. The armored dude looked really angry and called me a traitor, I think. I saw that scene over and over like I was going nuts with the instant replay button. Other guys dream about cars and porn, and I got twenty-four-seven Game of Thrones without any tits, you know? At least that time . . .” he trailed off and blushed a little. “Sorry, I’ve been in my own head for a while.”
“Yeah, I’m starting to get why Lorcan is so intent on you guys all merging together—”
“Excuse me? The other guy wants me to merge with some random dudes? I think I’d rather take my chances with the mental HBO, thank you very much!”
“Now that is quite the image to return to,” a new voice said as the secret door in the statue slid open. Mina Harker peeked her head playfully around the statue and gave Jonathan a wink. “Sadly, no matter what sort of kinky fuckery that amazing little brain of yours has conjured, it’s not nearly as fun as some of the mischief Lorcan and I have gotten into.”
“Can she read minds?” Jonathan asked as he took a noticeable step behind Gail.
“I’m honestly not sure,” Gail replied.
“I see we have the stranger in our presence. It’s Jonathan, right?” Mina asked as she slinked around the statue base. Her flowing blouse and dress hearkened back to the robes on Pallas Athena—complete with an overabundance of gold accents. Her cheeks seemed excessively flushed, even with makeup on. “Why hello, so nice to finally meet you.”
“Where is—?”
The door slid open again, and there was a rather undignified thud as something vaguely human-sized crashed onto the stonework. Gail rushed to see a rather peaked Steve, still stuck in Ren’s form but with glassy eyes and worse bourbon breath than before. His hair seemed longer again and flopped in an undignified pile into some of his drool. Steve buried his face on the floor the moment he recognized Gail’s sensible footwear.
“Note to self, never try to command that woman to do anything,” Steve moaned. “I don’t know how, but she got me talking . . . and drinking. So much drinking.”
“You were down there for thirty minutes, tops. How—?”
“My tears are intoxicating. I was so moved that he asked about my dear Geoffrey that I cried into his drink. My bad,” Mina apologized. “I’ve been in such a state with the family split, that any comfort is overwhelming. Thank you so much, Steve, for listening . . . and for telling me all your troubles.”
“You told her everything, didn’t you?” Gail asked, burying her face in her palm. The lights flickered far overhead. Both Steve and Gail gasped as a bulb in the exit sign burst.
“She was nice to me, and the bourbon blood in her flask was so strong. I just couldn’t help myself. I mean, Gingersnaps warned me that his mom could make him tell her anything, but I thought it was just him being an insufferable mama’s boy. I am going to apologize to him once I rescue him from his grandfather’s clutches.” Steve gave her a little wink before an exaggerated hiccup. “That was amazing bourbon blood, Mina!”
Jonathan shied away from the advancing vampiress, but he paused for a moment to appreciate just how low Mina’s neckline was as she sauntered his way. “Yeah, you’ve been weepy, and I’m on the clock, so. . . sorry if I keep my distance, ma’am.”
Mina burst into throaty laughter. “I’d say I don’t bite, but you of all people know that
’s not true. Sadly, your new body already tastes as terrible as your old, no matter how improved the packaging is. Now, as much as I’d love to tease you just a wee bit more, I just got a very strange message left for me by Edwin, and I would hate for him to think I’m ignoring him. Edwin is your son, by the way, in case you were wondering.”
“More kids,” Jonathan muttered. “This is getting crazy.”
“Not as crazy as our situation is about to become, boy,” the sheriff said as she emerged from the alcove wearing the more familiar face of a little old lady—albeit one in a little black dress. A guard rushed forward to hand her a pair of silver-rimmed glasses and a comb for her hair. She blew him a kiss and he went strangely still. “Be a dear and forget everything you are about to hear. This complication is a doozy, kids.”
17
“So, let me tell you how this is going to go,” Kevin said with a smug smile. “You are going to die, but I promised my friend here that she could pop that little nugget out of you first, so if you could go ahead and wolf out, that would be great.”
“You want me to turn into a werewolf and tear you apart?” Paige asked incredulously.
“Sorry, bitch, but you couldn’t take me even when that bowling ball was more like a softball,” Kevin said, licking his lips. “Oh, and I have a little insurance policy, if you two big boys try anything.”
Paige gave a quick glance to both Williams and Bernard. She got a whiff of testosterone and adrenaline mixed with fake parmesan. Kevin kept his gun dreadfully steady. “Show them, Big Z.”
Dr. Antonova set her phone on the table and swiped the screen to display a series of timers ticking down. The first one flipped to zero. “That was the first package.” She lowered her eyes and her hands shook. “There is no going back.”
“What did you do?” Paige asked. “What the hell did you do?”
“Did I ever tell you what my hobby was?” Kevin asked. “I just love it when a situation is considered irredeemable by the sheriff, and she just loves to blow it all up. Once in Chicago, a newspaper published a story that revealed all the names of her agents in town. We burned the whole damn city down.”
“What have you done?” Paige snarled, her knuckles popping and cracking despite the sedatives in her system.
“You’re gonna do exactly what we say, or Music City is about to really wish it was flooded again. I’ve got explosives on so many gas mains, it’s not even funny. I set up a small demonstration on the off-chance you didn’t believe me. Say goodbye to one of the great landmarks of this region. Try Twitter, they will probably break it first.”
Everyone waited for a few awkward moments as Dr. Antonova struggled to find the app on her phone. As she failed time and time again, Williams gingerly pulled out his phone and asked weakly, “Um, what am I looking for again?”
“Try local trending. It’ll be there.”
“Apparently, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were spotted buying local handmade soap,” Williams said. “Oh, and there is a raccoon flinging used tampons out of dumpsters.”
“Just wait for it!” Kevin snapped. “It’s going to be epic.”
Williams hit refresh a few more times. In the meantime, Bernard twisted a couple more wires together, then gave Paige a tiny wink.
“Local authorities called to Hooters after possible bomb threat?”
“What?” Kevin cried.
“Aww, did your boom-boom forget to boom?” Bernard asked with an exaggerated pout. “That’s a crying shame.”
“OK, one blip, but I have this whole city set to blow—” He was interrupted by a persistent buzzing from his pocket. Dr. Antonova’s shaking grew so bad that she tumbled from her seat. Paige yelped and tried to bolt. The shotgun went off, and she dropped to the ground, blood and pellets spraying the wall.
“No!” Paige yowled, pain ripping through her shoulder and chest. She heard another howl and then saw a canister hurling through the air. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as the unidentified flying object spiraled across the room, wires flapping, with a little tube strapped to one side. Suddenly all of Paige’s vision was flooded by a large body. Then came the boom. A fantastic spray of sparks filled the air, followed by a howl.
“Did you just say explosives?” Gail asked incredulously.
“Yes, and every resource at my disposal is currently tasked with finding them before it is too late. Dr. Antonova may be a traitor, but she drew the line at mass terrorism. It’s almost . . . disappointing. Mr. Dean, we have a lot of work to do before this night is over, and Meenakshi, if you would please lend me your influence and your son’s expertise.”
Mina became dreadfully serious. “But of course. No one profits from senseless violence. Both Beulah and Edwin are at your disposal. I think you’ll need them both.”
“There are bombs throughout the city?” Gail asked again. “How many are we talking about?”
“Enough that I cannot waste any time on you, and enough that we may need your skills by dawn. Steven! Take the infant and take care of Kevin. I assume that everyone will remember an accident,” the sheriff snapped.
“What did you just say?” Gail asked.
“Something I’m never going to repeat. Now go!”
Gail watched the flurry of calls. Jonathan moved swiftly towards the other guards, barking orders while Mina texted furiously. One of the sentries in a windbreaker motioned to the stunned Gail. Steve stumbled behind her. “I was instructed to give you a car. There are gifts in the trunk. Other than that, we don’t want to know anything.”
Gail took the wheel. The moment they were safely isolated in the sedan, Steve took a deep breath, and the act dropped. His green eyes stared coldly ahead. “He threatened Paige and a city. Are you ready to be a Jaeger?”
“Let me get this straight, I can kill Kevin? I can actually kill him?” Gail asked.
“It just has to look like an accident.”
Gail slammed her foot on the gas. She made ridiculous time down I-40 as cops swarmed the streets. The flashing lights ignored her ludicrous speed and instead peeled off to parts unknown. She remained focused and deadly calm until she pulled into the parking lot of Maria’s restaurant. Glass and embers filled what would have been the handicapped parking spots, and the remains of the door flapped in the evening breeze. “Oh god,” Steve gasped as a hunk of siding flew into the windshield. Both vampires ducked as the glass shattered into pebbles. A roar pierced the night sky.
Gail scrambled out her door and popped the trunk. A veritable armory of weapons both medieval and modern awaited them, including a solid steel sledgehammer with a red bow tied under the twenty-pound head. While Gail snatched her present, Steve grabbed a gun.
“Oh my god,” Gail whispered as she saw feral eyes glowing in the smoldering ruins of the facade. A massive, hairy paw reached around the opening, black claws tearing into the wood like tissue paper. Another howl sounded inside. “Are those what I think they are?”
Steve grabbed a different gun and started loading in darts. “Yeah, but I’m not sure they can tell friendly bloodsucker from foe. Pip is in there too, and that bastard just tried to blow her up. Paige! Paige, it’s me!”
A bloodcurdling howl pierced the night. Gail shivered to her very core. She clutched the hammer with both hands. “Ideas?”
“Hope horse tranquilizer works, and try to keep them busy till I can knock them out?” Steve offered weakly. “Oh god, how many of them are in here?”
The remains of the restaurant door sailed past the car. Gail froze as a monster straight out of a horror movie lumbered into view. Its bestial head had a muzzle, but it was something unknown—a terrible mix of lupine, ursine, and even porcine features, with tusk-like teeth jutting from its lower jaw. The monster slavered and shook its head, its shoulders hunched, and the tatters of a Batman T-shirt flapped in the breeze.
“Tom?” Gail asked, her voice breaking. “What . . . happened to you?”
Feral Williams snorted and stomped, shaking his head like a bull. Gail held
the hammer behind her back with one hand and held out her other. “Williams, it’s me . . . it’s Gail.”
He sniffed the air, more drool dripping from his massive jowl. His black eyes stared at her warily. “It’s ok, it’s Gail,” she said again, but this time she opened her mouth wide enough to show off her fangs. Williams snarled and flexed his claws.
“Damn it, Steve, get moving,” she hissed. Williams lunged forward and took a swipe, nearly clipping Gail’s arm. “Sorry, big guy,” she said as she swung at the humongous target.
She managed to hit him squarely in the side, staggering him, but ultimately doing little more than making him cranky. Williams returned the swing, and Gail went flying into the side of the car. The moment her hands touched the metal, she felt a shock. A few popping sounds came from behind her, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she saw little darts lodged in the monster’s neck. Her relief was remarkably short-lived as he flicked them off his skin like an elephant swatting a fly.
Gail screamed as Williams pummeled her again. She felt the cracking in her ribs but held her ground. “Damn it, Williams! Snap out of it!”
He roared. She responded with one more swing, this time with a little extra force as she felt a shockwave rising through her body. The energy coursed through the metal and Williams yowled. Gail pounced, this time using her nails to break his oh-so-resistant epidermis. The next shock made him quiver and drool, and he passed out as Gail fell away, exhausted and shaking.
“Damn!” Steve said, following up by shooting Williams with another dart. “Wait, is he . . .?”
“I honestly have no idea,” Gail said, rolling towards her new hammer. She barely managed to swing it in time as another monster leapt through the window—this one just a frothing mass of singed hair. It pounced on Steve, sending the tranquilizer pistol flying. Another, even louder roar, came from the shadows. The roar repeated, followed by the distinctive sound of a baby’s wail.
“Oh shit,” Gail cried as she tackled the smaller werewolf mauling Steve, sending it flying. “Steve . . . oh god, Steve, don’t die on me,” she begged as she smelled the blood soaking into his T-shirt. Steve just groaned and rolled onto his side.