As I meet up with Stephanie, she assures me everything is in order. She stands with Garreth, whom she fetched from the limousine Jarek hired to bring him to the event. He sips from a glass of wine as he rubs his hand up and down the side of his tux, as if he's trying to scratch something in his palm. I'm sure it's a nervous tic. That and his wandering gaze are the only physical mannerisms that express his stage fright.
“You'll do fine,” I assure him.
Garreth shakes his head. “Easy for you to say when you're not the one who has to do it. I don't know why I let Jarek talk me into this. I think I might just slip out the back.”
“Oh, no you don't. You're going to go out there and give an excellent performance, okay?”
“If you say so.”
Everyone in attendance is expecting this incredible performance from the legend, and I wonder if he's up for it. It's been a long time since he's had to worry about being in public. And if his nerves really do affect him, I worry he might lose it completely and become incapable of delivering. My hands shake at the mere thought of introducing him, a responsibility I'm used to Stephanie handling as the primary event coordinator for the company. Considering how nervous I am for the five seconds I'll be on the stage, I can only imagine how much pressure Garreth feels to give a magnificent performance.
Stephanie slides her arm through mine and pulls me aside. She looks as fabulous as ever—in a cream blouse, black skirt and a pair of heels that make me look like a child next to her. As she leans into me, one of her extensions grazes my cheek. “You did an amazing job,” she says, the light in her eyes assuring me she's pleased with my work. “You know how many people are going to be here? We have some serious money coming. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about from here on out. You'll definitely be moving up the ranks.”
“Thank you,” I say. She gives me the run-down on some of the ins and outs she's tended to and then insists I should enjoy myself while I have the chance—relax before I need to present Garreth. I take her advice and head to the main auditorium. Guests scatter around various tables, arranged for the dinner that precedes the performance.
A massive crystal chandelier hangs from the ceiling, shimmering with the glow from the light of the faux-candle bulbs that wrap around circular tracks in three tiers ascending from smallest to largest. On the far end of the room, a jazz band plays beside an untouched piano, where Garreth will perform in less than thirty minutes. A few lively guests, dressed up for the occasion, dance before the stage—only a few confident enough to show off their old school swing moves. Several tables are arranged around the dance floor, each table carefully positioned to provide everyone with the best possible view of the show.
Near the tables, against the wall, I spy Jarek beside the appetizer table. I navigate through clusters of guests meeting and greeting with one another, some whom I politely greet, as I recognize them from Mom's various parties and fundraisers. As I make it to the table, I take a breath, allowing myself just a moment to relax and appreciate the nearly successful event.
Jarek looks gorgeous in his suit. He's gelled his blonde locks to the side. I miss the stylized messy look he normally creates—perhaps because it's closer to the Jarek I remember when I was younger. Though I'm not in love with this more refined look, any hairstyle suits a face like Jarek's.
The blue in his suit glistens in the overhead light. He looks like he could appear on the cover of Esquire or GQ, and considering how successful he's become, and how attractive he is, I wouldn't be surprised if that happened in the near future. When I was younger, I never imagined him fighting his way into all this money, but I have to say he seems as if he was born to be wealthy and successful. I can understand what Kelsey sees in him because he doesn't look like the rough, untamed boy that stole my heart.
He retrieves a cheese-ball on a toothpick from a plate on the table and pops it in his mouth, his cheeks sticking out, indicating there's more than one cheese-ball in there. He slides the pick back out from between his lips.
I chuckle as he makes a face that shows just how much he enjoys the taste. I should be so lucky if he made that face when he was tasting me.
“I guess you didn't eat today?” I ask with a smile as I approach him.
He shakes his head and takes a moment as he downs what must have been a hefty amount of food. “Saving it for tonight, so say goodbye to the dessert table. Isn't that how you do it?” I giggle.
“Lana!” I turn. Janet throws her arms around me.
“I'm so glad you came,” I say. Considering everything she's been through, I didn't pressure her into coming. I just told her if she felt like it, she should. I figured it would be better than moping around my place, feeling sorry for herself.
“Me, too.”
“Mom?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “But I talked with a therapist today.”
“And?”
“I'm going to start going to AA meetings.”
“That's really big of you,” Jarek says.
“I figure it's about time I started making some changes.”
“I'm proud of you, Janet,” I say. She looks as if she's happy to hear that, but she doesn't know how relieved I am to hear she's doing something to help herself—to pull herself from the misery I know she's been feeling for so long.
“Lana, you mind if I talk to you in private for a second?”
“Oh, please,” Jarek says. “I'll go find something to keep me busy.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
“Although I fully expect a dance when you're done.”
At first, I think he must be talking to Janet because of the dance they shared in the bar that night, but as I gaze at him, he's looking at me. Me, dance? Perhaps he wants an opportunity to laugh at me. “Of course,” I reply.
As he walks way, Janet's expression shifts to worry. “Why did you bring him?”
I understand her concern, considering the last time I spoke to her about him it was to let her know how much he's haunted me. “He's the only reason this event is going to be a success.”
“Sneaking off into the woods again?” Perhaps.
She gazes at me like she empathizes with my dilemma, but I don't think I get to act like I've come to some great crossroads considering everything she must be dealing with right now.
“Is Kelsey coming?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Something mysteriously came up after our...disagreement the other night.”
“She'll settle down.”
“You're the only one who's not mad at me right now. I managed to piss all the other Raeven girls off.”
“There's still time,” she says with a wink. “Just playing. Everyone will come around. Just give it time. We've made it this long, haven't we?”
“Have we?” I ask, as I reflect on how much time we've spent together these past few weeks but how little we've really talked. Not me and Janet. We've talked plenty, but what about Kelsey and Mom? Do I really even know them? I thought I knew Mother, but considering what she's been telling us all these years, I'm starting to question that.
“Everything's going to turn out all right,” Janet assures me.
“Who are you? Dad?”
“Just your bestest sister in the world,” she says with a gleam in her eyes. “Now, go on. Appreciate that you brought all this together! Just let go and enjoy tonight.” That would surely be the best thing for me, but until it's declared a success, I'm not sure I can. “Have fun dancing,” Janet says, her tone disapproving, but the gleam in her eyes encouraging. She heads to our table, and I greet Jarek beside the open space where the guests are dancing eagerly to the music.
“Shall we cut a rug or whatever the kids say?” I ask.
He chuckles. “They don't say that, I promise.” He takes my hand and guides me onto the dance floor.
Jarek Dean dancing. This will be interesting. However, as we begin, I see it's not interesting. It's fantastic. He takes my hands and leads me, and I'm in awe of his skil
l, his moves, and how he guides me so effortlessly. I suppose because it's easy for me to let my guard down with him. I want him to guide me, to tell me where to go, and as always, I feel so safe in his arms. I reflect on his comment about Kelsey being a lion and him being a gazelle. I feel as if I'm the gazelle and he's the lion, and he's just luring me in so he can break me once again.
Being here with him, like this, I'm reminded of how difficult it is to refuse him. I may have had a solitary victory the other night, but judging by the feelings that arise within me, it was a fluke. Before it has a chance to build, I vanquish the thought to allow myself to return to the pleasure of this moment once again, allowing myself to enjoy the movements. However, in a moment, I gaze into those beautiful blue eyes, and I want to be lost in them forever. I lose track of where we are and everything that's happened the past few weeks. I even forget what's transpired between us as I allow myself to pretend that the only thing that's important is the moments we've shared together today.
It's a scene from a dream, one I might have had when I was younger but since then I haven't allowed myself to enjoy, because of how heinous it would be to even consider such a dream with him.
Could we make this work?
I wish I hadn't thought that. Aren't I beyond these sorts of thoughts? I know better. My confidence that I'd maintain my stance on Jarek was nothing more than a delusion. I could refuse him for a night, and while it was empowering, it couldn't shake this deeper feeling within me, one that I can never shake.
He's not the man I imagined he'd become, but he's still Jarek, and even though my feelings about the past linger and burn, maybe one day I can find a way to release them. Is it possible? Could I learn to put them aside so I can enjoy being with this beautiful man? He clearly loves me—otherwise he wouldn't have insisted on taking our relationship to another level. He wants to be with me, and I still want to be with him. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can finally let go of the past, release all those fears, and just be with him, as we are now.
“Lana,” a voice comes from beside us, shattering Jarek's hypnotic power over me. Derren stands beside me, and I've seen that look in his eyes before. It's panic, but over what?
“What's wrong?” I ask.
“I'm having a hard time finding Garreth.”
“What? I saw him not ten minutes ago.”
“I know. But he's not in the green room, and I've turned the place upside-down searching for him.” I sincerely doubt Derren has worked this hard. The only thing he ever expends that much energy on is the games on his phone. However, since he's been so good today, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I turn back to Jarek. “Back to putting out fires, I guess,” I say.
“I'll help you look for him.” It's nice having someone on my side, someone to help me when things go awry. Just like when we were in high school, and we were each other's best friend.
Jarek agrees to search upstairs while I check outside, asking around in the most discreet way possible. I approach one cluster and ask, “By any chance, have any of you seen Garreth Pulzer run by?”
An older man replies, “Not yet. But boy am I excited about getting to tonight.”
“Right?” I reply. “I'm just as excited as you are. Won't it be nice when that happens?” I hurry off to continue my desperate search.
I could lose my job over this. Sure, Stephanie could vouch for him being here earlier, but I know that if he isn’t here for the performance, I'm the one who'll be blamed for this. I won't just get yelled at by Mr. Farcon. I'll be fired, and who will employ me if I can't even get a reference from this job? That's silly, though. Mr. Farcon would absolutely give me a reference. It would just be written on my epitaph.
I scold myself for not having kept better track of Garreth. I knew he didn't want to do this. He even suggested that he might slip out, and considering his history with being mysteriously absent from the stage when it came time to perform, I should have taken better care to keep an eye on him.
As I start around the corner, I spot Mr. Farcon heading around the building. I turn to dash off, but I hear behind me, “Lana!” I whirl back around.
Act cool. Remember that you just have to keep yourself together for a little while. “Mr. Farcon!” I exclaim.
“Where did Garreth go? Stephanie said he was here, but I haven't seen him.”
“He had to get a breath of fresh air. He's just doing a little ritual he does before shows.”
He eyes me suspiciously. Though he seems tame, I'm waiting for him to catch on and fuss at me like he did in the office the day he discovered the Frenly Brothers wouldn't perform for the event.
“If this all goes well, I have to say, you're definitely looking at a bright future at our company, you hear?”
“Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Farcon. You can’t know what that means to me right now.”
He starts to head off, but turns back to me. “I'm so excited about seeing Garreth Pulzer!” he says. He's clearly a fan, which makes the prospect of not finding him even more horrifying.
“Me, too!” So excited about seeing him and possibly killing him once I find him!
A little ritual he does before shows? My excuse reminds me of when I first met him. He said he used to sneak off to drink in private in the cellars of venues.
Does this place have a cellar? When I was first scouting the venue, I recall the guide showing me a set of stairs that led to a storage area. It's a long shot, but it's the best thing I have right now. I creep back inside and try to act calm and together as I head to the doorway. I make my way down the stairs and enter the small storage area. It's my only hope.
Sure enough, he's sitting on the floor, leaning against a stack of boxes. He drinks from a tin flask, one I'm sure he brought.
“Garreth! You're on in ten minutes!” I exclaim. “Are you insane?” He smirks, his eyes alight with enthusiasm. It's a look I'm used to Janet making.
“Just wetting the palate a little bit, you know?” He stumbles to his feet, and I hurry to assist him. “Do my fans need me?” The aroma of Jack fills my nostrils, assuring me that I could be in a lot of trouble.
“Yes. They need you right now. Can you do this after you've been drinking?”
“Are you kidding? I was loaded for all my best shows.”
“You're a pianist, not a rock star.”
“I'm a rock star to my fans!”
“I bet you are.”
He grips the rail for support as I lead him up the stairs and out the door. Perhaps not finding him would have been better than forcing him to perform in this state, but I'm desperate. At this point, I'll do anything to get him on that stage.
As I come through the main entrance, I see Jarek walking across the auditorium. When he sees us, he approaches and we meet halfway. “Everything okay?” he asks.
“Just fine. I'm going to get him to the stage. I'll be back in a minute.”
“I'll be waiting at the table,” Jarek says. I gaze into those beautiful, sincere eyes.
I believe him. Me, the girl who was so upset after he left, who didn't think she could ever trust him again really believes that he'll be here for me.
I can do this. I can be with him...if that's what he really wants.
I take Garreth to the stage and wait on the sidelines to make sure he doesn't try to sneak off.
As nine o'clock rolls around, the jazz band ceases and I approach the podium. I'm nervous as hell, but I just have to get through this and then I'll be done for the night, and it will have been a success. I spot Jarek at the table beside Janet, giving me a thumbs up. It gives me the boost I need to go through with this.
“Hello, everyone. I'd like to thank you all for joining us tonight for this fundraiser and performance from Mr. Garreth Pulzer.” I ramble on about his accolades and awards, nervously picking at the edge of the podium as I contemplate being scolded by Mr. Farcon for bringing a far-too-inebriated Garreth Pulzer onto the stage. Vanquishing that from my thoughts, I say, “Wit
hout further ado, Garreth Pulzer.”
Garreth walks on stage, smiling brightly, his eyes filled with that same gleam as in the cellar, but his movements are far more seemingly-sober than when I was leading him up the stairs. If he can pull off this act, perhaps we can both get out of this unscathed.
He sits on the piano bench and pauses for a moment before beginning, smiling once again at the audience.
This could be utterly tragic. Will I find another job if this blows up in my face?
I scratch at my arm. Please let this go well.
He plays with the keys for a moment, then stops, looking at them as if he doesn't even know what they are.
This is the end of the fundraiser and my career.
He says into a mic before him, “They seem to have moved all the keys.”
Every muscle in me tenses. What?
He turns to the audience, a wicked, playful gleam in his eyes, and the room erupts into a fit of laughter. As it settles, his hands move across the keys, fingers tickling the ivory as a beautiful melody fills the room. I glance around to behold mystified gazes and broad smiles.
Whew!
I head out to the table, but when I arrive, I see Jarek is gone. “Where's Jarek?” I ask Janet as I sit beside her.
She glances either way. “Oh, I hadn't even realized he left.”
Where could he be? My eyes water, not just because he's gone, but because it's stirred up everything all over again—all those things that less than ten minutes ago I thought I could so easily overcome, all those painful memories. Now they're back, and with a vengeance.
Surely he didn't just ditch me. That's ridiculous. Impossible.
But is it? It happened before.
Not again.
As absurd as it seems, I can't fight the avalanche of thoughts that return just as powerfully as ever. I'm losing my strength, my ability to keep my cool. My breath quickens. I feel as if the entire world is shrinking around me.
Every Time He Leaves (The Raeven Sisters Book 1) Page 20