by Judi Curtin
Making the bed took ages. All the blankets had to be shaken out, and the top mattress turned, and then the bed had to be made up again. Then we cleaned the fire, dusted and polished everything and moved on to the next room.
After a while, I was so tired, I didn’t care that Nellie had stopped talking to me. My arms and my back ached, and the blisters on my feet were hurting me. I felt as if it had to be bedtime, but as we’d just had breakfast, I knew that wasn’t very likely. The day seemed to be going on forever.
* * *
Much later, when I was nearly ready to curl up in a corner and fall asleep, Nellie said it was time for dinner. We went into the servants’ dining hall, and suddenly I felt shy. The room was full of servants, all lined up along a huge table, with men on one side and women on the other. There was no sign of Isabelle, and I wondered if I’d ever see her again. Maybe she had to eat with the children in the nursery. I wished I could be with her, instead of here amongst all these strangers. Nellie went and stood behind a chair, and I hesitated, not knowing what to do. All I knew was that I didn’t want to sit next to her, so I found a space on the women’s side, near the middle of the table, and stood there. Suddenly the room went silent, except for one young boy who pointed at me and laughed out loud. I felt all hot and bothered, and could tell that my face had gone bright red. I knew I had done something wrong, but didn’t know exactly what that was. Then a nice man who was standing opposite smiled at me and jerked his head towards the end of the table, where Nellie was standing.
‘Housemaids sit down there,’ he whispered.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered back, and feeling like a dunce, I moved toward the other end of the table. I noticed that as I walked, the servants were getting younger, and their uniforms were getting less fancy. It was a bit like school, where the silly little children all had to sit together at the front of the class, while the older, more important ones sat at the back. It was strange, being one of the youngest again.
The line of chairs seemed to go on forever, as I walked slowly, still not sure which of the empty seats was meant for me. I saw a space on Nellie’s right, and just as I got there, she turned and gave the tiniest nod. I smiled to thank her, and stood in the space, feeling happy that maybe, somewhere deep inside Nellie, there really was a heart.
There were two more girls standing on my right, and I wondered who could be even less important than me.
Just then, Mrs Bailey came in and stood at one end of the table, and a tall, very stern-looking man with white hair and a beard stood at the other. Mrs Bailey said grace and then everyone pulled out their chairs and sat down.
‘Who’s that tall man with the beard?’ I asked the girl next to me.
‘That’s Butler Kilgallon,’ she said. ‘He’s been at Lissadell for many, many years. He started work here when he was ten years old!’
My brother Denis was ten. He still wore short pants, and got into fights over conkers with the boys at school. He still cried when Mam smacked him. He sometimes did odd-jobs for William Carty, the farmer who lived near us, but I couldn’t imagine him moving away from home and having a real job.
The girl smiled at me. ‘I’m Maggie,’ she said. ‘I’m the laundry maid. What’s your name?’
‘I’m Lily,’ I said. ‘Maggie is a pretty name.’
‘It is,’ she said. ‘It’s not really my name though.’
‘But you said …’
‘My real name is Agnes, but one of the kitchen maids is called that, and she was here first, so Mrs Bailey says I have to be called Maggie.’
I could hardly believe what she was saying. ‘She just took your name – the one your mam and dad chose for you?’
She nodded.
‘She can’t do that,’ I said.
‘Who can’t do what, Lily?’ asked Mrs Bailey.
I could feel my cheeks going bright red. Was I going to lose my job on my very first day?
‘I was only…….I thought…..you see……….’
But just then the cook came in and started to talk to Mrs Bailey about the next day’s menu, and I was saved.
‘It doesn’t sound fair to me,’ I whispered to the girl next to me. ‘I’ll call you Agnes if you like.’
‘That’s nice of you, Lily,’ she said, smiling. ‘But it’s all right. Having two names would be very complicated, and I’m used to being Maggie now.’
I smiled back at her. I was glad she was happy, but I couldn’t help thinking – what if there was another Lily at Lissadell? What if I had to change the name I’d had for all my life? Would I ever be able to get over the unfairness of that?
* * *
We were all given a fine meal of meat and potatoes. I finished my food quickly, and picked up my plate to lick it – then I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I turned the plate around in my hands, pretending I was examining it. ‘I’ve never seen a plate like this before,’ I said. ‘Such lovely stripes.’
After the meat and potatoes, there was dessert, and an apple for everyone. The meal seemed to go on for ages. There was mountains of food, far more than we ever had at home, and there was lots of talk and laughter. I couldn’t enjoy myself, though. I was surrounded by strangers, and everything was so new and frightening. I wished I was back at my own table in my own little kitchen, eating bread and potatoes with people I loved.
* * *
After that, time went very slowly. All the days seemed the same, with hours and hours of work that never got any easier. In the mornings I often thought about Rose and Hanora. Were they at school yet? Was it playtime, and were they playing Pickey or skipping? Were they busy in the classroom, learning all the things I might never know? Was Rose the best at reading, now that I was gone? At sewing time, was Miss O’Brien praising Hanora’s tiny stitches, and saying she was a little star? I wondered were my friends thinking of me at all.
I spent most of my time with Nellie, which wasn’t any fun, as she still seemed to be angry with me all the time. I only saw Isabelle once or twice, and she was always rushing back to the nursery. Maggie was friendly, but except for mealtimes, we were never together. The days were very long and every night I cried myself to sleep.
* * *
It was the strangest thing. Sir Josslyn and Lady Mary were the owners of the house, and I knew they slept under the same roof as me, but it was almost as if they were ghosts. I tidied their slept-in beds, folded their newspapers, and swept up crumbs from their meals. Sometimes I went into a room and got a faint scent of perfume or hair oil, but I never once actually saw them. Nellie and I were following them around, cleaning each room as they left it. Life at Lissadell seemed to be arranged so that we would never meet. It was almost as if Nellie and I were carrying some contagious disease and had to be avoided no matter what happened. It wasn’t a nice feeling.
* * *
Thursday was Nellie’s day off, and I thought I would curl up and die from jealousy as I crawled out of bed, wondering how I’d get everything done without her to help me. It was a cold morning, and all I could see was a tangle of red hair, her bright blue eyes, and her pointy nose poking out from under her blanket.
‘I suppose you’re going to see your family today,’ I said as I got dressed in my uniform. ‘You must be so excited. You probably have lots of things saved up to talk to them about. I have so many things to tell my family, I think I’m going to burst from holding them all in.’
Nellie didn’t answer me. That shouldn’t have been a surprise. I’ve always been a chatterbox, and sometimes, first thing in the morning, I forgot that Nellie wasn’t like me.
Then I looked closer at her, and her eyes seemed all watery. Maybe she had yawned while I was struggling with my apron – or maybe she was crying? That didn’t make any sense though. Nellie was too tough for tears, and besides, why would she be crying on her day off, of all days? I knew my day off was going to be the best day of my whole life.
‘So what time will you be leaving?’ I asked. ‘Have you far to go?’
/> ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she snapped.
‘But your family …?’
‘My family live too far away. I couldn’t get there and back in a day.’
Nellie might be the meanest girl I’d ever met, but maybe it wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t imagine how I’d live if I didn’t have a trip home to dream about. How would I cope with the endless fires, and the dusting and polishing that never seemed to be finished? How would I survive if I had nothing to look forward to?
‘I’m sorry, Nellie,’ I said. ‘I hope you enjoy your rest anyway.’
I was trying to be nice, but I knew I sounded stupid. Me and my big mouth!
Chapter Seven
After what felt like a hundred years, Saturday came around at last. I woke up and saw Nellie getting dressed. I could have stayed in my cosy bed for another while if I wanted, but I was much too excited for that. I jumped out of bed like a March hare.
It was a lovely feeling, leaving my uniform in the press, and putting on my own familiar Sunday dress that Mam had made for me out of an old skirt that Molly Carty didn’t want any more. Just wearing my own clothes made the day feel different and special.
Nellie watched me lacing up my boots, and I waited for her to say something mean. I nearly fainted away when she gave me a little smile and said, ‘I hope you have a nice day with your family.’
I wanted to tell her that she was pretty when she smiled, that her freckly nose crinkled up, and her eyes twinkled, but I knew she wouldn’t like that. So I smiled back at her. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you later.’
Even though I had worked hard and earned my day off, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Nellie, who had nothing ahead of her except another long, boring day of scrubbing and cleaning.
* * *
I walked as fast as I could, but still the journey home seemed to take forever. Could the road actually have got longer during the week? As I hurried along, I didn’t waste time on counting clouds or collecting shells or paddling. I just wanted to see my mam again and feel her arms around me.
When I finally saw my house in the distance, I felt happy, and then sad too, because I hadn’t been there for so long. When I got to the door, I hesitated. For a second, I had a strange feeling that I didn’t belong there any more, as if I were a visitor from a faraway land, who had to knock and ask permission to be allowed in.
But then the door flew open and Mam came out, followed by Winnie and Anne. Mam hugged me tight, and the familiar smell of her made me feel homesick, even though I was back in my own lovely home. The girls clung on to my skirt and Winnie started to cry.
‘She’s missed you, the little pet,’ said Mam. ‘We’ve all missed you, but she’s been the worst of all.’
I picked Winnie up and twirled her around, the way she loved. ‘No crying today,’ I said. ‘I’m going to be here for hours and hours, and in the end you’ll be fed up of me, and hoping for me to go.’
‘The boys are helping to pick stones in Carty’s back field,’ said Mam. ‘They wanted to take the day off, but I told them you’ll still be here when they get home. Am I right?’
I was supposed to be back at Lissadell in time for supper. If the boys were late, I thought maybe I’d have to run half the way back. But I couldn’t disappoint my brothers, so I smiled and nodded.
We went inside, and at first it was a bit awkward. Mam sat down at the hearth and folded her arms, which was very strange. Usually she spends the whole day running around, cooking and cleaning and tending the garden and caring for the little ones. The girls made things easier though. They climbed all over me, and then I remembered the presents I’d brought for them. First I gave them the shells, which they lined up on the floor, as if they were fine jewels. Next I pulled the cloth from my pocket, revealing the five tiny cakes I’d managed to save from my suppers during the week.
‘There’s one for everyone,’ I said. ‘Including you, Mam.’
The girls each grabbed a cake, and stuffed them into their mouths.
‘I’ll save mine for later,’ said Mam. I felt sad. I knew she’d hide it away, and give it to one of the little ones when I was gone.
‘No, Mam,’ I said. ‘Eat it now, or I’ll be offended.’
She picked up the smallest cake and took a little nibble. Then she took a second nibble and a third.
‘That’s like eating a little bit of heaven,’ she said, as a slow smile spread over her tired face. I watched her, and for one second, the whole week away seemed worth it, so I could bring her that little bit of happiness.
After that, things were fine. I helped Mam with some jobs, and then we went for a walk up the road. I carried Winnie, and Anne skipped ahead of us, with her long hair flying out behind her in the wind.
The neighbours greeted me as if I’d been gone for years. Molly Carty was all excited when she saw me. She held tightly on to my arm, so I couldn’t escape without answering all of her questions.
‘Tell me about that Lissadell place, Lily,’ she said. ‘Is it as fancy as they say?’
‘It’s fancy all right,’ I said.
‘And is it true that every one of the family has a big feather bed to themselves?’
‘They do,’ I said. I wanted to tell her that I even had a whole bed to myself, but I knew Mam would give out to me for boasting.
‘And have you met that Countess Markievicz woman?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘She lives in Dublin, and only visits sometimes.’
‘You know I’ve heard she’s not even a proper Countess,’ said Molly. ‘They say her husband made up the title to impress his friends.’
‘She’s more a Countess than you or I will ever be, Molly,’ said Mam, and Molly gave her a sour look.
‘I could tell you stories about that woman,’ said Molly. ‘And they’d make your hair stand on end. I heard that one time in Paris she––’
Now I was very interested, but Mam nudged Molly. ‘Not in front of the children,’ she said.
I think Molly’s a bit afraid of Mam, so I’ll probably never know the end of the Paris story.
‘Well, it won’t hurt the children to hear how that woman carries on in Dublin,’ said Molly. ‘She says she’s working for the people, but she traipses off to meetings all dressed up in velvet ball gowns, with diamonds around her neck. She’s the talk of the town, she is – always looking for attention.’
I know Molly was trying to badmouth the Countess, and make me think less of her, but it wasn’t working. The Countess sounded like a very interesting woman, and I loved to think that she grew up in the house where I worked. She had actually walked along the corridors I swept, and slept in the beds I turned over and aired. I had seen the window where she scratched her name one wet afternoon when she was bored. I couldn’t help feeling excited that one day I might actually see her in real life. I was ready to hear more stories, but Mam hates gossip, and I knew we’d have to go.
‘We need to move on,’ said Mam, pulling me away from Molly. ‘The day will be gone before we know it.’ And the thought of my special day coming to an end made me sad as we walked back home.
* * *
Later, Mam and I made dinner together, and though the food was plain and simple, I enjoyed the meal more than any I’d had in my week in Lissadell.
After dinner, Mam said she had loads of darning to do, so she sat down and began to work. I knew she was only making an excuse so we could have some quiet time together – but I didn’t tell her that. Anne can’t sit still for five minutes, so I was glad when she begged to go next door to play with their new litter of kittens. I wanted to have a proper chat with Mam before the boys came home.
Winnie climbed onto my lap, put her thumb in her mouth, and used her other hand to play with my curls. Within seconds she was asleep. I wanted that moment to last forever and ever, with my little sister warm in my arms, and my lovely mam sitting across from me, listening as if my stories were the best stories she’d ever heard in her whole life.
‘An
d how are things in the Big House, Lily?’ asked Mam. ‘Are you doing everything they tell you? You’re not being skittish? Is the work hard? Are they good to you?’
So I told her all about my new life. Mam is a great listener, and I know she missed my company when I was gone, so I made it all sound funny, even the endless sweeping and dusting, and the blackleading of the grates that left my fingers stained and sore.
I didn’t tell her that for much of the time I was afraid of doing or saying something wrong. I didn’t tell her that for much of the time I was lonely, and almost ready to cry.
‘And have you made any friends?’ she asked.
I told her about Isabelle, and Maggie and how nice they were to me, and I could see that made her happy.
‘And then there’s Nellie,’ I said.
‘Is she your friend too?’
‘I wouldn’t say that. We sleep in the same room, and we work together every day, but I don’t think she’s my friend.’
‘Why not?’
‘I’m not really sure. Mostly she’s grumpy and barely talks to me, so I decide I hate her, and then she surprises me and gets all chatty and I decide I like her again, and then she’s mean and – I don’t know, Mam. It’s hard when I don’t know if she’s nice or not.’
Mam put down her needle and patted my hand.
‘Oh dear. That does sound a bit confusing, but you know what they say – you shouldn’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.’
‘I’d never walk a mile, or even one single step in Nellie’s shoes. She’d murder me if she saw me touching anything of hers.’
Mam laughed. ‘You know exactly what I mean. Just give her a chance, and who knows – maybe one day this Nellie girl will be your very best friend.’
* * *
The afternoon passed in a flash, and soon I could hear my brothers outside, scuffling as always, as they kicked a stone along the track ahead of them. They burst through the door, and stood shyly next to me. I smiled at their sweet dirty faces, and their unusual silence. I gave them their cakes, which they ate at once, all in one bite.