by L. U. Ann
“Mrs. Rogers?”
“Yeah? Holy shiiiiitttt get that fucking Dreamy Drug Doc back in here. I’m not supposed to feel soooooo much paaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiin. This is not fucking pressure; it’s a freaking earthquake.”
“Um, Lacey?” All three of our heads snap up. Forget the fucking doctor. My medicine is standing right in front of me. I’m going to enjoy ripping him free of his nut sack and so much more. Where the hell is my voodoo doll?
“What the fuuuuck are... you... uuuugh... doing here, Caine?” I try to catch my breath so I can chew his ass out for doing this to me. “How did you know I was here?” Becca and mom are quiet, perhaps stunned into silence. Can that really happen to Becca?
“The hospital called me looking for your mom. They said you were in labor and needed to find her for you.”
“She’s here; you can see that, so you can leave. Fuckkk argh...”
“Lacey, please let me try to help.”
“Caine, I don’t want your help. Get the fuck out!” I scream as loud as I can, beginning to feel the need to start pushing. Alarms are going off all around me. “Mom, Becca, oh my God, what’s happening?”
“It’s okay, sweetie. Let me get the doctor. Caine can you hold her hand please?”
“No mom!” Pain shoots down my back and I’m panting. “Uuugh!”
Caine takes my hand. “Breathe through it.” I squeeze it as hard as I can without any apologies.
“OH. MY. GOD! I’m going to die. Something’s not right.”
“It’s okay Lacey,” Caine tries to comfort me.
“What the fuck do you know about squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape?”
“Good one, Lacey. I love Shirley MacLaine’s character Ouiser from Steele Magnolias. She’s a firecracker, one I look up to and aspire to be.”
Relief washes over me and I feel like I can breathe again. “Becca, you’ve surpassed her in your firecracker-ish-ness.”
“Well, let’s finish finding out if you’re pregnant. Question five: Your poop schedule has gone extinct.”
I give Becca a look that makes her realize I’m not answering that question. “I see, yes to that answer since you don’t want to dish the details. Okay, last one. It’s Saturday night and you’re going out with the girls. Do you slip on your tight little dress or do you choose to wear something a little more comfortable?” She looks up at me. “I’ll answer yes to that one after witnessing some of the crap I’ve seen you in lately. Let’s tally your score. You’ve answered six of the six questions with a yes. According to this quiz’s answer guide, you might be pregnant and should see a doctor. Although, it also states it’s only a possibility and you should take a test just to be sure.”
“Really, Becca? Oh, uh, I feel something, something isn’t right.” I’m dripping in sweat and the room is starting to spin.
“What is it?” Caine chimes in as the Smurf village returns to my room. Someone please get Gargamel out of here. Smurfs, please keep Gargamel from stealing my essence again. He is not wanted anywhere near me. Help, find a cheap tramp and that should occupy his time for a while.
Pussy doctor is looking at the machines and fishing with something that does not belong up my hoo ha. “Lacey, your baby’s vitals are not what they should be when you have a contraction. We are going to need to prep you for an emergency C-section.”
“What? Is my baby bump okay? No, this cannot be happening. Please let him be okay, pleeeeeaase! Fuuuckkk...” I can’t breathe. Pussy doctor says something about the placenta and I start hyperventilating. I don’t know what’s going on. Shadows of people are floating around me, but I don’t know who’s who. My baby. Please God, please save my baby.
“Lacey?” I hear a muffled noise. “Lacey?” Who the hell keeps saying my name? I already know my fucking name. “Lacey!” There it goes again, shouting at me. Why is someone shouting at me? I’m the one going through this shit, and then I don’t hear anyone.
For the past three months, I had licked my wounds from Caine’s destructive behavior. My shattered heart began mending the moment I stepped out of the apartment that night. Every day I felt stronger as if the old Lacey were making a comeback. Caine had not contacted me, which helped a lot; granted, most of that time he deployed at sea without a way to contact me.
Regardless of the abuse, he had some sort of power over me. A power so great, that I lost all inhibitions when I got near him. Becca was still talking to Lucas. They were pretty tight lately and I was so happy for her. Lucas didn’t know the entire story as to why I left Caine. He asked Becca numerous times, wanting to help fix our marriage. She told him it was not her story to tell. Caine refused to talk and if he knew what was good for him, he would keep it that way.
Spending the holidays with my family had been a big help for my mood and it helped put me in a better place emotionally as I prepared for my little bundle to make its grand entrance into the world. I spent most of the time working, decorating for the holidays, and enjoying girl-time with Becca. With her first semester over, she had a lot of free time. Mom’s surgery went a lot better than expected. She was just about fully recover. However, because they fused her neck together, she couldn’t bend it up and down, side to side, or put her ear to her shoulder, unless she pulled her shoulder up to her ear. So far, her pain had not been too bad, but that might have had something to do with the post-op drugs the doctor prescribed. We found out that degenerative disc disease was the cause of her repeated need for surgeries.
Lane and I covered the stores as much as possible with the help of the ever so popular ‘EML’ or ‘Recluse’ as Lane calls her. We were surprised to find out that Alice was actually a nice person. Who would have thought? She was just shy and too nosy for her own good. We had incorporated her into our little family and she couldn’t wait to meet baby bump. Alice was a lonely woman and I was now happy that the planets had aligned to bring us together. I thought it had helped her break out of her skin, being at the store interacting with people. It became a win-win situation for all of us. Mom liked to remind me it was all her doing. Lane and I shook our heads and chuckled because we knew it was true, despite our reservations at first.
Beep, beep, beep. What the hell is that sound? I try to open my eyes, but I can’t and I don’t know if I’m awake or asleep. There are a few familiar sounds and I’m trying my hardest to figure out what it is. It sounds like crying. Baby bump, oh my God, where is my baby bump? I try to move my fingers to my belly; feeling numb, I’m unable to move them. I try my legs; what the fuck is wrong. I can’t move; oh my God, what the hell is wrong? I hear the beeping getting louder and louder and the short pulses are hurting my head. The cries sound louder and someone is yelling. What the fuck? And then silence.
I miss the Caine I fell in love with over a year ago. I don’t know if it was the stress of having a baby at such a young age or something stemming from his childhood, but he began taking the steps towards becoming an alcoholic almost immediately after moving in together. Maybe it started before and I didn’t realize it because we weren’t with each other twenty-four-seven. The change in his demeanor was frightening to watch and fall victim to when he continued to drink, despite the problems it was causing in our marriage. I’m glad I got out when I did; scared to think what could have happened to my baby bump or me if I stayed.
Caine was here, wasn’t he? Why was he here? I told him I don’t want to see him again and if he tried to contact me, I was going to advise his superiors with the reasons for leaving. He wouldn’t be that stupid, would he? Is he here to take away baby bump? Oh my God! Why can’t I wake up? Where the fuck am I? Where is my baby bump? I need my baby bump, please God. Don’t let him take baby bump away from me, please!
There is a scream. Wait, that sounds like Becca. Becca! I try to shout, but nothing is coming out. I try to move any muscle that will listen to me and finally I can feel my fingers. I wiggle my fingers and she fucking screamed again in my ear. For God sakes, Becca! I am kick
ing her ass out of here the first chance I get. My baby bump, where’s my baby? I try to move my hand and it feels as if it weighs as much as a freaking boulder. Okay, my bump is smaller. Where is my bump? The beeping sounds louder, piercing my ears. Somebody beat the shit out of that thing to get it to stop!
I need to open my eyes. Concentrate Lacey, the things hiding the big balls need to move. I can feel my eyeballs moving, that has to be a good sign. Now, open the sealed lids closing you off to the world, Lacey. Finally! I blink multiple times because the room is bright and it feels like I’m looking directly at the sun. And there she is screaming.
“Lacey! Can you hear me, Lacey? Mom, go get the doctor!” It’s Lane too! Wow, when did she get here? I turn to look at her and she is wearing the biggest smile.
“Ah,” I try to talk, but something’s in my mouth. What the fuck? I move my hand to my mouth.
“Lacey, wait for the doctor; you have a tube in your mouth.” My eyes grow and fill with moisture as she tells me. Looking around the room, I’m trying to find baby bump. I see Becca and I think Caine, but he’s too far and fuzzy. I think my heart just stopped. Is that baby bump? Oh my God, my baby bump. Caine’s holding the baby. Thank you God for saving baby bump. Caine begins to walk over while my eyes rain from joy.
The first look at this beautiful creature I helped create took away all of the pain I experienced bringing baby bump into this world. OH.MY.GOD. I’m in love. I try to hold my arms out but another Smurf appears, causing Caine to move away. NO! I want to see my baby.
“Hello, Mrs. Rogers welcome back.” The guy who is wasting my time tells me. “I need to check a couple things and maybe we can remove the tube.” He shines a fucking bright light in each eye and I try with all my might to close my eyes, but he’s holding them open. “Good,” he says. No motherfucker, you blinded me. He pulls the earphone thing around his neck to his ears and puts the other end to my chest and waits and waits. He better not be checking me out or I’m serving his balls to him on a hospital platter. “Lacey, your heart sounds good and it appears you are able to breathe on your own now. You had complications during labor that caused you to go into shock. We were able to get your baby out safely before there were any effects to him.” Him, I have a boy? Oh my God, I have a baby boy! Baby bump is a boy... my Evan. I need to hold my Evan. “Lacey, I need you to calm down. You cannot get upset with what just happened to you. I know you want to see your baby and you will be able to hold him soon, but we have to make sure you are okay first. You will not be any good to him if you’re not well,” fucking logical doctor says. Dammit!
After about thirty minutes of poking and prodding me in places nobody has business touching, mom is able to hand me my Evan. He is now my world. I love him already with all of my heart. I know I’m beaming from ear to ear. He is amazing. I will learn how to be the mom he needs. I won't give up on him. I won't let anyone hurt him.
Caine moves to sit next to me. “He’s beautiful, Lacey.” I look up to his watery eyes. “I’m so sorry for everything, baby. I was a horrible husband to you. I don’t know what to do without you. I had so much time to think about things while I was deployed. I’ve stopped drinking so that I can be a better person. I’m hoping you will let me try to be part of your life and our son’s.
Something’s wrong with my heart. What the hell did they give me? I shouldn’t feel my heartstrings tugging again. Deceitful heart! Caine moves to kiss my temple while Becca, mom, and Lane watch in the background. Why isn’t Becca chewing him a new one? Why didn’t mom throw him out? I don’t understand.
“Lacey, I don’t want to upset you right now, so we aren’t going to talk about anything but our baby for now. Okay?” I nod. “But, I have to thank you.” I look at him questioningly. “Thank you for giving me the best present in the world, Evan.”
“How...” My voice is hoarse and it hurts to talk.
“Don’t talk for now. Becca told me you were naming him Evan if it was a boy.” I figured. I look up at Becca, silently thanking her for everything she has done. I smile at her. “I will always love you, Lacey. Not just because of the person you are, but for giving me Evan,” he says with tears flowing down his cheeks.
I look down at my Evan, counting his fingers and toes. He has all of them. There is an IV thing sticking out of his head. That can’t be good. I look up at Caine, who reads my questioning look. “That’s for giving him medicine. The nurse says its fine and happens a lot when they can’t get a vein in their hands or feet.” I nod again, feeling relief. He’s beautiful and perfect. His skin has an olive tinge to it, just like Caine. His hands are in tight fists, cheeks are full, cutest little nose, and his lips are pressed together in a pouty fashion. Simple perfection, my Evan.
Chapter Seventeen
Consequences
Eight weeks later...
Evan and I were in the hospital for a total of six days. Once I was coherent, mom explained what exactly happened during delivery. The placenta, which happens to nourish the fetus, detached itself from my uterus and became life threatening for the baby. The alarm sounds that annoyed the snot out of me during labor were warning the doctor and staff that Evan was under distress and I was going into shock. Thankfully, they were able to move fast enough to save Evan from any complications or permanent damage. I did not lose as much blood as what normally might happen, saving me from having a hysterectomy.
Evan is absolutely wonderful. I can stare at him for hours as he sleeps or makes the slightest noise. He has big lungs and can wake up people on another continent when he’s mad, which happens to be about every time his diaper needs changing. I tell him I’ll only be a minute, but the wipes just piss him off to no end. It doesn’t matter if they’re cold or warm, they’re wet, and by the very definition, he doesn’t like them. I think it’s kind of cute.
Caine spent most of the visiting hours at the hospital holding Evan as much as possible. He went out with a bunch of guys to celebrate Evan. I didn’t ask whom he went out with or whether he drank. I’m not ready to dive into that type of relationship. I want to spend my time enjoying Evan. Once released from the hospital, Caine wanted me to move back in with him. I put my foot down and stayed with my parents. I told him that he is more than welcome to visit every day, but I just need my space. He tried to argue, but realized he wasn’t going to win. He quickly let it go, at least for now.
Evan is eight weeks old and time as flown. He is now at the point of getting excited when he knows I’m getting a bottle ready for him to devour. The funniest thing is his discovery of his hands. He’ll bring one up to his face, inspecting the foreign object as he scrunches his forehead and crosses his eyes wondering what the new thing is for. The muscles in his neck are getting stronger every day and he is holding his head up for longer periods of time. He’s my little Hercules who has won over the hearts of everyone. I wonder sometimes if he knows which one of us is his mommy, but I can’t complain. My family has been a tremendous help and even Caine’s presence during the afternoon or evening is a nice reprieve to do laundry or fix supper. I’ve gone back to work at the store. The nicest thing about working for your parents is being able to bring your baby to work. One little smile to the customers and they are wrapped around his finger. He’s going to be a knockout when he gets older.
Caine has, once again, managed to work his way back into my heart. He has taken a very active role in Evan’s life, all the while trying to woo me in the process. I’m skeptical of giving him any more chances. He tells me he still isn’t drinking and I hope it’s true for Evan’s sake. I’m trying to keep a level head around him, but my heart aches for the person I know he can be. I want the Caine that I fell in love with. The Caine who would do anything for me and wouldn’t ever degrade or hurt the one he loves. The gentle, compassionate, and intimate Caine is trying to make a comeback; I see it every time he’s near. For instance, tonight he’s playing on the floor with Evan, talking about life, and making sure he knows the important things in life. He’s going to bring
me to tears.
“Evan, when you meet a pretty girl who is everything you want in the world, don’t ever let her go. Make sure you do everything to make her happy and never hurt her,” Caine says while playing with Evan’s hands. Evan stares at him like he’s an alien, but I hope he is taking Caine’s advice. I will do everything I can to raise a gentleman who respects women.
“Awe, come here little sweet pea,” Caine gently says to Evan, who begins to fuss. Oh yes, this boy is spoiled rotten; he loves to be held.