Kate distantly observed this disgusting phenomenon while she covered her mouth with her hand and tried not to let out a whoop of joy. If she wasn’t hallucinating, then Will had just made himself the bad guy and saved her from making a total ass out of herself. If he didn’t look and smell so repulsive, she would have kissed him.
The attendants on the steps watched the spectacle of the melting groom and jilted bride with great interest, and only the minister appeared truly shocked by this strange occurrence in his church.
“I think you need to explain yourself, son.” He glared at Will, the full power of the enormous cross behind him making Will shrink even further into his sweaty jacket.
After several moments that felt like an eternity, Will lifted his chin in a rare show of gumption. “I can’t marry her,” he said firmly.
That show of courage must have been very draining because he swayed on his feet as soon as he made this announcement, abruptly sitting down on the steps to put his head between his knees.
Those final words of rejection were all Kate needed to hear. She swiftly dragged her blusher up and tossed it back over her head, revealing a face that was suspiciously happy. Leaning down, she gave Will a peck on his slick cheek.
“Thanks,” she whispered in his ear. Will did not lift his head, but he gave a slight nod to indicate he had heard her. Kate hesitated a moment before murmuring, “And I’m really sorry about your cat.”
Will looked at her through his fingers and gave her a baffled nod before getting back to his headlong descent into a nervous breakdown.
Oblivious to Will’s further distress — he had, after all, just broken up with her — Kate straightened and threw her arms around a stunned Emilie and Lana. “Isn’t this great?”
Her voice was not at all quiet, so the first five rows let out a collective gasp at her gaiety. Emilie shushed her, while Lana pointedly bobbed her head at the audience behind them. Tensing, Kate turned to face the rest of the church and was confronted by confused wedding guests who were whispering and chattering amongst themselves about this unusual turn of events.
Suddenly aware that her enthusiastic outburst and beaming smile did little to cast her in the light of a scorned bride, Kate put her head down and made an effort to smother her glee. Trying to seem appropriately dejected, Kate furtively studied the various reactions of her guests with interest.
Most were observing her odd behavior as one might study a strange, exotic creature who had recently escaped from the zoo.
Ethan’s shoulders were quaking and his hand was covering his mouth — she had a sneaking suspicion the jerk was laughing at her.
Her mother was weeping dramatically in the front pew, while her startled father directed his bewildered stare at the ceiling.
Will’s mother had her arms crossed menacingly over her inappropriately displayed cleavage as she glared daggers at her son’s not-wife.
Lana’s mother was staring at Kate with blatant disapproval, which wasn’t really all that rare of an occurrence.
Ethan’s parents and Emilie’s mom were smiling kindly from the back pew of the church.
Emilie and Lana were standing silently behind her, ready, Kate knew, to back her up.
And Auntie Olive, bless her, was sitting a few rows from the front with a huge grin on her face, frantically waving with another soggy handkerchief and enthusiastically snapping pictures.
Kate felt her breathing slow to shallow panting as the enormity of what had just occurred began to sink in. Everyone was judging her. It didn’t seem fair for them to look at her as if she had done something wrong when, strictly speaking, Will was the bad guy.
Did they sense that Kate had been about to call the whole thing off and Will had simply beat her to the punch? Why, for heaven’s sake, hadn’t she listened to Emilie and Lana and gotten out of this place earlier? And what was she supposed to do now?
In a growing panic, Kate blindly held out her hand for support and Emilie allowed the two bouquets in her hand to fall to the floor before grasping Kate’s hand in a warm, hopefully reassuring grip.
Briefly, and she fully acknowledged selfishly, Emilie mourned the loss of the lavish, elegant reception she had planned for the evening. There would have been a band and twinkle lights and tables dripping with sparkling crystal, and a ballroom all decked out in Art Deco mirrors and white calla lilies. She sighed loudly — maybe she could recycle some of her ideas for the next wedding.
Fully aware of the direction of her friend’s thoughts, Lana grabbed Emilie’s other hand and squeezed her fingers in mild reproach. Emilie shrugged sheepishly, and Lana rolled her eyes.
As the girls stood frozen on the altar steps with the increasingly annoyed minister, the whimpering groom, and the growing confusion, irritation, and amusement of the wedding guests rising to a crescendo around them, Emilie realized that they had to get out of here. Now.
The audience was starting to get restless, and a few people on Will’s side of the aisle looked downright scary. His mother and her boyfriend, who might have been the love child of David Crosby and Janis Joplin if his rotund build, squinty eyes, and jiggly jowls were any indication, were practically growling. Will’s sister alone seemed unfazed by any of the commotion — she was too busy breast-feeding her baby, her breasts on full display for all to see.
Kate’s side of the aisle, which was mostly made up of old ladies (Kate had a lot of great-aunts), and puzzled middle-aged women (Kate’s mother had a lot of friends) was only slightly less intimidating. There were a few friendly faces among them, but most people appeared far too confused to be of any help to her right now. That really figured.
Sneaking another glance at Ethan, she saw that he was unabashedly grinning, probably delighting in her predicament. Etiquette called for an official announcement of some sort, but Emilie would rather dance the tarantella naked than address a large, slightly unfriendly crowd of wedding guests who were clearly not going to be happy to learn that the end of the wedding meant the end of the fancy festivities they had been promised.
Will had done the official abandoning, so Emilie didn’t see why she should be expected to talk. Why didn’t his pimply friend, Glen, say something?
Looking beyond the vacant spot next to Ethan, she discovered that Glen was huddled on the floor with Will. The two of them were sobbing like babies and holding onto each other like someone had died.
Lana nudged her in the side. “Say something, Em.”
Emilie closed her eyes and counted to ten. Twice. Honestly, just once she would enjoy not having to be the witch who cleaned up everyone else’s mess. With a resigned sigh, she raised her right arm for attention. “Um, excuse me!” The chattering ceased at once and all eyes were now on her. Well, that was just peachy. “Hi,” she said.
She heard a snort of laughter from Ethan’s general vicinity and vowed to get him for that later.
With a deep breath, she forged ahead. “We’re really sorry about this folks, but…this isn’t going to happen today.” While a few guests began whispering, the majority of people waited, mouths open, for Emilie to elaborate. “So, uh, we’re going to be going now. Have a nice evening.” She shrugged lamely as the guests gaped at her.
Gritting her teeth, Emilie took the first steps down the short flight of stairs from the altar. Lana and Kate followed behind, their grip on her hands unbreakable. When they reached the aisle, the baton-wielding smart ass leading the string quartet began playing the da-da-da-dum strains of Mendelssohn’s Wedding March, which caused more than a few of the guests to let out scandalized gasps.
Emilie cast an annoyed glare in the direction of the music and Lana giggled. The adrenaline seemed to kick into Kate’s system then, because she quickly pulled ahead, dragging them behind her so they formed a caterpillar-like line.
They were halfway up the aisle when Emilie glanced over her shoulder and found Ethan grinning and scratching his head in amusement. On impulse, she let go of her friends’ hands and raced back to the altar un
til she stood in front of Ethan. Placing her hands on his surprised face, she yanked him down to plant a kiss on his smiling mouth. Before he could do more than cup the back of her neck and groan, she had pulled back with an impish grin and slipped away.
With a saucy wink, Emilie turned and ran back to an exasperated Kate and a laughing Lana. She heard various chuckles from the wedding guests as she reached her friends, who were standing in the middle of the aisle, shaking their heads. Emilie shrugged and grasped Kate’s hand again. Kate rolled her eyes and turned to tug them toward the doors.
On their way out she glimpsed Ethan’s parents, who grinned broadly and gave her the thumbs up as her mom tossed Emilie’s over-stuffed purse into her arms with a wink. “Have fun!” her mom instructed.
Emilie snorted, and Lana and Kate blew her mom kisses before shoving the doors of the sanctuary open and dragging Emilie through them. Upon reaching the empty hallway, they firmly slammed the doors shut and headed for the exit.
They were nearing their escape when Lana called out, “Wait!” She pulled up short, causing the other girls, who were still linked by their hands, to jerk backwards. Ignoring their mildly rebuking glares, Lana said, “What about my song?”
Two pairs of eyes stared back at her with comically blank expressions.
“We’re kind of on the lam right now, Lana.” Emilie looked frantically back at the closed doors they had just bolted through.
“I know, and I’m fully on board, but—” Lana shrugged. “I’m really proud of that song. I was looking forward to singing it for you.”
Kate grinned and broke into a gale of laughter. “How about you save it for the next wedding? One of us is bound to go through with one eventually.”
Standing in the bright parking lot, the girls contemplated Emilie’s sleek little car before turning their eyes upon the ridiculously large limo that was waiting to take Kate and Will to a reception that was never going to take place.
Emilie shrugged at Kate. “It’s your call.”
Kate grinned. “It’s already paid for, right?” Emilie nodded affirmatively and smiled at Kate’s merry expression. “Limo, baby,” Kate decided with a snap of her fingers.
It was amazing the difference ten minutes and one life-altering decision could have on a person’s mood.
They tittered conspiratorially and hustled over to the limo, where the driver was leaning against the door with an amused, albeit baffled, expression on his face as he watched the giggling trio. Kate had never looked more radiant, with her hair tangling around her shoulders, her veil once again falling off of her head, and her white dress looking decidedly rumpled. The makeup Lana had used to cover all of her tattoos was starting to smear off of her shoulders and chest, revealing bits of stars, flowers, and fairies. Emilie’s cheeks were flushed a charming pink and, despite the ruckus back in the church, her dress was still immaculate. The only indication that something might be amiss was the fact that her hair had come undone and was now falling in dark auburn waves around her face.
The driver held the door open as Kate crawled into the limo, her friends all but shoving her dress in behind her. There was a distinct thump as the bride toppled onto the floor when her friends pushed too hard. Emilie and Lana piled in behind her while Kate mumbled a few unladylike curses as she tried to maneuver herself onto a seat. The driver chuckled again as he closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side.
“Well, girls,” Lana said in her best game show announcer voice, “We’ve just narrowly escaped the sure-to-be loud fallout of an aborted wedding ceremony. Where are we off to now?”
“Don’t look at me!” Emilie held up her hands as if to ward off any more responsibility. “I have officially retired from the wedding planning business.” She shoved Kate, causing her to topple over again. “I say we let Kate choose what we do next. After all she is the poor, rejected bride.”
“You know, Will and I were supposed to go to Hawaii tomorrow morning,” Kate said, wearing one of her I’m-Evil-and-I-Know-It smiles as she attempted to right herself in the seat. She tapped her index finger against her temple as her smile widened. “My mom paid for the whole shebang and gave me her platinum card to use as spending money. It’s all part of her latest attempt to one-up my dad by giving me a wedding present that’s almost more expensive than the actual wedding.”
“Your point being?” Emilie asked warily.
She knew all about the honeymoon because she had, at Evelyn’s behest, booked the room and arranged all the scheduled activities with the resort. And she had been more than a little jealous that Stupid Will was going to get to experience all the fun of parasailing and surfing in the Pacific, sunbathing on the beach with frosty, fruity beverages, and relaxing sunset dinners on the terrace of the resort’s five star restaurant when he clearly had no idea how to appreciate it. Emilie hadn’t even been certain that Will owned a pair of swim trunks and she had been thoroughly disgusted by the thought of such a cheesy, dirty guy mucking up the glorious tropical paradise.
Kate’s bouncing brought Emilie’s attention back to their current situation. “My point is that Mom said I should go wild and have fun in Hawaii and not to even worry about the cost!” Kate declared.
“Okay, so…” Emilie’s eyes narrowed at the mercenary gleam in Kate’s eye.
“Well, it would be a shame to waste all that gorgeous Hawaiian sunshine and all of your careful planning, Emmy. Why shouldn’t we all get to enjoy a little rest and relaxation after the trauma and stress we have only just endured?”
“You mean the trauma and stress induced by the fact that, if not for Will’s impeccable timing, you would now be facing a life sentence with Cheese of the Month in there?” Emilie asked.
“Hey! I was about to say something!” Her friends gave Kate matching looks of incredulity. “I was! Will was just quicker to the draw than me.” She waved her hand dramatically before pressing it to her forehead. “And now look at me. Alone. Rejected. Publicly humiliated. How ever shall I recover from this most atrocious mangling of my heart?”
Even Emilie had to smile at that load of malarkey. Pouncing on Emilie’s moment of weakness, Kate grasped her hand. “Come on, don’t you guys think I deserve a little treat after all the heartache I’ve just faced?”
“Maybe,” Emilie said.
“So, what say you, girls?” Kate’s grin widened. “Want to go on my honeymoon with me?”
Lana’s face lit up at that idea, but Emilie shook her head at both of them. “It’s your honeymoon, Kate. I don’t think it’s appropriate to go on it unless you’ve, you know, had a wedding first.”
“Oh, spare me Miss Manners’ Rules for the Runaway Bride,” scoffed Kate. “It’s my honeymoon! And it’s all paid for, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t still enjoy it. Come on, Emmy. I’m a girl! And I just wanna have fun! Isn’t it my prerogative and responsibility to womankind to have some?”
Lana’s eyebrows reached her hairline. “Maybe I’ve lost it, but Kate’s starting to make a weird kind of sense.” She batted her eyes at Emilie, who grinned in spite of herself. “Why shouldn’t we live a little, Emmy?”
“But,” Emilie said weakly. “There are only two tickets—”
“Pshaw!” Kate shrugged and waved that tiny detail away with her hand. “That’s what the platinum card is for.”
She was staring at Emilie as if she was the one acting silly. As if it was the most rational thing in the world to further annoy your mother by running up her credit card bill after you’d already tossed thousands of dollars down the drain on a non-wedding.
As if she could read her mind, Lana interrupted Emilie’s internal moral debate. “Technically, Will left Kate at the altar. So Evelyn’s probably going to feel sorry for her more than anything — I bet she would want us to take those tickets and that card and use them to have some fun!”
“Oh, you do, huh?” Emilie was amused and somewhat concerned by her friends’ lack of scruples. She was even more dismayed to find herself agreeing
with their twisted logic. “Well…” she said with a resigned sigh. “We have been under a lot of stress lately. And Hawaii does sound heavenly.”
Seeing that Emilie had caved with little-to-no overtly persuasive wheedling, Lana and Kate gave whoops of joy and high-fived each other.
“Party!” declared Kate. “We just have to stop by my place to get the tickets, the credit card, and my suitcase.”
“And then by our apartment to pack our bikinis and some cash,” added Lana.
Emilie gave them an indulgent smile. Their expressions suggested it was Christmas morning and they had just hit the mother load.
“All right,” she conceded. “We need to get some sunscreen from the drug store, too.” At Lana and Kate’s mocking smirks, she gave them both a shove. “Shut it! If I’m going to a tropical island, I’m not going to burn myself to a crisp as soon as I get there!”
They threw their arms around her as they fell into a renewed fit of giggles. The driver rolled down the partition and shook his head at their antics. “So where are we headed, ladies?”
Lana scrambled up to the front and gave him directions to Kate’s house and the apartment. He nodded amiably as he put the limo in gear with an indulgent shrug at all the rejoicing that was going on in the backseat.
Wiping a hilarity-induced tear out of her eye, Emilie glanced out the window. Her face blanched when she saw that guests were starting to file out of the church, Will’s angry mother among them.
Eyes widening, she slapped at Kate’s hand in agitation. “Could you hurry, please!” Emilie called to the driver.
Noting her distress, Lana and Kate peeked out the window, too, where the guests that exiting the church were staring in disbelief at the shaking limo. The driver was pulling away from his spot in front of the church when Kate noticed the sun roof.
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