‘Such as?’ Her lips quivered.
‘I don’t know! But it might be an idea to talk it over with your only son.’
‘My only son,’ she said slowly, ‘is such a fan of yours he’s not exactly an unbiased observer.’
‘Good,’ he replied as they took the flyover to Tullamarine airport. ‘Perhaps some of it will rub off on his mother.’
And at the airport he made very sure he would leave an impression on her that would be hard to shake. In full view, he kissed her goodbye extremely passion-ately—so much so, she was shaken to the core and had to cling to him for a few moments while her breathing subsided and her knees stopped wobbling.
‘Brett,’ she breathed, her eyes huge and wondering.
‘That has to last for two days so I thought I better make it double strength.’
She looked around and turned pink. ‘But everyone’s watching.’
‘Let them.’ He took her face in his hands. ‘Now, promise me, no strange fancies while I’m not there to…keep all the tough times at bay. I won’t let you go until you do promise.’
‘My flight…’
‘You’ll just have to miss it.’
‘I can’t!’
He shrugged.
Ellie closed her eyes and breathed deeply. ‘All right, I promise.’
‘Thank you.’ This time he kissed her very gently. ‘See you soon.’
Chapter Nine
ELLIE got home without incident just as Simon got home from school and was treated to a most enthusiastic welcome.
So enthusiastic she asked him if everything was all right.
He screwed up his face. ‘I’ve found out it’s OK to be the one going away but not so hot to be the one sitting at home.’
Ellie laughed and hugged him. ‘I know what you mean—hey, look at this!’ And she produced the two Melbourne Cup caps.
Simon was immediately filled with awe. ‘Bloody hell! I mean—holy moly, Mum! Martie and I will be the only guys in the whole school with these caps. You’re brilliant!’
‘My pleasure.’
‘So you had a good time? Where’s Brett?’
She described Cup day for him and explained about Brett. Then she paused and was about to test his reaction to the idea of her marrying Brett but something held her back.
Simon didn’t notice the hesitation, though, and, apparently completely restored, asked if he could take Martie’s cap over to him right there and then.
‘Sure.’ She ruffled his hair and watched him scoot out of the back door with affectionate eyes.
To her surprise, Gemma Arden came to call that evening after Simon was in bed.
‘This is a surprise, Gemma,’ she said as she answered the door. ‘I thought our lunch date was next Monday.’
‘I know.’ Gemma plunked a heavy briefcase down beside her and fanned herself vigorously; it was a hot humid evening. ‘But I have to go to Sydney on Monday and I felt so bad about postponing lunch yet again, I thought I’d call in on the off chance that you were here. I know Brett’s not. He rang me about some business from Melbourne this morning.’
‘Oh. Well, it’s great to see you anyway! Come out onto the terrace, I’ve just made a jug of orange, mango and passion-fruit juice. It’s very cold.’
‘Glory be, you’re a life saver, Ellie!’
Gemma was a big girl and, as always when she was working, clad in black and white. A long loose black jacket and skirt, white blouse and black-framed glasses. But she had a pretty face and long blonde hair, and over the years Ellie had come to know her as a shrewd, straight-talker with a rather acerbic wit that was refreshing.
‘So,’ Gemma said with a frosted glass of juice in her hand, ‘how’s Brett now? Still got those strange ideas you mentioned at the party?’
Ellie hesitated and suddenly knew the time had gone when she could discuss her relationship with Brett with Gemma. ‘Well, I’m sure he was having difficulty read-justing,’ she said slowly. ‘Complicated by the presence of a topless dancer in his life.’
‘Come again?’ Gemma blinked several times and took her glasses off.
Ellie explained about Chantal and they laughed together for a bit.
Gemma polished her glasses and put them back on. ‘I believe he’s moved in here with you and Simon?’
‘Yes—that was another problem. He feels at home here with us.’
‘Is that a problem?’ Gemma enquired.
‘Well, no. It is his house. What I meant was, I as-sumed he’d either want his house back or we’d go back to the previous arrangement. I didn’t imagine he’d be happy to live with us.’ She shrugged. ‘So I realized he was lonely and dislocated.’
Gemma thought for a bit. ‘Of course it could all be to do with Simon. I think Brett used to feel quite useless when Simon was a baby.’
Ellie frowned. ‘But he did so much for us.’
‘Financially, yes. But now that Simon is older, and very much like Tom, I gather—well, it’s probably all come back to him although time and again I’ve tried to tell him it was never his fault.’
‘What?’
Gemma hesitated, as if suddenly sensing she’d stepped into quicksand.
‘Gemma, Simon is my son and Tom was his father. Not only that but for years I’ve felt like Cinderella to Brett’s Prince Charming, in a financial way at least, but I’ve always told myself it was because Tom was almost like a younger brother to Brett. Is there another reason?’
Gemma sighed.
‘Don’t you think I deserve to know the full story?’ Ellie asked.
Still Gemma hesitated, then she came to a decision. ‘Yes. He always felt responsible for Tom’s death.’
Ellie’s mouth fell open and she paled. ‘But he wasn’t even playing that day,’ she whispered. ‘That can’t be true!’
‘You may not know this but he has never played polo again from that day to this. And he was supposed to play that day but he had to pull out at the last minute and Tom, who was only a reserve, came into the team against an opposition he wasn’t quite up to.’
Ellie’s mind roamed back to that awful day but she hadn’t been at the match either. ‘He seriously thinks that?’ she asked, stunned. ‘How do you know?’
‘Forgive me, but when he came to me to talk about setting things up for you and Simon, I told him I hoped he had a very good reason for embroiling himself with a woman he barely knew. That’s when he told me.’
Ellie had a sudden mental image of Brett at the Melbourne Cup and the way his expression had changed when she’d brought up polo…
She released a slow breath. ‘So that explains it.’
‘Does it make it better or worse?’ Gemma asked straightly. ‘I don’t know whether I should have told you but since I have—because it goes against the grain with me to think of any woman playing Cinderella to any man—how do you feel about it?’
Ellie tried to compose her thoughts. ‘As if the missing piece of the puzzle has finally fallen into place.’
‘On the other hand,’ Gemma said thoughtfully, ‘it struck me at Delia and Archie’s party that you and Brett make quite a couple. And that things may have changed from his—original thoughts on the matter.’
Ellie smiled but said nothing.
Once again Gemma hesitated, then she steered the conversation to the mundane and finally she left.
Ellie barely slept that night.
It must have shown on her face because Simon asked her if she was OK the next morning.
‘Just a headache—too much gallivanting around the country, probably.’ She smiled at him. ‘How are the rehearsals going?’ The play was the next evening.
‘Pretty good, but don’t get too excited about my part, Mum. It’s not a big one. They probably wouldn’t even miss me if I stayed home.’
Ellie smiled and presently waved him off to school. Then she sat down and dropped her head into her hands. This is not a strange fancy, she told herself. This is the truth at last and I don’t think I can bear it
…
She got up and wondered briefly how she could dis-mantle eleven years in a few hours. But she squared her shoulders, poured herself a cup of coffee and set to work.
Two hours later she was in Simon’s bedroom sur-rounded by partly packed boxes when she heard a car in the driveway. I’ll just pretend I’m not home to whoever it is, she decided, and went on packing.
But whoever it was unlocked the front door with his own key and she stood like a trapped rabbit until Brett found her in Simon’s room.
‘So,’ he said harshly, throwing his keys onto the bed, ‘this is how little you believe in me, Elvira Madigan. Either that or you’re extraordinarily well named.’
He wore a dark suit and a tie and she’d never seen him look more imposing—or harder.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ she asked through stiff lips, unaware that she was as pale as paper.
‘Hell-bent on tragedy,’ he supplied and looked around. ‘Prepared to uproot a kid to heaven knows where at a moment’s notice. What about the school play? What about the kennel—how are you planning to explain it all to Simon?’
‘Brett—’ she dashed at some angry tears ‘—why are you here? You weren’t supposed to arrive until tomorrow.’
‘I’m here because Gemma got in touch to tell me her famous habit of calling a spade a spade might have back-fired. Where did you plan on going, incidentally?’
Ellie swallowed several times. ‘There’s no “did” about it, Brett, I am going. To my father’s for the time being—he and Simon get on like a house on fire. And this is for you.’ She drew a piece of paper out of the pocket of her gingham dress, a cheque, and handed it to him.
He glanced at it contemptuously and immediately tore it up. ‘Didn’t the last few days mean anything to you, Ellie?’
‘Brett…’ she cleared her throat ‘…yes. And it so happens I was prepared to marry you even though I strongly suspect you’ll be slipping off to Africa from time to time; even though your parents’ marriage might have left a bitter taste in your mouth and made you something of a loner. But I will not be forced into a marriage with you out of a sense of guilt over Tom!’
‘Ellie…’ He stared at her.
‘Gemma may feel she’s backfired but she doesn’t usu-ally pass on disinformation.’
‘No,’ he said slowly and his shoulders slumped suddenly.
‘So it’s true?’ she whispered.
‘It’s true that if I hadn’t pulled out of the match that day it mightn’t have happened. It’s true that…’ he paused and she noticed lines scored beside his mouth she’d never seen before ‘…Simon reminds me so much of Tom. It is not true that I’ve ever kissed you or made love to you with a sense of guilt in my heart. It just doesn’t work that way.’
She turned away. ‘But the whole concept of anything between us is flawed, it always was and it always has to be—the only difference is that now I know why.’
He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her back to him. ‘Did things feel flawed between us at Peppers?’
Her breath caught in her throat. ‘Brett,’ she said with an effort, ‘I wouldn’t put too much credence on what happened in Melbourne. Something about being away from home, needing a break perhaps, a wonderful day—I don’t know, it all went to my head.’
‘You tried to tell me that once before—why don’t we really deal in the truth, Ellie?’
Her eyes widened.
‘I’ll go first if you like,’ he said, and took her hand. ‘Come.’
She resisted for a moment, then allowed him to lead her into the kitchen. There was a pot of coffee on the stove and he heated it up while Ellie cleared the table of its usual paraphernalia and sat down.
‘I was right about it being hot at home,’ he said rue-fully as he pulled off his tie and shrugged off his jacket.
Ellie didn’t smile—she couldn’t.
He watched her for a moment, then turned back to the stove as the coffee bubbled.
Presently he set two mugs on the table and sat down, and without preamble he said, ‘You told me once you didn’t think it could ever happen for you the way it had with Tom—falling in love.’
Ellie opened her mouth but closed it immediately.
‘I wouldn’t ever want to supplant that, or…erase it. And Simon, and what you feel for him, is living proof of it. The ultimate tie to a man you told me about your-self once.’
She made a strange, husky little sound in her throat.
‘But this is what happened to me,’ he said very quietly. ‘Yes, there was guilt involved at first and I will probably always regret what happened. But falling in love with you, Ellie, was an entirely different matter. That spark you first aroused in me all those years ago fanned and grew without me realizing it at first.’
‘How?’
‘Little things. How you make and fly kites, how you love to cook, your voice, your hair, your skin, your sense of humour…Then I realized I always looked forward to coming home to this place.’ He looked around. ‘And how it irritated me not to be coming home to you in the true sense. And I found myself making suggestions out of the blue and realizing, a little to my amazement, that I meant them.’
He paused. ‘Ellie, I know you can cite eleven years, Africa, Chantal Jones—it was none of that, it was you. But there was always, at the back of my mind, Tom’s shadow. Not the guilt but the fear that you didn’t ever want to love again.’
Her lips parted but no sound came.
‘I don’t know if you remember but I once asked you if you were expecting a declaration of undying love from me—you very quickly knocked that on the head.’
‘I didn’t…I thought…’ Her eyes widened as she remembered that feeling of dangerous ground his question had aroused but also the sense of mystery.
‘You thought I was mocking the idea? I wasn’t. If anything it was a form of self-mockery—I got the answer I expected but wasn’t hoping for.’
‘I…didn’t realize.’
‘So,’ he went on, ‘when I had a fair intimation that it had to be you and no one else for me I have to admit I…used Simon and what I could do for him as a form of pressure on you. It was—’ he shrugged, looking sud-denly tired and unhappy ‘—blackmail pure and simple. But I couldn’t help myself.’
‘Brett…’
He put his hand over hers. ‘If you’ve been wondering why I haven’t even during and after Melbourne…burdened you with undying declarations of love, it’s not because I haven’t wanted to. I suppose I’ve been scared witless about what I might hear in return.’
She found her voice at last. ‘I think I fell in love with you when you rescued me from that parking meter. I didn’t know it at the time, or—I wouldn’t admit it because it didn’t seem possible. I suppose,’ she said, with her voice clogged with emotion, ‘I’ve felt guilty ever since.’
He went quite still and for a moment his eyes seemed to burn a hole through to her soul.
She waited with her heart beating like a drum.
He said her name on a breath, then he got up and drew her to her feet and into his arms. ‘Thank heavens—’
‘But don’t you understand? It was only three months after I lost Tom.’ Her eyes were anguished.
‘Ellie, the point is, you had lost Tom.’
She stared into his eyes.
‘Things don’t stay the same, sweetheart. Things change in those circumstances.’
‘Is that…is that what you meant about dealing in the truth?’ she asked. ‘Did you suspect all along?’
‘No. I was hoping to get you to admit that you wouldn’t sleep with any man the way you did with me unless you were in love with him.’
She was racked by the memory of their love-making and buried her head against his chest.
‘Ellie?’ His hands moved on her very gently.
She raised her head and her eyes were full of tears but she was smiling. ‘No, I wouldn’t.’
She felt the reaction in his body—a jolt of
intense relief—then he was kissing her as if he were starved of her.
He lifted his head abruptly. ‘How can I make up for all those years and for being such a blind fool?’
‘Shall I show you?’
His gaze narrowed, then he nodded.
She took his hand and led him to her bedroom.
‘I think I get the picture,’ he murmured.
She laid his hand over her heart. ‘Do you? I was going to suggest some wild, glorious sex but if you have any other ideas?’
‘Not a one, my mind is a complete blank—that part of it that is not reeling from the thought of being wild and glorious in bed with you!’
They laughed together, then helped each other to undress with growing urgency. And the flame between them was more intense than it had ever been so that they lay in each other’s arms speechless and shaken after-wards.
Until he said, ‘About Africa.’
Ellie moved cautiously in his arms and kissed his shoulder softly. ‘I do understand.’
‘No, I don’t think you do. I didn’t understand myself until the other night when you fell asleep in my arms after I’d been talking about it. All of a sudden I felt different—yes, I’ll always have great memories. Yes, one day I’d like to take you there.’ He stroked her hair. ‘But it’s not in my blood any more. You’ve replaced it.’
She sat up. ‘You don’t have to say that.’
‘It’s true.’ He cupped her breast. ‘I always thought of it with this…niggle of discontent because I wasn’t there. Now I think of it with warmth and affection but the niggle has gone. As for being a loner, that has well and truly gone. I would have come home this morning any-way because I was missing you like hell.’
She sighed with sheer contentment and lay back in his arms.
‘Happy?’ he queried.
‘Blissfully,’ she conceded. ‘And I know someone else who is going to be over the moon. You know—he missed me.’
‘Why wouldn’t he?’ Brett asked.
She shrugged.
‘You don’t seem to understand what a special person you are, Ellie.’ He rolled her onto her back and leant up on his elbow so he could look into her eyes.
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