by Bella Jewel
“Let her go!” my mother shrieks.
Gretchen’s face is bright red and she’s squirming in her chair, screaming loudly.
I tug her head hard again, but a hard arm wraps around my waist, hauling me backwards. “Enough, baby,” my dad says into my ear.
“I’m tired of them!” I yell. “I’m still your daughter,” I spit to my mother. “I’m still your sister,” I spit to Gretchen. “How dare you treat me so badly because I’m not who you want me to be!”
“Make her stop, Daddy!” Gretchen squeals at my father. “She pulled my hair out. Oh my God, my hair.”
When my dad speaks, his voice is like a whip. It’s a tone I’ve never heard him use with them. “I love you all, you’re my family, but if I ever have to listen to you taunt Gracie like that again, so help me God, I’ll drop you all on your skinny, pretty asses and leave you with fucking nothing!” He’s roaring now. “Because if it wasn’t for me, you’d have no beauty queen lifestyle.” Then he turns his gaze to my mother. “You should be ashamed of yourself. I’ve never been embarrassed to call you my wife until right now.”
Her mouth drops open and her bottom lip quivers as Dad turns us both and practically carries me out the front door. He takes me to his car and guides me to the front seat, and I don’t dare protest. He gets into the driver’s side and takes off with the squealing of wheels. His fingers are tight around the steering wheel and his jaw is ticking. My dad is a big, scary man when he wants to be.
“Dad?” I whisper.
He says nothing, his eyes are intense, and he’s angry. I know he’s angry.
“Daddy?” I try again.
“Didn’t know, I didn’t —”
“Dad—”
“I didn’t know she spoke to you like that. I knew what they were, but I never … I never knew it was like that.”
“It’s not your fault,” I whisper.
“Like fuck it isn’t!” he barks.
I flinch. Dad doesn’t swear. He doesn’t yell. He’s always so calm.
“Dad,” I try again.
He pulls the car over into a deserted parking lot and turns to me, he reaches over, taking my face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Grace. I didn’t know she was so … cold.”
I know he didn’t know, because he’s usually hiding in his shed when I’m in the house with them, and usually they keep their comments mild around him. Today, Mom thought he wasn’t there. So she let rip.
“It was just because her friends were there—it’s okay.”
“Okay?” he says, letting his eyes scan my face. “Gracie, it’s never okay to speak to your own child the way she just did.”
“Dad, please,” I say, and my voice hitches.
He narrows his eyes. “Fuck.”
“Stop swearing, it’s not like you.”
“Fuck,” he repeats as if he didn’t hear me. “They’ve screwed with your head, haven’t they?”
God, he looks so pained. So guilty.
“No, I just had a bad day.”
He narrows his eyes. “Damned bad, by the look in your eyes.”
I nod and my bottom lip trembles.
“Jesus, princess.”
He pulls me into his arms and I burst into a fit of uncontrollable tears. It doesn’t matter how old you get, there’s always a time you need your dad. I cling to him, fingers curled into his shirt, and I cry until my body is doing nothing more than jerking silently.
He pulls me back and stares at my face, his eyes now soft, all the anger gone. “What happened?”
I swallow. I can’t tell him. He’d never understand.
“Gracie, you know you can tell me anything.”
I look down. “It’s just been a bad week.”
“You’re lying to me, honey.”
Dad. He knows everything.
“Please,” I say. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just needed … someone.”
He nods. “Understand that.”
I force a broken smile.
His phone rings. He stares down at it, and I can see my mother’s name flashing on the screen. He looks pained, because I know he cares about her, and what he just saw ripped his heart out.
“Answer it,” I say softly. “You know she didn’t mean it, Dad. She … she’s trying to be something I don’t think she is, either.”
He stares at the phone, I’m not even sure he heard me. He hangs up the call without answering. He’s hurt. “I don’t care if it’s not who she is, she’s your mother, Grace.”
“Yeah.”
“She’s always favored the other two girls. Always treated you differently.”
“Dad,” I say softly. “You’ve always favored me. It’s not really all that different.”
He stares up at me now. “Maybe, but I’d never, ever disrespect those girls.”
No, he wouldn’t.
My phone rings now, and I pull it out of my purse to see my mother’s name flashing on the screen. I contemplate answering it. I look over to Dad, and his face is hard again. I hang up, too, and shove the cell phone back into my purse. “Let’s go have a beer.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “A beer?”
“Yeah, a beer.”
He grins, and I feel some of the stress leave my body. “Okay, honey.”
Beer fixes everything.
* * *
I’ve had three beers with Dad when my phone rings again. I stare down at the screen to see Don’s name. Oh God, it must be over. They must have caught Raide and brought him in. Something angry twists in my chest as I lift the phone and press it to my ear. “Hey, Don.”
“Grace, just letting you know we haven’t gotten Raide Knox.”
I flinch. “What do you mean, you haven’t gotten him?”
From the corner of my eye, I can see Dad watching me.
“That wasn’t his house. It wasn’t even the house of someone he knew. He scoped the place out, saw the owners went away, and broke in. He’s been squatting there.”
Squatting? Oh my God.
“When we arrived, it was perfectly clean. Not a trace of him. He must have suspected you.”
He didn’t. I know he didn’t.
I broke everything off for fucking nothing. I ripped my own heart out, and his, for fucking nothing.
“You’re sure it didn’t belong to a friend of his?” I whisper.
“Positive. The owners had no idea who he was when we contacted them.”
“God dammit.”
“It’s not your fault, Grace,” he says gently. “It happens. A lot.”
“Now what?”
“You’ve still got a month. Take it. He won’t have gone far. Raide is here for a reason, and he won’t leave until he’s got whatever it is he’s looking for.”
His sister’s boyfriend. That’s what he’s looking for. And stupid me thought I could protect him from himself.
“And you want me back on it?”
“Of course. You didn’t screw up. Like I said, it happens. You’re doing a great job, giving detailed reports.”
I’m not doing a great job.
“Do you still want the job?” he asks.
I close my eyes. Do I still want the job? Do I want the chance to see Raide again? My heart is aching, I don’t even know why. It’s something I’ve never experienced before. Raide has affected me. He’s made everything blurry. But he’s also still out there, and maybe … maybe I can help him. He’s innocent, I believe that. Maybe this time, I can help him and fix this before anything bad happens.
“Yes,” I say quietly.
“Good. You did well, Grace. Don’t be disheartened.”
“Thanks.”
“Listen, take a few days off, start fresh when you get back. You deserve it. Talk to you later.”
It’s an order; I know it is, so he doesn’t give me the chance to answer before he hangs up the phone. I’m not hurt by this, I could use a few days off. I sigh and hang my head. Dad reaches over, squeezing my shoulder. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just a case gone slightly bad. I’m on it.”
“Gracie—”
“It’s okay, Dad, really.”
I’m such a liar.
Nothing is okay.
Chapter Fifteen
Dad and I walk through the front doors and see Mom, Gretchen, and Stacy sitting at the dining room table, looking morbid as all hell. They look up when we enter, and Mom leaps up, rushing toward Dad. I know she loves him, no matter how selfish she can be, I’ve known it my whole life. Talk about dysfunctional. He puts a hand up when she gets close, and mutters, “I have nothing to say to you, but you have plenty to say to Grace. Don’t you think?”
She nods, hanging her head, and turns to face me. “Baby,” she begins, and I flinch. She’s never called me that. “I … I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’ve become. I should never have spoken to you like that. I am proud of you, Grace. I am. Really I am. I got caught up, lost myself, I didn’t mean it.”
I sigh. “It’s fine, Mom.”
“It’s not fine,” she wails, and tears spill out of her eyes. “I was awful to you.”
I nod. “Yeah, you were. It’s finished now.”
She lunges at me, throwing her arms around me. I know that this is guilt talking and she’ll be back to her goody-goody self in a matter of days, but it still feels nice. I close my eyes and hug her back. It’s been a long time since she’s hugged me with warmth. When she pulls back, she places a kiss on my cheek and turns to Dad.
His eyes are on Gretchen and she’s practically shrinking under his glare. “Well?” he barks.
“Sorry, Daddy.”
“Isn’t me who you hurt.”
She turns her eyes to mine. “I’m sorry, Grace.”
She doesn’t mean it, I know she doesn’t, but I take it anyway. “No problem. Sorry, I, ah, pulled your hair.”
She rubs her head, remembering. “It’s fine.”
Hah.
Yeah right.
Dad turns to me. “You need me to take you home?”
I shake my head.
He reaches out, running the back of his hand down my cheek. “Proud of you, princess.”
I smile. “Thanks, Dad.”
Then I turn, without another look, and head out the door.
That’s the best I’ll get from them, but it’s enough.
* * *
The night is long and torturous, but when I wake the next morning, I’m ready to face the world again. I don’t know how I’m going to do that, but I know I have to. I get dressed, and knowing I have a few days off, decide to go out this morning and get my coffee. Maybe even breakfast.
When I’m ready, I head out the front door but stop suddenly when a gravelly voice comes from the corner of my porch. “You lied to me.”
I close my eyes. Raide. “How?” I whisper.
I turn and see him standing, arms folded, eyes intense. “You said it mattered, when I know it fuckin’ doesn’t.”
I stare at him. Really stare. He’s a broken man. I can see it in the depths of his amber eyes. What happened with his sister, it destroyed him. He’s hurting, and he’s struggling to cope. He wants revenge because it’s the only thing he has left to hold on to.
“You’re right,” I say. “I did lie.”
“Why?”
“Because you scare me.”
He flinches and steps forward. His hand reaches out and runs down my face. “Don’t be scared of me, baby. I won’t hurt you.”
Baby.
I close my eyes, turning my cheek into his hand. This is dangerous, so damned dangerous. Yet I don’t want it to stop. I can’t make it stop. I want to spend every waking second with this man, and what I am feeling right now is so deep, I’m not sure I’ll dislodge it anytime soon.
“Raide,” I whisper.
“Come away with me.”
“Raide.”
“Give me one fuckin’ chance, Grace. One. It’s all I’m askin’.”
I close my eyes, and my shoulders sag. I have a few days off. I can do this without harm, right? Maybe if I go away with Raide, he can tell me more about what happened and I might be able to help him. Then, when I bring him in, he might have the chance to be let back out. It’s worth a shot. It’s probably just a poor excuse, but I need him again.
“Okay.”
“Look at me,” he says, lifting my chin. “Stop being so afraid of something you don’t know.”
But I do know it. He just doesn’t know that.
“I have a few days off,” I say, ignoring his words.
“Good, then go inside and pack a bag.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“It’s a surprise.”
With a nod, I turn and walk inside the house. He follows me and I see his eyes scanning the area as we make our way past my small kitchen and into the hallway leading to my bedroom. “Nice place,” he says, his voice husky and low.
“Thanks, it’s not much to anyone else, but I’ve worked hard for it, and it’s mine, so I cherish it.”
“Understand that,” he mumbles. “Aren’t your parents stayin’?”
I flinch. Shit. I didn’t even think of that.
“Ah, they changed their mind at the last minute. Dad got sick.”
“Right, that sucks.”
Oh, thank God he bought it.
When I reach my bedroom, I fling the door open and step in. I pull out a bag and start stuffing clothes into it. I’m midway through when I feel his finger slide down the back of my neck. I shiver and close my eyes. It’s been a terrible few days and I’ve longed for his touch more than I’m willing to admit. So I just stand there, taking in every amazing second that his finger slides over my skin.
“You’re beautiful,” he says, his voice throaty and dripping with masculinity.
Beautiful.
It’s been so long since someone looked at me like that.
“Raide,” I breathe.
He silences me by pressing his lips to the side of my neck. I let my eyes flutter closed as my body sinks back into his. His arm wraps around my middle and we stand there like that for a good long time, his arms around me, his lips on my neck. I sigh and turn my face, capturing his lips with mine. He doesn’t waste any time spinning me around and kissing me softly, all lips and no tongue. Meaningful. Beautiful.
When we pull back, I feel it for the first time. A connection that goes deeper than my job, than his revenge, than the game we’ve been playing. Raide and I connect—for what reason I don’t know, but it’s real and it’s intense. He’s made me feel things in a short time that I’ve struggled to feel my entire life. He makes everything seem … easier. Even in our complicated situation, he makes being around him feel effortless.
“Pack some walking shoes,” he says before running his lips over mine again.
I pack two pairs.
Then we get into my car and hit the road.
Chapter Sixteen
The highway is long, stretching out across gorgeous terrain. I lean back in my seat, foot up near the window, long hair free and blowing in the breeze. The top is down, my sunglasses are on, and we’re cruising as if we’ve never had a care in the world. As if our lives aren’t a mess. Raide looks at me every now and then, and one corner of his lips tips up in acknowledgment of my presence. That’s a nice feeling.
“Tell me something about yourself, Raide,” I ask, shifting in my seat.
“What do you want to know?”
It’s a risk, but I say softly. “Tell me about your sister.”
I expect him to flinch or harden, but he doesn’t. He smiles, and it melts my heart because it’s full of love. “She was crazy,” he begins. “Always getting into trouble. When we were put in a foster home, I was constantly on her back, chasing her all over the place because she was causing a ruckus. She had so much personality, enough for the both of us and more. She was always smiling, always fuckin’ happy.”
My smile gets bigger.
“Even though she was a brat, s
he had something going for her. She was smart as hell and she loved to write. At night, no matter what home we were thrown into, she would pull out an old pen and paper, and she’d write stories. She had so many of them, and all of them were good. She used to tell me when she got old enough to live on her own, she’d become an author and change everything for herself.”
His face drops.
“Then she met him.”
“What happened?” I ask softly.
“I knew right off the mark he was no good. They met at a club one night and he wooed her, swept her off her feet. She was pretty, fuckin’ sweet, and totally crazy. He liked what she gave, so he came back for more. They moved in together after two months, and I knew when shit started to go bad because she became withdrawn. She stopped writing. Stopped talking to me. Stopped trying to save herself.”
“I’m so sorry, Raide.”
“Should have done something,” he says, and I can see his fingers tightening around the wheel. “Should have pulled her away, made her stop, taken her as far away as I could.”
“Honey,” I say softly, “it wasn’t up to you to be her dad.”
“I was all she had, Grace. The only fuckin’ thing in her life she had that was stable. I might not have been her dad, but I was her protector, all the same. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t interfere. Then she called me that night, hysterical. She told me he had lost it, and that he’d hit her. I got in my car and sped over there, but by the time I got there she was gone. He was just standing there, staring at her like he’d done nothing wrong.”
I flinch.
“He looked up at me and grinned. He knew, he fuckin’ knew what she meant to me. I saw red, lost it. He was on the ground in front of me before I even realized what I’d done. He was beaten, and I had the damned knife in my hand. I guess the neighbors must have heard all the noise and reported it. The cops show, he starts screaming like a girl, sobbing and crying, actually looking like he was terrified.”
“God, Raide, I’m so sorry.”