The guilt of his own avoidance hit him harder, making his chest hurt.
He wiped his eyes angrily with the back of his hand, even as he felt another flush of light from Revik, who seemed to have taken it upon himself to keep this reunion from becoming overly maudlin or depressing, even if he had to bolster some of them up artificially to get through it.
Jon knew he wouldn’t see all of the seers he remembered from here, either. Seers and humans had died since he’d left on that helicopter. Not surprisingly, they’d lost a lot more people here than Revik had in San Francisco. Seers died in the basement and sewer floods. They’d been shot on patrols, and even in that mess right before the tsunami, where a half-dozen Adhipan and ex-rebels had been chased through the streets while they looked for Allie, as well as Revik, Jon and Maygar, when Ditrini took them out of the basement cells.
Some had been killed right alongside their pursuers when the first wave of the tsunami hit.
Jon looked out over the faces he did know, flinching more at each one. He continued to be propelled deeper into the hotel, but he couldn’t see who held him anymore, could barely take looking at even the seers who’d been with them the whole way.
Even so, he glimpsed Neela arm in arm with Anale and Argo, two of the female seers who’d stayed behind in New York. He watched Neela throw her head back in a laugh at something one of them said, tears in her eyes as she paused to kiss Vikram on the mouth, more friendly than otherwise, but still making him blush and smile when it ended. Jon saw Garensche grinning almost stupidly at Holo, who he enveloped in a hug along with Jax, and it hit Jon only then that he’d never seen Jax and Holo separated for very long before all of this happened...but Holo got left behind when Jax joined the search party for Revik.
Squinting through the pile of faces, limbs and bodies as he got pushed and led through the main part of the lobby, Jon realized that most of those bodies still enveloped Revik and Allie more than the rest. Jon saw seers walk up just to touch the two of them, many with tears in their eyes, some making religious signs with their hands. Jon saw the owner of the hotel, Naldaran, among those who came to pay their respects, as well as the seer who helped Allie pick out the dress she’d worn for her wedding to Revik in Central Park.
Tears choked Jon again at the thought, more than he could handle suddenly.
The seers crammed around him barely seemed to notice, but Jon suddenly couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see as he got shoved roughly along with the others towards the area near the fireplace and under that mural of Seertown.
An arm wrapped around his shoulders then, and Jon looked up to see Jorag standing there, tears in his own eyes. He grinned down at Jon, squeezing him hard against his muscular body, even as he used his free hand to clasp Delek around the neck and then Ike around the shoulders, squeezing them each affectionately in turn as Delek laughed aloud, clapping Jorag on the back.
Jon felt that sickness in his light worsen when his eyes shifted forward, in time to see one of the female seers from the military group leap out of the crowd to pull Wreg into an embrace, kissing him on the mouth. That kiss was significantly less platonic than Neela’s had been with Vikram, and Jon found himself turning away when Wreg returned it, pulling her against him with a laugh right after they parted.
Jon found his eyes returning to the Chinese-looking seer almost against his will, watching as Wreg exchanged hugs with Hondo and Mika. He couldn’t help noticing that the female seer who kissed him, who he was pretty sure was named Preela, didn’t leave his side.
Jon fought not to care, to push it out of his light, but he couldn’t.
Maybe it was everything else going on, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even hide it.
Something must have left him, enough to reach Wreg’s light, because Wreg turned, staring at Jon with those black eyes, from what must have been twenty feet away. Jon met that stare and found he couldn’t look away. He didn’t hide the charge in his light, either, although if he did that deliberately or simply couldn’t control it, he couldn’t decide, either.
Whatever the cause, Wreg seemed to get the message.
Jon felt a flush of relief when the older seer stepped away from Preela, putting some distance between their light.
He sent Wreg a short, brief message in that pause, the first he’d let leave his light in the seer’s direction since they’d left San Francisco.
Thanks, he sent.
When his vision cleared, Wreg was staring at him again. Some of the anger had left the other man’s expression, leaving him looking borderline confused. Even so, he nodded to Jon in return. They were still looking at one another when Wreg’s attention got turned back to the crowd around him when Durel tackled him from the other side.
Jon watched, feeling his throat tighten again as the dark-skinned seer shook Wreg’s hand vigorously, tears in his eyes above a more serious-looking face. Jon had never seen so much emotion on the East Indian seer before, and it took him aback, even as it brought surprise to Wreg’s returning smile. Wreg clasped the man back, though, and again Jon felt a reaction in his light, one sharp enough that he forced his eyes away.
He still didn’t know who Wreg’s ex- was, the one he’d been seeing during World War I. Revik told him that Wreg had been with the guy through most of the war, so it was possible he was one of those who followed Wreg to Salinse, and then to the Sword when Revik left the Dreng. Jon hadn’t wanted to ask before. Enough rebels remained in their ranks from both rebellions that Jon knew some chance existed that the man was still here, with them.
He managed to keep his thoughts from Wreg that time, though.
Well, he hoped he had, anyway.
He looked back at Revik and Allie, only to find that Revik had brought her over to their human friends and relatives. Jon felt his throat tighten when he saw Aunt Carol envelope first Revik then Allie in bear hugs. Uncle James lingered more in the background, watching Allie’s face minutely with tears in his eyes. When Revik offered his hand though, Uncle James shook it, clasping Revik’s hand with both of his. Jon found he couldn’t tear his attention away from their small group, or the faces of his cousins, aunt and uncle as they all looked at Allie, a combination of fear and hope in their eyes as they watched her face.
Jon didn’t know what Revik had told them, exactly, while back in San Francisco, but he distinctly got the impression that they were relieved by whatever they saw in Allie herself. Allie tugged on Aunt Carol’s hair then, almost playfully, despite the distance in her eyes, and Aunt Carol hugged her again, holding her more warmly that time, and tighter than before. She continued to grip Allie’s waist with one arm even after she’d more or less let go, and Jon saw her beaming, despite the tears Jon could plainly see on her face.
Then Jon jumped, shocked when voices raised abruptly in the same group.
His head turned, along with half the heads in the room, realizing in the same split second that he recognized both of those voices.
Jon just stood there, frozen, as Revik raised his voice again, holding up a warning hand towards a man Jon realized in some shock was Jaden.
You’d better go, Jorag sent to him, making Jon jump a second time.
Jon saw Allie’s ex-boyfriend yell back up at Revik, then shove at his chest with both hands, managing to force Revik to take a step backwards. Jon only heard a fragment of the words either of them spoke, but he gaped as soon as he saw Jaden lay hands on the tall seer.
Jaden was picking a fist fight with Revik?
Fucking suicide...was he completely crazy?
A lot of seers hadn’t noticed the argument yet and were still chatting away happily, creating a fair bit of noise between Jon and the actual argument. Most of what Jon did hear had been curses. Whatever Jaden said after he shoved him, either the shove itself or those words caused Revik to take a step back towards the other man, his shoulders stiffening.
Now, Jon, Jorag urged, his light holding a sharper warning. Now. Get over there.
Jon nodded, once, then be
gan pushing his way through the crowd to reach where Revik and Jaden faced off, just under the stone mural of the House on the Hill in India.
Then he saw Jaden hit Revik again, again in the chest.
That time, it was closer to a punch.
Jon felt the energetic shift, even as it happened...even before he saw Revik’s irises ignite dramatically into a pale green glow for the third time that day. Pushing faster and less politely past bodies, Jon felt his throat clench, even as it occurred to him that Revik was likely to be even less rational around Jaden right now than he had been in the past.
Fuck. He could kill him. He could actually kill him.
Revik...don’t... Jon sent, sharp. He sent an alarmed pulse to Balidor and Wreg through the construct, fighting his way faster through the crowd. Revik...calm down. Jesus...calm down. He’s on the list, damn it...
Jon pushed through the last few layers of human and seer bodies and into the small clearing that had erupted around Revik...probably the instant his eyes ignited into that sharp light. Only Aunt Carol and Uncle James remained close by, with Aunt Carol still clutching Allie, even though Revik gripped Allie’s free hand, holding her behind his body, as if shielding her.
Jon hadn’t really expected Revik to answer.
Revik did answer him, though. Rather than answering in his mind, however, Revik spoke aloud, his voice close to a growl, his eyes still fixed on Jaden’s face. Jon realized only then that Revik had a hold of the human by the throat with his free hand.
“Fine,” Revik said, through gritted teeth. “I’ll calm down. I’ll calm right the fuck down. As soon as you tell this asshole to keep his goddamned hands off my wife...”
JON GAPED AT him, then at Jaden.
Even now, he only saw anger in Jaden’s face, not fear. That fury turned closer to hatred as Jaden grappled with Revik’s fingers around his throat.
“What the fuck did you do to her?” Jaden spat, kicking out at Revik’s legs. “You goddamned monster! What did you do to her?”
Jon held up a hand, fighting to get between them. “Jesus...Jaden. Stop! He didn’t do anything! He didn’t, okay? Back off. Back off right now!”
“Fuck you, too, Jon...” Jaden spat, glaring at him, still struggling against Revik’s hold. “What? Are you all some happy fucking threesome these days? Are you really okay with Allie being mindfucked and turned into a terrorist by this guy...?”
Jon felt another angry surge off Revik’s light, and again inserted his body between the two men. He looked up at Revik but the seer wouldn’t return his gaze. Jon turned back to Jaden, instead, who once more writhed like a rabbit in a snare.
“Jaden!” Jon raised his voice, if only to cut him off. “Calm the fuck down, okay? Revik!” Jon snapped, “Let him go! Now!”
There was a bare pause. Then Revik’s hand opened.
Jaden fell from his grip, coughing and spluttering, his face bright red. “Murdering fuck!”
Jon stepped between them again, feeling another surge off Revik’s light.
“Jaden! Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about––”
“The hell I don’t!” Jaden turned to stare at Jon, his eyes incredulous. He broke into a humorless laugh. “This fucker is Syrimne, man! Didn’t you study history in school?”
Sasquatch had approached Jaden from behind, Jon realized suddenly. The big Samoan tried putting a hand on Jaden’s arm, but the other man jerked angrily free.
“Jaden,” Sasquatch said, his voice low, troubled-sounding. “Man, like...chill. This isn’t the time for––”
“Shut up!” Jaden snapped, whirling on him.
Sasquatch took a step back, his broad face reddening. “Hey! Like, don’t shoot the messenger, man, I was only trying to––”
But Jaden was back to fuming at Jon. “I can’t believe you’re defending this fuck. I know you’re a dick-sucker and he’s the head honcho around here, but that’s your sister, man. Your sister! Or were you too busy playing faggot terrorist to remember that?” He waved a ringed hand furiously in Allie’s direction. “Look at her, man! Look. At. Her.”
“I’ve seen her,” Jon snapped.
“Then how can you defend this piece of shit? How can you––”
“I’m telling you he didn’t do it!” Jon shouted back, raising his voice if only to drown Jaden out. “You’re blaming the wrong person, man! Can you hear that? Can you let that sink into your stupid head?”
“Right.” Jaden let out another humorless laugh. “Right. And you know that because, what? Because he’s such a pillar of good will and––”
“I know it because I did it!” Jon snarled.
He shouted it without thought, but as soon as the words left his lips, the weight of them crashed down on him, making it hard to breathe.
“I did it,” Jon repeated. Tears rose to his eyes, choking his words, cutting his breath more. “You want to blame someone, Jaden? Blame me! Me, not Revik...not any of these other ‘terrorists’ you seem to think are responsible. A human did it. Me. I did it...”
“No, you fucking well did not!”
The words burst out of someone standing behind Jon.
The voice shocked him, so familiar it jarred him down to his bones, even as it made him flinch back in near-fear. Jon hadn’t even seen the other seers emerging out of the crowd to stand behind him. When he turned, breathing harder, still with that stuck, rock-like feeling in his chest, he found himself facing Wreg.
Wreg stood there, his face dark with fury. Jon barely recognized him.
Balidor and Jorag stood there, too, along with Yumi, Neela and Illeg, as well as Deklan and Vikram, too. They must have come after him through the crowd, after Jon sent up that flare into the wider construct. After scanning faces, Jon found his eyes returning to the Chinese seer who stood closest to him, seeing the tears in Wreg’s eyes, the fury that still stood there as he stared at Jon. Wreg was breathing harder, too.
“You didn’t do it, Jon!” Wreg snarled, shoving hard at Jon’s chest.
Jon stumbled, nearly fell. He caught himself half in a crouch, still staring up at Wreg, barely able to comprehend the fury he saw on the other man’s face.
“None of us blame you!” Wreg snarled louder, taking another menacing step towards him. “None of us! Only you think it, Jon! Only you!”
Jon felt his jaw harden. He didn’t look away from Wreg, but he felt his head shaking, nearly on its own. He remembered Revik hovering over him, Revik’s fist cocked to hit him when he’d found Jon messing with Allie while she slept...
“You pulled her out!” Wreg snapped. “You pulled her out!”
“No.” Jon shook his head. It was the only thing that made sense to him. “No.”
“Nenzi didn’t even blame you!” Wreg snapped. “You’re the only one who ever thought it, Jon...even when he was at his worst, Nenz didn’t blame you. He was just so goddamned sad he couldn’t stand to not blame someone. And there you were, all too happy to offer yourself up as the sacrificial fucking lamb...”
“He did,” Jon managed. “He did blame me...”
“Bullshit!” Wreg snapped, shoving at him again, nearly pushing him into Jaden that time. “What, you think you’re the all-powerful Oz? That you can see into everyone’s mind and know exactly what’s going on? The rest of us knew. We knew damned well what Nenz was thinking. He didn’t blame you...he blamed himself. Getting angry at you was just easier...” Wreg’s throat moved in a stuck swallow. “Gods, Jon. We all could see it. Both of you blaming yourselves for something that psychotic bitch did...that Shadow did. They did it to both of you as much as they did it to your sister...and you’re taking the fall for those fuckers?”
Jon opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Balidor interrupted him.
“He’s right,” the Adhipan leader said.
Jon swiveled his gaze, staring at Balidor in disbelief when he saw anger in his eyes, too.
“This needs to stop, Jon. Now,” Balidor advised, his voice an open
warning. He gave Revik an equally hard look. “We’ve indulged both of you long enough. It wasn’t your fault, either of you.” His eyes swiveled back to Jon’s. “And you, Jon. You need to stop hiding behind this self-blame to avoid feeling any of it.”
“Hiding?” Jon burst out, incredulous.
“Yeah,” Yumi snapped. “Hiding!”
Jon turned to look at her.
He froze once he had, shocked to see tears in her eyes, too.
She wiped them angrily off her tattooed face, clenching her jaw before she glared at him. “Wreg’s right. None of us blame you, Jon,” Yumi said, her voice hoarse. “And you might think you’re taking it out on yourself...but you’re taking it out on all of us, too.”
Jon looked around at the row of faces, feeling suddenly surrounded.
He jumped violently when fingers touched his from behind and turned.
Allie stood there.
She’d released Aunt Carol, and now she stood there, smiling at him almost shyly.
Staring at her, Jon felt a pain hit his chest so hard it buckled his knees.
“Gods. Allie.”
He didn’t move as she took his hand in hers, and suddenly, he could feel wisps of her light, all around him. He felt more than he’d let himself feel the whole time they’d been in San Francisco...more than he’d let in, even after the four of them had been tied together. He felt Maygar there, too, and Revik...but he felt Allie’s light almost stronger than the other three. She was still there. She hadn’t left, as much as it felt like she had.
“Allie...gods.” He choked on the words. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry...”
He fought to say more, unable to see her as he clenched her hand in both of his. She gripped him back, but he couldn’t see her face anymore.
He couldn’t see anything.
“I’m so sorry, Al. I’m so fucking sorry...”
He just stood there, and for a long moment, no one spoke.
The whole lobby seemed to have fallen into the same hush, and Jon wanted to scream past it, to scream past all of them maybe, anything to break that quiet...but he couldn’t do that, either. He stood there, halfway between Revik and Jaden, holding Allie’s fingers in his, feeling all of those eyes on him, and he felt trapped. It was as if they’d shone a high-powered flashlight on him, and he could only stand there, being weighed by all of them.
Allie's War Season Four Page 29