“You could do it to me,” he said, glancing at my chained wrist. “I can pretty much promise I’ll have a hard on the whole time you’re gone, too.”
I laughed at that, unable to help it.
Even so, I could hear the thread of seriousness in his words.
I knew he’d never do anything if I really said no. On the other hand, I could tell he was more than willing to push it, if he thought I’d let him get away with it. He’d told me already that he wasn’t feeling overly burdened by rationality when it came to the two of us...not since thinking I was dead for the second time. He also told me he was feeling more than a little self-indulgent when it came to reassuring himself that I was all right, even if that meant not letting me out of his sight for more than a few minutes at a time for the next year or so.
He also asked me, in one of our more honest conversations in the past few weeks, if I’d let him boss me around sexually, as long as he didn’t abuse the privilege overly.
Of course, I’d asked him to clarify what he meant by “overly.”
The only answer I got was that smile.
Pretty much the same smile I was looking at now.
Since that talk, he’d been throwing minor tests my way. I definitely got the impression he was only putting a toe in the water, but I had no idea where he intended to follow that thread exactly. I couldn’t even be sure if he knew, honestly. I found myself thinking about it again, even as he looked at me, and thinking about the other request he’d made, a few minutes earlier. So he wanted to boss me around, but part of that was that he wanted me to boss him around, too. Maybe more than boss him around. But could I really hurt him?
“It’s not about hurting me, Allie,” he said, soft.
Thinking about his words, I nodded. I knew that.
I could feel the fear lingering there, anyway.
He watched me wrestle with it. I could almost see the thoughts running behind his eyes, but he wasn’t sharing those with me, either, not even through his light.
“Untie me,” I told him softly. “We should talk, Revik.”
He shook his head, once. “That’s not much of a negotiation, wife.”
“I have to negotiate to get you to untie me?” I said. “I mean it. We should talk.”
He smiled again, sliding up my body to kiss my throat.
“You mean about your dreams?” he said. He clicked at me in mock admonition, hanging over me once more, supporting his weight on his arms and hands, causing them to tense. “And you call me a workaholic...?”
Before I could so much as let out a snort, he shifted his weight, pressing more of his body down on mine. Adjusting his legs and arms, he brought me further down the bed, stretching out my limbs so that I had to hold out my arm where he’d locked it to the wall. I still had ahold of his light, but he fought me enough that I had to struggle to hold him that way, too.
His light was getting stronger again, I realized.
Even so, I managed to get control over him for real, a few seconds later.
“This isn’t negotiation, either...” he gasped. “You’re only making me intransigent. More intransigent...”
“Intransigent?” I laughed.
“Stubborn. Unwilling to change one’s views...”
“I know what intransigent means,” I said, torn between laughing again and frowning at him, even as I rolled my eyes, seer fashion. “My English is still better than yours. Are you really not going to talk to me?”
“Let me go,” he coaxed. “We can fuck a few times, then talk...”
“Revik.” I let out an involuntary laugh. “You’re impossible...”
“Let me go,” he coaxed. “I’ll leave you here the rest of the day if you don’t.”
Studying his eyes more carefully that time, I smiled. “You’re serious.”
“Deadly,” he said. He pressed his lower body against mine, gasping when I stopped him, using his light. “Here’s my negotiation,” he said. “Let go of my light...let me control this...and I’ll give you what you want. I’ll tell you everything you said last night. I’ll let you tie me up and do whatever you want to me next time.” He paused, letting that dangle for a few seconds before he shrugged, a faint smile hovering on his lips.
“...Don’t let me go, and I’ll retaliate.”
I rolled my eyes. “Retaliate, how? By chaining me to a wall?”
His smile widened, but his eyes turned visibly more predatory. “It’s a win-win for me. I might leave you in here for days. Make you perform sexual favors before I feed you.”
I held his stare. “What if I did the same to you?”
I saw pain flicker across his face. Seeing the expression there, and more than that, feeling it in his light, I shook my head, clicking at him. I couldn’t help laughing a little, though.
“That turns you on, too?” I said. “You’re hopeless.”
“Are you going to fuck me?” he said. “Do you really want to have a heavy conversation before we do this? Or is this just a power play?”
Thinking, I had to concede his point.
Sighing, I shook my head.
“No?” he said. “To which part? Are you going to fuck me?”
“I was thinking about it,” I admitted, looking up at him.
His eyes hardened as he returned my gaze, right before his pain worsened. “Screw negotiation,” he said. “I think I’ll just bring you with me next time. Violate you whenever I can’t stand it anymore...lock you to fixtures in random cabins on the ship.”
“For more of your friends to find me?” I snorted. “Great. I’ll alert the media.”
He paused at that, right as he’d been lowering his mouth.
Staring at my face, he frowned. “Do I want to know?”
Seeing the suddenly much less amused expression on his face, I sighed, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. “I’m sure you’ll hear about it, soon enough,” I said, putting my free hand on my forehead. When I saw his eyes narrow, I pushed at his chest with the same hand. “If you unlock me, I’ll tell you...how about that?”
His pain worsened. That time, it felt a lot less like separation pain. Feeling the change in his light, I grasped hold of his hair in my hand. I gripped him harder when he avoided my eyes, trying to get him to look at me again.
“Hey,” I said, worry flickering through my light, and my voice. “Come on. What? We were kidding around, right?”
He clicked at me, his accent abruptly worsening. “I told you I’m not totally kidding. Not about that. Remember? Not kidding. Not entirely. Those were my words. I think I said it more than once, in fact...”
“Okay,” I said. “So you’re not kidding...I hear you.”
His voice turned harder. “The fuck you are. You’re not hearing me, Allie. Or you wouldn’t be doing this. You wouldn’t be...”
Stopping himself, he let his words trail.
I was still staring up at him when he shook his head, clicking softer at me. I felt his light close more and swallowed, studying his angular face.
“Revik...” I began.
But he shook his head. “No. Let me say this.” He let out a sigh, even as I felt his muscles abruptly unclench. “Jesus. You’re going to make me have a serious fucking conversation with you right now...”
He leaned back to his side, even as I released his light. Fear flickered through me, but when he met my gaze, I didn’t see any real anger there.
“Allie,” he said, running a hand through his black hair. “You have to know this...I’m really not kidding about wanting to know where you are...and who you’re with. I know it’s controlling. I know it’s fucked up. But I asked you to humor me on this, wife...at least for a little while. I asked you. You said you would. You also said you understood. I told you I’d do the same for you...anytime you want.”
“Only to chain me to your bed,” I said, clicking at him softly. “...And leave me here.”
“I left a note!” He stared at me, frowning. “You knew where I was. I’m not saying you c
an’t do what you want, wife, whenever you want...just tell me! Just fucking tell me for a little while, all right? Ease my fucking mind...”
Feeling my shoulders unclench, I nodded, caressing his neck.
“Okay. Sorry.” Sliding my hand down his body, I felt him shiver as I paused to massage his chest. “But I’m not the one who went anywhere, Revik,” I reminded him softly. “You knew exactly where I was. And you know where I am now.”
“Fuck, Allie...don’t screw with me on this. Did someone really come in here?”
I hesitated, then gave a noncommittal shrug. “I suppose it’s possible.”
Exhaling in frustration, he stared at me. After another pause, his eyes hardened. “Gods. I’m going to kill that fucker. This time, I really am.”
I blinked up at him. “Did you just read me?” I said. “Seriously?”
“Is that not allowed anymore, either?” he said, frowning at me.
I had to admit, he had a point.
We both pretty much read one another with impunity. The unspoken rule seemed to be that anything one of us didn’t actively shield from the other was fair game. We never came out and said that, of course, but we’d been living it for awhile now, even before he’d been Syrimne. The difference was, I was now as likely to pick things off his mind as he was me, and generally speaking, I was better at shielding.
Still, the sudden change in his mood threw me.
“No,” I said. “Of course you can read me. It’s not that.” I pushed my upper body up on my elbows, frowning up at him. “Really, I was more impressed,” I admitted. “What did you get off me just now? Or are you trying some sneakier-than-usual way to get me to ‘fess up names? Pretending you know when you really don’t?”
“Jorag,” Revik said blunt. “...Balidor. Chandre. Pagoj. Chinja.”
I blinked. “Okay. Wow. I am impressed. Either that, or I am seriously slipping.”
He clicked at me, but the annoyance didn’t fade from his expression. “Did he really stare at you like that?” he said. “Or are you trying to wind me up? Because if it’s the latter, I can pretty much guarantee there are better ways to do that...safer ways, anyway.”
“Safer for who?” I said, cocking an eyebrow at him.
“Safer for Jorag,” he growled. “Safer for you, if you were serious about wanting me to unlock you from that wall anytime soon...”
Seeing the genuine irritation in his eyes, I clicked at him, too, only softer, putting light in my fingers as I touched his jaw. “It’s not a big deal, Revik.”
I hesitated, trying to decide if I should bring up the Terian thing, which he clearly didn’t know about, either. Part of me thought I should wait until I could coax him into sex, first. He might be a little more amenable to the information after sex, I reasoned.
Or, realistically...he might not.
Maybe, if I was being totally honest with myself, I wanted sex, and was pretty sure the Terian thing would kill the mood. Then again, just maybe, that wasn’t the best basis for making communication decisions regarding my husband...particularly not in relation to topics he was obviously still sensitive about.
Especially not when we still had communication issues in general.
Revik stared down at me, not speaking.
I could still see that darker look in his eyes, but it didn’t feel like jealousy, not anymore. I found myself thinking about the fact that he could feel so much off my light, even when I was shielding...even when I had his light pretty much under my control. I also found myself thinking about the fact that he’d left the tank that morning, that he’d been gone for hours, maybe even right up to the edges of the security time limit Balidor set for him.
Then I remembered that Balidor was paranoid about Revik’s light again, after the op in Macau. He might even think Shadow had a direct tap on him.
Studying his eyes, I frowned, then glanced at the door to the tank.
“Are you feeling okay?” I said.
He shook his head, clicking at me, sharper that time. “It’s not that, Allie. It’s not Menlim.”
“Then what is it?”
He exhaled, but didn’t answer.
I was still trying to decide what was going on with him, when the pain coming off his light abruptly worsened. I saw him looking at my eyes that time when I turned, his narrow mouth hard as he stared back at me. I could feel other things on him, too, but I couldn’t quite decide what they meant. I felt flickers of fear, of what might have been anger. I felt his frustration at his inability to make me really see what concerned him, to take his fears seriously. I felt his irritation that I hadn’t said something to him about Balidor and the others coming in here sooner, but somehow, that felt mostly like fear, too, or maybe just an inability to understand how I couldn’t understand why it bothered him. The longer I watched him look at me, the more I felt that frustration worsen.
It occurred to me that some of this might really be about his fear of something bad happening to me again.
He let out a low snort, staring at me incredulously. “You think?”
I felt my face warm. “You really think Jorag could be a plant?”
“Jon was a fucking plant, Alyson.”
“But Jorag?” I said. “I mean, the genius of the Jon thing was, there was no way we’d ever suspect him. And he wasn’t a ‘plant’...they actually screwed with his mind. But Jorag? I mean, how many times has Balidor looked at him...?”
“He was in both rebellions.”
“Yeah, pretty much my point,” I said.
“And mine,” Revik said, his voice sharper.
Thinking about his words, I nodded, biting back a more flippant response.
I remembered what Revik and Balidor told me. None of the high-level Adhipan fully trusted those seers whose light had been sculpted by Menlim for so many years––meaning the ex-rebels who worked for Shadow in different capacities across two human and seer wars.
Jorag was one of those seers.
I remembered what Terian said, too.
In through the out door...
I kept that thought quiet, though, and well lost in the background of my light.
“So...what?” I said, exhaling sharply when he still hadn’t spoken. “You keep the old lady locked in the closet for the next however-many months? Then what? A shiny new GPS bracelet with shock-capability to knock me out if I get outside of your comfort zone?”
When Revik still wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t even look at me, I gripped his hair in my free hand, shaking him lightly to get his eyes to turn.
“...You remember, husband?” I said softer, using my light to pull on him. “Like the one the nice people at the San Francisco Police Department gave me, back when we first met? Or does that turn you on, too?”
He didn’t answer that, either, not at first.
I swallowed, then decided I had to bite the bullet.
I had to tell him.
If I didn’t tell him now, it was only going to blow up in my face.
More, that is.
Thinking about that made my light retract, even as my face warmed.
“Anyway,” I said, swallowing. I shrugged, hearing my voice grow overtly cautious as I trailed a finger over his collarbone. “There’s no guarantee that any place is safe, Revik. Not really.”
He didn’t answer that, either.
Feeling my face tighten more, I shrugged, avoiding his eyes.
“...And you can’t really get mad at them,” I added, my voice even more careful. “Jorag and Balidor and the others...they were just doing their job. They came in here because...” I hesitated again, watching his face. “Well...really....because the breach alarm went off,” I said, talking faster, still watching his eyes. “...In here, I mean. Only in this part of the tank, Revik. He didn’t get anywhere near Lily, or any of the others. He...Terian, I mean...he figured out how to hack into the computer network, and...”
Feeling Revik’s whole body tense, even as his expression abruptly darkened, I spoke faster, tal
king over the explosion I could see growing behind his eyes.
“...It was virtual, Revik. Just virtual, okay?” I gripped his shoulder, feeling his muscles harden to rock. “...He didn’t hack the construct of the ship. He didn’t get near the construct of the tank...any of the tanks, okay? He didn’t get near Lily...none of the alarms went off in there at all. I had Balidor surround her tank with everyone he had in the vicinity. Terian claimed he just wanted to talk to me...that Shadow wasn’t involved. Of course, that was probably bullshit, but he really acted a lot more like Feigran than Terian...” Thinking about that, I shook my head. “It was pretty weird, actually. It seemed like he was trying to...”
But Revik was already climbing off of me.
I trailed, watching him go, but I could no longer feel his light.
Before I could think of more words to say, he’d already gotten off the bed.
I watched as he regained his feet, feeling my throat tighten as he leaned down to yank his shirt off the floor. I couldn’t feel him at all now. His light had retreated behind one of his bunker-like shields, and his face had gone completely expressionless.
I just watched him, trying to decide what to say as he tugged the shirt over his head, twisting it around to shove his arms through the sleeves without looking at the shirt itself. He yanked it down his back with one hand even as he reached into his pocket, fumbling out a second earpiece for his headset. Fitting the mechanism over his ear, he activated it, or must have, since I saw the light start to glow, right before he walked over to the table where he’d set the breakfast tray. He buckled up his pants and belt as I watched.
Then I saw his irises blur, indicating either subvocals, or maybe...
I flinched, feeling his light wrap suddenly and invasively around mine. I didn’t feel much of him in that, either. But I definitely felt his scan.
I felt him asking me, too, although not very warmly.
Realizing what he wanted, I opened, letting him have it.
He pulled every fragment of my interaction with Terian from my light. He took all of it, without so much as a single question to me beyond asking if he could do it...much less a thank you, ma’am...or an apology for shutting me out.
Allie's War Season Four Page 85