Watching her look at the water, I followed the patterns as the sensors tracked the surface of her aleimi. I knew Balidor had his people in here for weeks, looking for intel, anything she could tell them about Shadow’s plans, the layout of his cities, maps of his Barrier network structure and whatever else. They looked for things she knew consciously, and things she might know unconsciously, too. They hadn’t found much of either.
Revik explained that Shadow would have cut her out of the network as soon as she’d been taken captive, so she’d likely lost access before we even got her in the tank. Anything sensitive she might have known would have had all of the particulars changed, too.
So what in the gods did I hope to accomplish by this?
“In through the out door,” I muttered under my breath.
Cass turned, staring at me with narrowed eyes.
I found myself lost in the expression on her face.
For the barest second, it felt like I’d caught a glimpse of the person there, like some part of her flashed across the outer image, like the after-effect of a bright light that faded quickly back into darkness. Even as I stared at it, fighting to grasp hold of whatever I’d seen with some part of my mind and light, it was gone.
The wall fell back down over her expression. That jerky, off-kilter light resumed, which pushed me away just by the jarring, unnatural aggression of its rhythms.
Cass looked away from me, back at the water. I watched her, feeling my heart beat louder in my chest. I couldn’t help it, or evade my own reactions entirely.
She’d heard that before.
Which meant she’d heard Shadow talking about it. Or Terian.
She’d heard them talking about Revik. Using that exact phrase.
“What does that mean, Cass?” I said. “In through the out door?”
Turning her head, Cass smirked, thrusting out her chest as she arched her back, once more resting her weight on her palms. Her dark eyes flashed in the pre-sunset light.
“Can I just say... you win the prize for most boring interrogation, ever,” she said. “Seriously. Is this the best the Adhipan can come up with? You? Spouting a bunch of cryptic b.s.?” She lifted an eyebrow, her dark eyes growing colder, even as her voice grew sickeningly sweet, dripping with mock sympathy. “Oh... I’m sorry, Al. Is the view for you? I hear you’re seeing Yumi again. Did you come here for a good cry?”
I recognized the little-kid voice. Cass used it regularly back in the day, mostly to taunt women at parties, and later in bars.
Snorting, she shook her head, her eyes returning to the water.
“You should have asked Revik before you came in,” she grunted, leaning back on her hands. “Now there’s a guy who knows about torture. In fact... why don’t you bring him in here now? I’d much rather talk to him.” Still watching the horizon, and now a white sailboat floating under the bridge and into the bay, she let a smile play around the corners of her full mouth. “Of course, I’d much rather do more than talk, if you know what I mean... but then, you probably do know what I mean, don’t you, Al? Given that you have access to that boy’s cock pretty much twenty-four-seven now, I’m guessing.”
Cass turned her head, meeting my gaze levelly once more.
“Still making up for lost time, Al?” she said sweetly.
I returned the look, but didn’t answer.
I knew she’d go there again, too.
Even so, given the stuff going on in my light around Revik right then, she managed to distract me. More than that, it got me thinking about the bond, and the fact that everything felt different with me and Revik again, ever since Kali showed up.
But Kali wasn’t the issue. I knew that too, without knowing how I knew.
It was Terian.
Terian was right at the center of this somehow.
In through the out door...
I could almost feel it, damn it, well enough that it was maddening. Terian’s involvement in this, maybe his very light, was like a scent that came and went, never staying long enough for me to nail down what the hell it meant. He was at the center of this though. I was sure of it.
Or maybe he was just the most important thing right now.
Maybe the religious nuts were right, and it really was about the Four.
“Yeah,” Cass said, stretching her back. She thrust out her chest again, shaking her head so that her black, silky hair fell straight down her back. “You’ve got a talented guy there, Al... no question. He’s really fucking good with his hands... and with his mouth, as I recall. I know Terry thought so. He had him on his knees at the beginning of just about every session in those mountains. Sometimes he’d be on his knees for hours, Al. Kind of like you in Beijing...”
“Allie,” Revik said, his voice rising in my ear. “I think you should come out of there. You were on a good line with whatever you said to her just then. Her reactions spiked off the damned chart. But you’re losing her now. I think she’s done.”
“...And damn,” Cass said, giving me a slightly wider smile, turning to face me with those dead eyes. “The boy’s got a nice cock. I mean, you have to admit, Allie... that’s a really nice set of junk. Jon’s wasn’t half-bad, either. He’s actually pretty hung, for a worm... but I think he’s been sucking dick too long, Al.”
She stared out over the water, her eyes colder than the Pacific.
“He just couldn’t get the hang of the whole ‘female thing,’” she added in air quotes with one hand. Smiling at me wider, she shivered.
I felt pain on her, too. I honestly couldn’t tell if it was a put-on or not.
“But your guy, Revi’... damn,” she said. “Terian would even have him fuck me extended. Did he tell you that? I could tell he hated to do it, but he did it anyway. He just couldn’t help himself...”
Before I could block it, she flung images at me.
Not one image. Images. Plural.
Unfortunately, just like with her light patterns, the VR translated that in rote, too, as part of the program’s function. I got a glimpse of the visual, some sensory data, which got translated dutifully along with the rest... and yeah, more of that pain.
When she did it again, I blocked the VR translation, but not quite fast enough. I got a brief flicker of Jon that time, too... of Jon and Terian and Revik and Cass. I closed my eyes, fighting the sickness that rose in my throat. I cut out the virtual translation entirely at the third cluster she sent, but by then, I was clenching my jaw. I could just turn the damned thing off entirely, of course, but that kind of defeated the purpose of being in here at all.
“I even started to like it...” Cass added.
“Alyson...” Revik said. “Gods, baby... end this, please...”
“...Even when he had that gun to my head the other day,” Cass said, glancing at me again, her eyes assessing mine. “Even then, when he was all murderous and shit, I felt him turned on. He’s like a walking hard-on all the time, isn’t he?” She grinned at me, but it still didn’t touch her eyes. “Lucky you. That must be fun.”
Revik’s voice cut in. “Allie... listen to me. This isn’t just your husband talking. Balidor agrees with me. So does Yumi. She’s toying with you. She’s getting off on it too much. And she’s done talking. You caught her off guard with that other thing, but it’s made her shut down even more now. The session’s over.”
He kept his voice calm, stripped of emotion, almost clinical.
Even so, I heard the edge there.
“...Did he ever tell you that Terian had both of them fuck me once? At the same time, I mean.” Cass smiled at me, that knowing look in her eyes. She flung more images at me, but I managed to keep it out that time, by clicking off the translation segment of the virtual program faster, so that it hit the construct walls of the tank. “...Your hubby and Jon. It was pretty out there, some of the stuff he wanted us to do. Terry always was a sick fuck, though. You knew that. And he liked your husband a lot. He liked getting him riled up about you...”
Something in her wor
ds made me frown that time.
Something besides the obvious, I mean.
As soon as I felt it, that was gone, too.
“You’re not going to get anything out of her like this,” Revik said, his voice dropping to a growl. “End this, Alyson. I mean it...”
“Is she right?” I said through the subvocals, ignoring his words. “Does Terian still have some kind of fixation on you, Revik? A sexual one, I mean?”
For a long-feeling moment, he didn’t answer.
Then, I felt his shield drop somewhat, even as I felt a denser flicker of emotion. He clicked his tongue, exuding impatience. I could almost see him where he stood in the other room, angry that I was bringing this up now.
Still, when he spoke, he was all business.
“Honestly? I doubt it. He’s a sadist, Allie. I wouldn’t read much into it beyond that.”
“But she’s telling the truth about what he did to you in that cell? Terian?”
I felt a harder flush of his anger. “Yes,” he said, blunt.
“But you don’t think that’s from some kind of fixation?”
“Are you confused about the ‘sadist’ part, wife?”
“What does Jon think?” I asked, pushing aside his anger.
There was a longer pause, presumably because Revik either asked Jon, or called Jon on his transmitter... or because he was angry at me for even asking the question. It probably had some mixture of all three, but his response came out in favor of the former two. When Revik spoke next, his voice was grudging.
“He agrees with you,” he said, gruff. “Why the fuck does this matter, Allie?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But it might.”
“You feel something?”
I nodded, but felt another sliver of doubt worming its way into my brain. Revik was right. Why was this important now? It was maddening that I didn’t know. It was even more maddening that not knowing did nothing to lessen the feeling.
Then something else occurred to me.
“How would Cass know anything about what I’d done in Beijing?” I asked him then.
That time, my only answer was silence.
23
ANOTHER PROBLEM OF LIGHT
IN THE END, Revik was right. I didn’t get anything more off Cass.
I tried for awhile longer, but essentially, all I came away with was more questions. About Terian being fixated on Revik and whether that might be something we could use. About Cass knowing about my time in Beijing. About whatever “in through the out door” really meant.
We discussed putting Cass on wires, but I couldn’t stomach that.
We discussed doing something like what I’d done with Revik, where someone went in there and tried to get at the person underneath. We talked about who that might be. Me. Jon. Revik. Chandre. Yumi. Balidor. I definitely got the sense neither Wreg nor Balidor’s girlfriend, Yarli, were too enthusiastic about using their romantic partners for that, and not only because the process with Revik pretty much wore me down to a shell by the end.
Yarli, in particular, seemed pretty pissed off by the whole conversation, and kept glaring at Balidor while we discussed it.
I could understand.
I didn’t want Revik going anywhere friggin’ near her.
We all, unanimously, decided that anything like that would definitely have to wait until after Dubai. So why was I having trouble letting it go? It wasn’t even about Cass, per se. It was that nagging feeling that I was missing something.
Like I was missing something big, that might get us all killed.
I don’t think I realized how far I’d lost track of the meeting until everyone around the metal table turned, staring at me.
We were in the bull pen.
Realizing all of those eyes were looking at me, waiting for me to speak, I leaned back in the metal chair where I sat cross-legged, shifting my ass on the hard seat. I missed the hotel in New York, with its leather upholstery and giant wall monitors and carpeted floors. Everything in here was either gray or green, depending on the amount of organic living in whatever particular chunk of whatever I happened to be staring at.
In here, meaning the bullpen itself, the walls were dead metal with the exception of the large wall monitor, currently stuck on the feed station, Drahk. I’d been tempted to tell them to switch the damned thing off, but I’d forgotten about it while my mind wandered.
Giving another glance around at faces, I cleared my throat.
“What?” I said. “Did you need something?”
Balidor looked at me, then glanced at Revik.
Revik’s face remained neutral as he returned the Adhipan leader’s glance.
I felt the distraction on Revik too, and tried not to meet his gaze, at least not for any amount of time. I knew he’d sat on the other side of the table for a reason, and for the most part, I appreciated it, but it still felt weird, me sitting at the head of the table with him sitting further down like that, both of us avoiding looking at each other.
“Are we boring you, Esteemed Bridge?” Balidor asked mildly.
I felt my face warm. I knew it was ‘Dori’s idea of a joke, so I didn’t take offense, but plunked my elbows down on the table.
“What was the question?” I said.
“We wished to know if you’d had any luck removing the structures from Maygar’s light. Without tying him to you... the way you were forced to do with your husband and daughter.”
I felt my jaw harden. “No.” Remembering our last session in Maygar’s part of the tank, I felt my frustration rise. “I would have to do the same thing I did with the two of them. Revik and I talked about it, and we think that’s too many lives interdependent on one another, at least right now.” I shrugged vaguely with a hand. “Maygar acts as back-up. Outside the Dreng construct. For now, anyway.”
Balidor leaned back in his seat, and the metal squeaked around the screws. “Understood. And do you want him with Wreg’s team? At the northern end of the city? Or with me and Yumi, as part of the infiltration unit?”
But my mind had drifted somewhat again.
“Where are we with the construct over Dubai?” I said.
Balidor glanced at Revik again, lifting an eyebrow before he looked back at me.
“We have been discussing that very thing. Most of the morning, in fact, Esteemed Bridge.”
Frowning, I thought for a minute, tapping the metal tabletop absently with my fingers. “Did you discuss Feigran’s drawings? Whether anything there might give us a glimpse into the workings of the network as a whole?”
Balidor shook his head, once, his expression openly puzzled now.
He glanced at Revik again, and then at Tarsi, both of whom remained stone-faced.
“No, Esteemed Bridge,” Balidor said, his voice more subdued. “But I believe the Sword could answer these questions much more thoroughly than I, sister. He spent a great deal of time going over these materials and others related to Shadow’s Barrier network and constructs, while we were still encamped in San Francisco.”
I nodded, glancing at Revik.
I met his gaze directly that time.
Feeling a pulse of heat off him once I had, I fought to keep my reaction off my face. I saw his eyes change slightly in that pause, right before he shrugged with one hand, his face still carefully set in the infiltrator’s mask, despite the reactions I felt on his light.
“I would very much like to go over those materials with you, Esteemed Bridge,” he said, using his most polite voice. “Perhaps we could do that in a separate meeting?”
I nodded, feeling my shoulders relax.
“Okay,” I said. “Great. Thanks.”
Everyone continued to look at me, as if waiting to see if I was finished. When they didn’t speak after a few more seconds, I waved a hand in their general direction.
“Go ahead,” I said, feeling my jaw tighten. “Keep talking.”
I could still feel the puzzlement wafting off some of them, Balidor in particular, w
ho I saw exchange looks with Tarsi and Yumi.
I knew I was acting strange, but I couldn’t seem to help it.
Truthfully, I’d been having a hell of a time keeping my mind focused on anything being said during this particular strategy meeting, pretty much since I got here. I knew this shit was important. I usually would have been leading a meeting like this, and I could feel how they’d let me off the hook for that, but I couldn’t seem to care about that, either.
Was it Lily? Was it worry about her doing this to me? Was it Revik?
Or was it all of the shit still swimming through my light around what Terian told me, about what Cass more or less confirmed, about Dubai itself, about this guy who was collecting List seers? Was this about my mother being here, watching me, her face as puzzled as everyone else’s? Dalejem was here too, but I’d studiously avoided looking at him, as well... in addition to my father, Uye, who was still the hardest for me to avoid for some reason.
More than any of that, though, I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was missing something. Or the feeling of something bearing down on us out of the dark... or maybe waiting for us in Dubai.
I couldn’t feel any actual worry on the others around the table.
Not even Kali, and she was supposedly prescient, right?
So maybe it was just me. Maybe I was just off my game after everything changed in my light the other day. I didn’t need to scan the others to know they thought I was acting weird. Balidor made a few cryptic comments about Jon and Wreg “not being the only ones bonding right now,” so maybe that was part of it. They thought Revik and I were bonding, too, probably because of whatever had changed in our light again recently, as well as from Lily being a much bigger part of our lives now.
Even now, I felt Balidor’s light on mine, less subtly than usual. I knew it was his job to keep an eye on me, so I didn’t take offense, but I found it distracting. After a few minutes more while they talked over weapons, I shoved his light off me for real, standing up.
Again, I barely realized what I was doing until they all turned, staring at me again.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I said.
Allie's War Season Four Page 112