“Sure. You’re not driving. We are, so don’t worry. We’ll bring you back home unless you turn out to be horrible. In that case we won’t,” she said, laughing. “Just kidding.”
Adam watched as they made their way down the steps, Lisa and Sally’s heels clanking against the metal of the steps. He closed the door and gave in to the laughter that had now bubbled up into his chest, shaking his head as he grabbed his wallet and keys, his laughter subsiding to chuckles as he closed the door, locked it and headed to who knew what.
The women stood around in a small circle as he made his way over to them, all scrunched up talking at once. He’d seen them all, but with the exception of about five, he only recognized faces. He hadn’t met them officially.
“Okay, everyone, this is Adam. We’ve all seen him. Tonight we hope to get to know him and he’ll get to know us. Right, Adam?” Lisa said, placing a hand on his arm.
“Right,” he replied. Did he have a choice? Sure, he always had a choice, but if he wanted to see Mariah, then this was the path she’d offered him, a night with twelve women, in three cars. A first for him, that was for sure.
“Adam, this is Reagan. Don’t know if you remember her or not,” Lisa said. “This is Alyse “Asian Persuasion” Peyton; Miss Creant,; Dee, or “Dirty South;” Becca, “AlterKayShawn;” Jen, “Ms. Nomer;” Disillusioned; and, last, but not least, is Courtney, “Diabloical;” and, of course, you know Casper and Delusional.
“We are going to make three different stops, so you’ll be able to ride in each car and talk to us all, and if all goes well, we’ll give the okay for Mariah.” That wasn’t the truth, but he didn’t need to know that, Lisa thought, slipping her arm through his and walking to the car driven by Sally.
“Dinner first, and, lucky for you and your pocket book, I picked someplace reasonable,” Lisa said.
He smiled a little sickly smile and sat back to see what would happen next.
* * *
Adam sat at the table in between Casper and Lisa. They were seated at a Mexican restaurant he’d never heard of—a local place owned by a mom and pop. It was located in a small house, with two major rooms and a kitchen in the back. His party, since he’d found out he was paying for them, had reserved the larger of the two rooms, filled with five square tables. He of course had had to pull them together, without help, while the ladies stood around giving instructions.
Lime green paint covered the walls in this room. It was a terra cotta red on the walls in the other room. Color was everywhere; there were pieces of pottery, smoothly painted in bright colors, and butterflies, armadillos, cacti, and sombreros appeared on almost every available inch of wall space. About a hundred brightly colored, tiny piñatas hung from the ceiling, he’d calculated.
“So, Adam,” Lisa who was seated by his side, said. “Where are you from?”
“Austin,” he said.
“He’s from Austin,” she repeated loudly for the women sitting at the end of the table, almost shouting.
This was the way it had gone the last twenty minutes while they waited for their food. Lisa was the main spokesperson. She’d asked the questions and he provided the answers. She then shouted his responses to the rest of the table. They placed their order about fifteen minutes ago and were now seated waiting, eating the chips and salsa, and talking, but mostly harassing him.
“Ever been married?” Lisa almost shouted.
“No,” he said, refusing to shout. It was enough he answered more questions than he thought necessary, and he was starting to get the feeling that this was some type of payback.
“So you’ve not been married. Ever been engaged?” she asked and all eyes were now glued to him. He’d bet they already knew the answer to that question.
“Yes,” he said.
“Yes,” Lisa shouted, looking around at them like she was surprised by this information.
“So what happened?” she asked.
“It didn’t work out,” he said.
“So did she dump you or you dump her?” Sally asked, her eyes fixed on him. “And don’t say something mean about the woman. We hate when men place the blame on the woman,” she said, eyeing him like he was something that you found on the heel of your shoe.
“It just didn’t work out,” he said, looking back directly at her. She didn’t care for men, he remembered.
“Could you be more specific?” Reagan asked.
“No, I can’t,” he said, politely he thought, but with a little more firmness in his voice, looking at the whole of them. And that wasn’t an easy feat, as these women didn’t put up with much bullshit, he could tell.
They watched him for a few more seconds, and as confident as he was, it was more than a little weird, even disconcerting, to have twelve women stare back at you. Thankfully the food had arrived.
He sighed. Casper bumped her shoulder into his, giving him an encouraging smile. He smiled back. Actually it resembled a grimace. She laughed.
He ate in silence while they talked amongst themselves, and of course it moved on to discussing the derby and the chances for their team getting to the top.
“The check goes where?” their waitress asked, an hour later, as she looked around their table. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, they pointed to him. He smiled his fake smile, his you’re-not-going-to-get-the-best-of-me smile, and raised his hand.
The waitress had added in her tip, and between the twelve of them and their drinks, it was quite a bit; not more than he could handle, but enough to give him pause.
He pulled out his wallet, and stuck his card into the folder.
“So where to next, ladies?” he said.
“Well, we thought you might like to go skating,” Lisa said.
“Can you skate?” Dee asked from the far end of the table.
“No, but how hard could it be?” he said, and smiled. Wrong answer, he supposed, but he was an athlete and really how hard could it be?
“Okay,” Lisa said, “I’m going to the ladies’ room before we leave,” she said, standing up, in proper form always. Half of the table joined her.
“Thanks, Adam,” they said as he signed the receipt and put his card away.
“Like Mariah, huh?” Good & Plenty said, licking her lips like he was dessert. He smiled, and after another ten minutes they were ready to leave. He was riding in the second car, he was told. He smiled and went in search of the driver, Becca. He didn’t know what to think about getting passed around like this, but he smiled and went with it.
Ten minutes later they were at Parker’s Roller Rink. He hadn’t been there before.
“It’s new, built two years ago,” Becca said as she parked. They made their way around the car to meet up with the other women. The parking lot was full. Apparently more people went roller-skating than he’d have thought.
He and the rest of the women had piled out and were making their way to the front door, most of them with bags in their hand.
“We prefer our own skates,” Lisa said. Ever the tour guide, she’d come around to make sure he was okay.
“I see,” he said, as all eleven of them made their way to the door and over to the desk, where he pulled out his wallet again and paid for them all and his rental skates.
Casper walked over to the desk to pick up shoes with him.
“Size eleven,” he said to the attendant. He thanked him after he’d received his skates, and he and Casper found a bench.
“You’re holding your own,” she said, as she bent over to put on her skates.
“Thank you. I guess you’re my personal cheerleader for the evening,” he said, kicking off his shoes and reaching for a skate.
“Wasn’t what you were expecting, huh?”
“Nope. Not at all,” he said, putting the skates on his feet.
“So you’ve never skated before? Ever?”
“No, but I played baseball in high school had a scholarship to play in college but passed it up. This should be easy,” he said, looking over at her, waiting
until she was done with her laces. She stood and so did he, or he tried to stand, but lost his balance, and did that circle-like-windmill thing with his arms, like she’d only seen on cartoons. She ducked before he hit her.
He sat back down. “That’s not as easy as it looks,” he said.
“Some people aren’t coordinated on skates, and it has nothing to do with being coordinated elsewhere,” she said. “You can just watch us, if you want.”
“No, this is test number two. Isn’t that right?” he said and stood again, this time slowly. He made it and was standing, minus the windmills, still as a statue, as the other women skated over to join him and Casper. Sally bumped into him a little and then they all ducked as his arms windmilled again as he tried to regain his balance.
“I don’t think this was a good idea,” Lisa leaned over to whisper to Casper. “Maybe we should head over to the bar instead.”
“Adam, do you need to hold my hand?” Sally asked, a smirk on her lips. He ignored her.
Ten minutes in, Casper and Sally agreed that for the safety of those in attendance they needed to get Adam back into shoes and off anything with wheels. He’d almost sent a little girl and her mother to the hospital. The mother and her sweet little daughter had felt sorry for him. He was so slow, holding on to the wall like it was his link between life or death, swinging the other arm to keep himself balanced.
They had come up behind him, in the midst of his arm extension. The little girl, who was maybe five, had reached for his hand, thinking to help the big nice man who smiled and laughed with her and her mother while they skated. Big mistake. His legs had gone out from under him, and the little girl had somehow ended up on his lap, crying. Her mother had ended up on the floor next to them, screaming in Spanish.
Good & Plenty and Casper had helped him to his feet—they were the strongest of the two and had taken him over to the bench to sit. They sat at his feet and unlaced his skates, putting them away and handed him his shoes.
Forty minutes later they were headed to their final destination, Pinky’s Place, for dancing and drinks. And, of course, it was on his tab. He knew he could have pushed back, but the women seemed to be really into the dating him on Mariah’s behalf. He was now in the third and final car, stuck between Good & Plenty—and there was plenty of her—and Ms. Nomer. Dirty South was driving.
“How long have you known Mariah?” Ms. Nomer asked.
“I met her in January,” he said.
“She’s nice once you get to know her. She can come across as really tough, but she looks out for us. We look out for each other,” she said.
“I can see that.”
“It’s been fun hanging out with you. We don’t mean to be difficult, but Mariah’s our girl.”
“I completely understand,” he said.
“I think you’re okay, if that’s any consolation. And don’t let Sally bother you. She’s tough on everyone. She’s had her share of deadbeats. Your gender can be really bad sometimes.”
“Yeah, well, your gender’s not all that great either sometimes,” he said.
“True,” she said, watching him closely. “Too bad about your engagement. People forget that breaking up is painful, regardless of whether you do the breaking up or not.”
He nodded and gave her a small smile. She squeezed his hand. “You’re doing great,” she said, offering reassurance.
He smiled at the humor of this night.
“We’re here,” Ms. Nomer said, five minutes later.
He looked around and, yes, they were at Pinky’s Place. They parked in the back, near the spot where he’d parked and made out with Mariah. Seemed like ages ago.
* * *
Jesus, his feet hurt. He was finally sitting down. After dance number seven he’d quit counting. They’d been here for over two hours, and it was little after midnight now. He’d done enough dancing for ten men.
“Want to dance with me?” Good & Plenty asked, smiling the same secretive smile everyone else did when they asked him that question.
“You know…” he started to say, but was interrupted.
“Remember, we’re all Mariah tonight. You wouldn’t turn her down, would you?” she asked.
Yes, he said to himself, but instead he smiled and said, “I would love to dance with you.” He stood up and followed her to the floor. Good & Plenty wrapped him up nice and snug in a big old bear hug, which he worked to pull back from as the dancing got underway.
“You smell good,” she said, pulling him in closer. She was a very strong woman and he had yet to get used to the tenor of her voice.
“You do, too,” he said, backing away again. “So what’s your name? Not your derby name,” he asked, thinking that conversation would keep some space between them.
“Amy.”
“How long have you been skating, Amy?” he asked, as he worked to create space between their bodies. She winked at him like she knew what he was up to but let him anyway. He danced and listened as she talked their way through three dances.
* * *
He was now seated at the bar, needing a break from the ladies. He’d probably lose his male card if that admission got out.
Casper slid into the seat next to him.
“You okay?”
“Yep, just taking a break.”
“You’re doing fine,” she said, smiling at him.
“Hope so,” he said.
“Hey, Pinky, this man here needs something stronger than a beer, don’t you, Adam?” Sally said, looking over at him as she made her way to the bar.
“No, I’m good,” he said.
“Come on. Have you ever had a sake shot?” she asked.
“Can’t say that I have,” he replied.
“Let me have two, Pinky,” she said. Adam watched as Pinky filled two glasses midway with beer. Then he poured two small glasses of sake and set them next to the beer glasses.
“Come on, ready,” she said, picking up the smaller glass, filled with sake, her hand hovering just above the glass that held the beer, a challenge in her gaze. And although he knew he should pass, he wasn’t going to and didn’t. He picked up his sake-filled glass, his hand hovering above his beer glass, and caught her grin before she dropped the sake into the beer. She then picked up the whole thing and drank, her eyes focused on him as she drank hers; she was no match for him. He hit his glass on the table a second before her and laughed.
“Two more,” Sally said, motioning to Pinky, who repeated the earlier process. “Ready,” he said, getting into the spirit of it, in the spirit of besting someone who had been riding his ass all night, actually since he’d met Mariah.
They dropped their glasses into their beer and drank again. He finished first again, hit the bar with his glass, burped, laughed, and pumped his fist into the air.
“Best four out of seven,” Sally said, and before he could blink, there were four glasses of beer and four glasses of sake sitting before him. He looked to his side as all of his new women friends surrounded him now. This was planned flickered through his mind, but he lifted the first of his four, way more loose than when he started, and the race began.
* * *
“We better get him home,” Casper said, sitting in the booth at Pinky’s. Adam sat next to her, in whispered conversation with Lisa. Lisa was the only one talking. Adam’s head was laid back on the booth, eyes closed behind his glasses. He was easy on the eyes, and if she were into his type, she would have been all over that. He’d surprised her by dating Mariah, though they hadn’t been really dating.
She was just as surprised as Mariah had been by his stopping by the rink. She thought he would have moved on, found some other woman by now, but no, he’d shown up and asked for help with locating Mariah. And here he was now, out trying to be friends with her friends. It was a whole lot to do for friendship.
“Time to get him home,” she said, again, louder this time, interrupting Lisa’s lengthy explanation of marriage and commitment.
He had, nine drinks
ago, filled everyone in on his fiancée from hell and how he’d come to be back home working for his daddy, how she had turned into a crazy stalker, and how she had problems with Mexicans. He was part Latino, and that bit of knowledge had stunned them all.
She had to hand it to him. He’d won the drinking contest; well, it wasn’t really a contest, since it had been rigged. Pinky had watered down Sally’s drinks so it hadn’t been fair, but so what. All is fair in love and war.
He won the date and had moved all of them over to his side, surprising them, turning out to be a good sport, funny, and a fine dancer. He did need to work on his liquor threshold, and he should not be allowed to don a pair of skates ever, but nobody was perfect.
Casper stood up and leaned over Adam. She shook his shoulder.
“Adam, time to go,” she said. He murmured something she couldn’t make out. His eyelids fluttered, but remained closed. Casper looked over at Lisa and they giggled. She hadn’t done that in a while, the old-fashioned girly giggle.
The women stood up and walked over to help. Casper and Good & Plenty were called upon to lift him. They each placed one of his arms around their shoulders, lifting him. They then half carried, half walked him to the car and placed in the front seat of Casper’s car.
His head slumped over. Casper walked around and got behind the wheel, leaned over to snap Adam’s seat belt into place, and started to laugh as he let out a snore. Lisa and Sally’s laughter joined hers.
Ten minutes later they were back at his apartment, dragging him and his heavy carcass up the steps. They all stood near the door. All twelve of them, and that was another surprise. Casper had assumed they’d lose some of the women before the night ended, but no, they all liked him, especially after his disclosure regarding his broken heart and his broken engagement.
Casper and Good & Plenty held him while Lisa unlocked the door, and then Casper and G&P carried Adam inside. They all entered and walked him to his bedroom. They laid him down on his bed.
“Maybe we should skip the last part,” Lisa said, looking around at the women, misgivings in her eyes.
“Nope, I’ve come this far, let’s finish it,” Sally said, reaching for his shoes. “Do I have to do this myself?” she asked, looking at the women standing around his bed.
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