“You’re not giving yourself enough credit, love. You’ve changed so much since then. We’ve all noticed it.” I could see the faint glitter of tears in Mum’s eyes.
“So you all think I should do this?”
“If you want to do it and you think you’ll stick at it,” Marie said.
“You’ll only regret it if you don’t,” Dad added.
I looked across at Megan. “What do you think?”
She smiled. “Is it something you might look back on when you’re old and regret not doing?”
“All right. That settles it. I want to discuss it with Ollie, too, but after that, I’ll let Davi know and contact my solicitor.”
After helping me clean away the last of the rubbish, my parents said they were going to head home before it started to get dark.
Mum pulled Megan into an embrace. “It was lovely meeting you.”
“You too.”
“Don’t be a stranger, okay?”
Mum stepped away from Megan and pulled me into a hug. “That goes for you, too.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be down for Sunday lunch.”
“Nice meeting you, lass,” Dad said, patting Megan on the arm. He then turned to me and did the same. “Take care of her, boy.”
“I will.” I wrapped my arm protectively around Megan’s shoulder, and she laid her head against me.
“We’re going to be making tracks too, bro,” Marie said, following our parents to the front door.
“All right. Thanks for coming.”
“Thanks for dinner. Megan, if you ever feel the need to drop by with some of that carrot cake, you know where I work.”
Megan laughed and hugged Marie. “I promise, the next time I have an antenatal appointment, I’ll bring some with me.”
Megan and I waited on the doorstep until my parents and Marie and Darren were out of sight.
“Fancy a cuppa before you head home?”
“Yeah, go on then. But I can’t stop long. I’ve got an early class in the morning.”
We went back into the kitchen, and I unloaded the dishwasher while Meg put the kettle on and got some mugs.
“Thanks for today. It meant a lot to have you here.” I reached into an overhead cupboard to put a roasting dish away.
“Anytime. I had fun. Your family is awesome.”
“I told you they’d love you. When you went to get the cake, Mum said you’re a sweetheart.”
Megan grinned and poured the tea. “And get you, being all responsible by thinking about Ella and the future. I’m really proud of you.”
I took my mug from Megan and wrapped my hand around hers. “I couldn’t have done it without your support.”
“Kian … Ahhhh. Never mind.” She stopped and took a sip of tea.
“What were you going to say?”
“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does, because it’s making you sad. I can tell by the look in your eyes.”
“Honestly, it doesn’t matter.”
I sighed and sat down at the breakfast bar. “This is about us?”
Megan let out an exasperated breath. “Of course it’s about us. What else could it be? You’re all I think about. I know you said you didn’t want a relationship, but since then, everything you’ve done contradicts that. It’s making my head spin.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll back off. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m already hurting, Kian. When my mum asked if I’d be okay playing happy families one minute and then not the next, I thought I’d be all right with it. I stupidly thought if I gave you some time you’d change your mind about us. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending like we’re a couple when we’re not. I need some space. I think maybe it’s best if we don’t see each other for a while.”
Without giving me a chance to say anything else, Megan put her mug down on the counter and turned to the door.
I raced after her, catching up as she reached for the handle.
“Megan, please-”
“Don’t. Please don’t. Just let me go home, yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
I stepped away and let her leave.
Once the car was out of sight, I let out a frustrated growl and kicked over the dustbin by the front door. My next session with Ollie couldn’t come soon enough.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
My argument with Kian kept swirling around in my head, as I rehashed all the things we’d said to each other.
I’d hardly slept since we’d last spoken. During the day, it was okay, as I had uni work and my final shift at the café to keep me busy. But alone at night, uncomfortable because of the increasing weight of Ella growing inside me, I tossed and turned, analysing everything Kian and I had said to each other from every possible angle.
I stared at the clock on my bedside table - three-fifteen a.m.
I had to try and get some rest because my uni presentation and end of degree show were later that day, and I couldn’t afford to mess them up.
My life felt like it was collapsing around me. I had no job, I was almost finished with uni, and now things between Kian and me had become weird.
The only good thing in my life was Ella. I rested my hand on my bump and rubbed my tummy.
“When you get here, everything will be good. I promise.” I let out a sigh.
I hated that even before she was born, I was falling apart and letting Ella down. I didn’t want her coming into the world with a mopey mum who had no job.
Screwing my eyes up against the tears threatening to fall, I vowed I was going to do better.
I wasn’t going to let myself get depressed over some guy … even if that guy was Kian. No man was worth it, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to screw up my chance at a better future for my daughter and me by being too tired to do well in my presentation.
I wiped away the tears with the heel of my hand, took a deep breath, and tried to relax.
The sound of my phone ringing jolted me awake. My hands scrambled around on the bedside table until I found it, then I put it to my ear as I hit answer.
“Meg, where are you?” Stacey’s voice was tight and breathless.
I looked at my clock.
Ten-thirty.
SHIT.
“I must have slept through the alarm.” I pulled myself out of bed and raced for the bathroom. “Are the adjudicators here yet?”
“No, but Mr. Barnes just put up the presentation schedule. You’re down for eleven-thirty.”
God damn it.
“If you hadn’t called I’d be screwed. You saved my ass.”
“That’s what best friends are for.”
“I’ll see you in an hour.”
“Okay. Text if you need anything.”
“Will do.”
I hung up and jumped in the shower then raced to get dressed. My head was all over the place, and I gulped down a cup of decaf tea in the hope it’d calm me down and help me focus.
Ella must have picked up on my mood, as she wriggled around in my belly.
As I got my uni things together for my presentation, my vision blurred. The words on the page in front of me swam together. I closed my eyes and rubbed at my temple.
I do not have time for this.
I opened my eyes to find everything had returned to normal, so I scooped my presentation cue cards into my bag and walked to the door.
I pulled into the car park at 11:17, and then raced through the hallways to my lecture room. I quietly slipped into class just as Ashley Bennett was midway through her presentation. She narrowed her eyes at me.
“Sorry for interrupting.”
The adjudicators glanced my way, and I swear one of them shook their head.
I sat down next to Stacey, who whispered, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
A lie.
Since getting out of the car, my stomach had been swishing around like crazy. I hoped to God that it wasn’t the return of my morning
sickness, and the nausea was just down to nerves.
Ashley Bennett prattled on about her design piece – some interactive advert for a cosmetics company – and I tried to block her out as I went over my own notes in my mind. When she’d finished speaking, a round of applause broke out around the class. I clapped along with them so I didn’t seem like a bitch.
The adjudicators discussed Ashley’s presentation in hushed whispers, one of them making notes as they conferred.
“Thank you, Miss Bennett,” the head adjudicator said. “We look forward to seeing your display this afternoon. Can Miss Megan Green please come forward for her presentation?”
I stood up from my chair and the rows of tables in front of me muddled together. I blinked and rested a hand on the desk to steady myself.
“Are you okay?” Stacey whispered.
“I told you, I’m fine,” I hissed.
Forcing my vision to focus, I stared at the head adjudicator and made my way forward. I reached the front of the class, checked my cue cards were in order, and then began.
“Good morning. My name is Megan Green, and today I’d like to speak with you about an exciting new bedroom design.”
I flicked on the projector, which would play the video and image part of my presentation, and as I did, a wave of nausea crashed over me. I felt the vomit surge up my throat, and clamped a hand over my mouth. Without another word, I ran from the class to the nearest toilets, and promptly threw up in the closest loo.
I was still puking my guts out when I heard someone enter the room, then Stacey said, “Meg, are you in here? What’s going on?”
I grabbed some tissue to wipe my mouth, flushed the loo, and then left the stall. My legs wobbled as I walked across to the sink.
“I don’t know. I guess I was more nervous than I thought.”
“Are you sure this is just nerves? You look really pale and you’re shaking. Maybe you should see the nurse.”
I took a deep breath then gulped down a handful of water from the tap.
Maybe Stacey had a point. I didn’t feel quite right. My vision kept dimming, I was sure I was going to throw up again, and my feet had swollen so much my shoes had become uncomfortably tight. But I couldn’t afford to mess up my presentation. My whole future depended on how it went. I’d have to see the nurse later.
“I told you, I’m fine. I’m just nervous. Everything we’ve worked for rests on how today goes.”
Stacey frowned “You’re sure? Ella is still moving around and nothing else has happened?”
“Ella is fine, and no, nothing else has happened.”
“Okay. But you’ll see the nurse later, when the adjudicators have left?”
“I promise.”
Satisfied with my answer, Stacey and I went back to the classroom.
“Sorry about that,” I said as I took my place at the front of the class. From the corner of my eye, I saw Ashley snigger. I focused on Stacey, and resumed my presentation.
It went well enough. I didn’t feel sick or get blurry vision again. I covered all the points I needed to, and the adjudicators seemed interested in what I was saying. When I reached the final screen and the last of my cue cards, I summarized my design concept, and my muscles loosened as all the tension left my body.
A small round of applause led by Stacey broke out.
The adjudicators put their heads together, discussing my presentation, and then the leader said, “Thank you, Miss Green. We look forward to seeing your display this afternoon.”
I returned to my seat, and Stacey high-fived me under the table. “You aced it.”
“I’m so embarrassed. I hope they weren’t put off by me having to run out and throw up.”
“Nah. As soon as they saw that decal, everything else was forgotten.”
Next up was Mark, who’d helped me with the heavy lifting for my display. I gave him the thumbs up as he walked to the front of the class. His presentation seemed well-received, and there was the usual applause from our peers. Then it was time for Stacey’s presentation.
“Good luck,” I whispered, as she grabbed her cue cards and walked to the presentation area.
She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder, winked at me then strode confidently to front. Her presentation was flawless, and I knew she’d been practicing it for weeks. The adjudicators listened with rapt attention. The applause that sounded at the end was louder than anyone’s had been that morning.
Grinning, Stacey returned to her seat beside me. “You nailed it, Stace.”
“We both did. We’re going to graduate with top marks, you’ll see.”
Stacey’s was the final presentation, so we broke for lunch, after which, the adjudicators would be visiting the design display hall, where all our pieces were set up for them to see, and we could answer any questions they had.
My stomach felt a little calmer with the presentations out of the way, and I managed to have some lunch, and a bottle of water to keep me hydrated.
It was going to be a long afternoon of constantly being on our feet as we just stood around our display areas, ready to answer any questions visitors had. As well as the adjudicators walking round, the degree show was open to the public. Families of those about to graduate could come along, as could local business people and prospective employers. It was our last chance before graduation to show off our work and impress with our portfolios.
Even though I was unlikely to be hired by anyone this side of Ella’s birth, I hoped someone saw something they liked enough that they’d keep my details on file for when my maternity leave ended.
After heading to the bathroom yet again, because Ella had developed a habit of pushing down really hard on my bladder, making me feel like I needed to pee every five minutes, Stacey and I made our way to the display hall, where each student had set up their booths. The previously white walls were mostly filled with colour. Of course, there were some whose designs purposely put to use the negative space and stark contrast. There were graphic designs like mine, paintings, photography, sculptures and physical designs, like the wedding dress Stacey had had made.
Her booth was almost opposite mine, and we grinned at each other as we took our places, ready to wow the world with our work.
People milled about, drifting from booth to booth, looking at the various designs and pieces on display. I answered questions eagerly, showing as much enthusiasm as I could for my work, and handing out business cards to anyone who seemed interested. After a couple of hours in the hall, my feet and back were starting to ache, and my stomach felt unsettled again, but I fought the discomfort. I didn’t want to put anyone off by appearing anything less than one-hundred percent.
My mood lifted when my parents came by. It was the first time they’d seen the design in the actual size it was intended, and I held my chin high as they walked over to me.
“Megan, this is brilliant,” Mum said, as she stepped closer to the decal and touched it.
Dad put his arm around me. “Looks like all those sleepless nights have paid off.”
I slipped my arm around his back, and rested my head on his shoulder. “Thanks. Now all I’ve got to do is get through night feeds and nappy changes.”
Mum joined us, wrapping her arm around me from the other side.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed to juggle everything, but you’ve pulled off being pregnant and graduating.”
Tears prickled my eyes. “Stop it, Mum. I don’t want to ruin my make-up when people are coming to talk to me about my work.”
Mum chuckled and handed me a tissue. “Aww look at you. You’re not my little baby anymore. You’re a professional designer and soon-to-be mother yourself.”
I laughed and dabbed at my eyes.
“We’ll let you get on now,” Dad said, slipping out of my embrace and taking Mum’s hand. “Don’t want to be embarrassing you when any potential employers come by.”
“Enjoy the rest of the show. And don’t forget to visit Stace.”
“How could we miss that gorgeous wedding dress? You’re lucky she’s your best friend, she can give you a discount when she makes yours.”
I rolled my eyes and chose not to respond to her not-so-subtle hint.
As Mum and Dad went off to visit Stacey, my thoughts drifted to weddings … and of course, Kian. Before I could even register the thought, my hand slipped into my pocket, and I’d pulled out my phone when I realised what I was doing.
I sighed.
I was originally going to invite Kian to my degree show. He’d been so enthusiastic about the decal, and I wanted him to see it in person. But after how things had ended when we last saw each other, I thought it best we had some space.
But God damn it, I missed him.
I missed our daily messaging sessions. I missed calling him up to tell him Ella had kicked me in the ribs, or about some cute baby thing I’d seen in the shops. I missed hanging out, and watching crap movies together, as he tried to get me into action films, and I tried to educate him in the way of chick flicks. I still felt certain if I gave him some time, with the help of his therapy sessions, Kian would eventually be ready for a relationship with me. But until then, I had to back away. I didn’t want to push too hard, and cause him to turn in on himself, blocking off his emotions. Plus, what I’d said the last time we’d been together was true. It did hurt acting like a couple but not really being one. That emotional upheaval was something I could do without as I prepared for graduation, and then Ella’s birth. Perhaps after she was born, things would be different.
My thoughts were pulled back to the present when I saw Amanda Healey, head of HR for Honeycomb Designs, approaching my booth. After her rejection at the career fair, I didn’t think I’d see Amanda again, but it made sense she’d be scouting the soon-to-graduate students for anyone who stood out.
“Hey, Megan,” she said. “How are things?”
My feet ached, and the nausea I’d been experiencing on-and-off all day had increased, but I smiled and tried to put on a brave face.
“Good, thanks. And you?”
Amanda smiled as her eyes swept over my booth. “I’m good, thank you. I know I said this at the career fair, but this work really is special. We’d love for you to come by the Honeycomb offices once you’ve had the baby and returned to work.”
All It Takes Page 25