by Amy Brent
“Not that it’s any of your business, but Benji and I have an open marriage,” she continued casually, shocking the shit out of both me and Vanessa. “We take care of each other and have a wonderful relationship, but I don’t care who he’s sleeping with just as he doesn’t care that I’ve been screwing a French pilot named Jacques for the last three months. So, if your plan was to get your revenge on him by outing his affair, I’m sorry to inform that you’ve failed. You can go now.”
Vanessa looked just as mystified by Pam’s words as I was. Despite the dread, I felt over the clusterfuck I was in, I couldn’t help but smile as my former lover opened and closed her mouth a few times with indignation before uttering a few choice words and walking away.
Once we were finally alone, and Pam looked at me, the smirk quickly slipped away from my lips. She didn’t look angry—which was strange considering the Jessica bomb Vanessa had dropped on us—but I was nervous just the same.
“I can explain,” I said in a firm but careful voice.
She raised a brow and called the bartender. While he walked over to us, she said, “You better. I can’t believe you slept with an employee, Ben. That’s rookie stuff.”
“A mistake, of course,” I replied after she asked for a martini. “But it was a long time ago, and I broke things off with Vanessa because I fell in love with her.”
Her eyes widened, and her perfectly manicured index finger pointed sideways. “With that girl?”
I rolled my eyes, knowing she was teasing. “No, Pam. With Jessica. I’m in love with Jessica. I know I shouldn’t, and I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. She’s smart, funny, caring and . . . just . . .”
Feeling like the world’s biggest idiot, I trailed off and closed my eyes. Behind my lids, I saw my baby girl laughing and biting her lips in that sexy way she does. I saw her hugging me and eating pizza off the floor as she waited for me to come home. I saw her waking up with her hair all messy and looking gorgeous as she took off her makeup at night. All those images and memories brought only one word to mind.
With a sigh, I opened my eyes again and said, “Perfect. Jessica is perfect.”
“Well, I know that.” Pam’s smile widened as the bartender delivered her drink. Confused by her reaction, I blinked a few times and dropped my jaw like a certifiable idiot. Not minding my shock, she sipped her drink and added, “Why didn’t you tell her that you love her, then?”
My heart pounded and I frowned, but still replied honestly, “You. The promise I gave you and threat you made.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Then you’re dumber than I thought, Benjamin. Your promise and my threat clearly didn’t stop you from falling in love with the girl—or from sleeping with her. I don’t see why I would be an impediment for you to tell her how you feel.”
My head felt like it was about to explode with the amount of information. I had no idea how she knew, but it was evident there was no point in trying to hide my relationship with Jessica from her. And honestly, I didn’t want to hide it anymore either.
“How do you know?” I asked as my heart finally slowed to a reasonable pace.
“Well, you just said you love her, so that way,” she started with a smirk and another sip of her drink. “As for the sleeping with her part, I overheard you two talking. I didn’t mean to, and I certainly didn’t want to hear what I heard, but you two were in the hallway and talking loud as shit.”
For some reason, I felt almost relieved that she had overheard us. If nothing else, that argument served to show Pam how I really felt about her daughter and, maybe, pave the way to a real and opened relationship between all of us.
After a sip of my scotch, I asked, “You’re not mad?”
“I was for a few moments. The hurt in Jess’ voice was hard to take, and I blamed you at first,” she admitted, taking a seat beside me. After a deep breath, she continued, “but then she said she was jealous of me. My baby girl is jealous of me because I married the first boy she’s ever loved. That is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s not your fault.” She shrugged and continued, “If I’ve learned anything these last few months is that we love who we love. We don’t choose the person, the time or the place. It just happens, and we have deal with it the best way we can.”
I nodded because I knew she was right. It wasn’t my fault I had fallen in love with her daughter or that Jessica had fallen in love with me. Still, my voice was filled with regret as I said, “But we had an agreement.”
“True, but it was a mistake, and so was bullying you into staying away from Jess. I honestly didn’t think you were capable of falling in love, which was why I didn’t want you messing around with her, but it wasn’t my place to forbid you to do it. As a result, I’ve caused my daughter pain and lost one of the most important moments of her life.”
Pam continued smiling at me, but there was an overwhelming sadness in her eyes as she went on, “We talked about her first time for years, and I had planned a whole day to celebrate her big step. I was going to take her out for pancakes the next morning so she could tell me the details and buy her some flowers—I thought they would help if the guy was an asshole, and allow for virginity funeral jokes if he was sweet and sent her flowers as well.
“It was going to a fun day, and I waited for it for a long time. Now, I’ve lost it because I didn’t trust you or her judgment. That’s something I have to live with, but I can’t live knowing she’s unhappy because of me. She clearly loves you, Ben, so if she’s the woman your dad wanted for you—”
“She is,” I interrupted, eager to make her believe my pure intentions. “She’s the first woman I’ve ever loved, and she’ll be the last. I promise you that.”
Pam’s smile grew wider and more honest. “Then your dad’s dying wish came true. Granted that you did things backward and married the wrong woman, but who am I to take away anything from you when you fulfilled your end of the bargain with him. Just promise me you’ll actually make her happy and not get tired of her now that she’s no longer forbidden.”
I shook my head, completely dumbstruck. I couldn’t believe that she was actually giving me her blessing to be with Jess. It seemed unreal after all the headache, but dream or reality I was going to cling to it and make it come true because this was everything I wanted.
“I won’t ever get tired of her. I’m gonna marry her as soon as I divorce you.”
Tossing her head back, Pam let out a fun laugh. “Although this sentence is all kinds of twisty, I’m really happy for you, Ben. And, I’d welcome you to the family, but we’re already that.”
I chuckled as well and hugged her with love and gratitude. “Thank you for changing my life in all ways possible, Pam,” I whispered in her ear.
“Thanks for doing the same,” she replied and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. “Now go to the party and tell Jessica you love her. Tell her you talked to me and we’re all going to eat pancakes tomorrow. Make her happy again, Ben. Please.”
With a smile and a deep breath, I finished my drink, got up from my seat and started to walk away. After five steps, I turned around to look at Pam once again.
“Are you really sleeping with a pilot named Jacques?” I asked.
She blushed at my loud tone and the people around, but still nodded. “Yeah.”
The glimmer of happiness in her eyes filled my heart with even more happiness. Smiling at her, I said, “I’m happy for you. He’s a lucky guy.”
“Thanks!” she replied smiling as well. “Now go.”
With a wink, I went.
Chapter 30 – Jessica
College parties were not my thing, which was probably the main reason why this party felt so odd to me. It was either that or the fact that my entire class was wearing Christmas colors and dancing to carols like they were the latest DJ mix. Either way, I was there, and in desperate need of something to occupy my mind, therefore, I decided to go along with the madness and have fun.
For most of the night, I did red and green shots with
my classmates, jumped up and down on the makeshift dance floor to remixed versions of classic carols, and even cheered when Katie—a girl that sat behind me in Pathology—decided to climb on top of a table and burlesque dance her way through Santa Is Coming to Town. Still, no matter how much crazy fun I was having, nothing was able to erase Ben from my mind.
I saw his sad face behind my lids with every blink of my eyes, wondered if he was having fun at his party with every song I danced, and heard his voice saying my name whenever someone spoke to me. It was maddening and completely ruined my plan of escaping him and our relationship drama, which left me with no other choice than to party harder in hopes to forget.
Time kind of lost meaning as I downed shot after shot and danced until my skin was completely covered in a thin layer of sweat. At around the tenth shot, my head became foggy. As a result, I was able to momentarily forget about my anger, jealousy, and revolt over Ben’s betrayal and simply enjoy myself and the music.
With my eyes closed and a mix of vodka and cranberry juice—that was mostly just vodka—in my hand, I started dancing to a remixed version of Silent Night in a way that not only gave Katie’s burlesque dance a run for her money but was also completely inappropriate to the lyrics of the song. Dancing the I did was freeing and though I knew I should care that I was enjoying the moment a little too much, I simply didn’t.
At some point near the middle of the song, a pair of strong hands grabbed my hips, and a tall and warm body started moving with mine. The scent coming from the person behind me was spicy and familiar which made my mind instantly conjure the image of Ben dancing with me. Thoroughly relaxed by the alcohol and the sexiness of the dance, I leaned into him and just continued dancing without turning around or even opening my eyes.
I could feel his cock poking at my ass and felt myself growing wet with a desire to put all the day’s worries behind us and find a room to screw my man senseless. As the song finally came to an end, I bit my bottom lip the way Ben loved and turned around to kiss my daddy.
To my surprise, however, Daddy was blonde, twenty years younger and had eyes dark as coal. Releasing my lip to gasp in shock, I took a step backward and, in a slurry voice, asked, “Who the hell are you?”
A smirk curled into not-Ben’s lips revealing a set of coffee stained teeth that almost made me puke. He took a step forward, once again invading my personal space and used what I assumed was his sexy tone to introduce himself.
“I’m Dylan, baby,” he said, and I instantly hated him for calling me that. Ben called me baby, and I only liked when that word came out of his mouth. “We have Immunology together. I sit three rows behind you.”
Despite the chill that ran down my back, I nodded as I tried to take another step backward and recuperate my personal space. To my absolute horror, a group of people dancing behind me acted as a barrier for my escape.
Feeling trapped and very dizzy, my heart raced as I tried to find a quick and gentle way to dismiss him. When I couldn’t find one, I simply said, “Yeah, Dylan. Hi.”
“You don’t remember me, do you?” he asked with a tilt of his head.
“Not really,” I said in an obviously inebriated tone. “But I do have a boyfriend and am not very good at noticing people. So literally, it’s not you.”
Dylan laughed at my comment and took another half step forward, making the already slim space between us practically inexistent. “Where’s your boyfriend tonight?”
I didn’t like his question, his proximity, or anything about him to be honest, but because I was slow and drunk and stupid, I couldn’t think of anything better to say other than the truth. “He’s at a work thing.”
“What an asshole. If you were my girl, I would never let you go anywhere without me.”
Honestly, I wanted to roll my eyes at his pathetic flirting tactic. I was sure that bashing the ex you don’t know works with some girls, but it certainly didn’t work with me. Even drunk as a fish I wanted nothing more than to tell him to get lost because the only asshole in my life was him.
“He’s not an asshole,” I said. “And I’m a grown ass woman. I don’t need permission to go anywhere. Now, excuse me.”
I stepped around him to walk away, but barely made two steps before he materialized at my side once again. He grabbed my arm with unnecessary strength and forced me to stop walking. Chills ran down my spine as he approached again, promptly ruining the sliver of fun I managed to find on that godawful evening.
“I’m sorry,” he said, in a voice that even my drunken self recognized as not sorry at all. “I’ve seen you in class and always wanted to talk to you, but you’re always on the phone or studying, and I never saw an opportunity. Until tonight when I saw you dancing alone. You looked happy, and I wanted to be happy with you.”
This little speech seemed a lot better than his previous one, but I was too drunk to be sure if his intentions were pure or not. Though, the way he continued to grip my wrist should have been my clue that they weren’t.
“Well, I’m not feeling very well right now, but look me up after class. We could grab a coffee or something.”
I had hoped my kind words would encourage him to leave me alone, but they did the opposite. With a stern face, he started babbling about how he was going to take care of me and started pulling me toward the farthest and darkest corner of the room. All I wanted was for him to leave me the hell alone, but my scared and fuzzy brain couldn’t find the right words to tell him to fuck off.
When we finally reached one the couches that lined the walls, Dylan kicked some guys out and sat me down on the cushiony seat. He knelt in front of me and placed his hands on my knees. Although most people would take his behavior as chivalrous, I saw it as creepy. I didn’t like to be touched in such an intimate way by a stranger, and I hated how close his head was leaning towards mine.
With undiluted fear creeping up my chest, I tried to pull myself away from him but couldn’t. The massive amount of alcohol I had consumed and the steel grip he had on my leg kept me terrified and in place.
“Shh, baby,” he cooed, sliding one of his hands up my thigh. “I’m gonna take care of you.”
Unable to move and not knowing what else to do, I begged, “Please, I’m fine. Just let me go. We can talk, but I don’t want you to touch me.”
“Don’t you, baby?” he said in a disgusting tone as his palm reached the middle of my thigh. “Our little dancing moment said differently. I think you really want a fuck but are playing hard to get so you won’t feel too guilty about your boyfriend.”
My eyes widened and filled with tears at his curt words. “I’m not playing, and I don’t want anything, especially from you. Leave me alone.”
Finding some clarity in the middle of my terrifying situation, I brought my hands to his chest and pushed him away with all my strength. Clearly drunker than I was, he lulled backward finally giving me some space to get up and walk away.
With my head spinning, I took a few wobbly steps away from him but I was slow on my high-heels and he quickly caught up to me again. “Don’t be a bitch, baby. I’m just looking for some fun.”
“No!” I yelled, hoping that would get my point across. “I don’t want to have fun with you. Leave me alone.”
To my absolute dismay, Dylan took advantage that there wasn’t anyone around to help me and smiled like everything was fine as he reached once more to grab me. Before I could run away, his hands grabbed my hips, and he started to pull me closer.
The world around me felt like a slow-motion scene in a scary movie. I could see every detail of what was happening and what was about to happen, but felt powerless to change anything or run away. Tears prickled my eyes as the despair settled in and I forced my intoxicated brain to think about anything I could do to get away from this situation. Having tried almost everything to no avail, panic took over me at what would happen to me.
However, just as the first tear fell down my face, my blurry eyes saw a shadow move behind Dylan. I blinked, trying to
clear my vision, but before my eyes could adjust he was yanked away from me with enough force that my body wobbled as his hands disconnected from my skin.
Thumping sounds echoed as I took a few steps backward and towards safety. I heard a familiar voice yelling profanities and threats, but paid no attention to it or to the other voices chanting around me. All I cared about was getting away and going to somewhere safe.
My heart pounded like a freight train when I finally reached the front door of the house. I closed my eyes and took several breaths in an attempt to compose myself, but they were all useless. My head swam, and my stomach turned from the alcohol and the stress.
With one hand clutching my stomach and another my mouth, I walked to the nearby flower bed, bent over and threw up. As my body heaved, a hand grabbed my hair while another patted my back.
My body went cold with fear that it was Dylan again, but a soft and loving voice sounded beside me, calming my tense nerves. “Calm down, baby girl. It’s me. You’re safe.”
Although the sound of Ben’s voice was like instant medicine for my stomach, a part of me feared his presence was just a drunken hallucination. Nervous and dizzy by the rollercoaster of emotions I just experienced, I straightened my back and turned toward the source of the voice.