“You just got a lot less weird.” Killian smiled. Like a real, genuine smile.
Diego had to remind himself to breathe. Who knew Killian James had the cutest dimples ever?
After dinner, Diego went home to work on his app while Killian and his friends went to the arena for some late-night practice. He suspected they were just goofing off. It was nice spending time with other people, but by the time Killian returned, Diego was deep in the zone and barely aware of his roommate’s presence.
Coming out of his coding fog, Diego remembered he was thirsty. He was bad about sitting behind his desk for hours forgetting to eat, sleep, or even go to the bathroom.
“Oh, hey, when did you get back?” He blinked at Killian in confusion.
“A few hours ago.” Killian lay back on his bed with a book. “You get so focused on your work I don’t want to bother you, but I think a herd of mustangs could run through this room and you wouldn’t notice.”
“The car?” Diego frowned.
“What? Mustang? It’s a horse, dude.”
“Sorry.” Diego stood, stretching his legs. “Writing code is like falling into another world.” He crossed the narrow space to the tiny refrigerator they shared. It was time for an energy drink if he was going to work late.
“What’s all that about anyway? You working on a school project or something?”
“I’m building an app. It’s pretty complicated, and I don’t always have extra time to work on it. When I do get the time, I kinda fall down the rabbit hole.” Diego took a sip of his drink.
“And that’s…fun for you?”
“Yeah, it’s really exciting to see your creations come to life.”
“All those lines of gibberish make my eyes hurt, but I’m sure it’s way more impressive than I realize.”
“Computer code is like any other language. It looks complicated until you understand what it means, and then it’s just like writing or reading a book.”
“Well, don’t let me keep you. I’m about to fall asleep with a regular book over here. That is if my sister will stop texting me and remember it’s an hour later here than it is at home.” He silenced his phone with a smile, setting it on his nightstand.
“Night.” Diego returned to his desk and tried to fall back into his previous rhythm, but his mind was on other things. Other possibilities. He often wondered what might have happened if his mother hadn’t died of an aneurysm. If she’d lived, maybe Diego would have had little brothers and sisters too. His life would be so different he wondered if he’d even be the same person he was now.
Eyeing the clock, he realized it wasn’t quite ten o’clock. When he was at school, Diego was in the same time zone as his grandmother. Without letting himself think about it too much, he reached for his phone and dialed his maternal grandmother. He didn’t call her nearly enough, and he saw her even less, but sometimes, he just needed to hear her voice. She was his only real link to his mother.
“Diego? Is that you calling me at all hours of the night?” Her teasing tone told him he hadn’t interrupted her sleep. She liked to watch late-night Spanish TV shows.
“Hi, Grandma. Hope I didn’t wake you.”
“You can wake me anytime, Diego, but you know your old abuela is just watching her stories.”
“Tell me something about her, Abuela?”
That was their thing. Since he was a kid, anytime he called his grandmother, she would tell him something about his mother he didn’t know. After nearly fourteen years of conversations, he feared the day she ran out of stories.
“Did I ever tell you about the day she learned she got a scholarship to that fancy American school?”
“CalTech?”
“That’s the one. Your mamá was the smartest child I’ve ever known. She was a math genius, and it was her dream to go to California to study. My Catalina was destined for great things, but she was a shy girl, always second-guessing herself. Doubting her abilities. You get that from her. But the day she received her scholarship to CalTech was the proudest day of her life, but it was also the day she won her independence.”
“What do you mean, Grandma?” Diego knew his mom had received a prestigious award and a full scholarship to CalTech. That was where she’d met his father.
“Her papá never understood her desire to go to school in the US. When she was sixteen, he arranged her marriage to a young man in our village. A young man she was fond of, but Catalina didn’t want to marry the nice boy next door. She wanted so much more out of life than her papá could even imagine for her. So, they made a deal. If she got into CalTech with a full scholarship, she could go and choose her own husband when the time came.”
“So, if she hadn’t gotten into CalTech, she would have married that other guy and stayed in Venezuela? She might still be alive?”
“No, nieto. Your mamá would have died no matter what choices she made. It happens that way sometimes, and we have to accept it. If she had stayed here and never met your father, she would never have known true happiness, and she wouldn’t have had you. You were her greatest achievement. I know it’s hard for you to remember your mamá, but she loved you, Diego. Catalina always said you were the best thing she ever did.”
“Thank you, Grandma.” Diego turned his computer off and crawled into bed. He didn’t feel like working anymore tonight. “I miss her. I don’t remember her, but I miss her.”
“Deep down inside, you remember her, nieto. You wouldn’t think about her so much if you didn’t.”
“It’s been me and Dad for so long the idea of family just seems weird to me.”
“It’s high time you come see your abuela this summer. Come here and reconnect with all your cousins, aunts, and uncles. We will fill you up with family and lots of good food.”
“I want to. I just…worry I won’t fit in there.”
“Nonsense. You fit in just fine with me.”
“Well, you’re my grandma. You’re supposed to love me no matter how weird I am.”
“Diego, your mamá was just as weird as you claim to be. She loved her books and her math problems. She always said math was easier than people because there was always a clear answer to the problem. You will find you have more in common with your Venezuelan family than you think. Bring your father. We miss his handsome face just as much as we miss yours.”
“Diego!” A pillow slammed into his face. Killian glared at him from across the room.
“Sorry, Abuela, gotta go. I’ve got a cranky roommate.”
“Good night, my nieto. Call me another time.”
“I will. Night.” Diego ended the call, feeling a bit lighter than he had before.
“Sorry about that. Thought you were asleep.”
“I was, and I’d like to be again if you’ll shut up.”
“Sorry.” Diego tossed Killian’s pillow back.
Staring at the ceiling, he wondered what it would be like to get to know his mother’s family.
5
Killian
There was something kind of sad about Killian’s roommate. He’d never made the effort to really get to know him, despite sharing a tiny shoe box of a room for the last few months. Killian was at Defiance Academy to play hockey and get noticed by NHL scouts before he went into the draft next year.
What he wasn’t there to do was make friends.
But tell that to Kenny and Wylder. They’d stuck to him like barnacles. He didn’t need Diego following him around with all his questions.
Who was that interested in other people’s lives? It was weird.
He rolled onto his side with a sigh, unable to get back to sleep.
You’re supposed to love me no matter how weird I am. It seemed Diego knew what everyone else saw when they looked at him.
Killian wanted to block out the sadness he’d heard in his voice. He didn’t want to feel for the guy.
“Killian,” Diego whispered. “Are you awake?”
Killian grunted. “Yep.”
“Do you ever think about him?”
>
“Who?”
“Your dad.”
Killian didn’t answer him. His dad wasn’t a topic he spoke of. Ever. He’d left right after Rory was born. Six years and Killian still couldn’t think of him without seething in anger. Not for himself or even his sisters. But his mom hadn’t deserved to be left raising three kids without a shred of help.
Killian tried to be the man of the house, working himself to the bone in between hockey practices. He figured it was one of the reasons she’d forced him to take his academy scholarship. She didn’t want him to lose his childhood.
Well, Mom, he hadn’t been a child in a long time.
Unlike the kid asking him a million questions.
“Killian, did you hear me?”
“Yeah.” He stared at the dark ceiling.
“Are you going to answer?”
“No.”
Rustling sounded as Diego shifted in his bed. Killian knew if he turned his head he’d find his roommate staring at him.
“I think about my mom a lot.” He was quiet for a moment. “Sometimes, I wonder what she was like. If she’d loved me. I figured you do the same.”
“Stop looking for common ground between us.” Killian turned his head to meet Diego’s gaze in the dark. “I don’t have to wonder. I know what my dad was like. He was an ass. I would know if he loved me.” He shifted onto his side, turning his back on Diego. “He didn’t.”
“That’s probably not true.”
“You’re naive, Diego.” He knew someday Diego’s fanciful view of the world would be shattered, and he didn’t want to be there to see it.
Silence stretched between them, and Killian assumed Diego fell asleep.
But then his voice came out of the darkness again. “Did you love your dad?”
“For Christ’s sake, Diego.” Killian kicked the blankets from his legs and sat up. “I’m going for a run.”
“But it’s the middle of the night.”
“Yeah? I wouldn’t know by all the talking you’re doing.” He pulled sweatpants over his boxers and shrugged on a T-shirt before slipping into an Under Armour hoodie.
“It’s cold out there.” Diego sat up.
Killian pulled on his shoes and stood to look down on Diego. “I can handle a little cold.” What he couldn’t handle was another one of Diego’s intrusive questions.
Did he love his dad? Who the heck asked something like that?
Their ten o’clock curfew was long past, but late-night runs weren’t anything new to Killian, and he knew how to avoid campus security.
As soon as he opened the front door of Thomas Hall, a blast of icy air struck him in the face. Winter snow was still relatively new to him, but he’d never shied away from things that made him uncomfortable.
He jogged down the hill toward the quad before turning onto a road behind the dining hall where security didn’t patrol. It wound down toward the stables. He pushed his frozen limbs to keep going for the first mile and then the second.
Most of his teammates preferred doing their workouts in the state-of-the-art gym attached to the arena, using stationary bikes for Coach’s cardio demands.
Not Killian.
Any chance he got, he wanted to be outside even in the dark night with snow crunching beneath his shoes. The stars winking up above could almost make him believe he was home.
On clear nights, he used to take his mom’s pickup truck to a field with his sisters and watch the skies. Sometimes, his mom would even join them. They’d never had much money, but on those nights, he’d felt like they had everything they needed.
Do you ever think about him?
Every. Damn. Day.
He thought about how his dad stole the light from his mom’s eyes every time he yelled at her. How he scared Zoey so much she slept in Killian’s room when their dad came home drunk.
And he thought about the fact that him leaving was both the best and worst things to happen to their family. They’d lost an income source and struggled after that. But they’d gained so much more. His mom smiled again. Zoey grew from meek girl into a spitfire. And Rory never had to experience his tempers.
Yeah, he thought about him.
But no one at this school knew a thing about Killian James, and he wanted it to stay that way. If they did, they’d know he wasn’t one of them, an elite. Instead, they’d pity the poor scholarship kid who missed his mommy.
And he did. He missed her so much.
His feet pounded into the packed snow as he continued skirting the edge of the exercise fields, using only the dirt footpath to guide his way in the dark.
He didn’t know how long it took to reach the dorm building once more, but he swiped his key card and slipped in, letting the heat thaw his frozen limbs.
Diego had fallen back asleep by the time Killian entered their room. Killian grabbed his phone and used the light from the screen to study Diego’s innocent face. He was always so lost in his code he knew nothing of real life or how to talk to people.
Killian hadn’t ever met anyone like him, so completely awkward.
With a shake of his head, he grabbed his shower caddy and towel before walking down the hall to the communal bathroom. Next year, as a senior, he’d get a suite of rooms and only have to share a bathroom with one other guy.
The bathroom was deserted save for one half-asleep guy standing at the urinal. Killian barely spared him a glance before entering a shower stall and turning on scalding-hot water. It cleared his mind in the same way the run had.
His dad didn’t matter. Not anymore.
Placing a hand on the wall, Killian let the water stream down his back, wishing he could spend the holiday with his family instead of with his curious roommate.
There’d come a day, he vowed, when he’d never have to miss anything again. Every moment spent working his ass off for hockey, honing his reflexes, pushing his flexibility to the limit, was for that purpose.
Hockey was the way to a better life for his family.
A guy like Diego wouldn’t understand that. Heck, most of the guys on the team wouldn’t. They came from wealthy families who never lacked for anything.
Turning off the shower, Killian wrapped the towel around his waist and walked back to his room. When he stepped inside the room, Diego no longer lay in bed. Instead, he sat in front of his computer screen, the light illuminating his wide eyes as he stared at Killian.
Killian crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought you went back to sleep.”
Diego swallowed. “Umm… I figured if you were up because of me I deserved to be too.”
Killian nodded and moved past him to get clothes from his dresser. He pulled them on quickly and flopped down on his bed. Diego turned to him.
“Did your run give you everything you needed?”
Killian sighed. “Enough with the questions, man. You do realize normal people don’t ask everything that pops into their minds, right?”
“Why not?”
“Because… You know what? You don’t get any more answers.” He turned onto his side and closed his eyes, praying for sleep to take him away from Diego.
“I didn’t realize you gave me any answers in the first place.” The words were mumbled like Diego didn’t want Killian to hear them.
Killian couldn’t help the grin sliding across his face. His roommate might be annoying, but he was also entertaining.
Morning came way too early for a guy who’d been up half the night. Killian yawned as he opened his eyes before jerking back against his pillow. Diego stood over the bed looking down into his face.
“What are you doing?” Killian hadn’t meant for that to come out as harsh as it did, but it was too early to think.
Diego’s brow scrunched. “I was just…” He shook his head, clamping his lips together.
“Just what?”
He took a step back, still not saying anything.
“Diego, just spit it out.”
“You said I shouldn’t ask questions, so I’m try
ing to hold them all in.” He pressed his lips together again.
“The only way you can keep yourself from being annoyingly nosy is by not speaking at all?” Killian slid his legs over the edge of the bed. “You’re not right, man.” He sighed. “Just ask your question.”
“I just wanted to know if you were getting up.”
Killian barked out a laugh. “That was your question?”
“Well…” He wrung his hands together. “Breakfast hours are almost over, and I know how much you like to eat. Not that it’s too much or anything. I just…”
“Relax, man.” Killian stood and stretched his arms over his head. He didn’t bother changing before pulling on his coat and shoes. Throwing a look over his shoulder, he raised an eyebrow. “You coming?”
Diego scrambled to grab his coat hanging by the door. “Yes. I mean, are you sure? Your friends won’t mind? I mean, are you sure? Like really sure?”
Killian stared at him. “What planet have you come from?”
“Earth. It’s the only planet with intelligent life form that we know of, so it’s not likely I was born anywhere else.”
A grin spread across Killian’s face. It wasn’t often someone made him smile so much other than his family. Most people knew him as the broody goalie. But it was impossible not to be highly entertained by Diego Jackson. “Earth, huh? Never heard of it.”
Diego froze. “Really? I know you’re from Texas, but Texas is on Earth.”
Killian clapped him on the shoulder. “Yikes, man. We really need to teach you about sarcasm.” He laughed. “Although, some people might say Texas is a different world altogether.”
“They’d be wrong.”
“Let’s just get some food. Grab your reusable cup thingy. Wouldn’t want you to harm Earth…or Texas.”
Confusion crossed Diego’s face before quickly being replaced by excitement. “Do you want one? I have extras. Silverware too. Reducing your footprint is important.”
Killian lifted one foot. “I don’t know. My feet are kind of massive. If they shrank, I’d have to get new skates.”
“That’s not—”
Dating Texas (Discovering Me #3) Page 4