by Rob Harrell
As soon as I hit the water, I started swimming toward Kevin. Last I’d seen him, he was unconscious.
I swam over and under limp beanstalks and leaves, ignoring the cheers and pats on the back from the dogpaddling pirates around me.
There was a huge roar overhead as the sea witch rose up out of the water like a green big bowling pin in a disco wig.
The witch made a high-pitched squealing noise and fell slowly back away from us. As she fell, it looked like the potion combo was actually dissolving her in front of us—turning her skin to something like wet Kleenex. When she finally hit the water, she exploded. She split open like a piñata and mountains of multicolored magic beans burst out. Some flew into the sky and rained down, while others slid across the water amongst us and sank.
What the heck had Ferlin kept in that JanSport, anyway?
Treading water, I looked over at Chester, who was floating next to me.
S’wella swam up, supporting Kevin, who was still passed out. She hugged him cheek to cheek and let out a little Southern-tinged laugh.
• 23 •
LIMPING HOME
Fifteen minutes later, everyone had climbed back on board and helped each other up the side of the leaning ship. We were a sorry-looking crew as we stood there dripping all over the deck.
Kevin was waking up.
I started to laugh when someone grabbed me by the arm. Red gave me a huge hug. “You’re either the bravest or luckiest troll I’ve ever met.”
Red climbed up a few pegs on the side of the leaning mast. She had to yell over the wind, but everyone clammed up.
“You all have made me incredibly proud. You’re the finest group of pirates a person could ask for, whether you’re ‘real’ pirates or not.”
Harry the bear sniffed loudly and blew his nose into a soaking wet handkerchief.
“We don’t have a lot of time, because the ship is taking on water by the bucketful. But I have a daughter to see, and these brave kids have families that are worried sick about them.”
She turned and looked at the gnome captain, leaning against a large barrel of deck wax. “Gerome, my friend, will you take us home?”
Gerome snapped to attention and saluted Red.
Without another word, the crew burst into activity. Sails were lowered and new ones went up in their place. Pirates flooded into the hull of the ship to stem the tide of incoming water. And within twenty minutes we were off. Damaged, slower, and a whole lot worse for wear—but we were moving again.
We sailed on for about an hour as the ship slowly got lower and more crooked in the water. Chester, Kevin, and I were part of a chain of people bringing full buckets of water up from the hull. I was dumping a large bucket over the side when Red grabbed my arm.
“Can you do something for me, Zarf?” She had a crooked smile on her face. I nodded, and she reached into her pocket. She handed me something in a ziplock bag. “We’re close enough now.”
I opened the bag and pulled out some kind of special sea phone in a red-and-black skull-and-cross- bones case. The phone had a full signal. Four bars!
I laughed and started dialing my home phone. “With pleasure!”
While it rang, Red told me to let them know we’d be at the marina in about an hour. I was nodding my head when a familiar, gravelly voice picked up.
“Hello?”
I don’t think I’d realized just how worried I’d been about him until that moment. A huge lump jumped up into my throat and tears shot into my eyes.
There was a split-second pause before he almost blew my eardrums out yelling to my parents. “IT’S HIM!! IT’S TH’ BOY!! ZARF IS ON TH’ RINGER!!”
We got so choked up we could barely make out what each other was saying as my parents scrambled and picked up the other lines, their shouting and crying adding to the confusion. It took some time, but I eventually got them calmed down enough to tell them what was happening.
“Wake up the Littlepigs and Mr. Flintwater! Have Goldie call Sierra and the king. Meet us at the docks!”
Forty-five minutes later I heard someone shout from the bow. “LAND HO!!”
Chester and I ran to the front of the ship and could just barely make out the lights of the harbor. Kevin, S’wella, and Red joined us while we quietly watched them grow closer.
The sky was turning amazing shades of purple and orange as the sun prepared to rise. When we were close enough to make out individual boats, I felt someone else step up beside me.
There wasn’t, but as we pulled into the marina, the crowd was larger than I’d expected. Word must have spread.
The first person—or silhouette, really—I was able to pick out was Gramps. He was a big guy and hard to miss. As we slid up alongside the dock, he and my parents were front and center—my mom surrounded by a pile of used Kleenex.
The crew tied up the ship and we all crowded to get off. One of the female pirates was about to get off first until someone—I’ll give you one guess who—started shoving his way through. Roquefort stepped up onto the short plank and yelled out to the king.
“This HORRIBLE troll and his FILTHY cohorts kidnapped me and tried to FORCE me into who knows . . .” His words died off as King Cheznott stepped in front of him. The king’s face was anything but warm and welcoming.
“Can it, Roquefort.” He spoke loud enough that everyone could hear. “I’ve had some long talks with Mr. Belford over there”—he pointed at Gramps—“and I know the score.”
Roquefort’s face dropped and he began sputtering. “But . . . but I’ve been through such HARDSHIPS, Father!”
King Cheznott grabbed Roquefort by the ear and led him off the plank.
They made their way through the stunned crowd, the sound of Roquefort’s sniveling slowly fading away.
Sierra stepped forward. Despite a decent case of bed head, she looked great. She appeared happy and confused at the same time.
I stepped through the crowd and walked up to her. She gave me a hug and told me how glad she was that I was okay. I couldn’t stop smiling, knowing what was coming.
I stepped out of the way and looked back. Harry and a few others stepped back to let Red walk down the plank. She had her eyes down until she was a few steps from Sierra. When she looked up, she was nervously chewing on her lip—the way I’d seen Sierra do about a million times before.
Sierra gasped as the crowd on the dock burst into some major murmuring—Red Ridinghood was a bit of a celebrity, after all. Sierra stood there for a few moments like she didn’t trust her eyes. I was starting to think she was frozen when she let out a sob and ran into her mom’s arms.
Okay, look. I know this is getting a little mushy, but it was a seriously touching moment. You’d have to be a robot to not get misty watching this.
Everyone swept in at that point. My family. The Littlepigs, Goldie. The Knoble Knight. Chester’s dad. Harbormaster Sprat.
It was a regular HugFest, and there wasn’t a dry eye on that dock by the time all of the Welcome Homes were done.
• 24 •
GOOD OL’ COTSWIN
Kevin didn’t come by the house before school the next morning, but he sent me a text telling me where he’d be. I had to leave a little early to make it down to the harbor in time to get him.
I found him sitting by himself at the end of a dock.
Kevin looked up at me with a sad smile on his face. “Hey Z. She just took off. We agreed to meet down here this morning.”
He got up and we looked out at the water for a couple of minutes. A goat puttered by in a tugboat and gave us a quick wave.
We turned and headed for school, and I gave him a pat on the back. “Got it bad, huh buddy?”
Kevin let out a long sigh.
I really didn’t, but I decided to keep that to myself. We were coming up the hill when we met up with Chester.
“Turning over a new leaf today, gentlemen! I’ve got a new comedic outlook.”
“I told my dad all about my new storytelling thing and he’s stoked! Thinks maybe I oughta start a podcast!”
Right before we reached the doors of the school, Sierra came running out and gave me another hug. (Not a bad way to start a school day, I have to say.)
She was grinning ear to ear. “We stayed up all night talking and catching up. Thank you, Zarf. Again.” I’m pretty sure I blushed, though hopefully my fur hid it. Sierra grabbed my arm. “And oh, buh-rother. Can I just tell you how my mom won’t shut up about you?”
We all walked in the front door together, and hadn’t even made it out of the foyer when everyone’s favorite goat, Sten Vinders, started in.
I’d barely had time to react before Sierra spun around to face him.
“Get bent, Sten. You wanna talk about stink? You eat garbage for lunch and smell like a petting zoo.”
I couldn’t believe it. Sten’s face and shoulders fell before he slumped off into the bathroom with his tail between his legs.
Sierra looked back at me. “I know that was mean, but he started it.”
I wasn’t complaining.
We split up as we went to our lockers. I was finishing my combo when Rebb Glumfort ran up and slammed into the locker next to me.
“Zarf!!” He was out of breath. “How are you feeling? I heard you ate some of those magic beans.”
(Seriously. He talks like that.)
I smiled and pulled out a couple of textbooks. “I’m fine, Rebb. I turned into a potted plant for a while, but it’s all good now.”
Rebb’s shoulders relaxed. “Oh, thank Merlin’s ghost. I was ever so concerned.”
I closed my locker and started walking with him. “But, Rebb . . . I am curious. Did you know when you told Roquefort? That they wouldn’t work right?”
Rebb’s eyes got shifty, and a hint of a smile slid over his face.
Whatever that means. Then he slid off into the crowded hallway.
When the bell rang, we were all in our seats with the exception of Roquefort. Miss Flett blew into the room and began class without seeming to notice. Or maybe she knew something.
Then, about fifteen minutes in, Principal Haggard came over the PA system and asked for Kevin and Chester and me to come to the office.
Kevin still freaked out a little.
We got to the office to find the king and Roquefort standing there with Principal Haggard. Roquefort was looking at the floor, the ceiling—anywhere but at us.
Principal Haggard led us all into his office and closed the door. We stood there awkwardly until the king cleared his throat. He smiled at each of us in turn. “My son has something he wishes to say.”
Nobody said anything until the king swatted Roquefort on the arm.
Roquefort looked up for about a split second and then barely spoke.
“Sorry.”
The king rolled his eyes. “What was that, young man? Speak up.”
The king sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Sadly, that may be the best we’ll get today, gentlemen. But I can assure you there will be more—better—apologies coming. Like the one we’re about to go deliver to Zarf’s grandfather. Right, son?”
Roquefort was dying. “Whatever, Dad!!”
With that, the king and the unruly prince left and closed the door behind them.
Principal Haggard laughed and plopped down in his chair.
He went on. “But Goldie wanted me to let you know she has a fresh batch of mutton muffins—just out of the oven—with your names on them. So I’m excusing you for the rest of this period. Head down there. I’m pretty certain you’ve earned it.”
Chester and I thanked him, but Kevin was already heading for the door in a zombie mutton trance. He may have been drooling a little, to be honest.
So we went to the cafeteria, where Goldie really did have mutton muffins with our names on them in cream cheese icing.
Best muffin I ever had.
THE END
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rob Harrell created and drew the internationally syndicated comic strip Big Top, as well as the acclaimed graphic novel Monster on the Hill. He also writes and draws the long-running daily comic strip Adam@Home. He survived middle school and now lives with his wife in Indianapolis, Indiana. Visit his website at www.lifeofzarf.com.
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