by R. Linda
“Let’s just make it quick. Get it over with,” I said to Indie and grabbed my bag.
She smiled. “Promise.”
“And I’m not trying on any clothes, so don’t even ask.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. Let’s go.”
Kenzie was sitting at the counter in the kitchen talking to Leanne when we walked in. She glanced at me and reached across to squeeze Leanne’s hand. Leanne smiled and wiped her eyes. She’d been crying. My heart sank. I could do this. Just once. I could go out in public and not make a fuss about it. I could put on a brave face and act as though everything was fine, when inside I knew I’d be dying. I had to do it. For Leanne’s sake. The look on her face was heartbreaking.
“I’m ready,” I said, my fingers twisting together as I stared at my feet.
Kenzie snatched the keys from the counter and walked out of the room with Indie following. Leanne came over, placed her hands on my shoulders, and ducked down to look in my eyes. I averted my gaze.
“You can do this. I know you can,” she said, and then…she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug, cradling my head to her chest like the scared child I resembled. I cautiously raised my arms and hugged her back. It was weird but comforting. I’d not hugged anyone since before the fire. I’d barely touched anyone, except for Brody’s hand when I needed extra reassurance.
It was nice.
Leanne gasped. No doubt in shock that I let her invade my personal space. It was getting awkward, and she must have sensed it because she released me and took a step back. Another tear in her eye, and this time her smile wasn’t sad. It was hopeful.
With a gentle push toward the door, she let me go without a word.
At least one person was optimistic about this shopping trip.
***
Since Blackhill was so small, most of the residents drove half an hour to the next town for their shopping. Kenzie drove half an hour the other way, to another town up the coast, Storm Cove. It sounded like a terrible name for a picturesque seaside town, though Blackhill wasn’t much better.
My stomach was twisted in knots. I counted eleven cars in the parking lot as Kenzie pulled her car into a spot right outside the front doors. Eleven. That meant there were people inside. It didn’t seem like a lot, but to me it might as well have been a crowd. My chest tightened, but I squared my shoulders and climbed out. Still, I ducked my head and ensured my hood covered my face. I pulled the sleeves down and pinched the cuffs between my fingers to hide my hands as well before I followed them inside.
It could have been my overactive imagination; it could have been real. I didn’t know, but I swore people stared, whispered, and pointed as we walked through the small shopping center. I could feel their eyes on me as we looked at pens and notebooks, judging. Could hear their thoughts as though they said them out loud.
Oh, my god!
What happened to her?
That poor girl.
My lungs burned and I realised I wasn’t breathing. Everything began to spin as I tried to suck in as much air as possible, but I couldn’t manage anything more than short, shallow breaths. I was going to pass out.
“It’s okay, Audrey,” Indie said as Kenzie guided me out of the store and to a seat until I got my breathing under control.
It wasn’t okay.
“I think you hiding behind this,” Kenzie grabbed my sleeve and lifted my arm before dropping it back into my lap, “is drawing more attention to you. I know you don’t want to be seen, but if you stood tall, removed the hood, and held your head high with all the confidence you could muster, or fake, I think people wouldn’t pay you any attention.”
“That’s a lie.” I dropped my head. “People will always stare. And walking beside you two is worse. You draw attention like a magnet, and then it gets focused on me. I want to go home.” Kenzie turned heads wherever she went.
“No, not until we’ve finished. If we don’t do this now, it will never happen. You know that.”
“I’ll go by myself,” I said without even thinking.
“What?” Indie asked, her voice higher than usual.
“Alone.”
Could I really do it? Walk into a shop alone and buy something? It would mean approaching people, maybe talking to them, handing them money. They’d see my scars on my hand.
“Audrey, I…” Indie didn’t know what to say, and neither did I.
How could I explain that even though I was terrified of walking into a store alone and being seen in public, having them beside me made things worse? They were beautiful. They drew attention naturally. Indie with her quirky, girly tomboy style, and Kenzie with her spiked leather boots, torn skinny jeans, cropped denim jacket, and mass of vibrant blonde curls that had a mind of their own. Everyone noticed them, and then they saw me. I could never have the confidence they did. I could never look the way they did. And I could never be comfortable with that kind of attention—even if they didn’t seem to notice it.
The only way I could see to get through this shopping venture would be to go it alone. Solo. By myself. The thought was petrifying, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t endure more stares or whispers, or I’d have a breakdown.
“I can do this. Go in there. Buy some clothes. Easy, right?” I stood and held out my hand for the cash I knew Indie was carrying because she knew I would never be able to pay for something myself. That would mean having to look at someone, make eye contact, talk. But I was going to try.
“We’ll be right here.” Indie handed me the wad of fifties in her fist and nodded reassuringly.
“You got this,” Kenzie said and slapped my ass as I took a step forward toward possibly the most daunting experience of my life since the fire.
Chapter Four
Brody
I stared at the image on my phone, and my mouth dropped open in shock. It was taken from a distance, so I had to zoom in to get a better look, and even though it was grainy and pixelated, there was no mistaking that hoodie. Audrey. And the caption said it all.
You’re welcome ;)
That was all Indie wrote. I checked the time stamp. She’d sent it almost six hours ago.
“Dude, are you listening?” Ricky, my partner, punched my arm.
I turned to him, unable to hide my smile. She did it. Holy shit.
“Clearly not. What’s got you smiling like the cat that got the cream?”
We were finishing for the night and heading back to the depot so the nightshift could take over. It wasn’t so much a depot as it was a large warehouse that was part of the fire station. It sort of made things awkward, with Nate being at the station almost every time I started or finished a shift. Thankfully, we were usually just passing each other.
“What were you talking about?” I changed the subject, not wanting to discuss Audrey with him. It wasn’t because he didn’t know about her situation. He was fully aware. He was there the day Nate and I pulled her out of the fire. Drove the ambulance faster than I’d ever seen before. I just didn’t know how to describe how thrilled and proud I was without sounding like an idiot.
“Well, I was trying to tell you about the twins and this thing they—”
I held up my hand to stop him. “Don’t.” I didn’t want any details.
He laughed and pulled into the depot. I’d introduced him to the twins months ago, after a disastrous double date with Nate. I, as well as everyone else, was unaware at the time that Nate was banging my ex behind my back, so Indie, being the unhelpful person she was, decided to set us up with twins.
It was never going to happen. They were every blonde bimbo cliché you could think of. Turned out Linc, being Nate’s best mate, knew all about Nate and Harper but went along with Indie’s plan just to piss him off. The date ended with Nate declaring his love for Harper in the bathroom at the roadhouse while I witnessed it and the twins waited outside.
“You missed out, man.”
I rolled my eyes and climbed out of the cabin. “More like dodged a bullet.”
“Worth it.” Ricky laughed and clapped me on the back as we made our way in to sign out for the night and grab our stuff from the locker room.
“I’m out. Catch you tomorrow,” I said to Ricky and rushed out to my car.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I looked at the picture again, studying it a bit more. It deserved a treat. A celebration. A goddamn parade. She went out in public. Alone. And by the look of it, she spoke to someone. The photo showed Audrey at the counter of a clothing store buying clothes, naturally. I couldn’t tell what from the picture, but I wasn’t an idiot. I knew Indie and Kenzie were dragging her out today.
I threw my phone aside, started the car, then pulled out of the depot and headed home. It was late, but I knew she’d be awake. The dreams kept her awake most night. The memories haunted her. The fear of being seen in public and judged scared her. It all stopped her from getting much sleep.
Cupcakes.
She needed cupcakes. I was almost home when I realised I needed to get her something to celebrate. I turned the car around and made my way to the roadhouse. Jeremy, Harper’s brother, should have still been there.
As expected, the parking lot was empty when I pulled in. A dark figure leaned against the freezer, a small orange ember burned, and the smell of cigarette smoke filtered through the air.
“That’s gonna kill you one day, you know?” I said to Jeremy as I approached.
He chuckled. “Not if Kenzie kills me first.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Not at all.” He blew out a puff of smoke and stomped on his cigarette. “You’re out late. Didn’t want to run the risk of seeing my sister, huh?” He walked inside, and I followed.
Huh. I hadn’t even given Harper a thought. All I wanted to do was get Audrey a rainbow cupcake. I shrugged. “Nah, just on my way home. I need to get Audrey a cupcake.”
Everyone knew of her obsession with these cupcakes Harper baked. Jeremy sucked in a breath. “We’re out, man.”
I groaned and tilted my head back. What else could I get her, this late, to celebrate?
“Come back tomorrow and there’ll be a fresh batch.”
“Kind of needed it now. It’s sort of a celebration.”
Jeremy raised an eyebrow.
“Audrey went shopping with Indie and Kenzie today.”
“Online?”
“Storm Cove.”
“Shit.” He nodded, impressed. “That is a celebration. Let me go and see if Harper has anything upstairs.”
“No, it’s all right. It doesn’t matter,” I argued, but he’d already walked away and headed to the stairs leading to the apartment above the diner.
I glanced around. He and Ryder had done a lot to the place. The workshop was open, so Jeremy spent the days fixing cars and the nights renovating the inside, with Ryder helping when he wasn’t at the bookstore. It was undoubtedly bringing in more customers. And the addition of the bar was bound to increase revenue for the place as well. I wasn’t sure a bar was the way to go at first, but it could be the one thing this place needed to become a profitable business. How Johnny and Julie kept it running all those years with only the two of them was beyond me.
Two sets of footsteps sounded on the stairs. I pulled up a stool and sat down, quickly pulling out my phone and pretending to look busy, so I wouldn’t have to make idle chit-chat with Harper.
Jeremy cleared his throat and at least had the decency to screw his face up in apology for bringing his sister downstairs.
“Brody,” Harper said softly with a smile, “Jeremy said you needed a rainbow cupcake.”
“Ah, yeah. But it’s fine. I’ll find something else.” I really just wanted to get home and see how Audrey’s day had gone.
“Don’t be stupid. Let me see what I can do. This is huge.” Her smile widened, and she clapped her hands together and rushed into the kitchen, leaving me with Jeremy.
“Beer?” he offered.
“Please.” I nodded, taking a deep breath now that Harper was out of sight.
He pulled a beer out from the fridge under the counter and slid it over to me.
“Don’t you think it’s time you forgave her?” Jeremy levelled me with a hard stare.
I gulped down the beer and stayed silent for a moment. “I have.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s c—”
“Don’t you dare fucking say it’s complicated. She’s my sister. I know she screwed up and handled it wrong, but she never meant to hurt you.”
“It’s just…I don’t know. I mean, I know why they did it the way they did. I understand the secrecy and the sneaking around.”
Jeremy gave me a sceptical look.
I knew it sounded crazy, but I did understand that, at least. The attraction between Nate and Harper was obvious. Blind Freddy could see it, and you’d have to be an idiot to not admit that. I knew they tried to stop, move on, forget each other and be friends or whatever. Linc had filled me in on that much. They tried to do the right thing, but it was simply out of their control.
“I’ve forgiven them both for lying.”
“But?”
“Doesn’t mean I like seeing them together.”
“Ah. Enough said.” He took a mouthful of beer.
“Enough said?” He spoke like he understood how I felt.
“Yeah. You think I’d like to see Kenz with anyone else? Let alone Cole hanging out with another fucker. Hell, no.” Jeremy’s jaw was tense, his mouth pulled into a frown at the thought of Kenzie with someone else.
And Cole.
He loved that kid, doted on him. Regardless of the fact he’d been in prison, Jeremy was a great role model for Kenzie’s son, and a great support to Kenzie. She deserved to be happy more than anyone else, and Jeremy made her that.
We fell silent. The only sound was from Harper clattering around in the kitchen. I hoped she wasn’t actually baking something.
The kitchen door swung open a few moments later, and Harper came out with a small box in her hand. She placed it gently on the counter.
“All done.” She smiled.
I reached for the box and peered inside. “Wow.”
“It’s okay?”
“She’ll love it,” I replied and closed the lid. I didn’t think they had any cakes left, but I wasn’t going to ask because I really wanted to get out of there.
“They’re not rainbow. They’re chocolate with peanut butter filling. I just decorated them with colourful frosting.” Harper must have read my mind. She wrinkled her nose. “Bailey is going to kill me for giving away her cakes.”
“Bailey’s cakes?”
“Yeah.” Harper laughed. “Cravings.”
“Tell her I said sorry.” I did not want to be the reason a pregnant woman with cravings had to miss out and suffer. And I certainly didn’t want to be the reason Ryder suffered as a result of said pregnant woman not getting her peanut butter fix.
“There’s eight tubs of chocolate chip peanut butter ice cream in the freezer out there. I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Jeremy said.
“Eight?” I laughed. He had to be joking, right? “I didn’t even know you could buy chocolate chip peanut butter ice cream.”
Jeremy laughed. “You can’t. Ryder and Cole spent an entire day melting tubs of ice cream and mixing peanut butter and chocolate chips into them. He’s so whipped.”
Harper scoffed. “Like you wouldn’t do it for Kenzie too.” She punched her brother in the arm, but he ignored her. “Ryder has it stashed everywhere she goes. Your freezer has a tub or two as well,” Harper explained. “The cravings are real.”
“Right, well, maybe I should leave these for her.”
“No, she’ll understand. Give them to Audrey. This is definitely cause for a celebration. I can’t believe she went shopping. How is she? Was she okay? Did she freak out? You must be proud of her. You’ve worked so hard with her.”
“Harper?” Jeremy interrupted.
“What?”
“Rambling.”
“Right. Well…” She looked at me as though waiting for me to say more, and when I didn’t, her mouth twisted into a frown. “Guess I’ll be going.”
She turned and walked away. And suddenly, I felt like crap. I didn’t like seeing her with Nate, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be pleasant or at least make a freaking effort when we were together.
“Harper?” I called after her. She stopped and spun slowly to face me. “Thank you. For the cakes. I appreciate it.”
Harper grinned. “Anytime.” Then she walked off with a bit more of a bounce in her step.
“What do I owe you?” I asked Jeremy.
“Nothing. Just quit being a dick to Harper and Nate.”
I rolled my eyes and bumped Jeremy’s fist with mine. “Whatever.”
Chapter Five
Audrey
It was late, nearing midnight, and I’d been sitting under the warm spray of the shower for almost an hour, not wanting to get out. The water was calming after the hellish day I’d had, which was why I preferred to shower at night when everyone else was asleep. They couldn’t witness how much water I wasted. They couldn’t witness the tears streaming down my cheeks and blending with the water if I’d had a particularly hard day, like today.
It was hell. Torture.
The stares, the whispers.
But I did it. I actually freaking did it. I walked into a store all alone and bought clothes. I even managed to speak to the young guy who worked there, though that almost made me suffer a panic attack. He was sweet and barely batted an eye in my direction, for which I was grateful. He treated me like I imagined he’d treat every other customer.
Shutting off the shower, I dried my body and applied some lotion to my skin to prevent the scars from tightening too much then carefully got dressed. It was slow going, like everything else, but at least I could dress myself now. Having a nurse or Leanne dress me while I recovered was not at all pleasant.