Secondhand Boyfriends

  I covered my mouth with my hands and shrunk down in my seat. None of that would’ve happened had I not asked Ayla those prying questions earlier and had I not brought Bennett as a date.

  “Don’t for a second think any of this is your fault,” Claudia whispered to me. It was like she could read my mind.

  CHAPTER 24

  “I have to go talk to him,” I said to Claudia. “Someone needs to calm him down.”

  “That’s not your job,” she said with an eye roll. “Let the cards fall, my dear. Stay out of it.”

  “I can’t,” I said.

  As guests began to speculate and talk amongst themselves, I ducked out of my pew and headed back to find Bennett. In my mind, I expected that Bennett was halfway to the car already and Ayla was crying off all of her makeup in her dressing room.

  I turned back and watched Sam, who stood confused with crossed arms, up at the altar talking to his brother. I’d have to talk to him later—if he even wanted me to. I hoped to God he wouldn’t blame me for any of that, but it was hard to say what was going through his mind at that moment.

  I slipped around the corner and headed out towards the side exit next to where Bennett had parked. Before I could reach the door, I heard hushed voices coming from down the hall. I tiptoed backwards and hid around a corner, praying no one would notice me.

  “Why did you do that?” I heard Ayla say as she fought back tears.

  “Because I still love you,” Bennett replied.

  I immediately saw red with those words, but I tried to control my breathing and maintain my hidden station. I wanted to hear the rest. I wanted to hear the truth, finally, from the horse’s mouth.

  “I missed you so much, Ayla,” Bennett continued. “This last year has been the worst year of my life.”

  “Yeah, but you moved on,” she replied. “You’re dating that girl from my mom’s work.”

  “She’s not you,” he replied. “No one could ever be you.”

  I heard sniffles, presumably Ayla’s, and the sound of two lips smacking together. I wanted to jump out from my hidden location and confront them, but I knew it wasn’t worth it. I had already lost the guy I thought was going to change everything for me. I didn’t want to lose my dignity too.

  “Do you still love me?” Bennett asked. “Be honest.”

  Ayla was quiet and paused before replying, “Yes.”

  There it was. I wondered how I’d not picked up on it before. At the coffee shop, she acted like he was this obsessed, stalker of an ex and she laughed at the mention of him. It was all a front. Nothing but lies to cover up the way she really felt. I wondered if it was just as hard to see him with me as it was for me to see her with Sam.

  “It killed me seeing you with him,” Bennett said. “Watching you day in and day out. Watching someone else steal my happiness. Our happiness.”

  “I couldn’t trust you, Bennett,” Ayla said. “That’s why I ended things.”

  So there was part of the truth coming out. Ayla had indeed ended the relationship.

  “I’m a changed man,” Bennett replied. “On my father’s grave.”

  “I want to believe you,” Ayla replied.

  I peeked my head out from my hiding spot to see them in a full embrace with her head on his shoulder. He was rubbing her back and they were holding each other close.

  “Believe me,” he said as he pushed her away and cupped her delicate cheeks in his strong hands. “I want you back, Ayla. I will do anything. I love you. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else but you.”

  “Why did you have to wait until now?” Ayla whined. “Why are you doing this today of all days?”

  “I had to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life,” he said. “I knew you didn’t belong with him. He’s not good enough for you, Ayla. No one is. But I’m going to try to be if you let me. I promise you that.”

  Ayla cracked a smile for the first time since I’d seen her that day as she peered up into his eyes.

  I had to admit, they were both ridiculously good looking. They looked like a couple from a magazine photo shoot. It was sickening how pretty they looked together, and had I not been involved with Bennett, I’d have been oohing and aahing over their little moment. But instead, my blood was boiling over and I’d heard enough.

  “Oh, there you are, Ayla,” I called out to them as I walked from my spot. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  Bennett and Ayla took steps away from each other as they knew they’d just been caught red-handed.

  “So, um,” I said. “People are wondering what the heck is going on.”

  Bennett and Ayla exchanged looks.

  “So what are you going to do?” I asked as I turned towards Ayla. Her cheeks were stained with mascara and her makeup was a full on mess.

  “I can’t marry Sam,” she said. She turned toward Bennett whose face lit up with sheer joy.

  Bennett leaned in and kissed her mouth hard and with a kind of passion I’d never seen from him before.

  “I’m tired of the games,” Ayla said. “I just want to be with you.”

  “Really, Bennett?” I asked. “After everything we’ve been through? The talks we’ve had?”

  I didn’t know why I was fighting for him. I could never compare to Ayla. Not in Bennett’s eyes. It was a lost cause.

  “I was a fool to believe a single word you ever said to me,” I added. It was like word vomit. It just kept coming. “Good luck with that, Ayla.”

  I pointed to Bennett like he was some sort of disgusting pond scum and spun around on my heel only to bump into Sam who was standing there with a dumbfounded look on his face.

  In the heat of the moment, I’d forgotten all about Sam. I’d forgotten that this was his special day, too. I’d forgotten how much hurt this was going to cause him.

  “W-what’s…” Sam stammered. “What’s going on here?”

  “Yeah, you two definitely owe him an explanation,” I said with my hand on my hip.

  Bennett stared down at the ground like some sort of coward as Ayla fidgeted nervously with her delicate little fingers. Ironically, she twisted and tugged at her diamond engagement ring.

  “I don’t know how to say this, Sam,” she said as she looked up at him. “But I can’t marry you.”

  With those words, Sam’s entire world came crashing down around him. I saw it on his face. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to hold him. But it wasn’t the time or place.

  “Ayla,” Sam objected. He was going to fight for her, I knew it. “Can we speak privately?”

  He shot her a look before nodding to Bennett and myself.

  “No, Sam,” she said. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing more to talk about. Let’s not make this harder than it is.”

  “So that’s all I get?” Sam said with a huff. It was rare to see him get angry, but I could tell he was reaching his boiling point. “A year together. A whirlwind romance. And this is what I get? No explanation and you won’t even talk to me?”

  I wanted to tell Sam that Ayla was selfish and self-centered. I wanted to tell him he deserved better. I wanted to tell him Bennett was an asshole and they deserved each other. I wanted to grab him by the arm and take him out of there, but I couldn’t.

  “Just go, man,” Bennett said to Sam as he slipped his arm around Ayla’s tiny waist. “Let’s not make this harder than it is.”

  I saw tears well up in poor Sam’s eyes and instinctively I reached over to take his hand. He promptly yanked it away and walked off. The sight of Sam stomping away in his black and white tuxedo, throwing his blue floral boutonniere on the ground, was nothing short of heartbreaking.

  I turned towards Ayla to see if she showed any signs of empathy or remorse of any kind, but she was fully engaged in Bennett and his schmoozy embrace. I shuddered as I thought about what a jackass he was. I believed he was a good guy. I believed all of his bullshit lies. They deserved each other.

  CHAPTER 25


  “I’m so fired on Monday,” I lamented to Claudia the moment we got home. For once Claudia went home with me instead of going to Eric’s, which was good because I really needed her.

  Claudia shrugged. “I don’t think they can fire you for something like that.”

  “Julianne loved Sam,” I said. “Loved him. My date caused a ruckus which lead to Ayla not marrying Sam. I’m at fault here. Everything can be traced directly back to me.”

  “No, you’re not,” Claudia laughed. “I told you that back at the wedding. How were you supposed to know Bennett was going to do that? And that Ayla was going to run off with him like that?”

  “So maybe it wasn’t directly my fault, but in a roundabout way it was,” I said.

  “Okay, Olivia,” Claudia said with an annoyed tone. “If it makes you feel better to know you had a hand on Sam and Ayla not getting married, then by all means, take on that blame.”

  “Speaking of Sam,” I said. “I should probably give him a call. I wonder if he’ll even talk to me. I wonder if he blames me for this.”

  “You’ll never know unless you talk to him,” Claudia said with raised eyebrows. “I thought you were moving on from Sam anyway. I thought you’d accepted the fact that you and him weren’t ever going to be an item again.”

  “That was before,” I said. “That was when I had Bennett and all his bullshit lies and excuses. That was when I thought Sam was getting married. I was fully prepared to move on. And I was moving on.”

  Claudia sighed. I knew she was sick of talking about Sam. As much as I’d obsessed over him and talked about him over the last year, you’d have thought he was the one that dumped me.

  “I think you still love Sam,” she said.

  “Duh,” I replied. “I’ll always love him.”

  “No, like I think you truly love him,” she said. “I think you should try to be with him one more time.”

  “He’d never be with me again,” I said as I shook my head. “He hates me. I crushed him like a bug. And then I ruined his happily ever after.”

  “Maybe this whole entire thing with Sam and Bennett and Ayla…maybe this was the universe’s way of showing you that you should be with Sam?” Claudia proposed. She always loved to talk about the bigger picture while I’d waste my time focusing on the smaller details.

  “Maybe,” I said as I tried to wrap my head around it.

  “Like you didn’t care about Sam until you knew he was off the market and then you wanted him back,” she elaborated. She climbed on the edge of the couch cushion as if she’d just had a eureka moment. “Suddenly you’re seeing all of his redeeming qualities again. The things that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Suddenly you’re back to seeing him for who he really is.”

  “I could see that.” I bit at my lip and wondered if Sam still had an ounce of feelings left for me.

  “Sam was an amazing boyfriend to you,” Claudia said point-blank. “He put up with a lot of your shit. Not a lot of guys would do that.”

  “You’re right,” I replied. I both loved and hated it when she was right, which was most of the time.

  “Why don’t you call him up?” she asked. “Enough sitting around talking about him. Call him. Check on him. Make sure he’s okay.”

  I wondered what he was up to in that moment. It was nearly nine in the evening. The fiasco at the church ended long before. We all should’ve been at his reception, drinking and dancing and celebrating. I imagined poor Sam sitting alone in his apartment, drinking beer and flipping through pictures of the two of them. He always was the sentimental kind.

  I picked up my phone, hands trembling, and pulled up his contact information.

  “I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” I said to Claudia, locking eyes with her from across the room. “I’ve never been this way with him before.”

  “Because you love him. Duh,” she said. She was smiling like some junior high kid watching her best friend call a boy.

  I pressed his name on my screen, and within seconds, it was ringing.

  “He probably won’t even answer,” I sighed. Deep down I almost didn’t want him to. If he saw I had called him, the ball would be in his court. If he didn’t call me back, I’d know that I’d blown it with him for good.

  “Hello?” he answered.

  My mouth instantly went dry and a lump formed in my throat. My eyes went wide as I stared at a giggling Claudia.

  “Hello?” he said again.

  “Sam.” I finally managed to spit out the words. “Hi.”

  “Yes,” he said. “What do you need?”

  He didn’t exactly seem receptive to talking to me, but the fact that he answered my call was a step in the right direction.

  “I, um, just wanted to see if you were doing okay,” I said.

  The other end was silent, and then I heard him breathe loudly into the phone.

  “Are you by yourself?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he replied.

  “Want some company?” I asked.

  He was quiet again.

  “I’ll understand if you don’t want any company,” I said. “Or if you don’t want to be around me.”

  He was still quiet.

  “Where are you, by the way?” I asked. I knew he wouldn’t be at his and Ayla’s apartment. That would just be too weird.

  “I’m at Joe’s,” he said. Joe was his younger brother who lived across town.

  “Joe’s not with you?” I asked, not that it was any of my business.

  “I told him I wanted to be alone,” Sam said. His voice was flat, but he was still on the line with me which was a good sign.

  “Oh, I see,” I replied. “Well if you decide later that you want someone to talk to, you’re more than welcome to come over to my place. You know where I live.”

  I listened as Sam took a deep breath on the other end. I couldn’t tell if he was thinking about it or if he was appalled at the audacity of my offer.

  “Okay, well, I’ll let you go now,” I said, growing irrationally annoyed at his lack of words. I should’ve had more sympathy for him and what he’d just been through. “You know how to get a hold of me.”

  I waited for him to say something, anything, but he said nothing. I hung up.

  “That was weird,” I said to Claudia as I scrunched my face. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. It’s pretty obvious.”

  “He’ll come around,” she insisted. “And if not, well, you know now that you’re perfectly capable of moving on.”

  CHAPTER 26

  “Do you care if I go to Eric’s?” Claudia asked me after I hung up with Sam. “I can stay if you want me to.”

  The eagerness on her face told me that I couldn’t keep her to myself. I couldn’t keep her from spending all of her time with Eric. He was a good guy.

  “You can go,” I said with a teasing lament.

  “You sure?” she asked as she winced. “I’m serious. I’ll stay if you need me to.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I assured her. “Honest.”

  “What are you going to do?” she asked.

  I glanced at the clock on my phone and threw it back down on the side table as I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Probably go to bed soon,” I said. “If you really want to know.”

  “Today was a shitty day,” Claudia said. She stood up and placed one hand gently on my shoulder as she walked by. “You did good though. I’m proud of you.”

  I laughed. “Proud of me for what?”

  “Standing up to Bennett. Calling Sam. Not being a blubbering pile of melted goo all day long,” she said. “You had a double whammy today. You hung in there.”

  “Thanks,” I said as I placed my hand over hers.

  She slipped away and headed down the hall to her room to get ready. She and Eric were pretty much inseparable, and as much as I missed her company, I was happy for her. She’d dated a lot of duds. She deserved to date a nice guy for a
change.

  I took Claudia’s spot on the couch and covered my feet with a throw blanket.

  “Okay, I’m out of here,” Claudia said as she walked down the hall and past the living room where I was busy channel surfing. A cloud of hairspray and perfume filled the space around her, and I noticed her makeup had been touched up. She’d been wearing a lot more makeup lately since she’d been with Eric. It was cute.

  “Have fun,” I called out.

  “Call me if you need me,” she replied as she rushed out the door.

  I was back to being alone. Just me, myself, and I. If things had gone the way they were supposed to go, I’d have been dancing my tired little feet off at Sam and Ayla’s wedding in the arms of the gorgeous Bennett Townsend. I’d be dreaming of my future with Bennett instead of obsessing over Sam’s future with Ayla. I’d have gotten the closure I needed to fully move on from Sam, and everything would’ve been peachy keen.

  My eyelids grew heavy as I sat in the darkness of my living room in front of the glow of the T.V. Some late night reality rerun flashed across the screen, but I really wasn’t paying much attention.

  As soon as my eyes had closed and I was mere seconds away from dreamland, I heard a knock at the door. I jumped up to my feet, startled, and tiptoed towards the peephole. It had to have been past ten, and part of me wondered if it was Bennett coming back to tell me he’d made a mistake and that Ayla really was a self-centered monster who only cared about herself.

  I vowed I wouldn’t fall for his antics again. If it was him on the other side of the door, I was going to tell him off like I’d never told anyone off before. He was going to hear it from me. I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

  I stood on my toes and peered through the tiny hole in the door. It was Sam. I smoothed my hair back and re-did my ponytail, checked my breath, and opened the door.