He could keep his hurt in no longer. “And to think I wanted to get my shit together before we started dating. I wanted to straighten out this Avenger mess and reclaim my condo.” Frustration over the stupid choices he’d made with Maddy churned in his gut and roiled his veins. He pounded his desk with a fist. “I was happy with my life until you waltzed in with your camera. I had morals. I had a code I lived by.”
“You were living a lie,” Maddy deadpanned. “I had nothing to do with this.”
Cora tried to step in. “Blue – ”
“You were charging people thousands of dollars for snake oil.” Maddy claimed the other side of his desk and leaned into his space. “This has always been about money and your pride and your precious playboy reputation. A humble man would have the balls to tell his girlfriends why things aren’t working out. You never told me you wanted to get your shit together. If your messed-up shit made a difference to me, I never would’ve slept with you.” Her voice dropped to the painful tone of truth. “You can’t communicate with people, not unless someone gets up in your grill, makes you face up to reality, and calls you an idiot! Only then will you tell someone what goes on in that head of yours.”
“Oh, hell.” Cora slumped into a seat. “Can I get a word in?”
Blue waved her off. “I try not to hurt anyone’s feelings – ”
“Worked out really well for you, didn’t it?” Maddy taunted. “With all those women you didn’t date.” She put the word date in air quotes.
Cora gave him the cut-off sign, but his anger was a speeding freight train without brakes.
He pounded his clenched fists on the desktop. “And, yeah, maybe I’m not as open and talkative as you are, but I’ve seen women go ballistic over my father and I’d rather avoid that extreme.”
“Maybe you should check whatever relationship handbook you’ve suddenly picked up, because in it you’ll probably find that communication is the number one key to a successful one. You’re just mad that I dumped you before you could dump me!”
“That’s low,” he growled louder than all the little beasts at the little dog shelter.
“Don’t think I didn’t know it wouldn’t last. But you surprised even me.” Maddy’s voice softened to a bruise. “You made sure my career would benefit from sleeping with you. The playboy has evolved beautifully. You should be proud. Career advancement will keep most women you dump happy and un-Avengeful.”
He frowned. “Did Ivan tell you I paid to green-light and then shelve your project?”
“You what?” Her anger soared. He hadn’t thought it could go any higher. “I should have thrown that USB back at you when I had the chance. Who knew you’d never believe I wasn’t behind all this? Who knew your greatest obstacle to happiness was trust?”
“Trust?” He scoffed. “I’ll never trust anyone again. I never should have trusted you. You figured I didn’t know what I was doing and you decided releasing the video would make for better TV.”
“Save your theories, Blue.” Hurt hardened Maddy’s gaze, scarring her voice, raking painfully over his heart. “Do you want to know why your most successful relationship is with a dog? Because you don’t need to trust him.” She ran out of steam. Her voice dropped to a rough whisper. “Mr. Jiggles deserves better than you. And so do I.”
Her voice was so achingly coarse, he knew that she hadn’t betrayed him. He knew, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He was too mired in his own pain and pride and stupidity.
Cora hadn’t given up on interrupting them. “Guys – ”
“I have work to do and no time to deal with your insecurities.” Maddy backed away from the desk, but her eyes never left him, never let him forget that he’d hurt her and blown a chance at something special. “Your attempt to screw me with Ivan backfired. When this show gets picked up – because it will – you’ll forget you ever saw me naked and everything that came along with that nakedness.”
He could try to erase the image of her naked. He could attempt to obliterate what it felt like to be inside her. But forget the raw hurt in her eyes as she stared at him across his desk?
Never.
The Avengers were wrong.
Blue wasn’t worth it.
Maddy had to tell herself that over and over, so her breath wouldn’t grow quick and panicked. She’d known it was over, for days. She’d been holding it together, for days. Why were her hands shaking so badly?
Her mother called. Maddy let it roll to voicemail. No doubt, her father received a Google Alert and they’d seen Blue get punched in the Flash mascot costume.
It took her three times to tuck her hair behind her ears, more than three tries to dial Ivan.
“Yes, he offered to pay me.” Ivan wasn’t even apologetic. “But how could I possibly shelve such a wonderful piece of work? You’re talented, Maddy. Don’t get your panties in a bunch and mess this up. It’s going to be big.”
It’s going to be big.
She held onto the thought as she brought out Auntie Maddy and carried on, feeling dead inside as she set up for the day’s filming.
Kaya showed up on time dressed in her battle armor. She wore the thinnest yellow tank top ever made. Her braless nipples pressed against the fabric in dark brown circles, requiring a tighter than planned camera shot. Black leggings hugged her body with no panty lines. Black satin stilettos completed the sex-on-demand image. Beneath her spiky hair, Kaya’s makeup was heavy, especially the dark lines around her eyes.
She would have made Maddy nervous just by breathing the same air, if Maddy hadn’t had it up to her eyeballs with lying, manipulative celebrities.
“Do you remember where we met?” Blue began after Maddy called, “Action.”
“It was an after party event for Amazing Race contestants. You walked over to introduce yourself after being bored to death by Tracy Littleton.” Kaya raised an eyebrow at Blue, as if daring him to contradict he’d been bored with another woman.
He handled it gracefully, with his father’s steady cadence, only the occasional stray glance Maddy’s way gave any indication that he wasn’t composed. “What was going through your mind when we met?”
“I wondered if anyone would notice if I dragged you under the buffet table. It had a floor-length tablecloth.” Kaya tugged on her tank, and smirked.
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I appreciate a fine male body.” She let her gaze stroke over Blue’s chest.
Maddy told herself she wasn’t jealous. She told herself Blue deserved to suffer, especially when Maddy wasn’t the kind to punish him. But she felt for him nonetheless.
Blue brushed his chest, as if he could brush off Kaya’s predatory gaze. “That doesn’t sound like you’re very choosy. L.A. is full of good looking guys with great bodies.”
“And a lot of them are still climbing the ladder of success. You’d already made it. That’s sexy to me.”
Blue needed to up his game if he wanted to get the best of Kaya. Until then, it was good for the show.
He didn’t look at all worried. “Put yourself in my shoes. What was I thinking when I first met you?”
“You thought I was the most exciting woman in the room. I made your dick dance. Come on, admit it. You know I’m right.” Her smile taunted, invited, dared.
“Is that how you approach all your relationships? Jump right in and see if you’re compatible later?”
Kaya uncrossed her legs. She was leaning back in her chair. If she’d been wearing a dress, Maddy would have suspected she was giving Blue the Basic Instinct hoo-hah flash.
“Could it be that men find your personality…abrasive?”
Let’s just pull the gloves off.
Kaya laughed. “It takes a strong man to be with me.”
“Is that why you tend to jump into relationships?” Blue doggedly persisted. “Because men who get to know you first lose interest in you physically?”
“Are you saying my personality is a turn-off?” Kaya’s sneer
made Maddy nervous.
She’d told Larry no matter what happened, he had to keep filming. If Kaya jumped on Blue, they wouldn’t play referee in a dog fight.
“Let me show you something.” Blue hit some keys on his computer and then turned the screen so Kaya could see.
At Larry’s questioning look, Maddy shook her head. They had to stay on the principals here. Anything Blue showed on his computer they could edit in later.
Blue played a collection of video clips. Kaya during the Amazing Race, demeaning her partner to the point where he refused to sleep with her anymore. Kaya on Dr. Phil, where she belittled another boyfriend, who walked off stage.
When Blue’s video montage finished, Kaya still had the cat who ate the canary sneer on her face. “Is that supposed to make me feel ashamed? Because I’m comfortable with who I am.”
“Do you think your mother would approve of the way you handle your relationships?”
He’d punched Kaya’s GO button. She leapt across the desk, grabbing Blue by the lapels of his suit. “How about I bring your father into this? He was a real fixer of problems with his Elvis outfits and hula skirts.”
Blue had taken Kaya’s wrists. He stood, gently but firmly dragging her hands off of him. “I have a present for you, Kaya. I want you to keep this until we film tomorrow. Take it with you everywhere. Promise?”
He had her at the word: present. Kaya stood, straightening her clothes.
Blue picked up his dog carrier messenger bag and handed it to Kaya. Inside, a pink and gray dog growled.
“Mr. Jiggles,” Cora whispered, aghast.
“Blue,” Maddy whispered, her heart breaking all over again. Kaya was nasty and Blue was giving her his most precious possession.
“See you tomorrow night,” Blue said coolly. “Bring him with you.”
Fully aware of the import of her gift, Kaya hugged the carrier to her chest, gathered her things and left, leaving everyone speechless.
Maddy felt ill. This was her fault. She shouldn’t have said he didn’t deserve Mr. J. She wanted to wrap her arms around Blue and tell him to forget relationship coaching. She wanted him to go back to the way he was the day she’d met him – cocky and sure of himself.
Cora had tears in her eyes. “How could you?”
Blue stared at Maddy. “Because she needs him more than I do.”
“Cut,” Maddy murmured.
Kaya surprised Maddy by showing up for her dinner dates the next day. Maddy would have bet money that the Amazing Race contestant would cut her losses, keep the dog, and stand them up, but Kaya didn’t. In fact, the tough as nails woman seemed a bit nervous.
“He gave me his dog.” Kaya gestured to the carrier in the corner. “That’s got to mean something, right?”
“Hold still while I put this mic on.” Maddy thought it meant Blue had gone over the deep end. Granted, adopting his father’s principles when he’d had a difficult relationship with the man had to be hard. But giving up his dog to Kaya? She’d be more supportive if he’d given Mr. Jiggles to the cancer-ridden boy who’d punched Blue in tights.
“Do you…” Kaya held herself very still, like a good little girl.
Maddy sighed. “Do I what?”
“Do you think he’ll be one of them?” Kaya looked at Maddy with the dark, tortured eyes of someone who was in love and on a sinking ship.
Surprised that she felt sympathy toward Kaya, Maddy shook her head. “Blue said he’d never do that.” And once he broke things off, he never went back for seconds.
“But anything can happen. You just have to choose your destiny,” Kaya said. She closed her eyes and started to murmur.
Maddy stepped back and gave Larry their secret signal to start filming. The reality star was saying positive affirmations in the style of the Rules of Attraction. It would be a great addition to the pilot.
Cora poked her head into the door. “Are you ready?”
Maddy nodded, stepping behind her camera, refusing to look toward the door. Blue would come in first and hand Kaya a card with her questions. The door swung open. She pretended to be busy adjusting the sound equipment. But she could feel his presence. She could feel him in the squeeze of her heart. She needed time. And space away from Blue.
A lot of time and a lot of space. His mistrust burned in her chest even though he had every right to be suspicious. Everyone else had betrayed him. And he’d given her the USB of the Flash tights video. What was the point explaining that it had either been passed on by Gemma or Cora? Maddy was betting on Cora. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that if he loved her, she wouldn’t have to prove her innocence.
“You know how this works, Kaya.” Blue’s voice, forbidding argument. “You’ll have three bachelors and you’ll ask them each three questions.”
Maddy looked to Kaya to gauge her reaction.
The nervous little girl was gone. The tough-as-nails woman was back. “You don’t have to tell me twice. I know what to do.”
“Oh, but I did change one thing,” Blue said. “Instead of you choosing one man to have dinner with, the men will have the opportunity to choose you. So, depending upon how you play your cards, you can either have three dates or none.”
“Bastard.” Kaya’s cheeks paled. Blue had backed her into a corner where the only way out was to play nice, not something Kaya was good at. She turned to Maddy when he’d left the room. “Can he change things up like that?”
Maddy dragged in a breath. “He can.” He was a master at changing the rules to suit him. She took several deep, calming breaths. All she had to do was make it through tonight’s filming. If the pilot sold, a few weeks or months from now when they started filming the series, she’d have regained her perspective when it came to Blue.
“Bastard,” Kaya said again.
Chapter 32
Blue considered the four men sitting in the back booth. He’d covered his bets and gone with four bachelors this evening. He wasn’t sure who was going in first, if he’d send in all four over the course of the evening or just three. He was starting to second guess himself. He longed to talk things over to Maddy, but he’d burned that bridge. He tried to tell himself it was for the best, but his chest was so tight he couldn’t fill his lungs with air when he looked at her. You’d think he’d be vigilant and avoid the pain of looking at her. Not so much.
“Who wants to start?” Might as well ask. They all knew who they were here for. God bless ‘em for showing up at all. Blue wouldn’t have.
“Volunteering for stupid shit is what I do.” Mick Rizzo stood up. He was a cast member on the popular show imported from the UK called Assy. It was a take-off on Jackass. He hadn’t dressed for the occasion, but wore a pair of holey blue jeans, a wrinkled T-shirt and scuffed boots. “She’s babe enough to take a chance.”
Blue shook his hand, feeling as if he was sending a recruit in to certain death.
Mr. Jiggles growled when Blue entered the dining room. Regret spring-boarded into Blue’s gut, as it had since he’d given the dog up. But how could he create change in Kaya if she didn’t see the softer side of herself?
Blue’s glance caught on the swing of Maddy’s blunt-cut hair. He felt as if he’d swallowed a large, dry pill and looked away.
Kaya gave Mick a hard look as he introduced himself. “Have we met before?”
“Only in another life. From what I’ve seen of you on the telly, we’re soulmates.”
“Really?” Kaya glanced at her index card and then gave Blue a deadly look. “Well, soul brother, answer me this. Would you be my sex slave this weekend?”
Maddy’s sharp intake of breath mirrored the surprise on everyone’s faces. Even the dog in the carrier growled.
“Oi, that’s a right proper question after dinner and drinks.” Mick winked.
“I need an answer,” Kaya persisted.
“Show me your tits, then. I can’t date a woman with tiny tits.”
Kaya cupped her hands beneath her small breasts. They weren’t anythin
g to write home about. It was the way Kaya used her body that was effective during sex, not the size of her body parts.
“Those are small, but they’ll do,” Mick said.
“I should ask to see your equipment.” Kaya arched a brow.
“You’ll have to give me a sec to get my wanker to attention.”
Kaya laughed. “That’s about as much warning as I want to give a man.”
“Ready whenever you are.” Mick’s gaze was lecherous.
Blue hoped Kaya would realize she and Mick would be a disastrous sinkhole. His gaze collided with Maddy’s. Ick, her gaze said. The ability to read her despite her betrayal had him leaning against the wall for support. He’d never had such a close connection with someone. And to have her sell him out…
“Second question.” Kaya smiled, clearly pleased with herself. “What makes a woman sexy?”
“I think we answered that one already. Tits. You should get bigger ones. Try the third one on that card.”
Kaya’s smile evaporated. “What’s the most tender thing you’ve ever whispered to a woman during sex?”
Despite himself, Blue’s gaze strayed to Maddy. Their lovemaking had been filled with laughter and whispered endearments. But he’d never told her he loved her with words.
His chest cinched. Air whooshed from his lungs.
I love her?
I love her.
Shit-shit-shit.
I love Maddy.
He loved her optimistic outlook on life and the way she ferreted out the good in people. He loved the way she soothed his insecurities and believed he could do anything. He loved the soft sound she made when he kissed her long and slow. He even loved that she was naïve enough to leave an opening for Kaya to steal his film.
He loved Maddy Polk. And he’d ruined everything. Holy fucking shit. He had to struggle to remain standing.
“Was it good for you?” Mick’s laughter brought Blue back to the present. “Come on, Kaya. Let’s go find a room somewhere. You can show me your dominatrix routine and I can show you how a proper Brit gets it on.”
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