by S G Read
‘No you are right there, she is a professional and that is what worries me. She might come back and carry out her threat to kill us if we told anyone.’ Charles agreed.
‘I like the ‘is’.’ John exclaimed. ‘I don’t need to know where she is because I know she would never tell you if she was retiring from her chosen profession. But I do need information on when she stopped carrying out her assignments and you started. Who you have killed and where. I have a list but to get it out of my pocket is a little dangerous at the moment. If you don’t mind!’
He let Pierre take out the hand written list from his pocket, he had written it from memory before going.
‘How did you get this?’ He asked.
‘Winfield let me have some names but we had worked out most of them already from the petty cash payments. He did however leave out the names he had no right to order killed.’
‘So I see.’ Pierre agreed. ‘You want these names and the correct dates?’
‘Yes please.’ John answered and Pierre filled in the sheet.
‘Although this one was listed as dead, she did not complete the assignment.’ Pierre explained.
‘Vladimir Pantinic- Vlad the impaler!’ John exclaimed.
‘That is what she called him!’ Charles declared.
‘It was our nickname for him. He was a Russian hitman who was doing the same job as Clementine.’ John explained. ‘But there was no call to kill him that is why he was not on the list either. So I take it that was her last assignment?’
‘It was.’ Pierre answered. ‘I think they fell in love.’
‘Well I am damned!’ John exclaimed.
‘It does happen.’ Pierre argued.
‘But Clementine falling in love is hard to believe.’ John retorted.
‘So you slept with her?’ Charles asked.
‘Oh yes and I would have liked to again.’ John admitted.
‘Well it was not going to happen with me!’ Pierre declared.
‘So it was you in the hotel room.’ John exclaimed.
‘It was, yet you still came again. Why?’ Pierre asked.
‘I followed you out and watched your progress down the stairs. On one landing you held onto the rail and I took your palm print. It matched your brother and I had to keep that information from Winfield or he would have ordered your death. As far as he knows Clementine is still carrying out her assignments and I met her to make sure it was her.’ John explained.
‘Why did you say that, when you knew it was not Clementine?’ Charles asked.
‘Winfield is an arsehole and if I told him that, he would have not only ordered your death but Clementine’s as well. If you killed her I wanted to kill you, if not and she is living a normal life somewhere then good luck to her.’ John answered.
‘Well we didn’t kill her, so does that make us friends?’ Charles asked.
‘Hmm. Friends with two hitmen, is that wise?’ John mused.
The other two men laughed. John stood the bomb down in his right hand.
‘Does anyone have any scissors?’ He asked.
Pierre cut the card which was glued to his finger and John gave him the bomb.
‘You owe me a car!’ He declared.
‘But you must have found the bombs so it was up to you if you chose to blow one up just to distract us, which didn’t work by the way.’ Pierre answered.
‘True but you did plant the bombs.’ John argued.
‘That was Charles, he is the explosives expert!’ Pierre explained.
‘You must know a bit yourself Mr. Fairchild.’ Charles exclaimed.
‘Call me John and yes I know a bit. Enough to disarm your bombs and not be fooled by the easy one to find.’
‘It was done in a hurry.’ Charles exclaimed.
‘Lucky for me or I might be in several places by now.’ John answered lightly.
‘I am glad I failed then John.’
John defused the other two bombs and returned them to Charles and then they spent the rest of the day going over points and filling in gaps in John’s knowledge. The food was good, as was the wine and they enjoyed each other’s company.
‘We are sorry we cannot tell you where Clementine is, she said it was better if we did not know.’ Charles acknowledged during the evening.
‘I can understand that it is better for you not to know than to know Charles.’ John replied. ‘So how did she find you three?’
‘Oh, we were working in a sleazy nightclub as female impersonators when she came in to work out how to kill one of the clients.’ Pierre answered. ‘She was very attractive and we all noticed her. The next night she came in dressed as a man but we recognised her through her disguise and knew she was there for more than the show. We pressed her about is outside the nightclub and she was surprised that we could see through her disguise. We ask who she was there to watch and the man was an absolute pig, and very rude to us I might add. So we said ‘what do you want to know about him’ and she caught up with three or four days surveillance in one evening over a few glasses of wine. With our dressing room in our seedy flat we took turns in dressing up, either as a man or woman, just to impress her and when Nicholas came out dressed as her she was astounded. We also offered to kill the pig for her if she wanted us to. For no pay, well no monetary payment.’
‘I can imagine what payment you wanted and I have no doubt she offered!’ John interjected.
‘That was it. We were all hoping to have that offer but that particular mode of payment was off the agenda.’ Charles declared.
‘So she was in love then!’ John replied and whistled softly.
‘She was. She met her boyfriend on an assignment, they were both sent to kill the same person.’ Charles explained. ‘I never did find out if it was a man or a woman but they both decided on the same method, at the same time and came face to face. He was a very handsome man when he was not in disguise and you know she was very pretty. They sat discussing who should kill the target before the target arrived. They worked it out that as neither department would admit to killing the target, it did not matter who actually killed them as both could claim the kill without any problem. After that they spent a lot of time together between assignments, often going on assignments together to make sure the other one did not get injured or killed.’
‘Like your brother did!’ John interjected again.
‘Yes, Nicholas was sent on a silly assignment and neither of us was available to help him or he would not have died. We did not know what happened to him until you met with Pierre in the hotel.’ Charles continued.
‘Yes I saw the pain in his eyes, just for a moment.’ John replied.
‘I tried to hide it but you can imagine as brothers and triplets we are quite close.’ Pierre explained.
‘I can imagine.’ John replied.
‘Vladimir said he would quit the department he worked for so that they could be together as his work took him away from her for weeks on end and that is when the order for her to kill him arrived.’ Charles continued. ‘They laughed about it and then hatched up the plan where she would claim he was dead in a rather large explosion. After that we were to take over her work for her, leaving them free to go and set up home together.’
‘So all I have to do it to let Winfield know who the man in the Mortuary is and then I can release the body to your mother. I will say that he was the third and only surviving member of a set of triplets who Clem inveigled into helping her when a particular assignment was dangerous and she used Nicholas to keep herself safe. Winfield will believe that but you will have to stay away from the funeral or go in disguise.’ John advised.
‘If you wait a few weeks, possible only two, before you release him it would please us as our mother is dying. To hear that Nicholas is dead would kill her but he can come home and be buried after she had passed.’ Charles asked.
‘He is quite safe where he is so you can let me know when to go ahead by ringing me on this number with a one word message. That way you will not be t
raced should my safe house be infiltrated. If the message is intercepted it will mean nothing to the people who intercepted it and I will not find out until I read the obituaries for this area. Then I will know that my safe house is no longer safe.’ John answered.
‘What word?’ Pierre asked.
‘A good question. Any one that you can remember as I will remember it if I am still alive.’ John answered.
‘Would Winfield kill you?’ Pierre asked.
‘If he could find a way to get away with it, as I would him, if there was a way, it is like a stalemate in chess! Each looking to find a way round the problem without being seen to look.’ John answered.
‘We could kill him for you, if you could take over his situation.’ Charles offered.
‘If I am offered his post should anything happen to him I will phone you but I will only phone you in an emergency, not at any other time.’ John replied.
‘Shall I write the number down for you?’ Charles asked.
John recited the number to them without looking at the phone he had passed in the hall.
‘So you saw the number and now you know it?’ Pierre asked.
‘Yes.’ John answered.
‘Now that is impressive!’ Pierre exclaimed.
‘It is also a pain sometimes.’ John complained.
‘How?’ Pierre asked.
‘When you do a crossword and you remember the clue from another crossword or a previous crossword in the same paper, you just know the answer.’ John explained.
Pierre laughed.
‘If that is your only worry then I would love to have a photographic memory.’ He complained. ‘What a gift!’
‘I will only call you on this number from a throw away phone in emergencies and then throw it away. If I use this number it will be a matter of life or death, either yours, Clementine’s or someone I do not want to die.’ John announced.
‘What about your life?’ Charles asked.
‘I am a bit harder to get rid of but Winfield might just get at me by killing a close friend.’ John explained.
‘Like the woman at the hotel.’ Pierre asked.
‘Like the woman at the hotel.’ John conceded. ‘You didn’t plant a bomb on the car at the hotel.’
‘We thought you were dead in the explosion at first, Charles over did the amount of plastic explosives in each bomb. The owner of the barn is not a happy man.’ Pierre explained. ‘We did not see her as a threat at any time.’
‘Well she is very good with computers. If I want to know anything she can usually find it on the computer. She is the reason I am here. I thought we were looking for twins but she searched the triplet DNA database and came up with you.’ John warned.
‘Dangerous in another way. I can see that now.’ Charles replied. ‘Still, no longer an enemy but an ally.’
‘Indeed and she will be worrying about me, as I came to blow you to kingdom come.’ John answered. ‘You will forgive me if I make sure the car is not booby trapped.’
‘I will come to the hotel with you in your car and Pierre will collect me when I get out. I do not kill friends and if you are there in England to protect Clementine then it is a good thing.’ Charles answered. ‘Besides it would be a waste of good plastic explosive when we could shoot you here and now!’
John laughed.
‘I will suggest a pay rise for Clementine for being so devious and escaping death by using your brother. Winfield will like that. You won’t get it as he is already under scrutiny about his petty cash expenses but it will make him think I did more than talk to Clementine.’ He replied.
‘We have enough to keep us in our old age.’ Pierre announced, then added. ‘If we live that long!’
The three drove back to the hotel, stopping short enough to be out of sight of the hotel and all three climbed out.
‘One move and you are dead!’ A woman’s voice warned. ‘Are you in danger John.’
‘No, no danger old thing, you can put that canon you carry down.’ John answered.
Lorna appeared from the bushes.
‘Not dangerous!’ John scoffed.
‘She must have watched you for too long John.’ Charles declared.
‘We get by.’ John replied. ‘We can go home now old thing.’
‘How is old thing better than old girl?’ Lorna asked, patting the bag her pistol was in.
‘Point taken Lorna.’ John answered ‘This is Charles and Pierre Lautrec.’
‘So it is Nicholas in our deepfreeze.’ Lorna answered and shook hands with both of them. ‘It is unusual to shake hands with someone who has just tried to blow one up, and stringently!’
‘I am sorry about that and overdoing the plastic explosive.’ Charles answered apologetically.
‘No harm done apart from torn tights.’ Lorna replied.
‘Good night gentlemen, best if we are not seen together.’ John warned and the two men jumped into their car. ‘And get rid of the wheels.’ John added.
‘Why?’ Charles asked through the open car window.
‘That is how he found you.’ Lorna answered. ‘On the street map site. On it your car is parked outside your farmhouse.’
‘The car goes tomorrow then.’ He answered.
‘Clemency.’ John said as though it was part of the conversation. ‘That will be the word.’
‘I will write it down.’ Pierre answered from the other side of the car. ‘As I don’t have a photographic memory.’
‘Oh we never have to write anything down.’ Lorna replied.
The two men waved and drove away.
‘That was different.’ Lorna exclaimed as she climbed into the car.
‘Yes, once we were over the Grosse Point Blank standoff scene things improved immensely.’ John answered.
They drove the last hundred metres to the hotel and parked in the driveway, not bothering to leave it where they could see it. They had a good meal at Johns expense and then packed their bags, not that John had unpacked.
They drove away from the hotel and John took a route to take them back into France a different way and he drove to his house. It was dark when they arrived and john was glad the gates were still working when they arrived. He drove in and closed the gates again.
‘There is food in the freezer.’ John advised Lorna.
‘But how long as it been in there?’ Lorna asked, remembering her gastro enteritis.
‘I put it in there when I came through on the way to Belgium with the express idea of cooking you a meal.’ John answered, remembering not to add old thing or old girl.
‘A meal in France cooked by my boss, now that will be something to tell Lana.’ Lorna declared.
‘I hope it will be a meal to remember, for the right reasons, that is!’ John exclaimed.
‘So do I John, so do I.’
In the morning they both tarried in bed, neither wanting to get up. Lorna because she was on holiday and John because he never wanted to get up.
‘I have to buy another car while I am here and then I must go back to work but you are welcome to use this place while you are over here.’ John announced when he came down the stairs.
Lorna had finally fallen out of bed and cooked breakfast. It was her insistence that made him get up and come down stairs.
‘Any good restaurants round this area?’ Lorna asked.
‘Of course, my wife was a useless cook, so we had to be near a restaurant or two.’
When John mentioned his wife Lorna suddenly thought of bugs, the listening type! She mimed what she was asking, finally putting her foot on it and squishing the imaginary bug. John thought for a moment, he did not think Winfield knew of this house but used his bug finder to search it throughout.
‘No, no bugs Lorna but worth a thought.’ John answered and sat down to eat his almost cold breakfast.
‘At least we have three places Winfield doesn’t know about.’ Lorna said happily.
John spent four hours looking for a replacement car, not a new one but a good runner
with miles on the clock, one that would not be noticed on the roads in France. He found one on a farm a few miles away and paid cash for it after bartering, to knock the price down. He drove it back to the house with the farmer following in John’s car.
The farmer patted John’s car when he climbed out and as he obviously liked it John let him drive it back to his farm. They shook hands and John drove back to his villa and found Lorna inspecting his latest purchase.
‘What do you think of it?’ He asked.
‘Bog standard and quite old.’ Lorna answered.
‘So you wouldn’t look twice at it then?’
‘No.’
‘Good.’ John declared. ‘Everyone looks at this thing for all the wrong reasons. I want a car that no one will look at while I am over here.’
‘Well you bought one alright.’ Lorna agreed.
‘Now I must get back to see what Winfield has been up to. You have a good holiday Lorna.’
‘What is left of it! And most of that will be spent in the bath trying to get clean after the barn was blown all over us!’ Lorna answered.
John put his suitcase in his car and, with a wave to Lorna, drove off. He knew the route he was going to take and as usual he did not need a map, it was already in his head. He drove without stopping until he had to and then used the break to stop and eat. He had no plans to spend another night in France and caught the last ferry back to England under the guise of Richard Coleman. He was hoping to slip back into the country without Winfield finding out so that he could check on things that end before going to work. He did sleep during the ferry journey so that he could drive on in England without falling asleep. He drove off the ferry and straight through customs soon after it docked. The road was clear when he drove out and no one appeared to follow him but he still took detours on the way to the house to make sure.
He opened the doors to the garage and drove inside, closing the doors behind him. The car would stay there until he needed it again, all he needed was a taxi in the busy street which he used to lose anyone following. He walked into the house and locked the garage door, carried on through the house and into the back garden. Locked the house and walked to the back fence, but there he stopped.