The image of her plump lips and her flushed cheeks from me kissing her against my classroom door popped into my mind. I hated that he knew things about her that I didn’t know until today. It made those all too familiar inferior feelings resurface.
I wasn’t sure if I could hold up to him if he decided to fight for her. And if he didn’t want her for more than a roll in the hay but she fell for it, I wouldn’t be surprised. My brother could be very convincing.
“So what’s the deal with her, bro?” Porter broke the silence, continuing like he always did, despite my obvious frustration.
“She’s supposed to come over so we can talk after she takes her sister for some ice cream.”
Raven needed to know I was trustworthy, that I cared about her as a person, and she was more to me than a quick roll in bed, which is all she would get from my brother. I wouldn’t be that man.
Headlights appeared down the road, and my heart jumped in my chest. “I gotta go, Port.”
“Have fun, bro. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Talk to you later,” I said through my teeth. I hung up before I said anything that would put a rift between us and watched as Raven pulled her car into my driveway.
I forced myself to stand and wait for her to get out of the car and walk to the door before I flung it open and stepped out.
She smiled up at me and walked straight into my arms. When she rested her head against my chest, I pulled her tighter to my body. “Thank you for coming.”
“You’re welcome.” She stepped back and smiled again.
I would love to stare at that smile for the rest of my life. Pace yourself, Breck. There was something about this woman that sent me right over the edge, and it had nothing to do with how sexy she was. I was glad Trinity decided not to pursue things with me and we settled on being friends. She needed someone who could give her all his heart, and at this point, no matter if things went any further with Raven or not, my heart wasn’t available.
“Come on in.” Raven followed me inside, and we settled on the couch next to each other. “Do you want a drink or anything?”
“No, I’m good.” Raven patted her flat stomach. “I ate my weight in ice cream.”
Visions of dripping ice cream down her sexy body and following it with my tongue consumed me, making me shift in my seat. “Is Chrissy okay?”
“I had a lot of explaining to do when I got to the car. I didn’t tell her everything, but she knows enough to explain what happened tonight…” Raven trailed off and began twisting her hands in her lap.
“You can tell me anything, I want you to know that,” I said softly, hoping she believed me.
She glanced over at me. “I’m really sorry for leaving you that night and not telling you. I don’t want you to think it didn’t mean anything to me, because it did. It’s just that…” Raven broke off again and stared down at her hands. I didn’t like seeing her like this.
I reached over and covered her hands with one of mine. “Raven.” Her lips quirked up at me before her face fell again. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. Well, okay. I was. But I understand.”
“You should be mad,” she whispered. “You’re an amazing guy and I’m…”
“A beautiful woman with a heart of gold,” I answered.
She shook her head. “You don’t know me. Not really.”
“I know enough about you to have that opinion. Plus, I’m a good judge of character.” I tried to lighten the mood, but I wasn’t sure it worked.
Raven took a deep breath. I knew whatever she was about to tell me was huge for her, so I waited quietly for her to get the nerve to talk. Hell, I would gladly stare at her for hours or days if it meant keeping her here under my roof.
“My mother was a drug addict,” she finally said, breaking the silence. She didn’t meet my gaze as she continued. “Our childhood was horrible to put it mildly. Think of the worst possible scenario with a drug-addicted mother who couldn’t care less about the kids she birthed and no father, and you have us. When I graduated high school as salutatorian of my senior class with a full ride to college, I couldn’t wait to get out of there. But that left my little sister at the mercy of our mother.”
Raven glanced over at me, and I took the opportunity to put my arm around her shoulders and pull her closer. She didn’t pull away, so I considered it a win.
“She was just eleven when I left, and she had to grow up really fast. In retrospect, I regret ever leaving her there.”
I wanted to argue it wasn’t her job to take care of her sister, but somehow, I knew it wouldn’t help, so I stayed quiet.
“I’ve worked full time to take care of her since I started college. I made sure she had food, clothes, and water and electric in their shitty apartment. It was my goal to take her away from that life as soon as I could save up enough money to move out of the dorms.” She swallowed, working her lip between her teeth. I squeezed her shoulder in encouragement. “My roommate and best friend is Emma. We met in high school and both grew up the same way. When she told me a few months ago about her new job making enough money to get Chrissy out of that place, I had to do it, too.”
She turned her head and met my gaze. “So I started escorting.”
I sucked in a breath at her admission. I always knew she had a story.
“I met Porter on my first night as an escort. After him, I’ve been on countless dinner dates, benefits, corporate parties and the like. When I met you, and went home with you, I want you to know that it was the one and only time I ever did that. That isn’t me, Breck. I mean, I’m no saint or anything. God knows I had my fair share of wild days in high school and some since I arrived for college. But I’m not a prostitute. I don’t make a habit of going home with men I just met and having sex, and never for money.”
“I know you don’t,” I assured her. “I could tell that about you. I don’t think badly of you, Raven. I understand.” I understand so much more now. The thought that I was the only one she ever went home with, well not including the almost with my brother, made me want to beat my chest with pride.
She nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate that, because it was never my intention to make you feel like I used you and then left. That night, I woke up because I heard something. Come to find out it was my phone. My sister was calling me. While I was here with you, she was…she was…”
Raven covered her face with her hands and her shoulders began to shake. Oh, hell. Seeing her upset made my chest ache. “Raven.” I scooted closer to her and put my lips against her ear. “It’s not your fault, baby. It’s not.” I didn’t even know the entirety of what happened yet, but I knew there wasn’t any way it had anything to do with her. This woman, so young yet so mature, had to deal with way more than anyone should, yet here she was. Strong, resilient, and brilliant.
She sniffled into her hands, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and kiss away all those tears, but I didn’t think we were in that place yet. We still had a lot to work through, but this was a start. Her opening up to me made a small spark of hope start inside me.
She took a deep breath and wiped under her eyes before straightening. “My mother was murdered that night by one of her dealers. Then he went after Chrissy and tried to sexually assault her.”
I thought of Chrissy the first time I met her, that wary expression in her eyes, and it all made sense.
Raven laughed dryly. “She grabbed a lamp and hit him with it. My sister is nothing if not strong and resilient. He ended up overdosing after she hit him, and he passed out, but she thought she killed him. She was convinced she would go to jail. And while all this happened, I was here with you, enjoying every second of our night together. She could’ve been killed or raped that night, and I wasn’t there to protect her, Breck. So I left and never contacted you again, because I didn’t know how to deal with that. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for that.”
A realization hit me on the head like a proverbial stack of bricks. Raven thought
it was her fault and she punished herself by not allowing herself to be with me. Enjoying every second of our night together, she said. Hope bloomed in my chest at the words she didn’t even realize she said.
“Let me tell you a story. You know I was in the Army, I told you that.”
She nodded, sniffling as she straightened her back and turned her body to face me.
“One day, we were headed out on a mission. I was supposed to be the lookout, sticking my head out of the little porthole in the Humvee, and my friend Garrett was supposed to drive. Right before we left, I called home for a few minutes to talk to Porter and my parents, so I was late getting out there. Garrett assumed my position as lookout, so I drove.”
I took a deep breath, the bouncing of the Humvee across the dry desert overtaking my senses. I could still smell it like I was there. I closed my eyes and began talking again. “We were about two miles out from base when we got blown up by a hidden IED. The truck lifted and flipped, throwing us about a quarter mile. When I came to, one of my guys had dragged me to safety in a little hut nearby. Garrett had been thrown from the vehicle and crushed. That was supposed to be me, Raven. I should’ve been the one that died, not him. He had a wife and a baby. I didn’t. I walked away with just a few bruises and scratches, and Garrett went home in a box.” I couldn’t believe how easy it was to talk to her about Garrett. There was only one other person who ever heard that story, and he shared my identical DNA.
Raven moved closer to me this time. “Breck,” she whispered. “It wasn’t your fault.”
I cupped her face, tears shimmering in both of our eyes. “It’s not yours either, Raven. It took me years to come to terms with what happened, and I will always feel somewhat guilty for not doing my position that day, so I get it. But I didn’t tell you that story to make you feel sorry for me. I told you because you need to understand that what happened—or almost happened—to Chrissy was not your fault. You did everything to take care of her.”
“I didn’t protect her.”
“You can’t do everything. You’re only one person.”
She sniffled, and I knew she didn’t believe me.
“You met my sister at The Hangout Zone.” It wasn’t a question, since she already knew.
“I did. Crazy coincidence, huh?”
Raven nodded. “Very crazy. She talked about the counselors there but never said any particular name. I’m glad she went, it really helped her adjust. You guys do great things there.”
I laughed. “Imagine if she would’ve told you before. We could’ve been talking to each other all along.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. I was rather determined not to find you again.”
“Because you still think it’s your fault, what happened to Chrissy.” I grabbed her hands and lifted them to my lips. I kissed each palm before settling them in my lap. “And you’ve got to realize you being with me didn’t make this happen to her. She’s a great kid, Raven. Even before I knew she belonged to you, I knew she was.”
Raven shook her head. “I just know I’m not good enough for you.”
My mouth dropped open. “You what?” There was no way this gorgeous woman could think that about herself.
“I’m not,” she continued. “You’re successful and smart. You’re the type that volunteers with at-risk teens in your free time. You grew up in a totally different way than me, because I was that at-risk teen. I-I don’t have anything to offer you. I’m too young. I’m not even out of college, and now I have Chrissy to raise.”
I forced myself to take a deep breath, trying to understand why she said what she did. This was the way Raven lived since she was old enough to take care of herself—without anyone making her see what she was worth.
It would end now.
“Let me tell you something,” I said. She shifted so she faced me, crossing her legs in front of her. “And I want you to really listen. One, you are successful and smart. Look at where you’ve gotten in life on your own. Will you have any college loans when you graduate?”
Raven shook her head no. “I have a full scholarship.”
I smiled. “Right. And what’s your degree going to be in, Raven?” I didn’t know, of course, but I could guarantee it was something that would bode well for her in life.
“I’m getting a Master’s in Business Administration,” she answered.
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you’re a straight-A student.”
She bit her lip and glanced away, a blush tinging her cheeks. I wanted to grab her and put her underneath me until she flushed like that all over her body, but I promised myself I would be good.
“I’ve never gotten a B.” She said it so quietly I would’ve missed it had I not been hanging onto every word she said like I was a dying man seeing an oasis in the desert.
“As for volunteering, do you not think it counts that you chose to work full time to support not yourself, but your sister for the last many years? That doesn’t prove you have a heart of gold?”
Raven blew out a breath. “She’s my sister.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to take care of her. You made the choice to. Not everyone would do what you did. And yes…I grew up differently than you. I don’t care about that. We are who we are right now. And I like who you are, and who you want to be in the future. An MBA? That’s impressive, Raven.” I squeezed her hands again, and she peered up at me. I saw a slight shine in her eyes, and I knew something I said got through to her. Either that, or I was delusionally hopeful. “And you’re not too young. How old are you?”
“Twenty-one,” she said quietly. “I’ll be twenty-two in a few months.”
“And I just turned thirty a few months ago. You aren’t too young for me. It’s not like you’re still in high school or something. Then we would have a problem, since I’m a teacher and all.” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but she barely cracked a smile. “Besides, you’ve been taking care of yourself for so long you are probably way more mature than anyone I would date who is my age.” It was the truth. I knew what was out there in the “dating pool.” While Trinity was wonderful, she just didn’t give me that spark, that passion I wanted. That I felt with Raven. She was beyond anyone I’d ever met in any way I could possibly imagine, and I wanted to know everything I could about her.
Her eyes widened, and she worked her lip with her teeth again. “I’m not a forever kind of girl, Breck.”
It was like someone sucker-punched me in the gut at her soft words. This woman thought little to nothing of herself.
And I decided right then and there, it was my job to prove to her otherwise.
16
Raven
“Raven, that’s not true,” he said. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay? One thing at a time.”
I knew he would rebuff what I said, but it was true. I hated being vulnerable in front of him, but he had to know the truth. Everything I said was exactly how I felt, and despite what he made me feel when I was around him, I knew the smartest thing was to keep him at arm’s length. No matter how good he was at getting me to think otherwise.
Which, of course, was ridiculous seeing as how I agreed to come to his house after running into him at the school tonight. It was just because you were shocked and didn’t know what else to say. When he had me pressed against his classroom door, his tongue in my mouth, I was more than shocked. I licked my lips, my thoughts back on the passion between us.
“I’m not sleeping with you tonight, Raven.” Breck sat back and crossed his arms in front of his chest, obviously reading my body language.
I sputtered, a dry laugh coming from me. “Well, okay then, Breck. Thanks for the information.” I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or honored, but the way my heart fluttered told me he was being a gentleman. As much as I wanted to recreate the night we had months ago, I was glad the pressure of that was off the table. He told me something similar earlier in his classroom, but for him to say it here, while we were alone, both made me re
lieved and sad. I didn’t want to have to make another decision regarding a Kingsley and sex. At least not tonight.
“That’s not what this is about. If I wanted to just have sex with someone, I could do that. And let me just tell you that the night we spent together is etched in my memory for a lifetime. Would I love to do that again? Abso-fucking-lutely. But I think you believe it’s all you’re worth, and I refuse to buy into that. So we’re going to talk tonight. And if you want to stay, I would love nothing more than to wrap my arms around you and sleep all night and get to wake up with your hair on my pillow and your body against mine. But I’m not using you, Raven. And if you want to go home, I’ll walk you to the car, give you a hug, and thank you for talking to me. The ball is in your court, baby. As strong as you are, I don’t think you get the option to be fully in control very often. I want to know who you are, Raven Phillips. Not Janie, the one I slept with before.”
I opened and closed my mouth but didn’t know what to say to him. How he knew what I thought and felt was beyond me. The man read me, which was interesting since he didn’t know much about me at all. This was how things were with Breck from the second he told me he was Porter’s twin, not Porter. It was like he peeled back the exterior I showed to the world and saw the raw, true me.
And if I was honest with myself, it scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
That was why it was so easy to leave him that night, sleeping peacefully in his bed.
It was why I spent months telling myself contacting him would be a bad idea because he needed someone else.
Not me.
It was why I contemplated his brother’s “no strings” offer, because Porter didn’t scare me.
Breck did.
“Tell me what you’re thinking right now. I see the wheels turning in there.” Breck smirked, the look that melted my panties. Not that we were doing that tonight.
“I honestly don’t know what is going on in my head. I think I’m overwhelmed.” I laughed. “You’re this perfect guy, and I’m…”
Ravenous Page 18