“Fuck you, Porter Kingsley. You knew…” My voice cracked, and I hated showing weakness in front of both of them. “Was this your plan all along?” I turned back to a wide-eyed Raven, who had tears dripping down her face. “You fuck us both? You play us and get your kicks? Tell me, Raven, who was better?” I reached down and cupped my dick. “Or do you want us both right now so you can decide? Porter’s always been into that sort of thing. Maybe you’ll like it, too. I can’t get you to spend the night with me, but the second you leave me you run right to my brother? I should’ve fucking known. How could I be so stupid?”
“Brecken.” Porter’s voice was stern, and it enraged me further. “You have it all wrong.”
“Oh, I do? Is that right?” My blood pounded through my veins like rapids in a river. The two people I loved played me for a fool.
Loved.
What an idiot I was.
Porter turned to Raven. “Give us a moment. I’ll fix it.”
Raven shook her head, refusing to leave. “Breck, listen.”
“You don’t get to call me Breck. Not anymore.” I spat the words, and Raven flinched at each one. “I hope you two are happy, because you can have each other.”
I strode to the door and felt Porter’s hand on my arm. “Let me the fuck go, Porter.”
“You’re being stupid, Breck. Just stop and listen.”
I glanced over my shoulder at Raven. She had her hand over her mouth, and she sobbed so violently she hiccupped and gagged. I shifted my gaze to my brother, so calm, cool, and collected.
“You’ve always been a fucking asshole,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “You’ve never in your life thought about anyone but yourself. Ever. It was always about you. I’m sick and tired of living in your shadow. Just once, once, I thought I could get something I wanted. But no. Even she picked you over me, just hours after we decided to start seeing each other. I bet you didn’t even give her a chance at picking me, though, did you? Because you’re Porter fucking Kingsley, the man who gets everything, regardless of whether he deserves it or not. I thought it was bad when you stole Dahlia. But this—I can’t forgive you, Porter. I can’t.”
Before Porter realized what I was about to do, I swung and punched my brother in the nose. He staggered back, but I wasn’t done. I hit him until he fell. Raven screamed and held onto my arm to stop me, but I couldn’t hear what she said. I was done. Finished.
Brecken Kingsley had just been annihilated for the last time by his brother and a woman he loved.
18
Raven
“Oh my God, are you okay?” I kneeled next to a bleeding Porter, torn between ensuring he was okay and running after his very angry brother. Porter sat up, blood dripping from between his fingers to the tile floor. I couldn’t believe what just happened here. I never would’ve bet in a million years Breck would go after his brother like that. I guessed it was many years coming, but I still felt terrible that I was the catalyst. And unnecessarily, too. Had I not come over here, this would’ve never happened. I was the stupid one.
“Go get him before he leaves.” Porter’s voice was muffled, but I heard him. I scrambled to my feet and ran out the door, my decision made for me. Breck glanced over at me as his tires spun in the driveway.
“Wait!” I ran for the car door, but he didn’t stop. I ran after him until he turned down the street and disappeared. I collapsed onto the driveway, not caring that I scraped my knees against the rough concrete. Tears dripped from my eyes and soaked into the ground as I leaned over, clutching my stomach as pain seared through my abdomen.
He’d gotten the wrong idea, and this was all my fault. My entire reason for coming here was to look Porter in the eyes and tell him I loved his brother. Which I did. I didn’t want either of them to hate me, but here I messed everything up anyway. Now Porter had a broken nose, Brecken hated both of us, and I could kiss a friendship or more goodbye with either of them.
Just as I previously thought, I wasn’t any good for them. I heard footsteps behind me and felt Porter’s strong arms pick me up. “Come on, sweetie. Come inside.” He carried me inside and set me on the kitchen counter. Dried blood caked under his nostrils, and deep crimson streaked his shirt.
Porter got a washcloth and gently wiped my scraped knees. “Are you okay?”
“I should be asking you this. You need ice for your nose.”
“I deserved that for the last thirty years. It’s probably broken, but it’s not too bad. I’m a doctor, remember?”
“Did he hit you more than once?”
Porter nodded. “Yeah. Got me in the mouth, too. And the cheek.” He flipped his lip down to see a split there, as well. His cheek was slightly red, but nothing bad. It may bruise later.
“I’m so sorry, Porter. I should go.” I moved to get off the counter, and he held me there.
“Stop. You have nothing to be sorry about. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I’m the selfish bastard here.”
“Did you know about Dahlia?” I figured talking about it now didn’t matter since Breck would likely never talk to me again.
“Know that he knew about us? No. He never told me until a few minutes ago. But I never saw things the way Breck did. He’s always done everything with his entire heart, and I swear that in utero he was given my portion of that ability. I always envied that about him.”
“And he envied everything about you,” I said. “Was your reason for wanting me because of him, or did you really have feelings for me?”
Port glanced down at my knees, bright red but no longer bleeding. “I have as many feelings as I think I’m capable of,” he said softly, still not meeting my eyes. “But I knew that he wanted you.”
“So it was about winning me,” I whispered, my heart clutching painfully at his admission.
“No.” Porter lifted his head, and his eyes met mine. “I just wanted to know what it was like. I figured if he felt it for you then I would, too. I wanted to believe I had it in me to love someone. I wanted you to choose me so I could be complete, like I had what Breck has. He’s always been so good at loving and caring for people.”
Sadness fell over me like a shadow. “Oh, Porter. Of course you have it in you. Look at you. You’re a doctor. You love and care for people every day.”
“That’s not the same thing. I’m good at my job because I’ve always been smart as shit, and I refuse to lose. But I’m not sure I know how to truly love someone selflessly.” Porter paused and a faraway expression crossed his face. “Did Breck ever tell you about Amelia?”
Amelia must be the girl Breck said broke Porter for good, but he never told me her name. “He said you were in love once, but he wouldn’t tell me any more. He said it was your story to tell. Was that her name, Amelia?”
“Yes. I don’t want to get into it right now, but ever since her, I’ve figured it just wasn’t in me to give myself like that to anyone. I honestly don’t know how. She took the ability for me to love someone with her when she left. I’ve been content being married to my job and sleeping around when I need an itch scratched. But since we met you, I allowed myself to get attached to a woman. I wanted to be around you. So thank you, Raven. Even though I’m not the one you chose to love, I hope someone will be able to love me the way I wanted you to. Thank you for showing me that my heart isn’t completely dead.”
I put my hand on Porter’s cheek, hating the self-loathing I heard from him. “Porter, I have to go find your brother and make him understand what he saw wasn’t what it seemed. But I want you to know something, and I would never just say this. You deserve to find someone who lives and breathes you. I don’t need to know what happened with Amelia. I feel honored that both you and Breck saw something—anything—in me. Everyone comes into your life for a reason, Porter. I think it was meant to be that you were my first “date” on my new job. You showed me what it’s like to be respected and cared for by a man. My entire life, I saw my mother use her body to get what she wanted from men—and that was drugs. I ca
n’t even tell you how many men I saw her give blow jobs, or how many times I saw her have sex with multiple men in the same day to get what she wanted. I didn’t grow up with a healthy vision of sex or with men in general. I never knew my father, and the men that hung out around our apartment were the kind from nightmares, not dreams. It wasn’t until I met you and Breck that I actually thought I deserved the respect you gave me.”
Porter smiled and pulled me to him for a hug. “Want me to go with you to find my brother? He probably went to the gym to beat the hell out of the punching bag.”
“No. I need to do this myself. He’s angry, and he needs to be able to hear it directly from me. I think you there will just continue to give him the wrong idea.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. Had I never made a play for you—not once but several times—you wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.”
“Don’t apologize. I did what I did on my own free will. If he won’t speak to me, I deserve that. I came here this morning to talk to you about things. You didn’t make me come here.”
“Please don’t think that. Let me know if you can’t get through to him, and I’ll help.”
I didn’t think his “help” would do me much good at this point, but I nodded in agreement anyway.
“I have to go.” He helped me off the counter, and I grabbed my purse. “Thanks, Port.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, thanks for what? For making my brother think I acted like a complete asshole again?”
“I’ll find him,” I promised. “I’ll make it right.”
“I can’t find him. He won’t answer the phone, and he’s not home. Port even called his parents, and they haven’t heard from him. What if something happened to him? I’ll never forgive myself.”
“Oh, Raves. I’m sorry. He’ll come around.” Emma nodded her head like she could make me believe it just by saying it.
“School starts in two days. He has to be there for that,” Chrissy interjected.
I spent the entire day driving around, checking in all the places Porter and I thought Breck could be. The only place I didn’t try was school.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you, Raves?”
I lifted my watery eyes and met Emma’s knowing ones. “It doesn’t really matter, does it? I ruined his trust. After he opened his heart to me and told me exactly how he always felt like second fiddle to his brother, I did exactly what he’s always been afraid of. I went right to him.”
“But it does matter! And you didn’t go to him because you were doing anything wrong. You were telling Porter things couldn’t go any further because you loved his brother! Right? He has to listen to you!” Chrissy stood and paced the floor.
“He just has to calm down and get time to think things through. Then he will,” Emma answered.
“I don’t think so. You didn’t see him. He’s spent his entire life living in the shadow of his twin. I was with Breck just hours before that, and I told him I couldn’t spend the night with him because I needed to be home for Chrissy. Then, just hours later, he sees me at his brother’s house looking like I just woke up, even though that wasn’t the truth. We just talked from the second I got here until now. I did this. I should’ve just left well enough alone. I had no business being over there talking to Porter.”
“Do you love them both?” Chrissy asked, her eyes as big as saucers.
“No. I love Breck.” It was the truth. “Porter and I will only be friends. I don’t think of him that way because I realized ever since I met Breck, I allowed things with Porter to continue because I thought that was all I deserved. I fought my feelings for Breck because it was too raw, too scary.”
Chrissy bounced again, just like she did in the car that night. It seemed like it was forever ago instead of just a few days ago.
“It sounds dumb, doesn’t it? I don’t know how I can feel like this about someone I’ve known such a short time.”
Emma smiled. “Because the heart doesn’t have a timeline. Is there supposed to be some sort of schedule to falling in love? I don’t think so. Some people wait a lifetime to find this, and others feel it the first time they meet the person that’s meant for them.”
“But we don’t know how to love people,” I whispered.
Emma squeezed my hand. “Sure you do. Your heart has already shown you. You just need to let the rest of you follow.”
“I have an idea,” Chrissy said. “Can I help?”
“Have you heard from him?” I fluffed my hair, pursing my lips in the mirror. I didn’t want to seem too desperate by getting all dressed up, but I wanted to look good.
“If he’s been home, I haven’t been able to catch him. Then again, I’ve been working nonstop for the last several days.”
“Yeah, I haven’t seen him at his house, either. I feel like I’ve been there around the clock and still haven’t caught sight of him. How’s your nose look?”
Porter snorted. “Like my brother kicked my ass. But I’ve gotten a lot of attention from the nurses, so it isn’t all bad.”
“What did you tell them happened?” Despite the circumstances, I’d really found a nice friendship with Porter over the last few days. We both knew where the line was drawn, and he even stopped making sexual comments.
“I told them I was an ass and deserved it. Then they offered to make it all better in the on-call room.”
“They?”
Porter laughed. “Well, I told you I was a freak. Who am I to turn down offers from beautiful women?”
“Emma took Chrissy to school this morning on her way to her early class. I’m headed to school now, but I’m going to pick Chrissy up this afternoon and wait by Breck’s car until he comes out. Then he won’t have any choice but to talk to me.”
“You better yank the battery cable under his hood so he can’t get away.”
“Good idea,” I said, laughing. Despite making myself crazy trying to get Breck to answer my calls, texts, and attempts to find him at home, I had to laugh or I would lose it.
“Okay, I have to go. Time to head into surgery. Good luck today.”
“Thanks, Port. I appreciate your help.”
“I have the feeling if anyone can get Breck to listen, it’s you.”
I hoped he was right, but I wasn’t convinced.
I barely made it through the two classes I had, the professors droning on and on about syllabi and our first assignments. This was the beginning of my senior year, and while I knew I would be in school another two years to get my Masters, there was something special about being here now.
I’d gotten this far on my own, my sister started school today, she was safe, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about Breck and how badly I’d screwed it all up. My back and forth with Porter had possibly cost me the best man I’d ever known.
It took me way too long to figure out what I wanted. And while my going to see Porter had nothing to do with my feelings for him, it was what ended up costing me everything. It was possible that even when I talked to Breck, he wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t blame him for hating me.
I ran to the car and sped out of the parking lot, anxious to get to school early so there was no way Breck could leave. Not when I finally knew what I wanted and why it had to be Breck.
Is he there today? I texted Chrissy at a light, waiting for her response. She said she was between classes at this point. She was headed into his class now, and my stomach felt like I swallowed a handful of rocks.
Here. The simple word Chrissy texted me offered up way too much hope that this would work.
I got to the school and found his Jeep easily. Since it was still early, hardly anyone was around and I was able to park right next to him. Chrissy had a plan to stay in the library after school to do “research” while I talked to Breck. Hopefully, by the time she came out, things would be smoothed over.
Involving my little sister in this scenario made me uneasy, but there was no way around it. I checked his door to find it unlocked. I popped the hood and d
isconnected the battery cable as Porter suggested. Then I sat in the driver’s seat of his Jeep and waited, rehearsing how fast I could possibly apologize to keep him from leaving before hearing me out.
19
Brecken
From the second Chrissy Phillips walked into my classroom, I felt her presence like a barometer predicting a coming storm. The pressure crushed me, my chest constricting like it would cave in at any second. I couldn’t find it in myself to call on her or even to look at her, and I knew it wasn’t fair because it had nothing to do with the teen with the sweetest smile and everything to do with her big sister.
The woman who crushed me beyond repair.
How I would teach this girl all year and not crack and need to be institutionalized was beyond me.
I would never survive parent-teacher conferences.
I needed to find a way for Chrissy Phillips to get out of my English class.
I spent the last few days hiding at Trent’s. He didn’t ask questions, just gave me their spare room. It was just last night I decided to talk to him about what had happened. I should’ve known he would advise me to go talk to Raven. I neglected to tell him how many times she’d tried to call or how many texts she’d sent, begging me to listen.
That didn’t count how many times Port also tried.
I couldn’t deal with them.
When I was young and stupid, it crushed me when my brother slept with my girl. Now that I knew I was in love with this woman, I would never recover from his betrayal. From hers. She knew how I felt; she knew what happened when we were kids. And she ran right to him anyway. I was some epic fool, that was for damn sure.
When I told Trent that, I thought I may have to pick him up off the ground he was so shocked. And I told him the truth, too. How I met Raven, what had happened since, and then the scene with Porter. When I said I was in love with her, he nodded and agreed. He didn’t say I was ridiculous for loving someone I had only known for a little bit of time. He said he understood because he fell for Tiffani that fast, too. He knew after their first date she was it for him and went home and told his family he met his future wife.
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