“Well, some are more gifted than others. I believe we got lucky in that we ran into someone who obviously wasn’t very gifted … or he would have magically snapped your neck right away.”
I shuddered at the thought of someone being able to end my life so easily. All of a sudden, the darkness around me seemed even darker, the cold even colder.
I wished I had a legitimate reason to step into Aidan’s warm, safe arms. But I really didn’t. So, I had no choice but to keep walking behind him at a distance while my teeth starting chattering and my knees started trembling.
“So, how long until we meet up with the others?” I asked, trying to keep up the conversation in order to take my mind off my own vulnerability.
“They will not be joining us at the manor in Scotland. They’re going somewhere else,” Aidan stated calmly.
I felt a pang at his words. I would not be seeing Aaron in the near future … or ever again if something happened to him. I had not had the chance to tell him how I felt.
Sure, he knew I was in love with him … but I had never said the words. And even though the emotional state I found myself in of late was incredibly confusing and complicated and I also had or was developing feelings for Aidan, the fact of the matter was … I was in love with Aaron … and I hadn’t told him. And now I might never get the chance.
We walked in silence for quite some time. I mindlessly shuffled along the dirt ground of the forever stretching tunnel. Even though we must have been walking for hours already, the tunnel did not seem to want to come to an end.
It just kept on stretching out before us, the walls, ceiling and floor always the same. There wasn’t the slightest variation, and I couldn’t help but think we were trapped in an expanse that magically kept bringing us back to the beginning of the tunnel, so that we could start over and over and over again and never make it to the end.
After about another hour of this mind-numbing march, I couldn’t take anymore. My feet refused to take another step.
“Stop … please stop,” I begged Aidan who halted and turned around, surprised at my sudden exclamation.
“What’s wrong?” he asked quickly, seemingly taken aback at my abrupt refusal to continue. “Are you alright? Do you need a rest?”
“I’m not tired, it’s not that,” I tried to explain, “It’s just this … never ending dark tunnel … I just need to take a moment … do something else for a couple of minutes. Please … it’s driving me crazy. We keep moving, but … we’re not really going anywhere … at least it seems that way.”
“I understand,” Aidan said calmly, “the monotony is getting to you. I know it can be tiresome. If it makes you feel any better … I swear we’re actually moving forward and getting closer, even if it might not seem so.
But it will probably take us a couple of days to reach the manor, so we should take a small break and regain our strength. It will do us both some good.”
Aidan stretched out his hand, palm up, closed his eyes and concentrated. A moment later he was holding two sacks containing sleeping bags and handed me one of them.
“Is there anything you can’t conjure out of thin air?” I asked, impressed.
“Yes, there is actually. I’m glad you asked. This is the moment I tell you that food and water can’t be conjured by magic … and that we only have a limited amount that we’ll have to make last until we can reach the manor. Malcolm gave me this backpack when he came to warn us.”
“Okay,” I said, “so we’ll be careful with whatever we’ve got. Why can’t food or water be conjured?” I asked.
“Well, it’s one of the fundamental rules that apply to magic. Our mystical energy can only be tapped into if our bodies and minds are fueled … for that we need sustenance. Food and water give us the strength we need.
But magic is something special, a powerful gift that only few of us possess. Therefore, it is important for the balance of the universe that we cannot be without frailty … imagine what would happen if we were invincible, if we did not weaken after using magic, if we could even conjure our own source of nourishment out of thin air.
We would be able to do magic at all times … we would be untouchable … and we would wield too much power.
Everything in this world, every single creature in existence must pay its dues for the life it is given … it’s no different for those who wield magic.”
“I see,” I responded, “well, I’m glad Malcolm had some food and water to give us or we would be screwed.”
“Yeah, we would be,” Aidan agreed, a crooked smile covering his face; probably because of my choice of words.
I made myself busy unpacking my sleeping bag and laying it out on the floor. Aidan quietly did the same, laying his sleeping bag right beside mine. There was very little space between the sleeping bags as the tunnel was rather narrow.
Aidan pulled out a bottle of water and some pieces of dried meat and handed them to me. I lowered myself onto my bag, folded my legs underneath me, and took a few careful sips of the water.
I eyed the meat warily and would have loved nothing more than to forgo eating altogether because of the way my stomach felt. But the things Aidan had just said about needing energy made me eat despite my unease.
Aidan shrugged out of his leather jacket and sat down opposite me, his back leaning against the wall. I handed him the bottle of water, and he took one careful sip and one single small piece of dried meat.
“You didn’t have your share,” I said immediately. I was going to be damned if he played the hero yet again and ate and drank less to leave more for me.
“That’s okay,” Aidan said, “I don’t need that much.”
“Like hell you don’t,” I argued, “if you don’t eat and drink enough and don’t regain enough strength to do magic, where do you think that will leave me.”
It wasn’t a question but a statement. If he didn’t take care of himself, we wouldn’t be able to fight anyone off if the people hunting us down caught up with us.
“Okay,” he conceded, “you’re right.” I watched him as he ate and drank the rest of his share. We sat in silence for a few minutes, just resting.
“Will you teach me?” I asked into the silence.
“Teach you what … how to use your gift?” Aidan asked, obviously alarmed, judging by the tone of his voice.
“Yes,” I replied simply.
“Persephone,” Aidan said carefully, “I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”
“Malcolm started teaching me; he wants me to access my power. Obviously you know how I can do that since you’ve been practicing magic for years and years.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m in any way qualified to teach you. And it’s dangerous. I would have thought you would realize by now just how dangerous it can be. I may have been able to get you back this once.
But what if it won’t work the next time? What if I’m too weak to help you? And how will I even be able to stop you if you do access your power and can’t control it?”
“Aidan, I understand the risk, really I do. And I get that you’re reluctant and that you have good reason to caution me.
But I want … no, I need to do this. We’re being hunted down … they want to kill us … and I can’t protect myself, I can’t help you, I can’t do anything but be frightened.
I don’t want to be frightened; I want to be strong … to fight back. I want to defend my right to live.”
I want to defend yours, I added silently to myself.
“You have to let me help … you have to give me the means to help. Otherwise … what am I good for?” I finished on a pleading note.
“Ugh, I hate it when women use logic,” Aidan complained, “it goes against nature, don’t you think?” But he didn’t really seem to mean it, a grin spreading over his face.
“Careful, mister,” I teased. Then a somber silence settled over us.
“Okay,” Aidan finally gave in, “but I need you to be very careful this time. You have
to take it slow.”
“Alright, I can do that,” I assured him.
“There’s one more condition,” Aidan said carefully, “and you won’t like it.”
“What?” I asked warily, holding my breath for the blow I knew would be coming.
“I need to be in very close contact with you during the whole attempt or I won’t do it. If you lose yourself again or if you’re out of control, I need immediate access through our bond.
And our connection is strongest when our bodies are touching. So, if you think this is something you can’t do, tell me so now. I’ll understand if this invasion of your personal space is more than you’re prepared to accept.”
“I’m okay with that,” I said, my voice sounding steady although my heart had started beating faster at his words. But I really had no choice.
I could not let on to how nervous the thought of his nearness made me … and I desperately needed someone to teach me how to use my powers. There was nothing for it; I had to be okay with his terms.
“Alright,” Aidan acknowledged after a slight hesitation that I couldn’t help but notice. It appeared this wouldn’t be easy for him either. Maybe he loathed being too close to me. He probably still perceived me as being evil.
I really couldn’t blame him. He had been in my head; he had seen the black pit in my soul. How could I blame him for thinking I was a monster when even I wasn’t sure who or what I was anymore?
Aidan grabbed his leather jacket off the floor next to him and folded it behind his head as a pillow. His back was against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him. He spread and angled his legs, pulling them toward him with his feet resting against the ground.
“Come here,” he beckoned me, patting the ground between his bent knees.
I scooted toward him and awkwardly lay down between his legs, resting my head on his chest. His strong arms immediately closed around me, his chin resting on my head.
I felt as if I was enveloped in a cocoon of safety and warmth. After all I had been through in the last couple of hours, it took all I had not to fall asleep then and there. I had to remind myself that I was in his arms for one reason only … to learn how to wield my power. With a great effort, I managed to stay awake, waiting for Aidan’s instructions.
“Are your eyes closed?” Aidan wanted to know.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Good,” Aidan whispered, “Before you try to access your power, I want you to concentrate very hard on what you feel.”
“What do you mean, exactly?” I wondered a bit confused. Did he mean what I was able to sense of my environment or my feelings … for him?
“You have to concentrate on our connection … on us,” he said, his hand suddenly moving in to cradle my head, his fingers nestled between strands of my hair.
“Feel the touch of my hand against your skin, the warmth of my body against yours … the beating of my heart underneath your cheek … can you feel all that?”
“Yes,” I managed past a large lump in my throat. I was only too aware of the sensations he described. I didn’t need to concentrate on them; they already overwhelmed me in their intensity. But of course I’d be damned if I told him as much.
“Follow the sensation of our connecting bodies deeper … stretch out your senses until you feel our deeper bond. Open your mind to me once more like you did … last night.”
At the mention of the previous night, my heart skipped a beat just thinking about Aidan’s body pressed against mine, pinning me down. Pushing this thought to the back of my mind, I concentrated on letting him in.
Persephone? I heard Aidan’s voice in my head.
Yes, I can hear you, I let him know.
Okay, good. I will guide you toward your magical energy. Just keep concentrating on our connection, and we’ll get through this … you’re not alone.
Thank you, I whispered.
You’re welcome, Aidan whispered back.
Together we made our way through the expanses of my essence until we found ourselves blinded by the stunning brilliance of my energy source.
Stop, I heard Aidan’s thoughts admonish me.
Don’t go any further or you will encounter the edges of darkness again, he warned me.
I stopped straight away. I didn’t need to hear more reasoning; if he told me to stop, I would. I trusted him … I had to. I didn’t really have a choice.
But even if I did, even if I could learn how to use my power all on my own, I would still trust him. The way I felt in his arms, the feel of the connection we shared, the way his soul had felt to me when he had shared it with me … I couldn’t not trust him … he made me feel pure and safe.
Concentrate on the rays of light, Persephone, Aidan instructed me, listen to the surge of their power … it’s a humming sound … can you hear it?
I concentrated hard, listening with all my senses. There was no sound. I was just about to tell Aidan so when I suddenly picked up on the slightest buzzing. When I listened even harder, it abruptly became intense.
As if I had flicked a switch, I was suddenly immersed in an overwhelming pulsating wave of sound that vibrated all around me and right through me.
Oh, wow, I thought, I hear it, Aidan. And I can feel its power.
Good. Now you know what it feels like. Remember this feeling … this moment … remember it in as much detail as you possibly can. It will make it easier for you the next time you try to access it. Now, let’s return to our bodies.
What, that’s already it? I exclaimed, surprised, I thought we’d do more.
And we will, another time. For today, let it be enough that you got a taste of it. Let’s take it slow. It will be easier, and you won’t be so overwhelmed by it, Aidan explained.
Alright, I replied, though I felt disappointed at not being able to stay in his reassuring arms once we got back to our bodies.
You know, even though you might not direct your thoughts at me, I can still sense what you’re feeling, Aidan told me.
Oh shit, I thought, and then chastised myself for it because he had probably heard that as well.
Your point being? I aimed my thoughts at Aidan directly.
My point being that just because we’re going back to our bodies, that doesn’t mean that you can’t stay in my arms, Aidan thought softly.
But I …, my thoughts stammered, I … it’s just that I feel … safe … with you.
It’s okay, Aidan reassured me, you don’t have to explain yourself.
Besides …, he added, hesitating slightly, I like … having you in my arms.
I hastily returned to reality before Aidan was able to read me any further. At his last thoughts, I had felt soothing warmth spreading through me. It was a wonderful feeling to know he really cared to be close to me.
Opening my eyes, I chanced a glance in his direction. His face was right above mine, his unfathomable eyes gazing intently into mine … as if he could gaze straight into my soul ― which, I reminded myself, was exactly what he had just done.
“Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? I thought you hated me,” I couldn’t help but blurt out, even though I knew I should have held my tongue. This conversation would only lead to more chaos.
“I thought so, too. Turns out … I was wrong.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, “what changed?”
“I saw into your soul,” Aidan stated simply.
“Then you saw the darkness there, the ugly black pit that is my core. So, how can that change your mind? Can’t you see what it means? I’m … dark … evil. Why would you like me? How can you even stand to be close to me?”
“Persephone, no,” Aidan tried to calm me, “I saw the darkness. And yes, it is at your core, but I believe it hasn’t touched you yet.
Everything you say, the way you behave … at first I thought it was just an act. But I don’t think so anymore. I believe you can be … saved.
If you stay away from the darkness, if you resist it, you can stay the
way you are now. And you are good, you are pure. You don’t need to become evil, Persephone. It’s a choice … your choice.”
I felt so touched by his words, by his belief in the righteousness of my soul, that I was utterly speechless. Saying nothing, I nestled my head between his shoulder and neck, and gently laid my hand on his chest, savoring the feeling of being held by someone who comforted me, believed in me … liked me.
We stayed that way for a long time, resting and drawing strength from one another. After what seemed like hours, we tore ourselves away from each other, quietly packed our things and resumed the seemingly endless walk toward the manor house.
Chapter 17 * Sacrifice
The walk was tedious, the tunnel stretching out in front of us as we pushed on in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
When we had walked for hours without pausing and got ready to call it a night and get some sleep, we put down our sleeping bags once more. Aidan had procured us everything we needed, including a small enclosed area some distance away from our night camp, where we could brush our teeth and relieve ourselves.
Since we would be in this tunnel for days, I was glad I was able to do so in private. I think I would have died of shame if I’d had to go out in the open in front of Aidan…
Aidan conjured several globes which he made glow and hover in the air above us, lighting up the dark around our camp. We plumped ourselves down and ate and drank our rations for that evening.
When we were done, and before Aidan could suggest we get some rest, I asked him if we could do one more training session that evening.
“I know you said it should be enough for today. But … we’re being followed … and I would just feel better if I knew a bit more about my gift.”
“You’re not going to give up are you,” Aidan sighed in defeat. “Okay, fine. But let’s keep it short, we really need to get some rest.”
Just as before, I rested my head on Aidan’s chest, and we embarked on another journey through my mind. This time I was already a lot quicker in accessing my power, letting it fill up all my senses until I felt I had actually become one with it.
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