She stopped, having to drag air into her lungs. Her next words escaped as she exhaled, more to herself than to Theo. “It—being with a man, believing a man—is something I swore I would never do again because I cannot trust myself to discern truth from falsehoods.”
His fingers along her lower back flinched with the words, the pads of them pressing into the muscles lining her spine.
Silence was the response. Long breaths, his chest rising and dipping under her forehead.
“This one.” His left hand moved to squeeze between them, just under her downturned face, and his forefinger ran along a thin, ridged line of white puckered flesh spanning his ribcage. “This one came from a French colonel that had just sent a sword through the first one of my men to die on the continent. My man that died—no, he was more of a boy, Phillip was—he was young and had a sweet face that could charm the stoniest of women. He spoke flawless French. After we had identified her, Phillip had been the one to approach the colonel’s daughter on her way back from the market in the village next to their encampment.”
Violet lifted her head, pulling back from his chest as she stared at the scar.
“Phillip bumped into her every day for fourteen days before she was swayed enough to pay him any mind. She had thought him just a traveler, or maybe a local boy. He charmed her. Brought her sweets. Until eventually, Phillip was invited into their house. A month went by, and he managed to collect correspondence on attacks and plans of armaments from the colonel’s house, sneaking into the man’s study when he wasn’t there. Until one day when Phillip didn’t show up at our rendezvous point to pass along the information. The boy was always on time. Always. So I went to the colonel’s house and made it into the study just as the man was driving a sword straight through Phillip’s chest.”
Violet’s eyes lifted to find an iron mask etched onto Theo’s face, holding hard against memories brutally painful to recollect. Though he was still, under her fingers Theo’s skin throbbed with every heartbeat, the horror manifesting in the blood pounding through his body.
“I watched the boy drop. He was a little brother to me—a spy, yes, and we knew the danger—but he was the youngest of my men and I had to watch him drop. Watch the blood flow from him. It came so fast. I stood, frozen, a statue. I could not move. Could not go to him. Could not defend myself. Then the colonel turned to me, his sword arcing. I was dead—should have been dead—save for his daughter pushing me out of the way. But his blade still sliced my ribs and I went down. At her interference, the colonel screamed, lunging at his daughter. It was the last thing the man did. She killed him. That girl, her hair in braids—young and innocent—with one quick jab of a dagger up into his neck, killed him. Her own father. Callous. Before he even hit the ground, before he took his last breath, that girl walked out of that room, never looking back.”
He closed his eyes, the only crack in his facade of stoic calm. “It was then that I realized the world had gone mad. A world I didn’t understand. I was trained for espionage. But even with that, I was not trained, not equipped for death—real, true, brutal, messy death. I didn’t understand it, but I knew I had to figure out a way to survive it. So that was the moment—when I was lying on the floor, bleeding, watching the last breath of Phillip—that I stopped feeling. After Alfred’s death, after leaving you, that was it. I could take no more. That was the last time I allowed myself to care about anything. It was easy to become merciless, cold—all because I lacked the ability to feel.”
“Theo…”
His blue eyes opened to her. “Until I was splayed on the floor of that room at the Revelry’s Tempest and I looked up, and you were kicking me, Vee. That was the moment that something in my chest moved again.”
His left hand lifted, moving up to cradle the side of her face. “I know I cannot put the responsibility upon you for being my anchor—for being the reason I am coming alive once more. It is something I cannot burden you with. But I needed you to know why I don’t want to let you go. Why I don’t want you to let me go. I am not going to disappear on you, Vee. I am not going to lie to you. This is real.”
Her breath lodged in her throat, her head nodding before words could form.
He had done exactly what she needed—given of himself. As painful as it had been, he had done it.
Her hands went to the sides of his face, her right forefinger aligning with the scar cutting away from his eyebrow. “Thank you. I did not realize how very much I needed that.”
He closed his eyes at the touch of her hands, his chest lifting in a deep breath. When he opened his eyes to her, a soft smile had lifted the corners of his mouth. “And I do not ask this of you now, Vee, as it may take you ages to truly trust that I am not about to vanish or demand control over your life or take your money. But the moment you say you are ready, I intend to marry you, if you will have me. Even if it takes until we are eighty and we can no longer walk or hear or even see each other, I will wait.”
“Theo—”
“No. Unless your next words are ‘I am ready,’ then I need no more words on the matter, Vee. I am an inordinately patient man.”
She smiled. “Patient? That was not one of your qualities years ago.”
“Yes, well, I have learned a few things since the innocence of youth, Vee.”
“Yes, you have.” Her head tilted slightly to the side as she studied him. “And I may need to depend upon that very thing, Theo.”
{ Chapter 13 }
“You have been glowing these past two days since you have returned from Glenhaven, Violet.” Cassandra walked into the office at the rear of the Revelry’s Tempest ballroom and sat down in a ruby-hued upholstered chair across from Violet.
Violet looked up from the contract with the magician set to perform at the gala, unable to contain a smile at Cassandra’s words. “It shows so easily?”
“You are humming as you are looking over the performers’ contracts. I have never known you to hum in this room.” Cassandra’s eyes narrowed. “For that matter, I don’t think I’ve heard you hum since you were eighteen. Maybe in the garden I have heard it once or twice—but that could have just as easily been a songbird.”
Violet chuckled at the teasing. “I must clamp down upon my smiles. Not a person is going to take me seriously if I evoke the silly blush of a young miss.”
“Well, I enjoy it.” Cassandra waved her hand in the air, her normally soft voice excited. “Go ahead and hide it from others if you must, but I hope it does not wane. I would have you humming and happy over somberness any day of the year. If I had known this would be the outcome, I would have dragged Theodore to your feet a year ago when he was here and duped me out of those markers while you were away visiting Adalia.”
“I don’t know if that would have worked a year ago. But now…” She paused, her smile turning serious. “Humming seems to be a very attainable task since my trip to Glenhaven.”
“I had thought never to see it, so I am happy for it.”
Genuine happiness for her shined in Cassandra’s eyes, so much so, that Violet could not hold her secret any longer.
“He wants to marry me, Cass.”
Cassandra’s head jerked, a frown overtaking her face. “When did this happen? What did you say?”
“At Glenhaven. Before we left. I did not answer him.”
Cassandra sat straight, scooting forward on the chair. “And you are just telling me of this now?”
Her right cheek scrunching upward, Violet’s lips drew inward. “I know. I am sorry. But I had to let it sit in my mind—it had to be mine alone for a few days. I was not sure how to react. You know my past. You know how this would be the last thing I would ever consider again.”
Cass leaned forward, her eyes earnest. “But it is Theodore.”
Violet nodded slowly. “It is Theo. And that is all the difference.”
“So…what next?”
“I do not know.”
Cassandra sighed, her head shaking. “Well, this will require fu
rther discussion—and at length, but at the moment, we do not have that time as the creditor and his associate are in the drawing room.”
“Mr. Olston?” Violet’s eyebrows drew together. “He is a half hour early. And he brought an associate?”
“Yes. A female. It was a bit awkward as his arrival interrupted my meeting with Logan. We were discussing the four additional men he has hired for security on the night of the gala.”
“The four—they are well trained?”
“To my standards?” Cassandra pointed at herself. “Yes. As to Logan’s standards—let us just say he is going to be working with them for long hours during the next two weeks.”
Violet collected the smattering of contracts strewn in front of her into a neat pile, setting them on the edge of the desk. She picked up a leather folio and stood. “I will go down and meet with Mr. Olston, then.”
“Good luck, though I doubt you will need it. Mr. Olston does find you fascinating—that is probably why he is early. It is almost embarrassing to listen to him gush on about you.” Cassandra nodded at the contracts on the desk. “Did you manage to get the set of three leopard cubs from the Tower Menagerie? I am most excited about them.”
Violet tapped the papers as she walked around the desk. “The keeper said it was odd—wanting a set of three. He wanted to charge a premium for borrowing more than two.”
“But it is a third anniversary gala—of course we need a set of three. Everything will be in sets of three.”
“Which is what I told him. It is quite obvious.” Violet’s eyes went to the ceiling with a shake of her head as she walked past Cassandra. “The man proceeded to look at me like I had suddenly started talking with a forked tongue.”
“Shall I draft a letter to the keeper explaining the necessity?”
“Yes, if you would. You are much more delicate about these matters when it comes to reasoning with smugness such as his.”
Cassandra chuckled, standing to move around the desk.
Violet paused at the door. “Did Mr. Olston mention the name of his associate?”
“Mr. Olston mumbles, which is why I am sure Mr. Walt gave me a look of panic when he announced their arrival. It may be Lady Tiple or Toplan or Teppton—or something of the like. I would ask for her name again.”
“So curious.” Violet nodded, straightening her simple blue muslin dress as she moved through the doorway and toward the exit of the ballroom. She set her shoulders straight, steeling herself for negotiations. Why Mr. Olston would bring an associate she had never heard of to the meeting was unnerving.
Regardless, it was time to convince Mr. Olston she would be able to satisfy a ten thousand pound loan within a month. She had never dared to extend herself this far into debt and it unnerved her.
But there was no other option.
She needed this gala over and done with. Then…then she could consider the matter of marriage. Consider the merest possibility of it.
~~~
Barely able to contain his gait, Theo strode across the ballroom at the Revelry’s Tempest, dodging the empty gaming tables, his boots clicking on the wooden floorboards.
He had learned in the past two days since they had been back in London that Violet spent an inordinate amount of time in her office off the back of the ballroom. So much so, his worries about her working too hard would be founded if he also didn’t know how easy it was to persuade her to take a break.
On the desk.
In an upstairs withdrawing room.
Against her bookcase of ledgers.
He smirked to himself.
Violet was masterful at taking breaks. And he was masterful at convincing her to take them.
If only he could persuade her to spend her nights in his bed. She had steadfastly refused since they had arrived back in London. She maintained she needed to keep a sheen of respectability about her reputation, and popping in and out of her lover’s townhouse did not fit particularly well with that objective.
Cassandra suddenly appeared in the doorway of the office, peeking out into the ballroom. “Oh, Theodore. It is you. I heard footsteps.”
Of all his sister’s friends, Cassandra was the most striking—with her dark, almost black hair and porcelain skin—and also the quietest. His sister had always contended that Cassandra was the exact opposite of quiet when alone with friends. But Theo had only experienced Cassandra as the painfully quiet one, so much so that one rarely knew she was in the room. As far as he understood it, she had married Lord Desmond at a young age, and her husband had been in India for the last five years.
Theo pointed past Cassandra’s shoulder. “Is Violet here?”
“She is, but not up here. You must have walked by her in the lower drawing room.”
“The door was closed.” He started to spin around.
“She is meeting with Mr. Olston, the creditor.”
He turned back to Cassandra. “So I should not interrupt is what you are telling me?”
She offered a half smile, almost nervous. “I do think patience might be in order.”
His eyebrows cocked, his head shaking. “I have been attempting to draw upon my patience more than usual as of late.”
“Violet?”
He nodded.
“She has been extraordinarily happy since returning from Glenhaven.” A beaming smile took over Cassandra’s face. “I might guess it is because she has secured with you the mine as a guarantee for the loan, but I actually think it has much more to do with you, Theodore. So I am grateful for the smile you have put on her lips.”
Theo looked at Cassandra, studying her face, her warm brown eyes. That was the largest amount of words she had ever spoken to him. “Thank you, I think.” He looked back over his shoulder at the doorway. How long would Violet’s meeting last?
“Are you about to slip?”
Cassandra’s words were so soft spoken—as she always had been—Theo had to replay the words in his mind several times before he was sure he heard them. He looked back to her. “What?”
“Are you about to slip again, Theodore? I have watched you—just the same as Violet and your sister—descend from the man we all knew five years ago into the despicable cod head that has acted in no better regard than a brooding, embarrassing boor during the last two years.”
Theo blinked hard, his head shaking as he looked her over again. Cassandra was the quietest woman—he would have guessed she had never uttered most of the words she had just used. Of course, she was incredibly close to Adalia, and his sister had never learned to curb her tongue. His own—not to mention Caldwell and Alfred’s—fault, as Adalia had parroted all of them since she had begun talking.
“Do not just look at me with buffoon idiocy.” Cassandra stepped away from the office doorway, stopping in front of him. “Do you intend to slip again? Or are you going to attempt to be the man that Violet needs? You have apparently done well at the task in the past fortnight, I will allow you that. But I fear it is fleeting and will not continue. According to Adalia, your path has been…arduous, misguided since the war.”
Maybe Cassandra had always been incredibly quiet because she was incredibly rude. He glared down at her. “That is hardly your concern, Cassandra.”
“It is my concern, as I need preparation time.”
“Preparation for what?”
“Should it become necessary for me to help Violet through the downfall. I am not as bold as your sister is, Theodore, and I will need time to prepare.”
“You are not making any sense, Cassandra.”
She sighed. “Adalia always knows what to say to help people move past an emotion in the moment. To move their minds to other things. Words like that do not come as easily to me—especially in a demanding situation.”
“Demanding—as in I fail Violet in some fashion?”
“Yes. Exactly. So I would like time to prepare myself.”
Theo threaded his arms together over his chest. “You don’t need to prepare a blasted thing, Cassandra.
I love Violet.”
Cassandra’s head jerked backward. “You do?”
“Yes. And I’m doing my damnedest to be the man she deserves.”
“Theo?” Violet’s voice preceded her turning the corner from the hallway into the ballroom.
Theo spun to the entrance.
A smile broke wide on her face at seeing him. “Good, you did not leave. I saw you walk by the front window and I heard the front door close, so I was not positive if you stayed or not. I was just meeting with the creditors.” Walking into the ballroom, she stopped next to Theo, looking to her friend. “Cass, will you please finish with them? I told them you would be down. All seems in order. Mr. Olston did not fluster at all on the amount. I looked through the terms of the credit, but I would appreciate your keen eye upon it as well, please. Then they will just need to verify the validity of the mine.”
“Of course.” Cassandra glanced at Theo, giving him a curt nod.
He inclined his head to her.
Watching Cassandra exit the room, Violet glanced back and forth between the two of them. She waited until Cassandra’s footsteps retreated down the hallway before looking to him. “What did I interrupt?”
“Nothing.”
“I thought Cass was going to trip and shatter into a thousand pieces she was so stiffly rigid.”
“She is ensuring my sister’s usual role is fulfilled.”
“Which role is that?”
“Protecting her friends. And Cassandra is doing a sufficient job at it.”
“People tend to underestimate Cass, mostly because her voice is so soft.” Violet’s look went to the doorway Cassandra had disappeared from. “But she is made of steel.”
“I just found that out.”
Violet’s gaze swung to him, a grin playing on her lips. “Did you convince her you are worthy of me?”
“No.” He met her violet-blue eyes. “But I have yet to convince myself of that fact.”
Of Sin & Sanctuary: A Revelry’s Tempest Novel Page 13