by Sarah Price
“Daniel,” the bishop said, reaching out with his hand to touch his shoulder. “It’s a wunderbaar gut day to celebrate the Lord,” he said. He was especially jovial this morning, the baptism group larger than usual. “You are ready for the baptism, ja?”
“I need to speak with you,” Daniel said softly. “Before the service.”
The bishop cocked his head, surprised by Daniel’s request. But, he gave a solemn nod and indicated that they should go into the next room to talk privately, away from listening ears. Daniel glanced at Jake before following the bishop but, as soon as their eyes met, he quickly looked away. He had heard enough from Jake and didn’t need any more words to sway his decision.
The congregation was gathered for the service. The men were on one side of the room and the woman on the other. For the first hour of the service, the congregation engaged in singing hymns, the songs sang a capella in German. Each song was long and drawn out, the sound eerily comforting on such a gray day. It wasn’t until the second hour that the bishop requested the baptismal candidates to come forward and sit in the front of the gathering, men on one bench and the women on the other.
The room was crowded and hot, despite the weather outside. The glow from the kerosene lanterns cast soft glows throughout the barn. Jake sat next to Daniel, his expression solemn and serious for a change. There were three other young men seated on the bench. Sylvia and Rachel sat together, among four young women. When the bishop cleared his throat to begin the baptism sermon, the candidates bowed their heads and covered their faces in a sign of humility.
The bishop began a prayer to open the sermon about Paul baptizing an Ethiopian. It was the same sermon that had been given to generations before and would be given to generations after these candidates had been baptized. Yet, for all of them, the words were especially poignant and powerful on this dreary, grey day. When the sermon was over, the bishop paused, his eyes carefully scanning the bowed heads before him.
“If you are still intent on taking this baptism,” he began. “Then I ask you to kneel before me. If, however, you have any doubts, this is the time to speak up.”
There was a lengthy pause. No one spoke in the barn and, with the exception of a baby crying from the back, the room was completely silent. The bishop took a step backward and waited for each candidate to kneel before him. However, one stayed seated on the bench, his face still covered and his head bowed down.
“Daniel Lapp has approached me before the service. He wishes to speak before the congregation,” the bishop said.
“I cannot take my baptism,” Daniel said, his voice low but reverberating throughout the silent barn. He took his hands from his face and looked up at the bishop. “Not until I confess my sins.” There was a murmur from the congregation at this unusual request from a candidate.
The bishop nodded his head and indicated that he should rise to face the congregation. “You may speak, Daniel.”
Daniel stood on his feet and turned around so that he was looking at the faces watching him with curiosity. His eyes wandered around the room, catching glimpses of people that he had known all of his life. His parents, at different sides of the room, frowned and looked concerned. His eyes continued to scan the room and noticed Ezariah in the front, his own expression of complete surprise.
“I have been guilty of many sins, sins that I have confessed to the bishop already. However, there is one that I did not confess and it is the worse of all sins.” When he paused, the congregation began to move, some people shifting on their bench with others nervously glancing around the room. Daniel saw his mother’s face drain of color and she averted her eyes. He took a deep breath before he finally said, “I lost my faith, in both God and myself.”
The bishop nodded. “It is well to confess your sin before your baptism, Daniel.”
Daniel looked up again and spoke with a stronger voice. “I want the truth known to the congregation before I take my baptism and,” he paused long enough to look at Rachel who, despite kneeling with her back to the congregation, had uncovered her face and turned her head to watch him carefully. “And before my marriage to Rachel Lapp from Ohio.”
She blinked her eyes, tears starting to form at the corners. For a moment, she looked away.
“She came to our community after a tragic accident in Ohio, an accident that caused the death of her mother and raised questions about her virtue.” Daniel stared at the congregation. “I never asked about the incident. I never inquired as to why she came to Leola. But, when I heard about the accident, I cast judgment and harbored suspicions about the truth without asking for it. But the truth is that Rachel was as much a victim as her mother to the evils of the world. Rather than protect her and support her, I cast doubt on her. I lost faith.” He scanned the faces of the people before him before he rested his eyes back on Rachel. “I want the truth known so that no one ever questions Rachel Lapp about this. I want the truth known so that I may ask forgiveness for this sin and enter the church and my marriage with a pure heart as I strive to be more Christ-like.”
There was a silence among those gathered to worship. Public confessions were not unheard of during a worship service but no one had ever encountered a confession during the baptism service. No one knew how to respond and they looked at the bishop for guidance.
The bishop put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder but addressed the congregation. “I have spoken to Daniel at length in private and I believe the sincerity of his confession. Let anyone who objects to his baptism into our church speak up now.”
Silence.
“Daniel, if you are intent on continuing with your baptismal vows, please take your place among those kneeling for baptism,” the bishop said, a satisfied look in his eyes as he turned back toward the group of young adults kneeling before him.
With a light heart, Daniel took his place kneeling before the bishop, his face once again covered with his hands as the bishop began to ask each one of them the four questions of baptism. He listened as the first candidate responded in the affirmative for all four questions, heard the dripping of water on their head, and sensed the bishop helping the candidate to his feet for the holy kiss of peace.
When it was his turn, he clearly affirmed his belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, vowed to submit to the church, agreed to renounce the world, and promised to support the teachings of the church. He felt the water on his head and heard the bishop say, “Daniel Lapp. They that believe and are baptized are saved.” The bishop paused, placing his hands on Daniel’s shoulders and guiding him to his feet. “I pronounce you baptized in the name of the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and Holy Spirit.”
He was still standing before the congregation when the bishop approached Rachel. Daniel listened attentively as his intended responded in the affirmative to the same four questions. Her voice was trembling and he sensed that she was on the verge of crying. It wasn’t unusual for the baptismal candidates to cry, from both the enormity of the commitment that they were entering and the joy at actually making it. But, Daniel sensed, Rachel had a third reason for the tears. When the bishop proclaimed her a baptized member of the church, he caught her eyes and held the gaze for a long enough moment to let her know that he was proud of her and meant what he had said. In her own gaze, he saw forgiveness as well as relief that, indeed, he believed her and still loved her.
The rest of the service seemed to progress like a blur. Daniel sat back down on the front bench, his eyes staring only at the bishop and other ministers who now joined him for the final sermon, song, and prayer. His heart pounded inside of his chest and he felt free and new. He had never imagined that he would know such peace. And he knew that the peace came from more than just the baptism. It came from his public confession and his own admission that he did, indeed, have faith in his love for Rachel.
It was after the service that Daniel managed to find Rachel. He looked around and, taking her hand in his, made certain no one saw as he pulled her out of the barn and away from prying eyes
.
He didn’t speak until they were behind another outbuilding, far enough from the barn and outer yard where the men were setting up the tables for the midday meal. The women were busy bringing out plates and bowls of food while the children ran around, chasing each other in the cool autumn air. Their laughter echoed through the air and made the festivities of the day even brighter.
Daniel held Rachel’s hand, holding it tightly in his own. He stared at her, his blue eyes searching her brown ones as though trying to see into her soul. When she finally blinked, the trance was broken.
“Rachel,” he said softly. “I’m so terribly sorry.”
She didn’t say anything but kept staring at him as though wondering what he was going to say next while allowing him the time he needed to formulate the words.
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I hope you can forgive me and I hope that you will still do me the honor of marrying me, Rachel. For so many months, I told you to have faith and promised to never hurt you. But I was the one who didn’t have faith and I did, indeed, hurt you.”
Rachel lowered her eyes, not daring to speak.
“It will never happen again, Rachel,” he promised. “I know you spoke the truth and I know that I should never have doubted you. I am begging you for forgiveness.”
She lifted her eyes, the dark brown color glowing as she did. And, when she smiled, it was soft and gentle, speaking of her feelings for him. “I forgave you, Daniel, weeks ago. I never lost faith in you and knew that you would understand…that it would take time.” She hesitated. “After all, you are the one who taught me to have faith again, ja?”
“So, you’ll still have me as your husband, then?” he asked sheepishly.
This time, she laughed. It was gentle music to his ear and she tossed her arms around his neck and fell against him, letting him hold her tightly in a warm and loving embrace. “Oh Daniel!” She whispered into his ear. “I want nothing more than to be Daniel’s Rachel for the rest of my life!”
Epilogue
“You ready for our wedding day tomorrow, Rachel Lapp?” Daniel asked, his hand holding hers as he drove her down the road, the last time that he would come-calling before she was his true wife. With the pressure of the past few weeks, Daniel had found the time to hitch up the buggy and whisk her away after supper. She had seemed relieved to spend a few moments with him, not having spent much time alone with Daniel since before their baptism.
Her skin felt smooth and soft under his calloused fingers that were more used to working field equipment than holding a young woman’s hand. He liked the feeling of her warmth in his hands.
“Ja, Daniel Lapp. Tomorrow at this time, I will call you husband.”
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “That you will, Rachel. Forever more.”
“And this weekend, I’ll be making you breakfast, dinner, and supper in our own home,” she whispered, allowing herself to snuggle next to him in the buggy. She smiled to herself, happy in the knowledge that she would be taking care of Daniel for the rest of her life.
“Sure hope you are as good a cook as my Mamm,” he teased.
“Daniel!” But she laughed with him.
They were more fortunate than most couples who could not afford their own home so soon after marriage. There were many couples who didn’t live together for months after their wedding, spending weekends visiting friends and family but the weeks were spent apart, living in their respective families’ farms or houses.
The night was cool but the sky was perfectly clear, with stars shining in the sky. It foretold of a wonderful day ahead of them for their wedding in the morning. It would be a long affair, with sermons and song before the ceremony then hours of food and fellowship. By the evening, they would be exhausted and retreat to their bedroom at the Lapp farm, not moving into the small house over of the mule shed until the weekend.
For the next few months, they would visit friends and family over the weekends. Winter was a perfect time for visiting. It would be a time of relationship building among the community members. When spring finally rolled around, life would begin to resume a normal routine of work, both inside and outside of the house. But, for now, neither Daniel nor Rachel minded. They were just enjoying the evening, holding each other’s hand, and anticipating the upcoming events of the following day. That journey had begun generations ago and, with the strength of their love for each other and the support of their family and community, would continue for more generations to come.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sarah Price’s ancestors emigrated from Europe in 1705, settling in Pennsylvania as the area’s first wave of Mennonite families. Sara Price has always respected and honored her ancestors through exploration and research about her family’s history and their religion. At nineteen, she befriended an Amish family and lived on their farm throughout the years. Twenty-five years later, Sarah Price splits her time between her home outside of New York City and an Amish farm in Lancaster County, PA where she retreats to reflect, write, and reconnect with her Amish friends and Mennonite family.
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