by Kaci Rose
The nickname just rolled off my tongue the other day, before I could think twice about it, but Mia’s eyes light up at it, so I plan to use it more.
When I get to my room, I search for the TV remote. I think I tossed it in my nightstand drawer, so I take a few things out looking for it. Sure enough, there it is in the bottom. I’ve accumulated more junk than I realized, so I leave it on the table to go through before bed.
As soon as my ass hits the cool leather sofa, my muscles seem to relax, and it feels good to just be. Knowing Mia is going to curl up with me and watch the same TV, and I’ll get to hold her, is enough for my body to unwind.
Mia walks in with two trays of food and sets them on the coffee table. Lunch around here is normally sandwiches, salads, or soup. Sometimes, like today, they have fish, which Mia and I both like, so that’s what she got for us.
“What do you feel like watching?” I ask her.
With her in my arms, I doubt I’ll be paying much attention to the TV, so she could pick the cheesiest romance movie ever, and I wouldn’t care.
“Something funny.” She says as I start flipping through the channels.
We land on a movie and start eating our lunch. It’s great to hear her laughter fill the air. When we’re done eating, she curls up to my side, and we finish the movie.
This right here is what I have been looking forward to all day. Just holding this woman in my arms and relaxing with her. I’ve found the more I’m around her, the better I start to feel.
After we finish the movie, we begin shifting around, and I realize I’m sorer than I expected.
“Can I use your restroom, before we start another movie?” She asks.
“Of course. I’m going to go find Kaitlyn and get some of the muscle rub from her. My muscles really ache.”
“Okay.”
I kiss her cheek, and we both get off the couch.
I find Kaitlyn with a patient a few doors down, so I wait in the hallway until she’s done. I could have used a call button, but I wanted to get up and move and stretch a bit. Now that I’m up moving around, I’m finding I want to do it more and more.
“Hey, Teddy. You okay?” Kaitlyn asks, when she sees me in the hallway.
“Yeah, just sore from PT. Was hoping to get some of the muscle rub we used last time.” She presses some buttons on the tablet she carries around.
“You have a prescription here for after PT, if you want to use it. It’s a light pain medication, but it won’t knock you out or anything. It’s basically a stronger dose of ibuprofen.”
“That’s fine.”
“Okay, let me grab it, and I’ll meet you in your room.”
I nod and head back to Mia.
Only I don’t find her on the couch ready to watch TV. She’s standing next to my bed with the letter in her hands, tears in her eyes, and reading it. My stomach sinks, as all the guilt rushes back over me mixed with anger.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I yell.
Mia jumps and looks at me. The look in her eyes is one I can’t handle. Pity and sadness. This is why I don’t talk about Brian.
“I’m sorry it was on the floor, and I picked it up…”
“You had no right to read that.” I snap at her, not letting her finish her sentence.
“I’m so sorry. I was just trying to pick it up, since it fell…”
“Do you read people’s personal things? I didn’t ask you to go through my stuff.” I yell at her again. The more she talks, the angrier I seem to get.
She sets the letter on my bed, and with a look I hate seeing, knowing I put it there, she runs past me out of the room with tears on her face. The moment I see the heartbroken expression on her face, it in turn breaks my heart, but my anger prevents me from doing anything about it.
Kaitlyn walks in and hands me my medication and some container of the rub.
“Just because you’re in pain doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.” She turns on her heel and marches right back out. Leave it to Kaitlyn to not sugarcoat it.
I take the medication, and then walk over to the bed, staring at the letter, where Mia left it. When was the last time I read it? It’s been at least a week. The more I hung out with Mia, the less I felt like I had to read it.
I pick up the letter, sit down on the edge of the bed, and once again, I start to read.
Teddy,
As you know, before we can deploy, we have to set up our will.
When my parents died, they left me everything. The family estate, the family money, and the business.
I don’t have any family left, so I have been tossing and turning, trying to figure out whom to leave it all to in the event that the unthinkable happens, while we’re overseas.
And every time, my mind comes back to you. You were the first friend I had out of boot camp, and you never treated me differently, because of who my parents were. I’m pretty sure you were harder on me, because of it.
You always had time to listen to me, when I needed to talk, and you were always the first one to play cards with me, when we had nothing else to do, even if you sucked at poker.
If you’re reading this letter, then I’m gone, and it’s all yours. I know you will do great things with this money and the company.
Though, I know Knoxville isn’t where you had planned to set up your life. So, if you still don’t plan to live there, sell the house, and do what makes you happy. I set the company up with a board of directors, and it will run itself. You’ll need to pop your head in a few times a year.
If you can move into the house and learn the company, the guys on the board are more than willing to help you learn.
Either way, this money isn’t meant to be a burden. I want to give you freedom. The freedom to do whatever you want to do, and the freedom to be anything you want to be.
Thank you for everything you have done for me and for taking care of me over the years. Now, it’s my turn to take care of you.
Cheers,
Brian Musgrove
He had one more year left on his tour, and then he was going to get out of the military and run the company his parents left him. He was so excited about it and talked about it nonstop.
Every call he’d make was to the CEO for updates. They sent him letters of things going on. He was born to run that company.
He should have survived that blast, not me. I don’t deserve this, because I didn’t keep him safe. If I hadn’t walked over to the door to see if we could make a run for it, I would have died right beside him. Or I could have pushed him out of the way.
When the attorney visited me in the hospital, he told me the estate was valued at 5.2 billion dollars. Billion.
Overnight, I was a billionaire, and I didn’t deserve it. What type of person profits off his friend’s death? A death that was his fault.
I set the letter down, and the next thought that crosses my head is the look on Mia’s face, as she left the room, and the tears running down her cheeks.
She was the first person I had met who understood a small piece of what I was going through, but even she couldn’t understand it all.
How can I walk into that boardroom in Brian’s place, when it’s my fault he isn’t there?
Chapter 10
Mia
With tears streaming down my face, I run out of Oakside and don’t stop, until I get back to Lexi and Noah’s. I know they’re back at Oakside still, so I sit on the front porch, not ready to go inside and be completely alone. Every night we spent out here, has been relaxing, and I’m hoping it will calm me now.
I can’t believe what I read. His best friend was in the unit with him and died. He left him everything. I don’t know how much the house and the company are worth, but it sounded like it was enough for him to live on. For him to be able to do whatever he wants, when he gets out of Oakside.
He hadn’t mentioned this to anyone. The letter also looked like it at been read over and over at least a hundred times. I think that’s what d
rew me to it, because he held on to it. At first, I thought maybe it was a letter from someone in his unit or an old girlfriend. I really can’t explain what compelled me to open it and read it. Just that I could tell it was important.
From what I read, the letter explains that he’s not only suffering from basic survivor’s guilt, but it’s magnified quite a bit. He’s also blaming himself is my guess. He doesn’t seem to want to take over this company and step into his friend’s shoes. If he doesn’t get better, and if he stays here at Oakside, then he doesn’t have, too. I don’t think he consciously made that leap, but in the back of his mind, it’s there.
Curling up on the porch swing, I close my eyes. What if I were in his position? What if when Julie died, she had left me everything like that? It would have been life changing for sure, but I can understand it taking a while to deal with it, before being ready to step into that role.
I’m not sure how I would have handled it if I were in his shoes. He didn’t just lose his best friend, but he lost several guys. From what I can tell, he feels like their deaths are his fault, even if he hasn’t come right out and said it.
It was the same, when Julie died. I felt like it was my fault no matter how many people told me it wasn’t. I wasn’t driving. I didn’t give her the alcohol, and I didn’t have any control over the situation. Mentally, I know that, but there was always a voice in the back of my head, whispering that it was my fault.
All this thinking of Julie brings the memories rushing back, and the tears start flowing down my face yet again. Welcoming the pain, I let them flow. The pain reminds me that she was real, that she lived, and I’m carrying on for both of us now.
I don’t know how long I lay on the porch swing crying, but the creak of the wood steps, as someone walks up the porch, stops me. I wipe my eyes, before opening them, expecting to find Lexi or Noah coming home, but instead, it’s the last person I expect to see. It’s Teddy standing in front of me.
He has his hands in his pockets, and he looks unsure. I scoot to one side of the swing and motion for him to sit on the other. It’s a bit of a long walk, and his legs have been hurting him, especially since he was already in pain from his PT today.
If he wants to talk, he will have to be the one to speak first. So, I wait and don’t speak. Finally, he sighs and scoots next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side. As mad as I want to be at him, I still go willingly. I feel like he needs this, as much as I do.
“I hate to hear you crying, and I’m sorry I’m the cause for those tears.” He says softly in my ear.
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything, hoping maybe he’ll keep talking. I also have no intention of telling him those tears weren’t because of him, and they were for Julie. Let him think what he wants.
“When I walked in and saw you holding that letter, it was like my two worlds collided. Brian’s attorney visited me in the hospital not long after I was stateside, gave me that letter, and then explained everything. I’ve read that letter three or four times a day ever since, until I met you.”
I let that sink in. I want to choose my words carefully, because he seems ready to open up, and I want him, too. He needs to talk about this more than he knows.
“Me? Why?”
“When I read the letter, it was like a punishment, reminding myself why I don’t deserve to be happy. Brian was so excited to take over the company, and he talked about it all the time. When we were deployed, he was in touch with the CEO constantly. Even before his parents died, he was going to get out and go work with his dad and learn the ropes. The company was in his blood.”
Pausing, he takes a deep breath, “That day we were on patrol and took cover in an abandoned building, when the gunfire broke out. We radioed in for help, but it was going to take a while for them to get to us. We fought for a good hour with no casualties. Then, everything went silent. Too quiet.” He pauses again, and I wrap my arm around his waist, hoping to offer a bit of comfort.
I don’t dare say anything for fear he will stop talking.
“While I went to check out if it was safe for us to leave, I told everyone to stay where they were. I moved to the other end of the building, and to the back door to take a peek. But I had barely cracked the door, when the explosion happened. I was thrown out of the door and don’t remember anything, until I woke up in the hospital in Germany. That’s where they told me I was the only survivor.” His voice is shaky, and there are tears on his face.
I sit up and gently wipe them away.
He lets me touch him and offer comfort, but he won’t look into my eyes.
“I should have stayed and died with them,” he says.
My heart breaks for him, and I’m shocked for a moment. I tighten my grip on him and say the first thing that comes to mind.
“I’m glad it wasn’t you. You don’t see it, but I think I needed to find you just as much as you needed to find me. Who would have the company, if you were gone, too? Brian picked you for a reason.”
He just shakes his head and says, “When I got to the hospital here, Brian’s attorney visited, and I asked him that question. He said that he had a second will made because we were deploying together, so in the event we both had died, there were provisions made. The attorney also told me the company would have been left to the CEO and his family’s estate, and the money donated to a list of charities. I’ve been thinking of doing that and washing my hands of it, but I can’t touch any of it for a year per the terms. It’s like Brian knew.”
“Maybe, he did know,” I say. “But think of it this way. How about all the good you could do with that money and with the company? Look at Owen. He’s able to help places like this and change people’s lives. He and Ellie don’t let the money control them. It can be a burden, yes, but only if you let it.”
He remains silent, and feeling a need to fill the silence, I continue.
“Let’s look at it a different way. No matter what you decide, Brian gave you a gift to be able to do whatever you want in life. His estate and the money could help a lot of foster kids. You could make a camp or even a group home to help them out. Fund after school activities or scholarships.”
“How do you do it?” He asks.
“Do what?”
“See the bright side of everything. I’ve been thinking on this for months and never thought about it this way.”
“I’m on the outside looking in. The view is always different from here.”
We swing in comfortable silence before I ask the next question on my mind.
“Is this the first time you’ve talked about all this?” He just nods.
Chapter 11
Teddy
She’s the first person I have told everything to, and she isn’t running. In fact, she snuggled into me even more, but still hasn’t said anything. For now, I soak up her comfort, because I need it more than I can ever tell her.
“You feel guilty about it all?” She asks.
“Yeah.”
“Because you survived?”
“Yes. His parents died, and he had one more year before he could get out and take over. He was so excited to do it, too. That was going to be his last deployment, and he was counting on me to get home safe.”
That moment he hugged me before we went on patrol that day, still haunts me. There was so much trust in his eyes. He trusted me to have his back, and I let him down.
“He gave you a blessing, even if you don’t see it right now. You have a new start. Something so many here don’t. Even if this isn’t the path that you want, Brian has provided for you to have the ability to do anything. So many of the guys are terrified of their next steps from Oakside, because they have nothing. You have a new start,” she says.
I don’t say anything. She isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know. Which is exactly why the guilt plagues me every time I think about it. Why me? Why should I have this opportunity?
“You could do so much good with that money, and you
could do it in Brian’s name.” Those words catch my attention.
“I get the guilt,” she continues. “But you need to start seeing this for the blessing it is. Anything you do with this money can help so many other people. I think that would be a great way to honor Brian, don’t you?”
I can only nod, because my throat feels like it’s on fire, as I fight back another round of tears. Instead of saying anything, I lean over and kiss her. This girl has a way of pushing me, when I need it. She gets the situation because she’s lived through something similar and came out on the other side to become this beautiful, sparkling person. I just hope I can come out on the other side half as great as she did.
What was supposed to be a sweet, soft kiss quickly turns into something more, when she wraps her arms around my neck and turns her body to press into mine.
The longer we kiss, the harder I get. She must be feeling it because she moves and straddles my cock. Suddenly, I’m aware that we’re exposed and out in the open, where anyone walking or driving up can see us.
“Where’s your room?” I ask, breaking the kiss.
She kisses me once more, before standing up and taking my hand. Reaching down, I adjust myself, so I can at least walk a bit more comfortably. She leads me around the side of the house and unlocks the door, bringing me into a small apartment.
“You have this place to yourself?” I ask, shutting the door behind me.
“Yes.”
“Good.” In one swoop, I lift her up and sit her on the small table in the breakfast nook.
She lets out a little squeal, before my mouth is back on hers, and she wraps her legs around my hips. Pulling her to the edge of the table, I want as little space between us as possible.
Her breasts pressing against my chest, and her soft lips against mine, make me forget everything. Any pain and the guilt are all gone, and that’s because of her.
I slowly run my hands up under her shirt, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin against my hands. Mia must like it too, because in one quick movement, she whips her shirt off, leaving her in her dark blue lace bra. My mouth waters seeing her gorgeous tanned skin, and those luscious breasts encased in her sexy bra.