by K. L. Kreig
No…this is my fucking future we’re talking about here.
My life.
My happiness.
My color.
I honestly never used to think about my future. There were no tomorrows, no dreams, no light at the end of my fucking suffocating tunnel. Hell, I wasn’t sure I’d live to see another day when I closed my eyes at night. Those black days are gone, behind me, and while I may not be part of the underworld anymore, I still hadn’t stopped looking too far ahead, mainly because that destination was a bleak and lonely place. For the first time ever, though, I’m looking at the future. Looking forward to the future. Greedily anticipating it with growing impatience.
And Addy’s in it. Hell…she’s it, period.
So I’ll fight to the death to get her. I’ll do anything and everything I can think of to make her believe I don’t have feelings for anyone else but her. No matter what crap she tries to spew, I know she wants this too. Along with being a horrible slob, she’s a terrible liar. She cares about me. More than she wants to admit. I see it plain as day.
What Addy doesn’t understand yet is I play for keeps. Once I set my mind to something, nothing takes me off course. My path to destruction was powered by betrayal. My path to redemption ironically fueled by hate.
I’ve fought a lot of battles in my life. Some internal, some with real-life monsters. Eventually, I won every single one of them, yet I intuitively know this thing with Addy is different. This is all-out war.
I think about the ink I ironically have scrolled in Latin on the left side of my torso: Sed in bello confecto bello furit. The battle may be won, but the war rages on.
I got that to remind myself that regardless of the battles I’ve won to this point, they came with a high price. My soul. My internal demons are still at war and they’re a constant I fight. But my fireball has single-handedly calmed them, blinded them so they’re shrinking in the shadows and I can finally breathe.
It hit me this morning, as I climbed into her bed and tugged her back into me, that all the battles I’ve fought up until this point have been to prepare me for the big one. The only one that really matters.
Getting the girl. My girl.
I want her. Hell, I need her. I intend to win this fucking war, win her, living the rest of my life in blessed peace with her by my side.
So settle in, fireball. You’re in for one hell of a wild ride.
Chapter 19
Time got away from me. I don’t know how long I sat on the bathroom floor before I pulled myself up and stumbled into the shower. I blindly went through the motions, functioning on autopilot.
Well…maybe not quite so blindly.
All I could think of while washing my hair was how Luke’s fingers felt tightly wound around the long strands, positioning me so our mouths fit perfectly.
All I could remember when scrubbing my body was how his molten eyes singed me as they slowly traveled over each inch of me, his branding left behind.
All I could feel when my own hand dove between my legs and relieved the fevered ache that had built to unbearable proportions was Luke’s mouth on my center when he had me pinned to the kitchen wall, writhing in unspeakable pleasure.
Once back in my room, I got waylaid for five minutes when Cooper called. The conversation went something like this:
“Jesus Christ, Addy, I was seriously getting ready to call the fucking cops. I’ve been calling and texting you all goddamned night. Are you okay?”
Oh shit. Other than my fleeting guilt that I was about to fuck another man after being on a date with him, I didn’t give Cooper a second thought, even though I vaguely recall my phone ringing repeatedly when Luke’s fingers were inside me, working me to deliciously euphoric places.
“Ah, yes. I’m fine.”
Silence.
Uncomfortable silence.
“Are you and he…?”
“Are we what?” God, Addy. Really?
“I didn’t realize you were dating someone.” Did I imagine it or did his voice just turn rock hard?
“I’m not dating anyone, Cooper,” I sigh. True. A one-night stand does not equal dating.
“Then why was he there? He seemed pretty possessive for someone you’re not dating.”
“He’s bipolar.” I want to laugh at my joke because sometimes I wonder if it’s true.
“How did he get in?” he hedges, still obviously trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Well, join the confusion club. It’s swirling like fucking mad in here and I could use a friend.
“He, uh…sort of lives here.”
“What do you mean, ‘sort of’?”
“He’s my roommate. It’s a long story.” One I don’t even know myself.
“Okay.” He draws out the word, making it more like a question. “But you’re not dating him?”
“No.” Why do I feel guilty when I say that?
“Well then can I ask you out again sometime?”
“Cooper—”
“No. Don’t say no right away, Addy. I really like you and I had a great time last night. Just think about it and I’ll call you sometime soon, okay?”
I’m quiet for a few beats before responding quietly. “Okay.”
“You’re sure everything is all right?”
No. Not by a long shot. “Yes. Everything is fine.”
After I hang up, I stand there more confused than ever. Even though I repeatedly tell myself last night with Luke meant nothing, I was just sex-starved and Sin Personified himself propositioned me, I can’t make myself believe it. Especially after what happened in the bathroom an hour ago.
Donning black yoga pants and a mint green pullover with my hair tugged haphazardly in a high ponytail, I finally pull myself together and rush out of my room. It’s almost ten o’clock and by this time, I’m sure Mrs. Ruffalo will be minutes away from a stroke.
When I reach the end of the hallway, however, I freeze, almost toppling over at the abruptness of my faltering steps.
I’m not at all surprised to see Luke in the kitchen, acting all domestic and as comfortable as if he didn’t just elbow his way into my home, my life, and my heart. While his sheer masculine beauty is enough to freeze every muscle I have—except my inner ones—that’s not what has me stopping in my tracks.
It’s the fact that Madge, my eighty-five-year-old paranoid neighbor, is sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter with a steaming cup of coffee, chewing Luke’s ear off like they’re old friends.
Not once in the four years I’ve lived here has Madge set foot in my apartment…and it’s not for lack of trying. I ask her every single time I take her out and she always politely refuses. She’s somewhat of a recluse, actually, rarely leaving her dingy little apartment, except when I take her for an errand and an occasional weekday jaunt to the senior center to play scrabble. From the sounds of it, her kids don’t even visit her all that often. It’s sad how many of the elderly are forgotten, really.
I stand there like a party crasher, eavesdropping on their conversation. Eavesdropping? Hell…I’m not eavesdropping! I live here, dammit. If anyone’s the interloper here, it’s Luke, and now he’s gone and stolen my date for the day.
Damn him.
“She sounds lovely, Madge.”
Madge? Did he just call her Madge? I didn’t even know Madge’s first name for almost a whole year! I’m feeling irrationally jealous about the fact he’s not only wormed his way into my life and my bed but now, he’s stealing my little pet project, too.
Oh my God. A thought hits me like a ton of bricks as I stand here watching the laid-back interaction between the two of them. If Luke Colloway, the tatted, long-haired gorgeous man with the eyebrow piercing and perpetual scruff can charm the panties off my frail, skittish, little old neighbor, I don’t stand a chance in hell against his sensual onslaught.
“I’ve only seen her once since she was born. If Milton were still alive, we’d see more of her, but I can’t drive. Never even had my license, you know. It may
sound old-fashioned to you, but in my day the men drove. Don’t you be thinking that made me soft, though. I loved Milton, but that man couldn’t find his way out of a paper sack if it were left wide open and there were flashing signs leading the way. He may have done the driving, but I did the bossing.”
Luke laughs and the sound zings straight to my nipples, making them tingle. “I don’t think a lot’s changed between your time and now, Madge. Most women I know still have their man firmly by the balls, but I think most of them are okay with that if it’s the right woman doin’ the tuggin’.”
My lungs seize as my mouth falls open. It’s only in part due to what he said, as I’m not sure his saying “balls” in front of an old woman is appropriate. It’s that he lifted his eyes to mine as he said it, and they are as full of fire and passion and steadfast resolve as they were an hour ago. It’s so potent it almost knocks me on my ass.
I manage to unfreeze my feet and am charging my way across the living room when Madge swivels in her seat, facing me. “Oh, Addy, dear, you should have told me your boyfriend was moving in. He’s an absolute treasure.”
I stop between them, my brows drawn together in confusion. My eyes snap to Luke. “My boy—”
“Morning, beautiful,” he interrupts. His smoky voice drips with want and potent hunger and even Madge would have to be stupid to miss it. And Madge may be old, but stupid she is not.
“Look, I don’t know what he to—”
I’m suddenly cut off when I’m yanked into Luke’s solid chest by the nape of my neck. His soft lips land on mine, pushing my protest back with his tongue. I’m momentarily stunned before my ovaries cheer wildly and I melt into him, blindly following where he leads.
He breaks the kiss and it takes my heavy lids a few seconds to catch up and open. When they do, my stomach free falls at the barefaced yearning swirling in his multifaceted speckled depths. I’m not sure how long we stand there lost in each other before Madge pipes up, breaking our thrall.
“Ah, young love. I remember when my Milton used to kiss me like he would die without his lips on mine. You two remind me so much of us at your age,” she says wistfully.
I want to tell Madge we’re not together, not in that sense of the word, but I don’t. I want to deny that it’s love I’m feeling, but I can’t. And the satisfaction that I’m not refuting a word of what she says is written all over Luke’s smug face. Bastard.
He leans down to my ear, grating, “You look good enough to eat, fireball.” My thighs clench, remembering it wasn’t long ago he was doing just that. Then, pressing a lingering kiss to my temple, he drops his hold on me and walks back to the counter to grab his cup. With one hand tucked under the opposite armpit, he brings the steamy mug to his tilted lips and leans back casually like he didn’t just ratchet my body temp up by five degrees.
“Your Luke is very handy, you know?”
Oh boy, do I ever. And why does it feel so good for her to call him mine?
“Is that so?” I ask, taking the cup of coffee Luke hands me, which I didn’t realize he poured. I look down at the caramel liquid in my own mug to see it’s just how I like it. When I taste it, it’s simply divine. The best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.
My eyes lift to his. He smiles softly. I fall further under his enchanted spell.
“It’s an organic Ethiopian blend,” he offers.
“It’s delicious. Better than Folger’s,” I mumble, before taking another decadent sip.
“Yeah, about that. I kinda threw that crap out. I figured since we’ll be sharing a coffee pot, I’ll buy the good stuff. If that’s okay?” he adds quickly.
I cock a brow. “You’re asking after you already threw it out?” Typical Luke move.
“It’s better to beg forgiveness later than ask permission first, fireball.”
That makes me genuinely laugh. “Yes, I’m figuring out that’s your MO.” Our gazes collide and hold. The sexual tension is palpable, the sizzle of it crackling on my skin.
“So, how long have you two been together?” Madge asks innocently.
“We aren’t—”
“It’s relatively new,” he interrupts. He does that a lot. “But I knew when I first laid eyes on my Addy that she was the only one for me.”
Oh.
“Luke,” I whisper, barely audible.
“Addy, dear, did Luke tell you he fixed the locks on my door and my ceiling fan? That landlord is worthless. Your man has only been here a week and already he’s fixed the light in the entryway and had the security system repaired. He even gave Elda’s little Rachel a few tips on learning to ride her bike earlier this week.”
I look back to Luke in utter shock and he actually looks a bit embarrassed. “No, he didn’t tell me.”
“Yes, he’s very handy with a tool belt.”
His embarrassment quickly morphs into cocky and I can’t help but chuckle again.
“Yes, he certainly knows how to use his tools,” I say, my face full of heat. At that, Luke full-on laughs and I swear I want to bottle the sound, so I can uncork it and listen to it anytime I want.
I shake my internal head at the way I’m acting. I need to get the hell out of here, before I do something really stupid, like feign sickness so Madge leaves and I can ask Luke to demonstrate his mechanical proficiencies on me. Again and again.
I look at the clock and note it’s now 10:20. I take one final drink of my delicious brew and set it down. “Luke, thanks for keeping Madge company. You ready to go?” I ask, looking at my sweet neighbor.
“Oh, I’m coming with you, fireball,” he declares, setting down his own cup before closing the distance between us.
“Uh, that’s not necessary, Luke. Madge and I have been managing for years on our own.” Dammit, I need to get away from him, not spend the day doing “couple” things that will just draw me further into his sticky web. It’s already clinging in too many places.
“It’s already been decided. We need to stop by the hardware store and pick up a new sink stopper and a light switch for Madge’s kitchen. The one she has keeps shorting out and is a fire hazard.”
I stand mute.
As I watch him gently help Madge down from the stool, I start to realize Luke is a force to be reckoned with. One I won’t be able to stop. I realize he means every heated word he spoke in the bathroom.
He intends to fight for me.
Standing close, my heart leaps when he leans down and whispers in my ear. “For the record, you look absolutely stunning when you blush.”
Then he slips his hand in mine and pulls us toward the door like this is something we’ve done a hundred times over. I can’t stop the feeling of completeness that rushes hotly through me.
With every new facet I learn about the mysterious Luke Colloway, I can’t help the gnawing feeling in my very gut that I’ve finally found my someone.
Would it really be so bad to let go of my reservations and see where this sizzling chemistry between us leads? Can I possibly lay my heart on the line again when I’m absolutely certain no one would be able to destroy it like Luke? Should I give him a chance? Us a chance?
I don’t know.
Everything inside me wants to, but I just don’t know.
Chapter 20
“Hi, Mom,” I greet when she answers my call.
“Luke!” I hear the smile in her voice. It’s contagious, my own lips turning up. “How are you, my sweet boy?”
There’s rustling in the background and I wonder what my energetic mother is up to now. Probably in the kitchen making something for a church bake sale or the community center she volunteers at.
“I’m good, Mom. You sound busy.”
“No, no, just baking some sweets to take to the community center, you know.”
Bingo. God, I don’t love anyone like I do my mother. She’s an incredible, incredible lady and has been my strength to get through some very dark times, whether she knows it or not. I may have abandoned my family, but my mom never abandoned me. Nev
er. No matter what I did or the vile things I said when I was a bratty teenager, she always forgave me. I’ve kept in touch with her regularly over the years, even though I didn’t see her as much as I wanted. She epitomizes unconditional love.
“How’s Chicago? Your business? Your brothers? Livia? Tell me everything.”
I laugh at my mother’s feistiness. Barb Colloway has a heart of pure twenty-four-carat gold, but she’s not someone you want to cross or she’ll come at you with both guns blazin’ hot. God knows she put my brothers and me in our places more times than I can count over the years. She is the underlying machinery that keeps our family together. That one critical linchpin that, if lost, causes the whole damn thing to fall apart.
It hits me that Addy is a lot like my mom and my heart swells from the feelings I’m rapidly developing for her. Now, the reason I’ve been so drawn to her makes perfect sense. Addy’s not only my color, she’s my missing pin. I think about the intricate, interlocking gears I had her brother, Eric, tattoo on my back. I got them with my mom in mind, but it’s applicable to Addy as well. Kinda strange how that works, just like the battle tat.
“I like it here. Better than I thought I would.” Yeah, because the woman you’re falling in love with is right within your grasp, living right under your nose. “Got a big contract signed last week with a local law firm and I’m so busy I’ve had to hire two more investigators.”
“Fantastic! I’m so happy for you, Luke. You deserve success.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You find a church yet?”
Our family grew up Catholic and we religiously attended church every weekend without fail. It may sound odd, but that’s one of the things that’s stuck with me all these years and it hasn’t escaped my notice that my brothers did not follow in those footsteps our parents laid.
I fell away from the church for a period of time. Around twenty-one, I started going again as much as I could. I’m not a bible-thumping freak or anything, but especially when I worked for Peter, I almost never missed a week, sometimes going more than once a week. It was the only thing that kept me sane and grounded. It was the only thing that kept my faith strong that I would actually survive hell and come out the other side alive.