by K. L. Kreig
“But your mom…?”
“Doesn’t know. As far as I know, anyway. And neither do my brothers.”
“But how?” I ask, now back on my elbow, gazing down at him.
“I caught him. Well, not in the act, but with the woman in his home office paying her off. I was sixteen, just two weeks shy of my seventeenth birthday, and it was a perfect fall day. I remember being pissed because I was sick and was going to miss the football game that night. I had a hundred two temp. After talking to my mom, the school nurse sent me home. I had my own car so I drove myself. Mom was helping at a church funeral and wasn’t home. When I pulled into the driveway, I saw a strange car sitting there beside my dad’s.
“My dad was never home during the day. Hell, a lot of nights he didn’t get home until eight or nine o’clock. When I walked through the door, I immediately knew something was wrong. I could hear them yelling, even from the kitchen. My dad’s office was right down the hall and I didn’t have to take but a few steps to hear the whole sordid conversation.
“She said she still loved him, after all these years. He denied ever sleeping with her. Hell, he denied even knowing who she was. Who does that? I mean…did he cheat on my mom so many times that he didn’t remember who he slept with? I felt absolutely sick to my stomach that this was my father.”
“What happened?” I ask softly.
“Long story short, she said the kid was his and she had pictures of them doing the nasty together and she’d be more than happy to show his wife, destroy his family, his business, his reputation. He asked to see them and they must have been pretty damning because the next thing I know he was asking her how much it would take to make her go away.”
“You’re kidding me?” I ask disbelievingly. I didn’t know Luke’s dad, but it’s hard for me to wrap my head around this perfect family and how his dad would or could do such a thing.
“I wish I was. A few minutes later, I hid in the pantry so they wouldn’t see me, but I saw them. I saw her. I will never forget the smug look on her tear-streaked face. A face that’s forever singed in my memory. I honestly wasn’t sure who I was more pissed with at the time. Him for cheating or her for extortion.”
“Oh, Luke. I’m so sorry.”
“Sometimes I wish I’d remained in the dark like the rest of my family. I wonder how my life would have turned out otherwise. I guess that wasn’t how my cards were meant to play out. That was the turning point for me, Addy. I took everything I’d worked for and flushed it down the damn toilet. I was angry, disillusioned, and I acted out. I cut off my family emotionally. I distanced myself from Gray, my own goddamned right arm. I started not caring about school, started hanging out with the bad crowd and, no offense, that’s when I met your brother.”
I smile sadly. “No offense taken.”
“Things went downhill fast for me and I got mixed up in a worse crowd, did a lot of things I’m not proud of. Things I wish I could go back and change so I could be a better man for you. A man you really deserve.”
“Stop,” I spit angrily. Straddling him, I take his face in my hands. “Just stop it right there, Luke. You are a good man. The best man I’ve ever known, so please don’t say that.”
He shakes his head, taking my hands off his face, gathering them in his. “That’s the thing, fireball, I’m not a good man. I may be now, but I wasn’t. For years, I was the furthest fucking thing from good. I have a criminal past.”
“I don’t care.”
“You would,” he says somberly. “If you knew some of the things I did, you would care. You’re honest and pure of heart.”
I sit up straight, dragging my hands out from under his and look at him for what seems like forever, not understanding where this conversation has suddenly headed. Minutes ago he was telling how much he loved me and now it feels as if he’s trying to push me away.
“Are you trying to scare me away?”
“Fuck no. No. I may not deserve you, but I’m not letting you go either. The thought of someone else having you, I just…I can’t even go there in my mind. I knew the moment I laid eyes on you that you were mine, Addy. The very second our eyes connected. I tried to be honorable and stay away from you, because you can do so much better than a guy like me, but I just couldn’t. When I told you in the kitchen that I need you, I mean I need you. I don’t have a life anymore without you in it.
“But I also just want you to understand the circumstances that have shaped the broken, flawed man you see before you and I guess…” He averts his eyes for a moment and when they return I’m gutted—every mask he wears is gone, and I swear I can see right into his life-ravaged soul. “I guess I want you to tell me that you’ll still love him anyway because you’re the first and the last woman I will ever truly love, fireball. If you choose to leave, well, then I guess I can’t stop you; I’ll never stop fighting for you either.”
“This is war, huh?” I ask almost teasingly, remembering our text exchange last night.
I expect a cocky remark, but I don’t get it. Instead, I get steely resolution. “Until the bitter end.”
My heart hurts. I lean down, running my fingers through his long, dark hair. “Do you remember when you told me yesterday that I don’t realize how special I am?”
“Yes,” he rasps thickly.
“I think you don’t realize how incredibly special you really are, Luke Colloway. You’re honorable and loyal and amazingly perceptive. I’ve never met anyone else who has as much emotional and spiritual depth as you do or who has the sheer drive to get what he wants. It’s just a bonus you’re wickedly talented in both the kitchen and the bedroom.”
He laughs, grabbing my sides until I squeal. “We all have a past, Luke, and I think we’d be hard-pressed to find a person who wasn’t ashamed of at least some of it, myself included. Your mistakes don’t make you undeserving. They just make you you. Human. Imperfect like everyone else. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you and you’re going to have to try a lot harder than this to get rid of me. I’m a stage-fifty clinger now.”
I press my lips to his and sigh when his palm finds my head. I let him take over, slanting me so we fit perfectly. He increases the depth, sweeping his tongue over mine. I let him flip me over, spreading my legs with his. He fills me, completes me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I let him take me, own me, and love me, both of us whispering our devotion on choppy, hoarse breaths as we reach that incredible summit together once again.
As we lie in each other’s arms and I drift off, I feel truly and wholly loved for the first time in my life by someone other than my father and my brother. Luke’s been showing me his feelings for weeks with his actions, but I’ve been pretending that wasn’t really what he was saying. I’ve been protecting myself from heartache and despair, trying to convince myself I didn’t need a man, need him to truly make me happy when nothing could have been further from the truth.
I now know I won’t ever be happy again without him.
Even when I told him I wasn’t dancing anymore, I still held a bit me of back, but no more. I’m all in. I believe and I will trust that what we have is pure and long lasting and real.
Today I finally gave him all of me, and I think he knows it.
Chapter 36
I sit in the Monroe kitchen at the same scratched up table, looking at the same appliances and the same yellow-green linoleum floor with the same breadbox on the counter, memories rushing back like stage-five rapids. I don’t know how many times we sat in this kitchen smoking pot or snorting coke when Eric’s dad was gone, planning the next stupid thing we were going to do.
Addy’s upstairs packing, having already talked to her dad who was surprisingly fine with the whole thing. Bob and I always did get along pretty well, even if I was just a fucked-up kid at the time. Call it parental intuition, but I think he knew I needed a father figure for a few years when I was little more than a lost boy.
Eric walked in just a few minutes ago and as far as he knows, I’m here to see
my drawing. Addy wanted to handle this alone; there’s no way in hell I’m letting her do that. We’re a team now and we’ll handle things as such.
“Beer?”
“Not if it’s the shit you drink.” For some reason, Eric hasn’t moved past Pabst Blue Ribbon and I simply cannot drink that horse piss. I didn’t even like it when I was drinking it years ago. I love Eric like a brother, but his taste in beer plain sucks.
“You used to drink that shit,” he jibes, grabbing a can of utter crap from the fridge.
“Used to being the operative word. I grew up.”
“Fuck off, LC. Sorry, man. Dad doesn’t have anything else besides PBR.”
“Don’t sweat it. You got the drawing?”
Eric reaches into his art folder he carries with him everywhere, extracts a colorful piece of paper, and hands it to me. I look it over for a couple of minutes, completely blown away. “Wow. Looks amazing, Eric. You’ve outdone yourself with this one.”
“You were worried. Admit it.”
“Nah. If I could trust anyone with this, it would be you.”
“So, ah…why the color? Why now?”
I look up from the sketch at one of my oldest friends, my girl’s brother, and think on how I should answer his question.
I’ve intentionally never wanted colored ink on my skin and Eric knows this. With every tattoo, he’s tried to talk me into something other than shades of black and I’ve refused. I don’t think I really understood why until I met Addy. When I say she’s my color, I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean she’s literally changed the way I see things. It’s as if I’ve put rose-colored glasses on for the first time and I don’t want to fucking take them off. They’re brilliant.
My eyes flit to the stairs, expecting Addy to bound down them like a five-year-old any minute. Her endless energy and zest for life are some of the many things I love about her.
She wanted to do this alone, I wanted to do this together. At this point, I think it’s best if I just come out and say it now so he can get his fucking hissy fit over with before he sees Addy and upsets her.
“It’s time.”
“Uh huh.” He takes a long drink of his brew. “Who is she?”
I knew that would be his natural reaction; he was the one who always told me my outlook would change when I met the right woman. I thought he was full of shit. Turns out he was right.
Well…here goes nothing.
I ease up from the table and make myself comfortable against the opposite countertop, crossing my arms. I need to be able to defend myself as I have no doubt Eric will be going for my jugular in five seconds. Probably would be if I were him too. “Addy.”
Beer and spit spray everywhere, droplets hitting me from across the room. Probably could have timed that little announcement better than when he was taking a swig.
“You’d better be fucking talking about another Addy and not mine.”
She’s not yours; she’s mine. She’ll only ever be mine.
I don’t answer. I don’t have to. Eric can see the truth in my eyes. He slams down his beer, foam pouring out of the mouth. “You fucking son-of-a-bitch! I’ve only ever asked one thing of you, LC. Stay away from my goddamn sister and you can’t keep your fucking snake in its cage?”
I say nothing. He’s right.
He starts pacing the small length of the kitchen, back and forth, back and forth like a wild caged animal, growling under his breath. Only thing missing is the froth sliding out the side of his mouth. “No. No. You break it off with her right now, Luke. Right fucking now.”
I stand taller. “I’m living with her. In the apartment.”
“Fuck! Fuck! No. Nope. You’re moving out first thing Monday.”
“Name’s on the lease, man. I’m not going anywhere.”
Eric gets up in my face and I ready myself for a well-placed strike. Eric’s one hell of a street fighter, just like me. “Well fucking break the lease or find someone else to take it over,” he spits between gritted teeth.
Eric and I are pretty evenly matched in bulk and height. I may have ten more pounds on him, but if we come to blows, we’ll both end up bloody and bruised. “Let’s get something straight. I’m not asking your permission, bro. We’re together and that’s how it is. I’m in love with her.”
“You’re not good enough for her!” he shouts. “Jesus Christ, Luke, I’ve tried to protect Addy from guys like us my whole fucking life. She deserves better than us. Better than you.”
“I know,” I mumble. I fucking know all of this, but it doesn’t change a thing. As long as Addy wants me, I won’t give her up. Not even to preserve my friendship with one of my oldest buddies. A guy who knows more about me than my family ever will. I’m willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her, and I know he sees that determination burning hot in my eyes.
Eric backs away, stopping dead in the middle of the room. If looks could kill, I’d be fifty shades of dead right now. Yeah, I went there.
We’re in a silent face-off when I feel her. As with ten years ago, I feel her eyes on me, warming me, breathing the very life into me. I feel her presence as keenly as if she’s wound her body tightly around mine. My cock jolts. He knows his mate is near. My gaze shifts from Eric toward the stairs to see her standing at the bottom, suitcase in hand.
She is so damn beautiful. My pride swells that this exquisite woman wants me, loves me. Me.
She’s changed into dark jeans and a pale yellow tee that says Old Navy on the front. Her hair’s pulled back into a messy ponytail and I smile when I see she’s wearing the stupidly—and I mean stupidly—priced designer heels I bought her and shoved in the bottom of her bag as a surprise. What a paradox. She’s wearing a ten-dollar shirt and a pair of fifteen-hundred-dollar shoes, and if anyone can pull it off, it’s Addy.
“What’s going on down here?” she asks, worried eyes volleying between Eric and me.
“You tell me, Leenie,” Eric grits.
I forgot about Eric’s nickname for Addy. Hell, for years that’s what I thought her name was. As I watch her stare down her brother, I wonder how much she’s heard.
“Eric, stop it. Right now.”
I guess enough.
“Stop what, Leenie? Stop protecting my sister from guys like him? Fuck no.” Eric points his thumb my way and I want to use it as leverage to bring him to his knees and make him apologize for upsetting Addy.
“Guys like him?” she spits venomously as she sidles right up to Eric. “Luke is your friend. Your best friend.”
“Was.” Eric’s jaw tics furiously. He may break a molar with how hard he’s grinding his teeth.
“You listen to me, Eric Lawrence Monroe. I am twenty-eight years old and I don’t need your protection anymore or your permission. What I do or who I sleep with is none of your damn business, so butt out.”
“Leenie…” he grabs her shoulders, gently shaking her. It’s taking everything in me not to rip his arms from their sockets. “He’s not good enough for you.”
She shakes her head furiously. “Why, Eric? Because he has a past, like you? Because he’s made mistakes, like you? Because he doesn’t deserve a chance at happiness since he made some bad decisions? Like you?”
He winces, starting to speak when Addy talks right over him. “No, Eric. Stop. I love you, but you’re wrong about Luke and I know deep down you know that. He’s been like a brother to you for almost half your life. And if he were standing here telling you about any other woman, I know you’d be happy for him. I know you’d be telling him he deserves her after the shit he’s been through, after getting his life back on track. So why doesn’t he deserve me? He’s the best man I’ve ever known, the best man you’ve ever known. I don’t give a shit about his past or who he was back then or what he’s done. It’s totally irrelevant to me.”
She pauses, eyes cast briefly down to the floor before pinning her brother to the wall with her hot stare again. “Not one of the guys I’ve ever been with has treated me like I actual
ly mean something until Luke. Not one, Eric. And it’s not your decision who I fall in love with.”
“Addy…” Eric sounds pained and I can’t say I blame him. If I had a little sister, I’d do everything I could to protect her from me, too.
I go to her side and pull her close, sighing when her arm snakes around my waist and she lays her head against me. Eric’s hard eyes find mine and fall to where my arm is wound around Addy, her body flush with mine. My lips find her hair. I press them to her, not caring that Eric watches on with fire and brimstone rolling out his ears.
“Leenie,” he sighs heavily. “I just…I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy, Eric,” she replies softly. “I’ve honestly never been happier. He’s who I’m supposed to be with. I know it. I feel it in every cell of my being. You know it’s true. Luke’s my firefly,” she says quietly.
Huh? There must be some inside story here.
“Fuck,” he curses in pained resignation.
His angry pools bounce back and forth between us and I have to suppress a laugh every time they land on mine. While they are still very much full of vitriol, I also see reluctant acceptance creeping its way in.
“Does Dad know?”
“Yes,” she clips. “He took it far better than you. Please be happy for me, Eric. I’m happy and isn’t that all that matters?”
Eric’s head falls against the white cupboards and the room becomes still. “You hurt her and I’ll take great pleasure cutting off your dick, friend or not.”
I nod once, fully aware that my manhood has been threatened twice today now. I feel a twinge and resist the urge to cup him in self-preservation. “Hurting her hurts me, bro.”
He’d blow a lung if he sighed any louder. “Well, I guess that’s that. I’ve failed as a big brother. All these years fucking wasted.”
And that’s when I know we have Eric’s blessing. It will take him a while to get completely used to the idea, but we will get over this hump in pretty short order. Not only will I keep my best friend, I’ll make a new brother, only official this time.