by K. L. Kreig
“Open up, fireball,” a deep, rumbly voice rings from the other side. I immediately yank the door open and am engulfed in Luke’s arms. “You okay, baby?”
“No,” I mumble into his chest. “But I’m better now.”
He steps in, shutting us back in our cocoon and holds me close.
“Thank you for being here.” It’s almost as hard for him to be here as it is for me. In fact, the entire Colloway clan, including the matriarch, is outside of this four by six room in a show of solidarity for me and for Landyn. When they all started showing up, I cried.
“Where else would I be?”
“I know it’s hard for you to be around her. I’m sorry.”
“This is about you, baby. Not me. And you have no reason to be sorry. Your sister made her own decisions. You had nothing to do with it.”
We’ve talked about this numerous times over the past week since we reconciled. We drove home early on Sunday morning and spent the rest of the day naked in bed, surprisingly mostly talking. I ran through the full gamut of emotions that day, completely wrung out by the time we fell asleep.
Elation and relief we were back together.
Disbelief and anger my sister could do such a horrible, callous thing.
Sadness for Landyn because she was deprived of a fatherly relationship.
Heartbreak and devastation at the fact Luke never had a chance to make amends with his father. It made me all the more thankful I was able to do so with my mom before her last breath.
“I’m just still so angry with her.”
“Understandable.”
“Landyn wants to move to Chicago. She needs some space from Sam for a while.”
“Then we’ll help her. Whatever she needs. She’s family.”
I smile into his chest. “Thank you, Luke.”
“No thanks necessary, fireball,” he replies, squeezing tight.
I sigh, sinking into him further. His strokes on my hair are hypnotic. I’d give anything right now to just sit on the floor in here and talk to him for hours. As if reading my mind, he slides his back down the door and settles me comfortably between his legs, my back to his front.
I lean my head against his shoulder and breathe an audible sigh of relief, entwining our hands together. The space is small and with Luke’s big frame, he has to bend one leg up so as not to hit the toilet, but I don’t care. Right now all I care about is this much-needed break from sadness with the only person who has ever made me feel whole. With each minute that passes, I feel more relaxed.
“What’s going on between our parents?” I ask. My dad is here, supporting his children even though he and my mom have been divorced for over two decades. It hasn’t escaped my notice that he and Barb have been kind of joined at the hip. The two of them have worked in tandem today to be sure food and drinks are filled and the garbage is picked up.
He chuckles, the vibration echoing through my body. “I can’t get a word out of my mom, other than she says they’re just friends. But I think that’s a load of bullshit. There’s no doubt they were on a date last Saturday night.”
“I think so, too. And he came to Chicago with your mom.”
“I know.”
“My dad denies they’re anything but friends, too.”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at her.” I hear the smile in his voice.
“And I’ve seen the way she looks at him.” I laugh.
“Huh.”
“Yeah. Huh. Kind of a weird twist of events, isn’t it?”
“I was thinking the exact same thing,” he says with wonder. “I think my dad would have liked your dad, Addy.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“You want to get back, sweetheart?” he asks, kissing the crown of my head.
I huff a laugh. “Do I want to? No. But I guess I probably should.” Neither of us makes a move. I take a deep breath, readying myself. There are things I want to tell Luke that I haven’t yet.
“You’ve given me things no one else has,” I say softly.
He’s quiet for a few seconds before responding saucily. “Which things, baby? A stuffed toy? A pair of stupidly expensive shoes? A dozen orgasms a day?”
I chuckle lightly. “No. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those, especially the orgasms, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”
He tightens his hold from behind. Kissing my temple, he encourages, “Tell me.”
“You make me feel cherished. Special. Like I’m the most important person in the world to you.”
“That’s because you are, Addy,” he whispers in my ear. Chills race down my arm at the feel of his breath on my skin.
“No one has ever done that.”
“No one?”
“Just you,” I whisper.
“Well then, we have a lot of firsts together, don’t we?”
I nod, trying to hold in my sobs.
Hooking a finger under my chin, he tilts my face up to kiss me softly. “You’ll always be first to me, Addy. Always. Don’t cry, baby.” He wipes away a stray tear, a happy one this time. “Just a couple more hours. Then I’m going to take you home and make love to you all night long.”
“All night?”
“Hell yeah.” He smiles, his eyes bright with love. Every time he looks at me like that I have to pinch myself that he’s real.
“Can we pick something from the list?” I ask sheepishly. Luke’s pretty damn creative, I’ll give him that. Some of the things he’s thought up for us to try make me blush just thinking about them.
A wicked grin curls his sexy mouth. “We can do whatever you want, fireball.”
“Whatever?”
“It’s your world, babe. I’m just living in it now.”
“That you are,” I tease. “And you’re okay with that?”
The devotion shining in Luke’s eyes would buckle my knees if I were standing. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, Addy. Thank you for giving me a chance. For coming back to me.”
“Thank you for waiting for me.”
“You’re worth waiting for.” He steals my breath every time he says sweet words like that. He closes the scant distance between us, touching his lips to mine. His kiss is long and sweet and at our angle, it’s a little awkward, but I couldn’t care less.
“I love you, Luke,” I mumble against his wet lips.
“I love you, too, fireball. Now come on.” He stands, pulling me off the floor. “The sooner we get back out there, the sooner we can get home and start checking off the boxes. I’m thinking maybe we try number thirteen tonight.”
I think for a minute, trying to recall what that one was. When it hits me, my eyes snap to his. I feel the blush crawl up my neck to my face. “You mean the one with the…”
“That’s the one,” he winks, a wolfish smile eating up his handsome face.
“Wow. Okay,” I breathe, anticipation now making my nipples and core tingle.
Clasping our hands together, he walks me back to the front of the house until we’re standing next to Eric, who is talking to Mrs. Kravitz, my elderly neighbor who had the bulldog I was in love with. She’s ninety-one and still going strong. Sam stands on the other side looking extremely uncomfortable, particularly with Luke close by.
Good.
I expect Luke to leave, going back to be with his family. Instead, he stays planted beside me, my hand still in his. When I look up questioningly, he tells me, “I’ll be by your side, okay?”
This is the last place I want to be, but as long as Luke is with me I know I’ll be able to get through absolutely anything life throws at me.
“Always?”
Smiling softly, he cups my cheek. “Always, Addy. Always.”
Epilogue
Two and a half months later…
“It’s gorgeous here, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I agree, but I’m not looking out at the shimmering greenish-blue ocean waters or the sun that’s setting behind it or the powder-fine sand beneath our bare feet.
I’m looking at her.
She looks angelic in the glowing light with her hair twisting in the light breeze. We’ve been in the Caribbean for the last three blissful days. Tonight is Asher and Alyse’s rehearsal dinner. Tomorrow they get married in front of their family and friends.
The past few weeks with Addy have been, dare I say, magical, and if all goes well, after tonight Addy and I will be the ones planning a wedding. I do have one more heavy weight I need to get off my shoulders before I can get down on one knee and ask the woman who has me completely tied in knots if she will do me the honor of becoming my wife.
It’s a conversation I should have had weeks ago. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to come clean. I haven’t because I’ve been afraid of losing her. The thought she may take this knowledge I’m about to give her and run scares the living shit out of me. Being without her for just those two weeks was agonizing. But being without her for life? Unfathomable.
However, if I’m going to ask her to tie herself to me for the rest of our days, I feel I owe it to her to make an informed decision. She needs to know exactly the type of man she’s marrying.
As we watch the last sliver of sun fall under the horizon, the sky turns a pink and purple hue. It’s beautiful, mesmerizing. Serene. A complete contrast to how I’m feeling inside.
I wrap my arms around her waist from behind. It will be easier to say what I have to if I’m not looking at her face. I embrace the shroud of darkness falling all around us and start. “I need to tell you something.”
Her fingers feather my forearms, her light touch setting my blood on fire.
“Sounds serious,” she teases.
“It is.”
My tone conveys my seriousness and she tries to turn, but I clamp my arms tight, holding her in place.
“Luke—”
“No. Stay like this.”
“Don’t say it,” she pleads. Her voice is shaky and unsure; her body now tense. “Whatever it is, I don’t want to know.”
“Addy, please. I have to say this.”
“No, you don’t. I don’t want to know.”
“You do.”
“Stop it. I’m happy. Don’t ruin things. Please.” Her broken begging almost undoes me, but I steel myself against changing course. I have to get this fucking weight off my chest and if I don’t do it now, I’m going to pussy out again.
“It’s about my past,” I continue undaunted.
“I don’t care about your past,” she tells me softly, trying to squirm away. I hold fast.
“Do you care if I killed someone?” I ask lowly. I didn’t intend to blurt it out like that, but I’m not exactly sure how you tell the person you’re in love with that you’re a killer. Not really a lot of good advice floating around on the Internet for that convo starter.
She freezes. My heart is pounding so hard there’s no way she can’t not feel it.
“Did you?”
“Yes,” I confess on a whisper.
“On purpose?”
“Yes.”
Silence. Jesus. I feel absolutely sick not knowing what’s running through her mind.
“Why?” she finally asks softly.
I almost sag in relief. I don’t hear judgment or condemnation in her voice and she has no way of knowing, but that’s the only possible way I could continue this conversation. Had I heard either of those, I know I would be leaving here alone.
“To save Livia.”
“What?” she breathes, drawing out the word in disbelief. I don’t blame her. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around it most days still.
We stand on Grace Bay Beach on the island of Turks and Caicos, over fifteen hundred miles from home, lulled by the waves of the ocean while I tell Addy about the worst period Livia and I ever experienced in our lives. I talked to Livia about this yesterday, because I didn’t want to divulge her secret to Addy without her consent. She gladly gave it, knowing how important it was for me to share this part of my life with Addy. For that, I will be forever grateful.
After I finish, she turns in my arms and I let her. Wrapping her long limbs around my neck, she looks me in the eye and says tersely, “Is that it?”
I nod, confused by her reaction.
“Good.” Then she puts her lips to mine, kissing me with purpose. She’s clearly in control here and for once, I let her be, simply enjoying the fact she wants to put her mouth anywhere on me after what I just admitted. She scatters kisses along my jaw murmuring, “You’re an honorable man, Luke Colloway.”
I’m not really sure what I expected, but it wasn’t that. “How can you—?”
“Don’t,” she scolds, pulling away so our eyes connect. “Now it’s your turn to listen, so you’re not going to say another word until I’m done. Got it?”
I smirk at my woman, yet remain quiet, nodding instead. Always so full of fire and I fucking love it. God, I love her.
“You’re a selfless, giving man who’s made mistakes. You’ve also made unimaginable sacrifices for those you love at great expense to yourself. You try to make it seem like nothing affects you, like you don’t care how the world sees you, but I’m onto you Luke Colloway. You do care. You care more than you want to admit. You are not undeserving or tainted or damned or damaged or broken or any other adjective you want to use to protect yourself. You’re pure and selfless and loyal and imperfect and worthy. And mine,” she adds.
I try to respond; she puts a finger to my lips.
“I accept who you are, who you were. You saved my best friend. You gave her a life with her husband and children, so I don’t think less of you or judge you, Luke. The fact you are even giving this vile person a second thought only reaffirms I was right about the incredible man you are. I love you, every perfect and imperfect part of you, but I want us to leave the past where it belongs. Let this last shackle go, Luke. Please. For me.”
She stops talking. I’m not sure if she’s done yet, so I say nothing.
“And the proper response to that is, ‘yes, Addy,’” she quips, smiling.
“Yes, Addy?” I laugh, tugging her closer.
“Or maybe, ‘God, how did I ever get lucky enough to fall in love with such a wise and wonderful woman?’ I’d take either of those, or something else along the same lines would also suffice.”
“I think the better response would be: How did I get lucky enough to have such a wise and wonderful woman fall in love with me?”
Even in the dark, I see her face radiate with pure happiness. “I think I fell in love with your sexy stubborn ass the minute you asked me how my day was when you barged your way into my apartment and my life.”
I grin smugly. “I thought you wanted me to move out.”
“I lied,” she shrugs nonchalantly. Oh, my lovely Addy. So hard to pull the truth out of her sometimes. Every day it gets easier. I know she’ll always be a challenge. I also know I’ll happily rise to it because everything about her makes me a better man.
An overwhelming need strikes me down. I don’t want to wait a second longer for my future to begin. With Asher’s blessing, I’d planned to get down in front of our entire family tonight, only this feels like the right moment instead. I nuzzle her ear. “I want to marry you.”
She goes rigid. “Do you now?”
“Have you been practicing like I asked?” Her breath catches when I suck the delicate skin right below her ear. I can get her to agree to anything when I nibble on this exact spot.
“Yes.”
“See? That’s not so hard now, is it?”
“No.” She’s breathless. I feel how fast her heart is pounding against my chest as if she knows exactly what’s coming next.
“Good.” Dropping to one knee, I hear her suck in a sharp breath, her tiny hands flying to cover her mouth. I pull out the small box that’s been burning a hole in my pants pocket for the last two hours.
“Oh my God,” she mumbles. Her watery gaze flits to it briefly but lands back on mine.
Jesus, I’m nervous.
I’ve been planning in my head for weeks what I’m going to say to her, but it all just evaporated the moment my knee touched the sand, so I speak from the heart instead.
“Marry me, Addy Catherine Monroe. You saved me. You fix all the broken inside me. You fill me with color and light and fire and hope and more love than I ever thought possible. You’ve seen the darkest parts of me and love them anyway. Without you, I’ll never be even half the man I could be. I never used to think about the future until I met you. Now, I can think of nothing else but making you forever mine. Marry me, Addy. Have babies with me. Grow old with me. Be mine? Permanently?”
The moonlight reflects off her tears, making her eyes look as deep and fathomless and mysterious right now as the ocean behind us. She is all of those things and so much more. There’s so much to love about her.
“This is where you say yes, fireball,” I prod at her silence.
Her head nods, causing her overflowing tears to spill and run down her cheeks.
“The words, babe. Just like you practiced.”
“Yes,” she croaks. “Yes, yes, yes.”
Smiling, I open the velvet box and pull out the ring I had designed for her. It’s a one-of-a-kind, just like she is. I slip it on her finger and stand. Cupping her face, I kiss her trembling lips until we’re both breathless. I want nothing more than to return to our room and fuck her blind for the rest of our vacation, but we’re probably already late to the rehearsal.
“You’re mine now. Forever,” I whisper against her lips.
“Yes.”
“I like hearing that word roll off your tongue. You need to say it more often.”
“Don’t get used to it,” she laughs between pecks.
My own laugh echoes in the dark. “Wouldn’t dream of it, fireball.”
After one last passionate kiss, I grab her hand and lead her back to my family, hoping like hell they aren’t waiting on us. “Come on, let’s tell everyone the good news. My mom’s going to wig.”
“So is my dad,” she beams, skipping along in the sand. Her dad won’t wig, he already knows, but I don’t want to spoil her surprise. She holds out her left hand admiring the new sparkler that will rest on her ring finger forever. “I still can’t believe your mom invited him.”