by Gini Koch
Raves for the Alien novels:
“If you like your futuristic adventure with heapings of over-the-top fun and absurdity, Koch has the series for you. . . . A rip-roaring and outlandish romp!”
—RT Book Reviews
“Koch still pulls the neat trick of quietly weaving in plot threads that go unrecognized until they start tying together—or snapping. This is a hyperspeed-paced addition to a series that shows no signs of slowing down.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Aliens, danger, and romance make this a fast-paced, wittily-written sf romantic comedy.”
—Library Journal
“Gini Koch’s Kitty Katt series is a great example of the lighter side of science fiction. Told with clever wit and non-stop pacing . . . it blends diplomacy, action and sense of humor into a memorable reading experience.”
—Kirkus
“The action is nonstop, the snark flies fast and furious. . . . Another fantastic addition to an imaginative series!”
—Night Owl Sci-Fi (top pick)
“Gini Koch has another winner, plenty of action combined with just the right touch of humor and a kick-ass storyline. What’s not to like?”
—Fresh Fiction
“This delightful romp has many interesting twists and turns as it glances at racism, politics, and religion en route . . . will have fanciers of cinematic sf parodies referencing Men in Black, Ghost Busters, and X-Men.”
—Booklist (starred review)
“Gini Koch mixes up the sometimes staid niche of science fiction romance by adding nonstop humor, blockbuster action, and moments worthy of a soap opera.”
—Dirty Sexy Books
DAW Books Presents GINI KOCH’s
Alien Novels:
TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN
ALIEN TANGO
ALIEN IN THE FAMILY
ALIEN PROLIFERATION
ALIEN DIPLOMACY
ALIEN VS. ALIEN
ALIEN IN THE HOUSE
ALIEN RESEARCH
ALIEN COLLECTIVE
(coming in May 2014)
Copyright © 2013 by Jeanne Cook.
All Rights Reserved.
Cover art by Daniel Dos Santos.
Cover design by G-Force Design.
DAW Book Collectors No. 1639.
DAW Books are distributed by Penguin Group (USA).
All characters and events in this book are fictitious.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
Nearly all the designs and trade names in this book are registered trademarks. All that are still in commercial use are protected by United States and international trademark law.
DAW TRADEMARK REGISTERED
U.S. PAT. AND TM. OFF. AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES
—MARCA REGISTRADA
HECHO EN U.S.A.
ISBN: 978-1-101-63571-1 (eBook)
First Printing, December 2013
Version_1
Contents
Books by Gini Koch
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Prelude
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
CHAPTER 31
CHAPTER 32
CHAPTER 33
CHAPTER 34
CHAPTER 35
CHAPTER 36
CHAPTER 37
CHAPTER 38
CHAPTER 39
CHAPTER 40
CHAPTER 41
CHAPTER 42
CHAPTER 43
CHAPTER 44
CHAPTER 45
CHAPTER 46
CHAPTER 47
CHAPTER 48
CHAPTER 49
CHAPTER 50
CHAPTER 51
CHAPTER 52
CHAPTER 53
CHAPTER 54
CHAPTER 55
CHAPTER 56
CHAPTER 57
CHAPTER 58
CHAPTER 59
CHAPTER 60
CHAPTER 61
CHAPTER 62
CHAPTER 63
CHAPTER 64
CHAPTER 65
CHAPTER 66
CHAPTER 67
CHAPTER 68
CHAPTER 69
CHAPTER 70
CHAPTER 71
CHAPTER 72
CHAPTER 73
CHAPTER 74
CHAPTER 75
CHAPTER 76
CHAPTER 77
CHAPTER 78
CHAPTER 79
CHAPTER 80
CHAPTER 81
CHAPTER 82
CHAPTER 83
CHAPTER 84
CHAPTER 85
CHAPTER 86
CHAPTER 87
CHAPTER 88
CHAPTER 89
CHAPTER 90
CHAPTER 91
CHAPTER 92
CHAPTER 93
CHAPTER 94
CHAPTER 95
CHAPTER 96
CHAPTER 97
CHAPTER 98
CHAPTER 99
Excerpt from Alien Collective
To Mary Rehak and Phyllis Hemann, whose cheerful optimism in the face of any and all adversity is always an inspiration to me. Fight on, my sisters from other mothers, fight on.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book was late. Oh, not so as it would affect any of you, the readers, but in terms of when it was supposed to be turned in, which is challenging for everyone involved in the process that gets said book into your hot little hands. So, many extra thanks to my awesome editor, Sheila Gilbert, and my wonderful agent, Cherry Weiner, who remained calm, and kept me calm, as my deadline flew by. You’re both the best and I’m thankful every day that I get to work with you. Oh, and your chocolate is in the mail.
Same again to my crit partner, Lisa Dovichi, who helped me get this book done, and done right, all while doing all the other million and one things she does so well that you’d never know she’s a multitasker of the highest order. And of course, much love to my main beta reader, Mary Fiore, who once again had to read for errors at a breakneck pace, and still managed to find them all and remain cheerful.
Love and thanks always to all the good folks at DAW Books and all my fans around the globe. To my Hook Me Up! Gang, members of Team Gini, all Alien Collective Members in Very Good Standing around the world, Twitter followers, Facebook fans and friends, Pinterest followers, and all the wonderful fans who come to my
various book signings and conference panels, I have but this to say: You still complete me and I love you all more every day.
Special shout outs to: my distance assistant, Colette Chmiel, who continues to be the only reason I get things done and the only reason I’m even sort of sane; Adrian and Lisa Payne for continuing to support everything I do, everywhere I do it; Koren Cota, Hal and Dee Astell, Thomax and Shannon Green, Blanca and Oliver Bernal, Diana Klabis, Jan Robinson, Terry Smith, and Mariann Asanuma for making and bestowing such lovely edible, wearable, and adorable gifts for and on me; author Eric Penner Haury for fun times at Tucson Festival of Books which included introducing me to his cousin, Ted Danson, who was as charming as you’d want a famous celebrity to be; author and comics artist Christopher Baldwin for help and fun times at Tucson Festival of Books; authors Terry L. Smith, Amber Scott, Shaina Hardesty, Andrea Rittschof, and Deb Haralson for fun times, help, and support at AZD—everything’s better when you girls are there; “Chiropractor” Ken who saved my back during Phoenix Comicon; Lee Whiteside for always taking the best care of me before, during, and after Phoenix Comicon; Raul “Sherpa” Padron, Edward “GF#1” Pulley, Joseph “GF#2” Gaxiola, Brad “My Man” Jensen, Terry Smith (getting the hat trick!), and Jeff “BFAM” Twohig for all your help during Phoenix Comicon; fabulous authors Caris Roane, Erin Kellison, and Erin Quinn for always being there and having my back; and ever-wonderful author, BFF, and sister in crime Marsheila Rockwell, for once again helping me save my writing day while making me laugh—road trips with you are the best, babe.
Last, but truly never least, all my love and thanks to my husband, Steve, and daughter, Veronica, who continue to make the journey worthwhile. And I continue to love you both more than words can say.
22350
22350
IN ALL THE TIME man has been on our good planet Earth, we’ve stared at and striven for the stars, at least in some way.
Or so they tell me. Frankly, my experience has been that what a goodly number are doing is staring at and striving for more wealth and power. And since aliens joined us on Earth, those same people have been striving even harder to control said aliens, presumably to use them to get even more wealth and power.
I’m talking, of course, about the first time the aliens joined us for an extended stay, in the 1960s. Not the several times in the distant, ancient, and super-distant past, when a variety of aliens did flybys and, from what we can tell, evolutionary experiments here. No one was trying to control any of them. At least as far as we know.
Nope, I mean when the gang from Alpha Four in the Alpha Centaurion solar system came to live here permanently. Okay, not all of them came. Just some of them. Religious exiles, with some sympathizers and human spouses along for the ride.
They looked enough like us that they could hide and blend in. Well, mostly blend in: all of our A-Cs, as they call themselves, are drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe it’s the double hearts. Having two hearts makes them all speedy and strong and quick to heal, so why shouldn’t it make them total hotties, too?
Sorry, back to the more solemn recap. The A-Cs hid and blended in, known to exist only by a few Earth governments, and those with a high enough security clearance.
But, you know, the A-Cs had jobs. Math, science, medicine, killing parasitic superbeings. Mostly done in secret, because the A-Cs also have talents that allow them to alter what humans think they see—in more ways than one—but only for the safety and peace of mind of the humans not in the know. Well, most of the A-Cs were trying to keep the humans safe.
Some of them, of course, made a real love connection with other megalomaniacs, and really did their best to destroy humans and their own people seemingly indiscriminately, for whatever reason looked good on the daily menu at the Evil Super-Genius Bar and Grill.
And then I came on the scene.
In the three short years since I’ve discovered that aliens, and lots of them, were living on Earth, a lot’s happened. I fell in love with and married one of them, we had a child, and I inherited some mutated alien genetics. I also became a superbeing exterminator and the Head of Airborne for Centaurion Division. Then, somewhat against my will, I became the Co-Head Ambassador for American Centaurion. And then, truly against my will, I ended up the wife of a Congressman and American Centaurion’s Head Ambassador.
Yeah.
Fortunately, I’m adaptable.
Of course, along the way through all of this there were a couple of alien invasions that weren’t as friendly as the one in the 1960s. One of them, we kept off the radar. One of them, however, changed the world. But through it all, the A-Cs were there, protecting Earth and everyone living on it. Well, you know, other than the ones who weren’t. But there are a lot fewer evil A-Cs than good ones, especially since I’ve gotten rid of a bunch of the bad ones over the past few years.
Yet there are still those who’d rather make a buck doing terrible things to humans and aliens alike. Those who want money and power and all the perks that come with it, especially perks that let them amass more money and power.
Now, before you start to worry, I’m not anti-business. As Oingo Boingo likes to remind us, there’s nothing wrong with capitalism. Unless said capitalists are actually evil megalomaniacal scumbags intent on destroying everyone you care about and probably the Free World As We Know It. Then they need to be taken down, in the most extreme way.
But never fear, good citizens—Megalomaniac Girl is here!
Huh, you know, after the last three years, you’d think I’d be hearing a lot more clapping and cheering and lot less of the sounds of silence broken only by the quiet sound of crickets chirping. So, let’s try this again. I am Megalomaniac Girl, and I have Poofs and Peregrines with me to help save the day!
Yeah, okay, that’s better.
CHAPTER 1
“AMBASSADOR, would you please tell the Committee your full name?”
“Katherine Sarah Katt-Martini.”
“Do you know the whereabouts of one Herbert Gaultier?”
“No.” My bet was Hell, but the Committee probably didn’t want to hear that.
“Do you know if he’s alive or dead?”
I hesitated. I was under oath. “I think he’s dead.”
“Do you?” The Senator in charge of the hearing leaned forward. “Is that because you killed him?”
“No. I didn’t kill him.” Christopher White had killed him. But he’d had to.
“What about Leventhal Reid?”
“Nope, didn’t kill him, either.” My husband, Jeff, had killed Reid. To save my life.
“LaRue Demorte Gaultier—did you kill her?”
“No. Esteban Cantu killed her.” Accidentally, of course, but that one wasn’t on me. “Then he was arrested. And I didn’t kill him, either.” Other bad guys had killed him, before we could get information from him.
“John Cooper?”
“Nope, didn’t do him in, either.” Charles Reynolds had killed Cooper. Again, in self-defense, defending me and himself.
“Ronaldo Al Dejahl, who killed him?”
“Um, everybody and nobody. Because my bet is that he’s still alive. But lots of us have tried to kill him, and you should be grateful.” James Reader had used the first guy we thought was Ronaldo for a body shield, Jeff had beaten up the real one, but he’d escaped, and my bet was he’d survived the beat-down he’d gotten during Operation Destruction, too, and was out there somewhere, waiting to strike.
The Committee didn’t seem impressed. I didn’t look around, but the room was huge and it seemed filled to capacity with a blur of official-looking people in politically fashion-forward suits, all of whom were giving me the Frowny Face of Displeasure.
“The entire former American Centaurion Diplomatic Corps?” the Senator in charge went on. “What about them? And Howard Taft? Antony Marling and Madeline Cartwright? Ronald Yates? And Beverly, that woman who had the most boring speaking voice in the world. Did you kill all of them and many others, including Gregory from Alpha Fo
ur, and Uma from Alpha Six, and the Mephistopheles in-control superbeing?”
Now, these were not so easy to not lie under oath about.
“Yes, sort of. Well, yes, really in the case of Beverly and a bunch of the others. I didn’t do Gregory in, though.” Tito Hernandez had done that. “I took out Moira from Beta Twelve, though.” Jeff had handled her mate, Kyrellis. Just barely, but he’d managed it. “They were all evil and trying to destroy everyone good and the Earth. By the way, how did you know Beverly was Miz Monotone?”