by Eden Summers
She didn’t mess up, she didn’t take risks, and she didn’t look for trouble…well, she hadn’t, until Mason came back into the picture. And the time spent with him was so tumultuous and dizzying that she needed to remember why she chose to live cautiously.
Maybe she wasn’t destined to be happy. Or she’d used her allocated quota of luck on the years leading up to the Grammys. Either way, it didn’t matter. She couldn’t pull herself through another nervous breakdown. She needed to cling tight to the feeble willpower she currently had, and leave.
“I can’t go back to your house. Not when I’m going to feel like I’m being watched twenty-four-seven. And I won’t stay here. Guilt is already eating away at me for sleeping with you under Sean’s roof. The best thing is for me to go home.” She ran her palm along his forearm, over the back of his hand, and entwined their fingers. “I need to go home, Mason.”
***
Mason settled into the quietness, letting the weekend run through his mind on a continuous loop. He should’ve taken them to the cabin. He could’ve spent more time seducing her into staying. Hell, they would’ve been alone in the middle of nowhere. He could’ve faked car troubles and practically kept her hostage until he’d convinced her.
Instead, he decided to stop fighting a losing battle and let her go.
He promised himself he’d try to make up for the past, and this was the first hurdle he had to face. But the ass kick to his pride hurt like a motherfucker. He was in over his head, and she was walking away.
Her breathing became deeper, the calm of sleep dragging her under. He nestled in closer to her back, feeling her naked body against his from chin to toe. Please don’t make me give this up. After the ocean of women who’d begged to stay in his bed, the one he wanted to keep was determined to walk.
Fucking poetic justice. Apparently, it was a dish best served cold. And here he was thinking he’d gone through enough punishment over taking the sex video to finally receive a little joy in his life.
Nope.
All he could do was suck it up and move on. Even though Sidney hadn’t said it, her inability to mention hooking up in the future spoke louder than words. She wasn’t leaving temporarily. She was running from the mistake of sleeping with him.
Booyah.
He should laugh it off. He knew his friends would. Finally, a woman had kneecapped him, giving him the first glimpse of this affection bullshit Mitch and Blake had been going through. All he wanted to do was convince her to stay.
He wasn’t just pussy whipped, he was a fucking pussy. So fucking be it. He’d wear that pansy-ass shirt with pride. He nestled tighter against her, her smooth thighs against his. He couldn’t get close enough, or hold her tight enough. And he sure as shit didn’t want to let her go tomorrow.
This was all new to him—the cuddling after sex, the uncomfortable tightening of his chest whenever he thought about her, and the strange sense of pride consuming him from having a beautiful woman asleep in his arms.
“Good night,” he murmured into her hair.
Her body was entirely vulnerable beside him, her breathing deep and slow. He knew he should roll over, to get a start on the distancing process so he didn’t make a fool of himself when they woke, but he wasn’t man enough to turn his back.
The scent of her hair penetrated his lungs, the softness of her skin made him ache to run his hands over every inch of her. He nuzzled into her neck, trying to ignore the growing tightness in his chest. What had she done to him? How had she made him so weak?
He couldn’t pinpoint the moment he lost his balls, but he was sure it happened a long time ago. She’d never truly left his mind since the first day they met. In a sea full of memories, the days spent with her stood out.
“I love you, kitten,” he whispered into the night. “I think I always have.”
There was no relief at his proclamation. Not when she wasn’t in the same place to return the gesture. Hell, she wasn’t even in the same conscious state. Whatever. He’d voiced the words he’d never spoken to another woman before, and that shit was kind of freeing.
And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go stock up on tampons and birth control, because clearly I’ve lost every ounce of my masculinity.
MASON SLUNK INTO the kitchen mid-morning, drawn by the smell of bacon. He’d left Sidney in bed, still asleep and as beautiful in rest as she was in the height of pleasure. It hadn’t been easy to walk out on what he knew was his last opportunity to see her naked. His morning wood hadn’t been happy about it. Apparently, he was a fucking Boy Scout, all he needed was the uniform.
“How is she?” Sean asked, not taking his gaze off the electric frying pan in front of him.
Good morning to you, too. Mason pulled up a stool behind the kitchen counter and slunk into it. “Scared and feeling guilty. I can’t talk her out of leaving.”
Sean retrieved a pair of tongs from a drawer at his side, still not bothering to make eye contact. “Maybe letting her go is the right thing to do.”
It might be the right thing, but it didn’t change Mason’s reluctance to watch her leave. He finally felt alive again. How could he kiss that sensation good-bye?
“Yeah, maybe.”
Sean placed the tongs on the counter top, wiped his hands on his long-sleeved shirt, and raised his gaze. “I’m catching the jet back today if she wants to tag along.”
Mason clenched his fist, ignoring the sting of envy. “She already has a commercial flight booked, but I’m sure she’d prefer to go with you.”
The bullshit kept compounding. Not only did he have to watch her leave, he had to do it with the knowledge she would fly out with his best friend—the guy who would fuck her in a heartbeat.
“And I’d probably believe you if you weren’t baring your teeth.” Sean shook his head with a scoff and grasped the tongs. “Look, I know I told you yesterday that we were cool, but this bullshit between us is getting pretty thick. I don’t know what to make of it anymore.” He closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. “I’ve looked back on all the stuff we’ve gone through together. I can’t tell when you quit being my best friend.”
“Sean, bro, you sound like a chick.”
“And I’ll make you squeal like a bitch if you don’t take me seriously.” He narrowed his eyes and pointed the tongs in Mason’s direction. “You might not have been the asshole the world thought you were, but you’ve earned the fucking title since then.”
Sean turned the bacon with a heavy hand. Frustration made his movements jerky, and the knowing tinge of red in his cheeks gave Mason the heads up that shit was proceeding beyond intense.
“You’re right.” Mason paused, letting the words sink in. “I am an asshole. I held shit from you, and I’m sorry. But you’ve always been my go-to guy. After the video went viral, I suppose it was the depth of trust and respect that varied.”
“And what?” Sean threw his arms wide. “That trust and respect is magically back now?”
“I guess.” He shrugged. “I realize I’m not a saint in all this. And I accept that it’s your turn to be pissed. I should’ve confronted you. This shouldn’t have gone on for as long as it did, but there is nothing I can do to change that now.”
“Except maybe quit being an asshole and realize I’m not gonna steal your girl.”
For once, Mason took his time, choosing his words carefully. He wanted the weight of the past lifted from his chest, he just didn’t want to look like a douche while doing it. “You deserve her more than I do.”
“Fuckin’ A, I do.” Sean grinned, breaking the tension. “But she doesn’t want me.”
Mason’s lips curled. “And as you can tell, I’m crying a river about that.”
Sean released a breath of laughter and headed for the fridge. “You’re such a fucking asshole.”
“Yeah, I think we’ve established that.” Mason stood, making his way to the wall of glass looking over the James River. The late morning sky was cloudy, threatening rain. He
needed to go home and pick up Sidney’s belongings. A fun fucking trip that would be.
“So you’re in love with her?”
Mason frowned, turning to the kitchen. “What?” Fuck. He was stalling, trying to figure out how to hide his newly formed vagina. He wasn’t ready for his friends to know. There was a difference between getting laid by a gorgeous woman, and giving her your balls on a silver platter. Then there were the paparazzi. If the world found out, Sidney would be eaten alive.
Sean raised a brow, not speaking, not moving, simply waiting for Mason to continue.
“Yeah, OK, I’m in love with her.” He shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal. Really. The sensation of being completely out of control in mind, body, and soul, would leave town with her. He was sure of it.
“That must’ve been hard to admit after all the shit you’ve put on Mitch and Blake.” Sean opened an egg carton on the counter and cracked four into the electric pan, each one hitting the hotplate with a hiss. “So why aren’t you going to New York with her?”
She hasn’t asked me to. “Leah’s put her foot down about the album. I need to finalize the lyrics so you guys can work your magic on the rest. And you know I do my best work here. I hate the city.” Mason ignored the speculation in his friend’s eyes. “Speaking of which. I better get back to the house to collect Sidney’s things. Are you OK if I leave her here to get some more sleep?”
“Sure.” Sean grinned. “Is there anything you need me to do while you’re gone?”
Mason frowned and strode to Sean’s side, stealing a piece of bacon from the pan. “Apart from keeping your hands off her?”
Sean smirked, giving him the maybe-I-will, maybe-I-won’t look. “Well, I’ll be leaving in little over an hour, so I may need to wake her up…with my dick.”
Mason clenched his fist as the cocksucker winked. “Now who’s the asshole?” Their friendship might not be in the state it was years ago, but the shit falling from Sean’s mouth gave him hope they’d regain what they’d lost.
“Go on.” Sean shoulder checked him. “Get the fuck out of here. I’ve got eggs to cook…and maybe some to fertilize.”
***
Sidney plastered herself against the cool hallway wall, her heart in her throat. She didn’t know how long she’d stood here. Time stopped when she heard Mason declare his love for her. For a few, fleeting, bliss-filled seconds, she’d been in heaven. Mason Lynch loved her. Her. The woman every social media junky considered a washed up whore. The thought made tears prick her eyes and hope swell in her chest.
Then reality sunk in. It hadn’t taken long for her mind to clear, along with the happiness. Her hands began to shake, and the tears of joy turned to devastation. She didn’t know what to do with his love. A normal person would’ve grasped his affection in both hands, never letting go.
She was different.
On the outside, she seemed normal. On the inside, it was a different story. She’d lost everything she’d ever cared about—her parents, her career, her entire world. The reason she continued living after everything crumpled around her, was because she had nothing left to lose. All her loss stemmed from this man. It may not have been his fault the video was released, but it never would’ve made the front page of every gossip magazine if the man she’d been sleeping with wasn’t a hugely successful singer.
History would repeat itself if she accepted his love. There would be a constant stream of paparazzi at her door and in her face. One wrong move and she’d be the punch line to a brand new wave of humiliating jokes.
In the end, social media and their lifestyles would tear them apart, and she wouldn’t only be broken, she’d be done. Completely shattered and unable to pick up the pieces. And this time, Justin wouldn’t stick around to pull her through.
Pain ripped apart her chest, and she leaned over, sucking in a silent sob. She wanted to be the fearless, successful woman of her past. She wanted happiness, pleasure, and hope. She wanted Mason. Yet the thought of gaining anything in her life scared the hell out of her. If she had something to lose, she’d be vulnerable. Right now, she had nothing. Was nothing. And there was no risk of loss.
Oh, god. She snapped a hand over her mouth, concealing a ragged inhalation. She had to get home.
“Sidney. Breakfa—st.”
Her head snapped up, and she found Sean staring at her from the kitchen doorway.
“Sid?”
She shook her head, unable to speak. Shudders wracked her body. Defeated thoughts swirled through her mind. She was slipping down the stability scale she’d fought so hard to climb. One by one, she jolted down the rungs, faster and faster until the bottom was in sight.
“Sid?”
“He can’t love me,” she blurted, pleading with her eyes. She needed Sean to make it stop. To drive away the anxiety and set her mind at ease.
A crease formed between his brows. “I know he seems entirely self-centered, but I swear, whatever he feels for you is pretty special.”
“No.” She released a sardonic laugh. “It’s not that I don’t believe he’s capable. It’s that I can’t handle him loving me. I…I…” She tugged on her blouse, the same one she’d worn yesterday, with Mason’s lingering scent etched into the fabric. The collar was too tight, the material scratching against her skin. “I can’t have him, and then lose him again.” She sucked in breath after ragged breath as warm hands gripped her shoulders. “I can’t deal with the public scrutiny. I can’t face the humiliation. I don’t want to be that person again.”
“Shit, sweetheart.” He pulled her into his chest, wrapping his hands around her back, holding her tight.
She let her head collapse into his shoulder, trying to steal his strength. “I’m a mess.”
“No.” His voice was soft, gravel-rich. “You’re a gorgeous woman who’s been dealt a bad hand.”
She shook her head, running her arms behind his waist. “It’s much more than that. If this were cards, at least there’d be hope for the next hand. What I’ve done is gone down a one way street and hit a dead end. I can’t turn around and go back. There’s no better path, or a way to make up for my poor decisions. I’m stuck staring at a blank wall—alone, miserable, and unable to cope with the prospect of making another horrible turn.”
“You’re not alone. You’ve got me. You’ve got Mason.”
“I’ve lost you once. I’ll lose you again.”
A loud, piercing beep blasted from the kitchen, startling her.
“Shit!” Sean dropped his hold. “Don’t go anywhere. Let me rescue breakfast, and I’ll be back in a second.”
He swung into the kitchen, out of sight, leaving her alone. How ironic. She was descending into breakdown territory, and again, the two men she was meant to rely on were gone. Nothing could’ve validated her decision to leave more than watching Sean jog away from her. She was alone. And always would be, no matter who stood beside her, or what promises were made.
Yet another sign from fate.
The clang of a pan echoed from the kitchen as she rubbed the sting from her eyes, and sniffed her way back from the edge of hysteria. What was she getting so worked up about? Nothing had changed. She was already leaving, no matter how she felt about Mason. If she could get over her infatuation, she could get over his, too. All she had to do is call Justin to cancel her flight, and then count down the minutes until the Reckless Beat jet left. Flying back with Sean was far better than having strangers stare, point, and judge her the entire trip home.
Straightening, she dusted herself off, more emotionally than physically, and dragged her feet to the spare bedroom.
“Sid?” Sean’s voice drifted down the hall as she reached the door. “What about breakfast?”
“I’m not hungry. If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a shower.” She didn’t look back. From now on, she never would. If she wanted to overcome her issues, all she could do was move forward with a firm set of blinkers. The past had changed her, and although in time she may turn back into the woman she
was, that moment wasn’t now. She needed to leave, and yet again, forget about Mason Lynch.
MASON WAITED FOR the metal gate to slowly slide open, and then drove into the underground parking lot of Sean’s apartment building. Sidney’s suitcase was in the trunk, and the task of packing her belongings had been harder than he anticipated. All the feminine toiletries seemed out of place in his bathroom—the sparkling bottle of perfume, the pink toothbrush, even the ruby red bag he placed all her items into. Apart from family, he didn’t allow women in his house. Now, he didn’t want the girlie touches to disappear.
The urge to keep them spread along his bathroom counter made him contemplate coming back empty handed. No suitcase, no departure. Win, win. Only, she didn’t want to stay, and he wasn’t going to push her. Well, hadn’t planned to, until his throat tightened at the sight of her standing barefoot in the same clothes as last night, at the back of Sean’s pickup, prepared to leave.
He pulled in beside her, killing the engine, and slid from his SUV. Sean strode toward the pickup wheeling a suitcase as Mason slammed the car door shut. He was thankful for the resounding echo off the cement walls. It hid the relentless pounding in his chest.
“Leaving already?” He closed the distance to Sidney, not liking her inability to make eye contact.
“We were just waiting for you to bring my bags.”
He didn’t like her answer either. Not the lazy tone, or the fact she was playing it cool on the outside, when he was struggling to control himself on the inside.
“Well, I have your bags, but I’m sure I’ve left something behind.” He leaned into her, caging her against the cold metal of the pickup. The familiarity of her warmth did strange things to him. He was at home against her. Strengthened. “I’ll hold anything I find hostage until you come back.”
She stiffened, every inch of her body becoming rigid.
He waited for an explanation to her sudden revolt to his touch. When none came, he tilted his head, trying to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong?”