by Amber Garza
To all of those who understand how it feels to have loved and lost. May you never give up hope.
Kyler’s dedication was one of those generic ones I imagined writers used when they were like me; unable to think of anyone they wanted to thank. Over my shoulder I heard the ticking of one of the gas burners turning on, then the sizzle of an egg in the pan. Edgar’s panting was so loud it was like he was right in front of me. I could picture him salivating at Kyler’s feet. Glancing over my shoulder, I wondered about the man who stood in front of his stove cooking me breakfast. What was his story? Why did he live alone with a dog as his only companion?
The scent of sausage permeated the air, and my stomach growled. I was famished, but I worried that the food would make me puke like the coffee had. However, I was willing to take my chances. Lifting my head from the book, I gazed around the room. There wasn’t one personal picture. Not even one propped up on the fireplace. It made me even more curious.
Edgar’s paws skittered across the hardwood floors, sounding like a million tiny little insects crawling. When he reached me he let out a soft bark, not meant to scare me, more to get my attention. He lowered his head by my feet. Tentatively, I reached out to pet the top of his head. His fur felt good, soft and silky. It was weird how comfortable I felt in this stranger’s home, petting this strange dog. I did feel like Alice in Wonderland. Like I’d fallen down into some alternate reality that made me behave differently. Normally I was so skeptical and wary of people. What made Kyler different?
“Breakfast is served,” Kyler called from the kitchen.
Edgar’s ears perked at the sound of Kyler’s voice. Sliding the book off my lap, I stood up and headed toward the kitchen. The walls were a bright yellow, the counters littered with the remnants of the breakfast Kyler prepared. Near the window was a little table with only two chairs. I sat down in one of them as Kyler set a plate of eggs and sausage in front of me. When he took the seat across from me, I felt my face heat up. Suddenly it felt like a date. It seemed so intimate to be sitting close like this. But I was too hungry to overanalyze things, so I picked up my fork and dug in.
The food tasted good. It could have been because I was so hungry, but I suspected that Kyler was actually a good cook. In mere minutes I had scarfed down my entire plate. Rubbing my belly, I sat back in my wooden chair.
Kyler smiled at me from across the table. “Do you feel better?”
Embarrassment filled me, realizing that he must’ve heard me throwing up earlier. Not that I should’ve been surprised. It was a pretty small house, and it’s not like the walls were soundproof. Biting my lip, I nodded. But the truth was that I didn’t feel any better. I mean, sure my belly was full, but my headache was ramping back up and my hands continued their violent shaking. I needed to get out of here. Pushing away from the table, I stood up.
“Thanks for everything. I’ll get out of your way now.”
“What are your plans?” Kyler got up as well, flinging his napkin down on the table. “I’m curious. You know, since your plans to join the circus didn’t pan out.” He offered a teasing smile. But there was something in eyes, an understanding that unnerved me.
I shivered. “Yeah, well, I have other places I can go.” Without daring to look into his eyes again, I hurried to the family room and scooped up my backpack and Kyler’s book. “Thanks again,” I called over my shoulder as I made my way to the front door.
Before I could reach it, Kyler’s shadow cast over my shoulder. “In case those other places don’t work out, you can stay in the barn again if you need to.”
My fingers closed over the door knob. “Okay, thanks.”
“But if that’s too cold, I do have an extra room inside too.”
I froze. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t even know you.”
“Yes, you do. We spent the whole morning together.”
I turned the knob and pushed the door open. Shaking my head, I stepped outside into the crisp morning air. “No, thanks. I’ll see you around.”
“If you change your mind, you know where to find me,” Kyler said.
Slowly, I pivoted to face him. “Are you for real?”
“What do you mean?” He looked genuinely confused. Could there really be guys in this world who did things for the sole purpose of being nice?
“I can’t figure out why you’re being so nice to me. I could be an axe murderer or something.”
“I highly doubt that. There’s no way an axe could fit in that backpack,” Kyler joked. “Besides, if you wanted to attack me you would’ve done it already.”
I shrugged. “Okay, but why should I trust you? Maybe you’re an axe murderer.”
“You can check my property. I don’t even own an axe.”
Throwing my hands up in exasperation, I expelled a frustrated breath. “It’s not about the axe. You could be a rapist or something.”
Kyler stroked his chin. “Yes, it’s possible, I guess. But I’m not.”
“How do I know that?”
“You don’t,” Kyler said simply. “But you also don’t know what kind of people you’ll run into when you leave here.” He stepped closer to me. “Look, Jade, it’s obvious to me that you have nowhere to go. The town of Red Blossom is a small, tight-knit community. They don’t take kindly to strangers, and that’s what you are. If you go into town looking for a room to rent, or a place to work, no one’s going to give you a chance.”
I snorted. “Maybe I’ll leave town then.”
“And go where?”
This guy was starting to bug me. “I don’t know. Why do you care?”
He shrugged. “I like you.”
His words were astonishing. He liked me?
“You like me? What are you, in third grade? I’m not going steady with you, so don’t even ask.”
Kyler chuckled. “I meant as a friend, Jade. There’s something about you that I like. You’ve got this spark. You’re definitely different than the rest of the people in this town.”
“It doesn’t sound like you get along with them very well.”
“People stay away from me for the most part. I’ve sort of gotten this reputation for being a recluse.”
“Are you?”
His face darkened. “I don’t leave my house very often, because I’m busy working here. Besides, I like it on my property. It’s peaceful.”
He said all of this like it made him happy, but I could tell there was more to the story. I scratched the back of my neck, and a yawn escaped from my mouth.
“You look like you could use some rest,” Kyler said.
I couldn’t argue with that. “Yeah, I better head off then.”
“I meant what I said. You’re welcome to stay here.”
I tucked my thumbs under the straps on my backpack. “I appreciate your help, but I don’t want to be someone’s charity case. I’ll find my own way.”
“I’m not offering you charity,” Kyler said. “I need an assistant. When I’m writing I become consumed with my book. I need someone to take care of Edgar and my house and everything when that happens. I’d been searching for someone to hire. You interested?”
The smart thing to do would’ve been to walk away and never look back. But I’d never been known for doing the smart thing. I scoured the area, taking in the barn that I slept in last night and the deserted road on the other side. Last night when I walked here the town seemed so dead and vacant, not bustling with life like the city. Kyler was right. I had no plan, nowhere to go. And I wanted to trust Kyler. I was drawn to him, and I didn’t want to leave. The idea of staying here with him and Edgar made me feel all warm inside. For that reason alone I should’ve gotten the hell out of here. But I didn’t. Instead I threw caution to the wind, taking him up on his offer.
When I followed Kyler back inside, I wondered if I was making a huge mistake.
It wouldn’t have been the first time.
FOUR
The bedroom was directly across the hall from the bathroom. A
cherry wood sleigh bed sat in the center, a plaid quilt on top. Next to it was a small nightstand with one drawer and an antique lamp sitting on the smooth, shiny surface. Light shone in through the large window that overlooked the side yard. As I stepped into the room, I caught my reflection on the mirror above the dresser.
As I dropped my backpack on the floor, I wondered who lived here before me. Was there anyone, or had it always been vacant? With quick strides, I walked to the dresser. All the drawers were empty. They smelled like wood, no trace of perfumes or detergents.
“Feel free to put your stuff in there if you’d like,” Kyler spoke from the doorway, startling me.
I jumped back, clutching my chest. My heartbeat thumped under my palm. “Thanks.”
“I’m going to get some work done. Feel free to take a nap or whatever.”
“I thought I was supposed to be assisting you,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but not today. We’ll start tomorrow.” With that he whirled around. I heard his footsteps retreating down the hallway.
He was nice. Too nice. I wondered what he wanted from me. In my experience guys always wanted something. Glancing over at the bed, I sighed, too tired to care about any of it right now. I closed the bedroom door, and then locked it. I wasn’t ready to trust Kyler implicitly yet. After kicking off my shoes, I hopped into the bed. The quilt smelled like laundry detergent. Sinking further into the bed, I pulled the covers up to my neck, enjoying the warmth. I pressed my face into the soft pillow, and within minutes my body drifted to sleep.
The first slap shocked me. I sputtered to suck in a breath. Once a breath escaped, I was struck again. My head snapped back, my cheek stinging. Reaching up, I tried to touch it, to offer comfort to the skin that was screaming at me. But his hand grabbed my wrist, holding me in place. The tip of his boot struck me in the side, and I bit down on my lip so hard I drew blood. The metallic taste filled my mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut, and held my breath waiting for it to be over.
But then the words started and I knew it was only the beginning. As he spewed vile phrases at me, I let my mind drift far away. Earlier I had been reading a book about a woman who went to Paris and fell in love with a French man. He was charming, and rich. He’d take her to little cafes and they’d sit outside at a little table on the sidewalk and sip their coffees. I was sure he had some dark secret, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Normally I solved the mysteries long before the author revealed it, but this time I had no clue. Tuning out everything around me, I allowed my mind to jump between the pages of the book and reside in the story.
When he finished, I returned to reality. Peeling myself off the floor, I headed to the bathroom intending to clean myself up. He would come out of his rage at some point, and he would be angry if he had to see the remnants of what he’d done. We would both pretend it had never happened.
As I passed the front window, I could see one of my neighbors outside having a cigarette. The curtains were mostly closed, but one was slightly open. Clearly he hadn’t noticed it was open when he flew into his usual rage, and I would make sure he never did. I hurried to the window and drew the curtain all the way closed. But not before I saw the neighbor lady and her son peering at me. The boy’s gaze connected with mine right before the curtain blocked out his face.
As I turned away from the window, hatred for our neighbors rose in me. None of them had ever lifted a finger to come to my rescue. And now they watched me with fascination like I was an animal in the zoo? Heart hardening, I turned my back on them and headed down the hall.
I awoke to the sound of screaming. It only took a moment to realize it was mine. Clamping my mouth shut, I pulled the covers over my head and prayed Kyler didn’t hear me. A rapping on the door told me he did.
“You okay?” His muffled voice spoke from the other side of the door.
Lifting the covers, I said, “Yes. Fine. Just a nightmare.” At least I wish it were just a nightmare. I’d always wished I could escape my reality at nighttime, but it seemed to find me even there. Why couldn’t I dream about happy things? Why did I have to dream about him? A chill ran down my spine, and my chest constricted. Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that I was safe and that he couldn’t get to me here. I was in a new place; far away from the pain of my past. And I planned to keep it that way.
The sky was darkening outside, soft pinks and purples streaking it. I had slept all day, which wasn’t that odd. I had been known to sleep for multiple days after coming off a high. When I sat up, my head felt like it was split in two. Usually this would be when I scored more meth. But not this time. No, this time I didn’t have any way to get drugs, so I had to figure out how to get through this. Shit. Holding my head in my hands, I slid out of the bed. My sock-clad feet hit the hardwood floors and I slipped, teetering on my heels. Reaching out, I placed my hands on the bed to steady myself.
Catching my reflection in the mirror, I curled my nose up in disgust. The least I could do was make myself a little presentable. It’s not like I could erase the bruises, but I could at least brush my hair. I got my hair brush out of my backpack and ran it through the long strands, working out the kinks and tangles the best I could. Once it hung sleek against my face, I dropped the brush on the nightstand. Then I found a tube of Chapstick at the bottom of my bag, and swiped it across my lips. The sound of Edgar’s paws on the floor in the hallway reached my ears.
“Jade?” Kyler called from the hallway.
My pulse spiked. Why did his voice cause my heart to race? Swallowing hard, I flung the door open.
“I made dinner. You hungry?”
“Wow, breakfast and dinner. If I didn’t know better I’d think I was staying at a bed and breakfast.” Not that I’d ever been to one, but he didn’t need to know that.
He smiled. “Welcome to Kyler’s Inn.”
My lips tugged a little at the edges. The scent of food reached my nose. “Thanks.” Edgar rubbed his wet nose on my pant leg when I left the bedroom. The table was set this time, the two plates piled high with spaghetti and garlic bread. I slid into the chair and grabbed my napkin. After one bite of the pasta, I was in heaven.
“You know, if writing doesn’t work out for you, you could open your own bed and breakfast,” I said, before shoving in another bite.
“Nah, then I’d have to be with people. I’ll stick to my fictional characters, thank you very much.” He tucked a wavy strand of hair behind his ear before bending over his plate.
I set down my fork. “But you’re with a person right now.”
“Yeah, but you’re different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. You just are.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, confused. Edgar nudged me in the thigh with his nose.
“See. Even Edgar likes you, and he hardly likes anyone,” Kyler added.
“He wants my food.”
Kyler grinned. “No. If he wanted food, he’d bother me. He knows I’m a pushover.”
I looked out the front window. Darkness almost completely blanketed the sky now, but I could still see out over the vast expanse of land in Kyler’s front yard. The top of the red barn was visible beyond the hill. I could barely make out the street it was so far from us. It sent alarm bells ringing off in my head. Why didn't Kyler like people? And who would ever know if something happened to me way back here where nobody could see us?
“You know I have an ice pack in the freezer if you want to use it,” Kyler’s words pulled me out of my self-induced panic. “It will help with the swelling.”
He still hadn’t asked me about how I got the bruises, and for that I was grateful. I had a feeling Kyler had his own skeletons in the closet, and I wasn’t sure if that should scare me or not. Without responding, I took another bite of the spaghetti and spotted Kyler sneaking Edgar a bite under the table. I bit back a smile at the sweet gesture. I guess he was a pushover.
“How long have you lived here?” I asked after swallowing.
Kyler dabbed t
he side of his mouth with a napkin. “About five years.”
I raised my brows, once again wondering how old he was. “You own it?”
He nodded. “It was my grandma’s. I inherited it when she passed away.”
I reached for my garlic bread. Butter coated the tips of my fingers. “Favorite grandchild, huh?”
“Only grandchild, but I like to think I would have been her favorite if there were others.” The smile on his face betrayed how much he must have loved his grandma. It made my heart ache.
“Your parents live around here?” I bit into the bread, and garlic stuck to my tongue. I washed it down with a large gulp of iced water.
“No, they’re in Alabama.”
After wiping my fingers with a napkin, I peered up at him. “I thought I detected an accent.”
Smiling, he twirled spaghetti around his fork. Edgar finally quieted down, lying at Kyler’s bare feet. His tail wagged gently.
“Do you miss them?”
“Sometimes, but I like it here. It’s perfect for me.” Leaning down, he took a bite of the pasta. Sauce smeared the side of his mouth, but he quickly wiped it away.
“Did you start writing after you moved here?” I still found it fascinating that he was an author.
“Yeah.” He pushed his empty plate away and leaned back in his chair. Giving me a lazy smile, he said, “So, did I pass the interrogation?”
I almost choked on my food. Coughing, I reached for my water and took a swig. The ice cubes clinked against the side of the glass. “I’m sorry. I was just curious.”