by Amber Garza
“So you finally came up with something, huh?”
He nodded, motioning me forward. “Have a seat.” As he opened the containers, the scent of fried food and spices permeated the room.
Stomach rumbling, I sat down. The top of my pants cut into the flesh of my belly. I was gaining weight fast now that I’d actually started eating on a regular basis. It should’ve bothered me, but it didn’t. In fact, it made me feel healthy for the first time in my life.
“I knew you’d figure it out.” I scooted my chair forward.
He smiled at me before pointing to the food containers. “We have broccoli beef, fried rice and sesame chicken.”
Reaching forward, I picked up the carton of sesame chicken and spooned some onto my plate.
Kyler started piling food onto his plate as well. “What do you want to do tonight?”
I shrugged, setting down the sesame chicken and then taking the rice from the center of the table. “I don’t know. Why?”
“Well, it’s Friday night. I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something.”
“A movie, huh?”
“Yes. I do have a TV, you know.” He grinned, passing the broccoli beef my way. After taking it, I handed him the rice.
“But I’ve never seen you turn it on. I was beginning to think it didn’t work.”
“It works. You can watch TV anytime you want.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I kind of like the quiet. Before I came here I lived in an apartment and it was always loud. The TV was constantly on.” I had no idea why I was sharing anything about my life before, but for some reason I couldn’t stop myself. I kept babbling. “My boyfriend did nothing but watch TV and play videogames all damn day long. It was so annoying.” I looked out the front window, at the sun that was going down and the large field of grass. “But I like it here. It’s nice. Peaceful.”
Kyler stared at me a moment in silence, and I wished I could cut my tongue in half. Why did I have to mention Heath? I steeled myself for the barrage of questions that was sure to follow. I’d opened myself up for it with my big mouth.
“Do you know how to use chopsticks, Jade?”
Taken aback by his question, it took me a moment to answer. “Um…no, actually.”
Kyler picked up a pair and held it between his fingers. “It’s simple. A piece of cake.”
“Chocolate cake? Because I gotta be honest, making that cake was not simple for me.”
“I don’t think the phrase is referring to baking a chocolate cake, I think it’s referring to-” he paused, pursing his lips. “You know what? You’re right. It’s a stupid saying.” Using his chopsticks, he picked up a piece of the chicken. “Bottom line is that using chopsticks isn’t that hard.” He popped the chicken into his mouth. “And if you can’t get the hang of it, you can always do this.” He stabbed the chicken with one chopstick, spearing it on the end and then holding it up.
I smiled. “That looks more my speed.” When I glanced down, I understood why he was giving me this impromptu lesson. There was no fork, only two wooden chopsticks beside my plate. “I really have to use these?”
“Try it. If you hate it, you can grab a fork.”
“Okay.” I picked up the two long sticks, examining them. After studying how Kyler held his, I tried to mimic it. Then I attempted to pluck a piece of chicken off my plate. After dropping it several times, I finally managed to get it into my mouth. It wasn’t very graceful, but I did it.
“See, I told you that you could do it.”
“You sure like teaching me new things, huh?” I said after swallowing.
“Well, you only live once.”
“And not even for very long if you’re Clara.”
“You’re still mad about that?” Kyler sat back in his chair, grinning at me. “I’ll tell you what, after dinner I’ll pick out a new book for you to read.”
“I thought we were watching a movie.” With my chopsticks I fumbled to grab a piece of broccoli. Finally, I stabbed it.
Kyler smiled “You choose. We can do whatever you want.”
After chewing the piece of broccoli, I said, “Reading sounds perfect to me. But no more murder. I want a happily-ever-after this time.”
“You got it. I know just the book.” Kyler plucked his glass of ice water off the table. While he took a sip, Edgar crawled over to him. After setting down his cup, Kyler slipped Edgar a piece of chicken under the table.
“I’ll bet Edgar is the most spoiled dog in town,” I said.
“That’s because he deserves it.” Kyler rubbed his hands in Edgar’s fur. “Don’t you, buddy?” Edgar’s tail wagged in response. After giving him another piece of food, Kyler glanced up at me. “I meant what I said earlier, Jade. This house is yours too. You can do whatever you want here.”
My stomach soured. Would he give me the run of the place if he knew the kind of person I used to be? As I sat across from him, eating his food, I felt like an imposter. I needed to tell him the truth. I owed him that much at least. “Kyler.” Taking a deep breath, I gathered up all the courage I could muster.
“Yeah?” When his eyes lighted on me, my bravery dwindled.
“Thanks for the Chinese food.” I was a coward.
After dinner, Kyler made us some tea and then went to use the bathroom. Holding the mug of tea in my hand, I went into the family room and sat on the couch. As I nestled into the cushions, a cold breeze blew over me. Shivering, I glanced over at the open window. Kyler must have opened it earlier in the day, but it was way colder now. Standing up, I placed my cup on the end table. Another gust of wind blew into the room, kicking up a stack of papers on Kyler’s desk. A couple of them flew off, landing on the floor. I walked forward and bent to retrieve one. When my gaze connected with the words on it, my breath caught in my throat and I felt sick. Why had he written that?
“What are you doing?” Kyler’s voice sounded behind me, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to prickle.
NINETEEN
“Um…the wind blew over some of your papers.” In one swift movement, I snatched a blank piece of paper off the floor and slid it on top of the one with writing scrawled on it; the words that were now tattooed on my brain. “I was picking them up for you.”
“Here.” He stood over me, his arm outstretched. “I’ll take them.”
I straightened up, handing them to him. When he spun around to deposit them on his desk, I sucked in a ragged breath. The Red Lighter. Was that the title of his book? Those three simple words had the ability to catapult me back into my past.
His thumb flicked over the lighter, clicking it again and again. The flame burned brightly, hovering over it. It danced in front of my eyes, the flame hot against my skin.
“I think you’ll find this one to your liking.” Kyler thrust a hardbound book into my hand, bringing me back to the present. A cool breeze blew over my back, and a chill raced down my spine. “Oh, I’ll close that window. It got chilly tonight.” He hurried to the window, sliding it shut.
I glanced down at the book in my hand, running my fingertips over the lettering on the front. “Love’s Sweet Embrace,” I read the title aloud. “Sounds sappy.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Gentle hands lighted on my shoulder. “I believe you ordered a happily-ever-after.” Sliding his hands, they moved through my hair and then down my arms. His head lowered, his nose brushing my hair, his lips almost touching my neck. “And your wish is my command.” Warm breath met my skin.
I sagged against him. Leaning my head to the side, I allowed my hair to slip off my shoulders. My neck was exposed for him, an invitation. He took it, pressing his lips to my flesh. A low moan sounded at the back of my throat as he peppered kisses up my neck. The book slipped from my hand, landing on the floor with a thud. Snaking my arm up, I touched the back of his head and turned my face toward him. He caught my mouth in his, his tongue teasing my lips open and then sliding over mine ever so softly. I dropped my arm and spun around to face him. W
hen our gazes collided, the title of his book didn’t matter anymore. I trusted this man. Besides, I was sure it was a coincidence. Millions of people owned red lighters, right?
Feeling bold, I reached out and glided my hands up his chest, feeling his muscles through his thin shirt. He inhaled sharply, staring into my eyes. His thumb grazed my scarred cheek, but this time it didn’t startle me as much as it had in the past. Kyler’s touch didn’t frighten me anymore. On the contrary. It excited me in a way no one’s ever had. He tilted his head, and I closed my eyes ready to feel his lips on mine once again. A gasp escaped from my mouth when I felt the coolness of his lips on my scars. His lips slid along my cheek, planting a trail of kisses over every inch of my burnt skin. I was frozen in place, afraid to even breathe, as I savored the feel of his silky lips on my scars. He moved slowly, with precision. It was as if he was healing me with every touch, ever caress.
“God, you are so beautiful,” he murmured.
It took all my willpower not to flinch or push him away. Standing still, I forced myself to hear the words and accept them. I allowed them to wash over me like a soft breeze, like warm sunrays, like a soothing balm.
“Jade,” he whispered my name as his arms came around me, his lips finding mine once again. I circled my arms around his neck, responding to his kiss. Our lips moved in synch, our tongues meshing together in perfect rhythm. It felt like we had been doing this for years, like we fit together perfectly. Our hands roamed over each other’s bodies, searching, exploring. It was the perfect blend of comfortability mixed with newness and excitement. As the kiss deepened, I never wanted it to end. I wished for time to stop, so I never had to leave this moment. When Kyler drew back, I sighed. Wishes were always like that for me. They were fleeting whims, words spoken in passionate moments that vanished into thin air before they could be realized.
“Is that any way to treat my book?” He asked, his gaze landing on the novel lying sideways on the floor.
“I didn’t need it. I was in the middle of my own sweet embrace,” I joked.
Chuckling, he released me. “Well, I promised you a happy ending, so I hope you like it.”
“If it’s a happy ending, then I’m sure I will.” I wondered if we were still talking about the book, but a large part of me hoped we weren’t. Leaning down, I plucked the book off the floor and held it in my arms. “Your tea is in the kitchen. Want me to grab it?”
“No, I got it. You stay here and start reading your sappy love story.”
Pressing the book to my chest, I raised my eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? What are you gonna read? Something scary with a lot of murder and death?”
He smiled. “I read romances too.”
“Yeah, I read your idea of a romance.”
A pained expression crossed his face. “Robert loved Clara.”
“So much he killed her.”
Kyler threw up his arms in mock surrender. “Hey, I offered to re-write it for you.”
I grinned, waving him away with a flick of my wrist. “Just go get your tea.” Moving forward, I plopped down on the couch. “I’ll be here reading my book about sweet love and everything happy.”
“Sweet love and everything happy? Maybe that’s what I’ll title my next book,” Kyler said as he made his way to the kitchen.
The words he scrawled on the paper ran through my mind; the title he’d written in black ink.
He pulled the red lighter out of his pocket, and I flinched, remembering. As he stuck the cigarette in his mouth, he drew the lighter to his lips. I felt the click through my whole body as he turned it on. I averted my gaze from the bright orange flame, and tried in vain to block out the painful memories.
Kyler’s footsteps aroused my attention. I opened the book in my lap, smoothing down the pages as he sat next to me. After taking a sip of his tea, he set the cup down on the end table, put on his glasses and opened his own book. His fingers found mine as we began to read. They danced lazily over my skin, drawing circles and lines on my palm.
“What do you think?” He asked after a little while.
“It’s definitely different than The Yellow String,” I answered.
“Well, not everyone can possess my stellar wordsmith skills.”
“Or your humility,” I teased.
Resting his head on the couch cushion, he grinned. After taking off his glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“So far it’s definitely all sunshine and roses,” I said, dropping my hand down on the page, my finger resting on the last word I read. It had all the makings of a lighthearted romance. Girl meets boy. Boy asks out girl. Girl is elated about their upcoming date.
“Which is what you wanted, right?”
I glanced down at our fingers knotted together between us, and smiled. “Yes, Kyler, it’s exactly what I wanted.”
He was drunk. I could smell the beer on his breath. That rank smell that mingled with his sweat and turned my stomach. He stumbled into the room, climbing into my bed. It creaked as he crawled in my direction. The bed sloped under me, bouncing with each motion. I curled tighter into a ball, fisting the covers in my hands. Squeezing my eyes shut, I held my breath and prayed he’d leave me alone. Prayed he’d be too tired to bother me. However, even as the desperate prayers flew through my mind, I knew they were futile.
I swallowed hard as his leg swung over my body. His knees caged me in as he straddled me, and his hands reached for my arms, circling around my wrists. I kept my eyes closed, not wishing to look at him. Not wanting to see that ugly contorted look on his face as he took what he wanted. As his fingers fumbled around in an effort to pull down my pants, I left the room. I followed my mind to another realm, to a fantasy world where evil was punished and good prevailed. A world where women slept in their beds without fear of being attacked, and men came to their rescue when it was needed. I ignored the feel of his sweaty hands on my skin and the pain he inflicted as he took what he wanted as if he had every right to it. Instead, I played in my imagination, in the place where I was safe and free.
“Jade.” My shoulders shook, hands gripping them.
Scared, I jerked back, clawing at the fingers that held me in place. A frightened whimper escaped through my lips. Instinctually, I curled up into a ball and held my arms up to shield myself.
The hands released me. “Jade.” The voice was softer this time. “It’s me. Kyler.”
Kyler? It took me a minute to remember where I was. Dropping my arms, I straightened back up. Then I slowly opened my eyes. Kyler sat beside me, his eyes wide, and his hands resting in his lap.
“I won’t touch you. I’ll keep my hands right here,” he said. “You’re alright.”
As I stared at him, my heart slowed, resuming its normal cadence. It was dark. I glanced down at the book I was reading, which was now face down on the couch next to my thigh. Kyler and I had stayed up late reading. I must’ve fallen asleep at some point. Kyler’s hair was mussed, his cheeks flushed and his eyes red. I felt bad for waking him up, and even worse for pushing him away.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be. You were having a nightmare. It happens.”
With quivering fingers, I reached out and touched his hand. I ran my fingertips over his knuckles, needing to remind myself of his existence. To remind myself of what was real.
“You’re safe here, Jade,” he said.
“I know.” I scooted closer to him. He made no attempt to touch me. He sat perfectly still, allowing me to make my move, and by doing so he stole another piece of my heart. I nestled into him. “Please hold me,” I spoke into his chest, knowing he wouldn’t unless I asked him. My fingers gripped the fabric on his shirt.
His arms came around me, squeezing my shoulders. A tear slipped down my face and a sob tore at the back of my throat. Kyler tightened his hold on me.
“Don’t cry, Jade. He doesn’t deserve your tears.” He kissed the crown of my head. “And he’ll never hurt you again. I can promise you that.”
; I clung to his words like a lifeline as he continued to hold me. It wasn’t until hours later that I wondered how he knew what to say. Had I spoken in my sleep? Had my unintelligible ramblings during a nightmare spilled the ugly truth? Or was it obvious, the observations of someone who had actually taken the time to really see me; to look into my eyes and read what was written there?
TWENTY
In the short time that I’d known Kyler I’d grown to trust him more than I’d ever trusted anyone. He was gentle and kind, and treated me like I was someone special. No one had ever done that for me before. Sometimes the desperation I felt to stay connected to him was so fierce it stole my breath away.
But the reality was that I didn’t know anything about him. That became painstakingly clear when I found his wedding ring. And he didn’t really know anything about me. At first I liked that about our relationship. I liked how we could both leave the past behind us and be together without any baggage. But suspicions about him had been mounting since I heard those boys gossiping. As much as I wanted to forget what they said - chock it up to nothing more than silly rumors – for some reason I couldn’t erase them from my mind. The words swirled in my head, swam through my brain, taunting me. I worried that one day our pasts would be revealed, destroying everything we had. Then I’d lose Kyler, and I’d be out on the streets, alone and scared again. I couldn’t let that happen. But I knew the only way to ensure it didn’t was to find out the truth. As painful as it might be, I was going to have to talk to Kyler about it.
“Kyler,” I said, staring out the window at the early morning sun as it rose over the tall trees.
“Yeah?” Kyler spoke from over my shoulder, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“I lied to you the other day.” My voice was soft, and I didn’t dare turn around. If I looked in his eyes, I knew I wouldn’t be able to continue. “Well, not lied, I guess, I just didn’t tell you the whole story.” I ran my fingers nervously along the edge of the kitchen counter. “I told you some teenagers were horsing around on the property, but I didn’t tell you what they said.”