“It’s not Deconstruct Chloe Day,” I tell her frankly, “and I am being honest. I didn’t love him, darl. I really, really liked his body and the things he could do with it, but I didn’t love him.”
She looks at me for a long, long time, then she murmurs, “Oh, no.”
“What? Stop looking at me like that.” It’s worse than being naked… it’s like she sees right through me.
“You’ve still got the hots for Adam, haven’t you?”
“What? No. Nah!” I fold my legs beneath the table, sit back and fold my arms, too. For good measure, I tip my head back and pretend I’m as nonchalant as could be.
“So, if I told you his wife is a psycho, and I mean an actual verified psycho, you wouldn’t be interested?”
I practically leap across the table and find myself staring into the whites of her eyes.
“What the fuck do you know, preggo bitch? Tell me everything.”
She slaps her knee and laughs. “Oh, my god. Order is restored, order is restored.” I’m about to tell her to keep her fucking voice down when she shouts, “Chloe’s back everybody, order is restored!”
People look at us like we’re not normal and I wait until Lily’s ensconced with her tea again before gesturing to people nearby it’s because she’s pregnant and she’s crazy (I do the loco signal with my index finger near my temple). Lily almost catches me out but I smile into her face when she looks up at me and says, “So, what are you gonna do to help me get that bitch out of his life?”
I pull my best Marlon Brandon expression and tell her, “Tell me everything. We’ll find a way to show her up for what she really is. No question.”
She starts to tell me everything and while she’s talking, most of it sounds like garbage to me except for when she drops the name Markos, who is apparently Susan’s ex. Part of being me is that I know what details to focus on and where we might find the answers to our prayers before anyone else has figured it all out. I’ve found him on Facebook before she’s finished and already messaged the twat.
“He’s gonna meet me tomorrow,” I tell her once she’s finished speed-talking. “Don’t worry, we’ll oust the bitch. Nobody comes up against the St Anne’s gang and survives intact.”
The relief she expresses in her whole body, the tension leaving her…
“Just how bad is it, Lily?” I ask.
Then she shows me the messages on her phone.
“Oh, oh… I see. Oh.”
“Yeah… I mean, I tried to get past it… but how can he stay with her? She’s a total psycho. Theo wanted to barge down their door and demand she cease and desist. He even suggested we call the police.”
I knew she was a psycho more than two years ago but nobody listened; they thought I was joking.
“We’re going to do better than call the police, trust me.”
“I trust you, Chlo. It’s Adam’s judgement that’s lapsed.”
I nod that I agree, although, I do feel sorry for him. He’s just too trusting. Always has been.
“Anyway, tell me about the wedding. Tell me everything!” I change the subject, and as she starts to talk, I realise I’ve never seen her happier.
Chapter Three
Owing to the fact Lily has kept the wedding pretty simple, and that she’s pregnant, we haven’t had to do a lot to help her out – except turn up for the bridesmaid dress fittings and tag along for the hen do, which was a bowling night and Nando’s afterwards – cheesy in more than one sense of the word, but also kind of cute and nice and nostalgic. I’ve missed my friends. Notably absent from the hen party was Susan, who a week ago ramped up her hateful text messages – so Lily blocked her.
Today’s the day and being a bridesmaid isn’t that bad really. The dresses are pink but I sort of like them. The only odd one out is Lily’s sister Lauren who looks frumpy in hers – she’s a pear shape and the dress Lily chose is frilly down one side and kind of clingy – not good for Lauren’s figure. I think I look okay in mine but as I’m staring at Saskia, I’m thinking she definitely had that thing shortened more than was agreed. Meanwhile Marie’s chest is almost popping out of the top of her dress and she’s decided to wear black shoes (also against code), but the thing is, she has a thing about comfy shoes and the regulation silver ones aren’t comfy, something I can attest having worn them for a couple of hours now.
We’re waiting just outside the church for Lily to arrive with her dad. When she does, she looks a picture. She’s carrying off that whole preggo bride thing very well, almost too well. You wouldn’t think that just over a year ago she was pregnant with someone else’s child, working for the police and living in a shoebox. How life has changed for her.
We’re about to head inside when Lily tugs on my arm and pulls me slightly to the side.
“Is she in there?”
“Hmm, I’ve seen her.”
Lily shakes her head. “If it weren’t for Adam…”
“She won’t do anything, there are too many people. That’s not how people like Susan work, trust me. Her style is much more insidious than causing a little ruckus at a wedding.”
Lily gulps and walks forwards, then she stops me again, much to the frustration of her father who is waiting at the church door, ready to get his part over and done with (he looks more nervous than anyone).
“Paul’s not bloody here, is he?”
I stand akimbo. “You didn’t invite him?”
“No,” she says, horrified I would think that. “But it’s a house of God, anyone could show up.”
“Anyone could, that doesn’t mean to say anyone isn’t scared of being murdered by a certain Monsieur Richards.”
Lily grins, wriggling her shoulders. “Ooh, you just reminded me, I have a gorgeous man to marry in there.”
“Oh yes you do.”
I round her quickly and pick her dress up off the ground. Never understood why people spend so much on these things, only to trail about in them all day, get splashes of wine on them and bits of earth and dirt.
I’m fluffing her up when she stops again. She pulls me close and whispers in my ear, “How you doing, kid?”
I pull back. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously.”
“I’m A-O-fucking-K.”
“Sure?” she asks.
“Bloody hell, yes. Can’t we have this convo later?”
“Well, you know, I have been wondering… maybe I should’ve given Paul another chance.”
“Now you’re just having fun making them wait.”
“Oh, you know me so well,” she evil-laughs, and yet as we prepare to head inside, the sight of her and the whole occasion sort of gets to me and a big lump forms in my throat.
She walks in first and we trail behind – like the back-up dancers we are, not necessary, but kinda fun to have around. Lauren follows her sister and father, hating every second I’m sure, then there’s Marie with her flower girls and ring bearer, Saskia and her butt, then I’m bringing up the rear with all the comedy, it would seem. Just whatever, it’s their day I suppose.
Then as we get closer, I spot him. He’s standing just beside Theo, slightly behind the towering wildebeest that is the groom, but I see him. Tousled brown curls tucked behind his ears, tall, huge blue eyes…
…and most inconveniently, I feel a pulse begin to beat in my most intimate place, and it’s not even my wedding.
Fuck.
How is this happening?
I haven’t seen him in ages and BOOM, back to square sodding one.
Shit.
He doesn’t even look at me. Not even once. Adam’s staring at Lily and urging them on, his role today to be Theo’s perfect wingman, so loyal, ever decent and reliable.
Then as the ceremony gets underway and all the focus is on the bride and groom, I brave a little look out into the congregation and her eyes lock onto mine. I feel a sort of relish as she displays envy and hatred. I feel glee and a little bit of a thrill, because I’m up here and she’s all the way over there,
relegated to a seat next to pervy Tom.
She has no idea what I have in store for her.
None whatsoever.
After the vows and all that, it’s mayhem. We all have to be outside for photographs and then we’re all piling into cars and buses and whatnot to get to the wedding reception. The bride and groom have themselves a Rolls Royce while us bridesmaids, the best man, the ushers and Lily’s parents are in a jumbo limo. Everyone else – including the likes of Susan and Tom – have to grab their own taxi or jump into one of the vintage buses put on especially for today.
It’s incredibly awkward when Adam and I end up sat together, squashed in a corner because the vehicle is at capacity.
“You look good, Chlo,” he says, as someone pops open a bottle of champagne.
We don’t look at one another. True, every inch of my side is pressed to every inch of his, but we don’t look at one another.
“Thanks. Not really digging this dress, but it’s not my wedding day.”
“Oh my god, I hate this bloody thing,” Lauren says, pulling at her straps and itching the material around her midriff. “I thought it was just me.”
Penny, who is Lauren and Lily’s mother, stares daggers at her daughter and reminds Lauren, “That bloody thing cost us an arm and a leg.”
Well, not really. They were £200 each. Lauren’s was bought for her, meanwhile Lily and Theo went halves with us on ours (me, Sass and Marie). It’s fine, it’s our duty, and we get to keep the dress and watch as it gradually disintegrates in our wardrobes post-wedding, until one day we have to throw it out or incinerate its moth-eaten shell.
“Are the kids getting there on the bus?” I yell at Marie, who’s at the other side of the limo.
“Adrian took them home,” she says, “his mum’s gonna look after them. My boy is getting over an upset tummy and the girls are a pain in the butt.”
I laugh hysterically and raise my glass. “Hell yeah to child-free days, bitch.”
“Hell yeah,” she yells back, but we quickly quieten once it becomes clear Penny is not impressed and it looks like Lily’s dad Ivan is going to pass out any minute from the sheer stress of having to be so close to so many people at once.
A collective sigh is heard when we reach the hotel, the lot of us piling out as though we’ve been let out on day release and our tags accidentally fell off on the way here.
Adam stands by the side of the car and it looks like he’s about to say something when he spots the buses beginning to arrive. I quickly dash inside the building and surround myself with what I know will protect me – my bitches for life. My crew. Marie and Saskia won’t stand for any shit from Susan today and I don’t think even Lily has the patience for it anymore. Anyway, once the first welcome drinks are passed around and people have debated the seating chart, it’s already time to take our seats and shut the fuck up about our own problems – because this is their day, not ours.
I’m still thinking about Adam’s best man speech and how typically him it was, sort of goofy and cute but ultimately heartfelt, when I emerge from the toilet and head for the sink to wash up. I’m retouching my lippy when Susan walks into the bathroom, sauntering up to the basin beside me and reapplying her lipstick rather than daring to pee in front of her nemesis.
She smiles into the mirror, thinking she has me cornered. Little does she know, she has me anything but cornered.
“You think you won this one,” she says, her slinky dress hugging all the right bits and not a hair on her head out of place.
This morning I dried my hair with a towel and left it wavy, put my make-up on in the cab to Lily’s mum’s house… and, I’m not even sure my bra and knickers match. I’m sure hers always do.
“What is it you think I have won?” I ask her straight, not looking at her.
Instead of giving her any hint as to what it is I’m feeling right now – mega smug – I avoid her eye and spend time teasing my hair.
“Lily.”
I can’t help but bark, “Ha!”
She’s utterly ridiculous.
I jiggle my boobs in the dress and shimmy them a little higher. She doesn’t like that; it means I don’t care what she says.
“You won’t get him,” she says, almost grunting.
“You know, I was having a wonderful time with a man the other day. Someone called Markos. I wonder if you know him?”
Almost instantaneously, she colours green, maybe even grey.
She seethes, her chest lifting up and down more noticeably.
“He had quite a lot to say about you. Quite a lot indeed. I can see why you chose that one. He’s not very clever, is he? A quick message from me, a solicitor allegedly acting on behalf of another of your victims… and he spilled his guts and then some, love.”
She steps towards me but doesn’t dare enter my personal space. “What do you want?”
I’m a couple of inches taller than her at 5’8, but I’m quite a bit heavier given I’m built like a farmer’s daughter and she’s pencil-thin.
“I don’t want anything,” I tell her, perfectly calmly. “But when Adam does divorce you – and he will by the way – if I hear any kind of murmur from either him or any one of our other friends about you trying to take him to the cleaners and not give him half of the estate, then I will personally see to it that all your dirty secrets come out.”
“Hearsay,” she fires back, but I can tell she wants to know what I know.
“Do you really want to risk it?” I fold my arms and look her straight in the eye.
“You don’t have the balls,” she growls.
“You’d be surprised what I have. Including friends in high places.” She smarts, more scared than arrogant. Good. I continue, “That restraining order your stepbrother took out against you. Let’s just say, a previous like that wouldn’t look good alongside the texts you’ve been sending Lily. Then there’s the two fertility doctors who fled abroad and who’d gladly testify against your character if they discovered they weren’t the only ones duped. Plus, the money you extorted from Adam’s parents for your sick game.” I tap my lip playfully. “Oh, and then there’s Markos, of course. And Adam. Both could testify against you in a court of law to claim you financially abused them. And all this could accidentally end up on some kind of website one of my friends owns. Oh, I don’t know, let’s think big, shall we? Because I am the social butterfly of the group if you remember rightly. And what would everyone think if they read all about the Castleford Cocksucker who duped all the men in her life into thinking that she was oh so weak and feeble, when really, she was just using them for their sperm donations? It wouldn’t look good for when you want to try duping someone new, would it? Everyone would know… your colleagues… your dad… future lovers. They’d look you up online and discover everything.”
A tear falls down her face. “You have no idea what it’s like to be me.”
“Yeah, bitch. Ain’t that the truth.”
I laugh loudly as she leaves the bathroom, stomping her way across the harsh tiles and almost dropping her bag and skidding at the same time as she storms off.
Once the coast is clear, my girls leave their hiding place in the stalls and walk over to me, arms around me.
“Your best work yet, woman,” Sass says. “Courtroom badass, or what?”
“My hero,” Lily cries.
“Our fucking leader,” exclaims Marie – drunk as a skunk, her bladder and tolerance not what they used to be since having a baby boy followed quickly by twin girls.
“Don’t you feel a bit dirty, though?” asks Sass, as we all head for the mirrors to check ourselves.
“I feel utterly cleansed,” I announce. “That guy, Markos… he was fucking broken, ladies. Fucking broken. He now has a kid he hardly sees because its mother hates him… and a mountain of debt Susan racked up which he is still paying for… and he’s too weak to fight her for it. Can you believe it?”
“I wanted to believe she could be better, but honestly, the night Theo tol
d me about Susan having made Adam believe he’s infertile when he isn’t… that was the night I learnt she could never really be trusted. And believe me, once it’s broken, you can never get that trust back.”
“Amen to that,” Marie slurs, and as we all leave the bathroom together, I see the same thing in Saskia’s eyes that I’m struggling with – what if Adam never trusts anyone ever again?
Chapter Four
September
A lot has changed in the four months since I got back from Oz. I’m employed. Have been for two months now. I walked into a job I’d been training for before trying for the bar. I’m now a criminal solicitor. The job is hard, it pays… and I have a house I rent in Leeds, too. I’m all grown up, as my mother likes to keep reminding me. I know I could go back anytime and finish the BPTC, but I didn’t like myself when I was doing that course. I didn’t like London, either or the person I was when I was there. I had to travel to the other side of the world and spend two years picking at insect bites to realise that life has much more to offer.
So it’s strange that I now find myself heading back to London. Well, not the city exactly. I’m driving to Beaconsfield where Lily and Theo now have a house. It’s a little Buckinghamshire market town way out of London but not so far that Theo can’t get to work in the city if he needs to. I know he’s kept their rented flat in Soho for convenience but now they have a newborn son, I doubt Theo will be spending any time there at all.
Their house is easy to find as I creep down the street in my old Volvo (perfect car for reliability, safety and housing the many, many files I bring home every night). Lily told me it’s a Grade-II listed property with timber beams in the brickwork… and at the end of a row of terraces. It’s utterly quaint and unmistakably Lily and Theo.
Finding a parking spot is nightmarish and I drive round at least three times before eventually giving in and parking two streets away, then lugging my overnight bag down the street over my shoulder.
Bad Girl Page 2