Little Myth Marker

by Robert Asprin

  No explosion! I was starting to get a little worried about my partner.

  "Aren't you upset?"

  "Of course I'm upset," he said, favoring me with a fleeting glimpse of bared teeth, a barely recognizable smile. "Do you think I'm always this jovial?"

  "I mean, aren't you mad?"

  "Oh, I'm past 'mad.' I'm all the way to 'thoughtful.' "

  I arrived at the startling conclusion that I liked it better when Aahz was shouting and unreasonable. That I knew how to deal with. This latest mood of his was a total unknown.

  "What are you thinking about?"

  "Parenthood."

  "Parenthood?"

  "Yeah. You know, that state of total responsibility for another being? Well, at least, that's the theory."

  I wasn't sure I was following this at all.

  "Aahz? Are you trying to say you feel responsible for what happened with Markie because you hadn't taught me more about magic and poker?"

  "Yes. No. I don't know."

  "But that's silly!"

  "I know," he replied, with his first honest grin since I had entered the garden. "That's what got me thinking about parenthood."

  I abandoned any hope of following his logic.

  "You'll have to explain it to me, Aahz. I'm a little slow today."

  He straightened up a bit, draping one arm around my shoulders.

  "I'll try, but it isn't easy," he said in a tone that was almost conversational. "You see, regardless of what I said when I was ranting at you about how much of a problem Markie was going to be, it's been a long time since I was a parent. I've been sitting here, trying to remember what it was like. What's so surprising to me is the realization that I've never really stopped. Nobody does."

  I started to shift uncomfortably.

  "Hear me out. For once I'm trying to share some of my hard-won lessons with you without shouting. Forget the theories of parenthood! What it's really all about is taking pride in things you can never be sure you had a hand in, and accepting the responsibility and guilt for things you either didn't know or had no control over. Actually, it's a lot more complicated than that, but that's the bare bones of the matter."

  "You don't make it sound particularly attractive," I observed.

  "In a lot of ways, it isn't. Your kid expects you to know everything...to be able to answer any question he asks and, more important, to provide a logical explanation of what is essentially an illogical world. Society, on the other hand, expects you to train your kid in everything necessary for them to become a successful, responsible member of the community...even if you aren't yourself. The problem is that you aren't the only source of input for the kid. Friends, schools, and other adults are all supplying other opinions, many of which you don't agree with. That means that if your kid succeeds, you don't really know if it was because of or in spite of your influence. On the other hand, if the kid goes bad, you always wonder if there was something else you could have said or done or done differently that could have salvaged things before they hit the wall."

  His hand tightened slightly on my shoulder, but I don't think he did it consciously.

  "Now, I wasn't a particularly good parent...which I like to think places me in the majority. I didn't interact much with my kids. Business was always a good excuse, but the truth was that I was glad to let someone else handle their upbringing as much as possible. I can see now that it was because I was afraid that if I tried to do it myself, that in my ignorance and uncertainty I would make some terrible mistake. The end result was that some of the kids turned out okay, some of them...let's say less than okay. What I was left with was a nagging feeling that I could have done better. That I could have--should have--made more of a difference."

  He released his hold on my shoulders and stood up.

  "Which brings us to you."

  I wasn't sure if I should feel uncomfortable because he was focusing on me, or glad because he was pacing again.

  "I've never consciously thought of you as a son, but in hindsight I realize that a lot of how I've treated you has been driven by my lingering guilt from parenthood. In you, I had another chance to mold someone...to give all the advice I felt I should have given my own kids. If at times I've seemed to overreact when things didn't go well, it's because deep inside I saw it as a personal failure. I mean, this was my second chance. A time to show how much I had learned from my earlier perceived failures, and you know what? Now I'm giving it my full attention and my best shot, and things are still going wrong!"

  This was doing nothing to brighten my mood. On top of everything else, now I had the distinct feeling I had somehow let Aahz down.

  "I don't think you can say it's your fault, Aahz. I mean, you've tried hard and been more patient with me than anyone I've ever known. Nobody can teach someone else everything, even if they could remember what should be taught. I've got a certain saturation point. After that, I'm not going to learn anything new until I've digested what I've got. Even then, I've got to be honest and say there are some things I don't believe no matter how often you tell me. I've just got to find out for myself. A craftsman can't blame his skill if he has defective material."

  "That's just what I've been thinking," Aahz nodded. "I can't keep blaming myself for everything. It's very astute of you to have figured this out at your age...without going through what I have."

  "It's no big thing to figure out that I'm a dummy," I said bitterly. "I've known it all along."

  Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted into the air. I looked past Aahz's hand, which was gripping my shirt by the collar, down the length of his arm, and into his yellow eyes.

  "Wrong lesson!" he snarled, sounding much like his old self. "What you're supposed to be learning isn't that you're dumb. You're not, and if you were listening, I just complimented you on that fact."

  "Then what..." I managed, with what little air I had left.

  "The point is that what's happened in the past isn't my fault, just like what's happening now isn't your fault!"

  "Aaggh...urk..." was my swift rebuttal.

  "Oh! Sorry."

  My feet hit the floor and air flooded back into my lungs.

  "All a parent, any parent, can do is give it their best shot, right or wrong." Aahz continued as if there had been no interruption. "The actual outcome rests on so many variables, no single person can assume responsibility, blame, or praise for whatever happens. That's important for me to remember in my dealings with you...and for you to remember in your dealings with Markie. It's not your fault!"

  "It isn't?"

  "That's right. We both have strong paternal streaks in us, though I don't know where you got yours from, but all we can do is our best. We've got to remember not to try to shoulder the blame for what other people do...like Tananda."

  That sobered me up again. "You know about that, huh?"

  "Yeah. She told me to tell you goodbye if she didn't see you, but I guess you already know."

  I simply nodded, unable to speak.

  "I was already worried about how you were going to react to the problems with Markie, and when Tananda left I knew you were going to take it hard. I've been trying to find a way to show you that you aren't alone. Right or wrong, what you're feeling has been around for a long time."

  "Thanks, Aahz."

  "Has it helped at all?"

  I thought for a moment.

  "A bit."

  My partner heaved another sigh.

  "Well," he said, "I tried. That what's important...I think."

  "Cheerio, chaps. How's every little thing?"

  I glanced up to find Chumley striding toward us, beaming merrily. "Oh. Hi, Chumley."

  "I thought you'd like to know," the troll announced, "I think I've figured out a way to charge the damage Markie caused this afternoon back to the Mob as a business expense!"

  "That's swell, Chumley," Aahz said dully.

  "Yeah. Terrific."

  "'Allo, 'allo?" he said, cocking his head at us. "Any time the two biggest hus
tlers at the Bazaar fail to get excited over money, there's got to be something wrong. Out with it now. What's troubling you?"

  "Do you want to tell him, Aahz?"

  "Well..."

  "I say, this wouldn't be about little sister leaving the nest, would it? Oh, there's a giggle."

  "You know? "I blinked.

  "I can see you're all broken up over it," Aahz said in a dangerous tone.

  "Tish tosh!" the troll exclaimed. "I don't see where it's anything to get upset about. Tananda's just settling things in her mind, is all. She's found that she likes something that goes against her self-image. It might take a few days, but eventually she'll figure out that it's not the end of the world. Everybody goes through it. It's called 'growing up.' If anything, I think it's bloody marvelous that she's finally having to learn that things don't stay the same forever."

  "You do?" I was suddenly starting to feel better.

  "Certainly. Why, in just the time we've been chumming around together, Aahz has changed, you've changed, so have I, though I don't tend to show it as dramatically as you two or little sister. You blokes have just got a bad case of the guilts. Poppycock! You can't take the blame for everything, you know."

  "That's good advice," I said, standing up and stretching. "Why can't you ever give me good advice like that, partner?"

  "Cause any fool can see it without being told," Aahz snarled, but there was a twinkle in his eye. "The problem is that Pervects aren't just any fool."

  "Quite right," Chumley grinned. "Now how about joining me in a little Happy Hour spot of wine while I tell you how clever I am at saving you money."

  "I'd rather you impressed us with a solution to our baby-sitting problems," my partner said grimly, heading for the lounge.

  I followed in their wake, strangely happy. Things were back to normal...or as normal as they ever get around here. Between us, I was sure we could find a positive course of action. I mean, after all, how much trouble could one little girl...

  That thought crumbled in front of an image of elemental-blown tents.

  I resolved to do more listening than talking in the upcoming war council.

  Chapter Nine

  "They never let you live it down. One little mistake!"

  -Nero

  RELAXING over drinks with Aahz and Chumley, I felt the tensions and depressions of the day slipping away. It was nice to know that when things really got tough, I had friends to help me solve my problems, however complex or apparently hopeless.

  "Well, guys," I said, pouring another round of wine for everyone. "Any ideas as to what we should do?"

  "Beats me." Chumley said, toying with his goblet.

  "I still think it's your problem," Aahz announced, leaning back in his chair and grinning evilly. "I mean, after all, you got into it without our help."

  Like I said, it's great to have friends.

  "I can't say I go along with that, Aahz old boy," the troll said with a wave. "Although I'll admit it's tempting. The unfortunate reality is that as long as we're living and working as closely as we are, his problems are our problems, don't you know?"

  As much as I appreciated the fact that Chumley's logic was moving them closer to lending me assistance, I felt the need to defend myself a little.

  "I'd like to think it's a two-way street, Aahz. I've gotten dragged into a few of your problems as well."

  He started to snap back, then pursed his lips and returned his attention to his wine. "I'll avoid comparing lists of how often which of us has gotten us in how much trouble and simply concede the point. I guess that's part of what a partnership is all about. Sorry if I seem a little snorky from time to time, but I've never had a partner before. It takes getting used to."

  "I say! Well said, Aahz!" Chumley applauded. "You know, you're getting more civilized every day."

  "Let's not get too carried away just yet. How about you, Chumley? You and your sister have helped us out often enough, but I don't recall either of you bringing your problems home with you. Isn't that a little lopsided?"

  "I've always figured it's our way of kicking in on the rent," the troll said casually. "If our problems ever start interfering with your work, then I'll figure we've overstayed our welcome."

  This came as a total surprise to me. I realized with a start, that I was usually so busy with my own life and problems that I never got around to asking much about the work Chumley and Tananda were doing.

  "Whoa up a minute here," I said. "Are you two having problems I don't know about?"

  "Well, it isn't all beer and skittles," the troll grimaced briefly. "The subject at hand, however, is your problems. There's nothing on my plate that has a higher priority just now, so let's get to work on the latest crisis, shall we? I suggest we all put on our thinking caps and brainstorm a little. Let's just stare at the ceiling and each toss out ideas as they occur to us."

  I made myself a little promise to return to the subject of Tananda and Chumley's problems at a later date, then joined the others in staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

  Time crawled along, and no one said anything.

  "Well, so much for brainstorming," Aahz said, reaching for the wine again. "I'll admit I'm coming up blank."

  "Perhaps it would help if we started by defining the problem," Chumley urged. "Now, as I see it, we have two problems: Markie and Bunny. We're going to have trouble figuring out what to do about Bunny until we find out what Don Bruce has up his sleeve, and we've got to come up with a way to keep Markie from totally disrupting our lives until her father comes to pick her up."

  "If he picks her up," my partner corrected helpfully. "I'll admit, I still don't know how you did so well in that game to end up with Markie in the first place," the troll said, cocking one outsized eye at me and ignoring Aahz.

  "Dumb luck...with the emphasis on dumb."

  "That's not the way I heard it," Chumley smirked. "Whatever your method was, it was successful enough to make you the talk of the Bazaar."

  "What!?" Aahz said, sitting up in his chair again. "You would hear it yourself if you weren't spending all your time sulking in your room," the troll winked. "When I went out after little sister today, it seemed that all I was hearing about was the new dragon poker champion of Deva. Everybody's talking about the game, or what they've heard about the game. I suspect they're embellishing upon the facts, from some of the description of the hands, but there are those who are taking it all as gospel."

  I remembered then that when the game broke up, the other players had been very enthusiastic about my playing. At the time, I had been worried about the secret of my night out reaching Aahz (which, you'll recall, it did before I got home). The troubles with Markie and Bunny had occupied my mind and time ever since, so I hadn't stopped to think of other potential repercussions of the game gossip. Now, however...

  Aahz was out of his seat, pacing back and forth.

  "Chumley, if what you're saying is true...are you following this, partner?"

  "Too bloody well," I growled.

  That got my partner to pause momentarily to roll his eyes.

  "Watch yourself," he warned. "You're starting to talk like Chumley now."

  "You want I should talk like Guido instead, know what I mean?"

  "I don't understand," the troll interrupted. "Is something amiss?"

  "We don't have two problems," Aahz announced. "We've got three! Markie, Bunny, and the rumor mill!"

  "Gossip? How can that be a problem?"

  "Think it through, Chumley," I said. "All I need right now is to have a bunch of hotshot dragon poker players hunting me up to see if I'm as good as everybody says."

  "That's only part of it, partner," Aahz added. "This could hurt our business and public images as well."

  I closed my eyes and sighed.

  "Spell it out for me, Aahz. I'm still learning, remember?"

  "Well, we already know your reputation at magic has been growing fast...almost too fast. The competition hates you because you're taking all the prim
e assignments. No big deal! Professional jealousy is the price of success in any field. There comes a time, however, when you can get too big too fast. Then it isn't just your rivals you worry about. Everybody wants you taken down a peg or two if for no other reason than to convince themselves that your success is abnormal...that they don't have to feel bad for not measuring up."

  He paused to stare at me hard.

  "I'm afraid this dragon poker thing just might push you into the second category. A lot of beings excel here at the Bazaar, but they're only noted in one field. The Geek, for example, is a recognized figure among the gamblers, but he doesn't have any reputation to speak of as a magician or merchant. People can accept that...work hard and you rise toward the top of your group. You, on the other hand, have just made a strong showing in a second profession. I'm afraid there's going to be some backlash."

  "Backlash?" I echoed weakly. "It's like I've been trying to tell you: people aren't going to want you to get too much above them. At the very least they might start boycotting our business. At most...well, there are ways of sabotaging other people's success."

  "You mean they're going to..."

  "That's enough!" Chumley declared, slapping his palm down on the table loudly.

  It suddenly occurred to me that I had never seen Chumley mad. It also occurred to me that I was glad our furniture was strong enough to withstand even Aahz's tirades. If not, the troll would have destroyed the table just stopping the conversation.

  "Now listen up, both of you!" he ordered, leveling a gnarled finger at us. "I think the current crisis has gone to your heads. You two are overreacting...snapping at shadows! I'll admit we've got some problems, but we've handled worse. This is no time to get panicky."

  "But..."

  "Hear me out, Aahz. I've listened to you bellow often enough."

  I opened my mouth to make a witty comment, then, for once, thought better of it.

  "Markie is a potential disaster, but the key word there is potential. She's a good kid who will do what we say...if we learn to watch what we say to her. The same goes for Bunny. She's smart as a whip and..."

  "Bunny?" I blurted, forgetting myself for a moment.