"Yes, Bunny. It's been a long time since there's been anyone around here I could discuss literature and theater with. She's really quite intelligent if you bother to talk to her."
"We are talking about the same Bunny, aren't we?" Aahz murmured.
"The one who comes across dumb as a stone," Chumley confirmed firmly. "Just remember how I come across when I'm putting on my Big Crunch act...but we're wandering. The subject is problems, and I maintain with a little coaching Bunny won't be one."
He paused to glare at us.
"As to the rumor of Skeeve's abilities at dragon poker, I've never in my life heard anyone get as alarmed as you, Aahz. Sure, there are negative sides to any rumor, but you have to get pretty extreme to do the projections that have been voiced just now."
"Hey, Boss!" Guido called, sticking his head in the door. "The Geek's here to see you."
"I'll handle this," Aahz said, heading for the reception area. "You stay here and listen to what Chumley has to say. He's probably right. I have been edgy lately...for some unknown reason."
"If I am right, then you should hear it, too," the troll called after him.
"Talk to me, Chumley," I said. "That's probably the closest you'll ever hear to an apology from Aahz, anyway."
"Quite right. Where was I? Oh, yes. Even if Aahz's appraisal of the reaction to your success is correct, it shouldn't have too much impact on your work. The small fry may go to other magicians, but you've been trying to cut down on unimportant jobs anyway. When someone is really in trouble, they're going to want the best available magician working on it...and right now, that means you."
I thought about what he was saying, weighing it carefully in my mind.
"Even if Aahz is just a little right," I said, "I'm not wild about having any ill feeling generated about me at the Bazaar. Admiration I don't mind, but envy makes me uneasy."
"Now that you'll just have to get used to," the troll laughed, clapping a hand lightly on my shoulder. "Whether you know it or not, that's been building for some time...long before this dragon poker thing came up. You've got a lot going for you, Skeeve, and as long as you do, there will be blokes who envy it."
"So you really think the dragon poker rumors are harmless?"
"Quite right. Really, what harm can come from idle gossip?"
"You know, Chumley, you aren't wrong very often. But when you miss, you really miss."
We looked up to find Aahz leaning in the doorway.
"What's wrong, Aahz? You look like someone just served you water when you were expecting wine."
My partner didn't even smile at my attempted humor.
"Worse than that," he said. "That was the Geek downstairs."
"We know. What did he want?"
"I was hoping he had come to pick up Markie for her father...."
Aahz's voice trailed off to nothing.
"I take it he didn't?" I prompted.
"No, he didn't. In fact, the subject never came up."
Almost without thinking, my partner's hand groped for his oversized goblet of wine.
"He had an invitation...no, make that a challenge. The Sen-Sen Ante Kid has heard about Skeeve here. He wants a showdown match of head-to-head dragon poker. The Geek is making the arrangements."
Chapter Ten
"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!"
-L. Borgia
"JUST let the energy flow."
"That's easy for you to say!"
"Did I stutter?"
"You know, Hot Stuff, maybe it would be better if I..."
"Quit talking and concentrate, Massha."
"You started it."
"And I'm finishing it. Focus on the candle!"
If some of that sounds vaguely familiar, it should. It's the old 'light the candle' game. Theoretically, it builds a student's confidence. In actuality, it's a pain in the butt. Apprentices hate the candle drill. I did when I was an apprentice. It's a lot more fun when you're on the teaching end.
"Come on, Skeeve. I'm getting too old to learn this stuff."
"And you're getting older the longer you stall, apprentice. Remember, you came to me to learn magic. Just because we've gotten distracted from time to time doesn't mean I've forgotten completely. Now light the candle."
She turned her attention to the exercise again with a mutter I chose to ignore.
I had been thinking hard about my conversations with Aahz and Chumley. The whole question of what to do about the challenge from the Kid was touchy enough that for once I decided to seek the counsel of my advisors before making a commitment I might later regret. Wiser heads than mine were addressing the dilemma at this very moment. Unfortunately, aforesaid wiser heads were in total disagreement as to what course of action to follow.
Aahz was in favor of refusing the match, while Chumley insisted that a refusal would only inflame the situation. He maintained that the only sane way out would be to face the Kid and lose (no one seriously thought I would have a chance in such a game), thereby getting me off the hot seat once and for all. The main problem with that solution was that it involved voluntarily giving up a substantial amount of money...and Aahz wouldn't hear of it.
As the battle raged on, I thought about the earlier portions of our conversations. I thought about parenthood and responsibility. Then I went looking for Massha.
When we first met, Massha was holding down a job as court magician for one of the city-states in the dimension of Jahk...that's right. Where they hold the Big Game every year. The problem was that she didn't really know any magic. She was what is known in the field as a mechanic, and all her powers were purchased across the counter in the form of rings, pendants, and other magical devices. After she saw us strut our stuff in the Big Game, she decided to try to learn some of the non-mechanical variety of magic...and for some unknown reason picked or picked on me to provide her with lessons.
Now, to say the least, I had never thought of Massha as a daughter, but she was my apprentice and therefore a responsibility I had accepted. Unfortunately, I had dodged that responsibility more often than not for the very reasons Aahz had listed: I was unsure of my own abilities and therefore afraid of making a mistake. What I hadn't done was give it my best shot, win or lose. That realization sparked me into a new resolve that if anything happened to Massha in the future, it wouldn't be because I hadn't at least tried to teach her what she asked.
I was also aware that I wanted to learn more about any problems Chumley and Tananda were having, as well as getting a better fix on just who or what Bunny was. At this moment, however, Tananda was absent and Chumley was arguing with Aahz, putting that objective on hold. Bunny was around somewhere, but given a choice between her and Massha, I opted for addressing old obligations before plunging into new ones. Ergo, I rousted out Massha for a long-overdue magic lesson.
"It's just not working, Skeeve. I told you I can't do it."
She sank back in her chair dejected and scowled at the floor. Curious, I reached over and felt the candle wick. It wasn't even warm.
"Not bad," I lied. "You're showing some improvement."
"Don't kid a kidder." Massha grimaced. "I'm not getting anywhere."
"Could you light it with one of your rings?"
She spread her fingers and made a quick inventory. "Sure. This little trinket right here could do the job, but that's not the point."
"Bear with me. How does it work? Or, more important, how does it feel when it works?"
She gave a quick shrug.
"There's nothing to it. You see, this circle around the stone here moves, and I rotate it according to how tight a beam I want. Pressing the back of the ring activates it, so all I have to do is aim it and relax. The ring does all the work."
"That's it!" I exclaimed, snapping my fingers.
"What's it?"
"Never mind. Keep going. How does it feel?"
"Well," she frowned thoughtfully. "It sort of tingles. It's like I was a hose and there was water rushing through me and out the r
ing."
"Bingo!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Listen, Massha. Listen closely."
I was speaking carefully now, trying hard to contain my excitement over what I hoped was a major breakthrough.
"Our problem with teaching you non-mechanical magic is that you don't believe in it! I mean, you know that it exists and all, but you don't believe that you can do it. You're working hard at overcoming that every time you try to cast a spell, and that's the problem: You try...You work hard. You know you've got to believe, so you work hard at overcoming that disbelief every time you..."
"Yeah. So?"
"It means you tense up instead of relaxing the way you do when you're working your rings. Tensing blocks the flow of the energies, so you end up with less power at your disposal than you have when you're just walking around. The idea of casting a spell isn't to tense up, it's to relax...if anything, it's an exercise in forced relaxation."
My apprentice bit at her lower lip. "I don't know. That sounds too easy."
"On the one hand it's easy. Viewed a different way, one of the hardest things to do is relax on cue, especially if there's a crisis raging around you at the time."
"So all I have to is relax?" she asked skeptically.
"Remember that 'hose' feeling you get when you use the ring? That's the energies being channeled through you and focused on your objective. If you pinch off a hose, how much water gets through?"
"I guess that makes sense."
"Try it...now. Reach out your hand and focus on the candle wick as if you were going to use your ring, only don't activate it. Just tell yourself that the ring is working and relax."
She started to say something, then changed her mind. Instead, she drew a deep breath, blew it out, then pointed a finger at the candle.
"Just relax," I urged softly. "Let the energies flow."
"But..."
"Don't talk. Keep your mind on the candle and hear me like I'm talking from a long way off."
Obediently, she focused on the candle.
"Feel the flow of energies...just like when you're using the ring. Relax some more. Feel how the flow increases? Now, without tensing up, tighten that flow down to a narrow beam and aim it at the wick."
I was concentrating on Massha so much I almost missed it. A small glow of light started to form on the candle wick.
"That's it," I said, fighting to keep my voice calm. "Now..."
"Daddy! Guido says..."
"Ssshh!!!"! hissed. "Not now, Markie! We're trying to light the candle."
She paused in the doorway and cocked her head quizzically.
"Oh, that's easy!" she beamed suddenly and raised her head.
"MARKIE!! DON'T..."
But I was too late.
There was a sudden flash of light in the room, and the candle lit. Well, it didn't exactly light, it melted like a bag of water when you take away the bag. So did the candle holder. The table lit, though...briefly. At least one comer of it did. It flared for a moment, then the fire died as abruptly as it had appeared. What was left was a charred quarter-circle of tabletop where the corner used to be. That and a table leg standing alone like a burnt-out torch. The fire had hit so fast and smooth the leg didn't even topple over.
I don't remember reaching for Markie, but somehow I had her by the shoulders shaking her.
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR??" I said in my best paternal tones.
"You...you said...you wanted the....candle lit."
"That's lighting a candle?!?"
"I still have a little trouble with control...but my teacher says I'm doing better."
I realized I was having a little trouble with control, too. I stopped shaking her and tried to calm myself. This effort was aided by the fact that I noticed Markie's lip was quivering and she was blinking her eyes rapidly. It suddenly dawned on me that she was about to cry. I decided that, not knowing what would happen when she cried, I would do my best to stay ignorant by heading her off at the pass.
"Umm...that was a Fire Elemental, right? Did you learn that at Elemental School?"
Getting someone to talk often serves to stave off tears...at least, it had always worked on me.
"Y...Yes," she said meekly. "At Elemental School, we learn Fire for starters."
"It's...ummm...very impressive. Look, I'm sorry if I barked at you, Markie, but you see, I didn't just want the candle lit. I wanted Massha to light it. It was part of her magic lesson."
"I didn't know that."
"I know. I didn't think to tell you. That's why I'm apologizing. What happened here was my fault. Okay?"
She nodded her head, exaggerating the motion until it looked like she had a broken neck. It was an interesting illusion, one that I vastly preferred to the idea of her crying...especially in the mood I was in. The thought of Markie with a broken neck...
"Aahh...you did interrupt Massha's lesson, though," I said, forcing the other concept from my mind. "Don't you think it would be nice if you apologized to her?"
"That's a great idea, Daddy," she beamed. "I'll do that the next time I see her. Okay?"
That's when I realized my apprentice had slipped out of the room.
"What do you think you're doing, Massha?"
Leaning casually in the doorway of Massha's bedroom, I realized my voice lacked the intimidating power of Aahz's, but it's the only voice I've got.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" she snarled, carrying a massive armload of clothes from her closet to dump on the bed.
"I'd say, offhand, that it looks like you're packing. The question is, why?"
"People usually pack because it's the easiest way to carry their things when they travel. Less wear and tear on the wardrobe."
Suddenly, I was weary of the banter. Heaving a sigh, I moved in front of her, blocking her path.
"No more games, Massha. Okay? Tell me straight out, why are you leaving? Don't you owe your teacher that much at least?"
She turned away, busying herself with something on her dresser.
"C'mon, Skeeve," she said in a tone so low I could barely hear it. "You saw what happened downstairs."
"I saw you on the verge of making a major breakthrough in your lessons, if that's what you mean. If Markie hadn't come in, you would have had the candle lit in another few seconds."
"Big deal!"
She spun to face me, and I could see that she was trying not to cry. There seemed to be a lot of that going around.
"Excuse me, Skeeve, but big fat hairy deal. So I can light a candle. So what?! After years of study, Massha can light a candle...and a little girl can blow the end off the table without even trying! What does that make me? A magician? Ha ha! What a joke."
"Massha, I can't do what Markie did downstairs...or what she did in the Bazaar either, for that matter. I told you when you first approached me to be my apprentice exactly how little magic I knew. I'm still learning, though...and in the meantime we're still holding our own in the magic business...and that's here at the Bazaar. The Magic Capital of the dimensions."
That seemed to settle her a bit, but not much.
"Tell me honestly. Hot Stuff," she said, pursing her lips. "How good do you think I could ever be with magic...really?"
"I don't know. I'd like to think that with work and practice you could be better than you are now, though. That's really all any of us can hope for."
"You may be right, Skeeve, and it's a good thought. The fact still remains that in the meantime, I'll always be small potatoes around here...magically, of course. The way things are going, I'm destined to be a hanger-on. A leech. You and Aahz are nice guys, and you'd never throw me out, but I can't think of one good reason why I should stay."
"Skeeve."
My head came around so fast I was in momentary danger of whiplash. Framed in the doorway was...
"TANANDA!"
"In the flesh," she said with a wink. "But that's not the subject here. Massha, I can't speak for long-term conditions but I've got one goo
d reason why you shouldn't leave Just now. It's the same reason I'm back."
"What's that?"
"It involves the Great Skeeve here. C'mon downstairs. I m going to brief everybody at once at a war council. We've got a full-blown crisis on our hands."
Chapter Eleven
"I believe we're under attack."
-Col. Travis
ONE of the rooms in our extra-dimensional palace had a large oval table in it surrounded by chairs. When we moved in, we dubbed it the Conference Room, since there didn't seem to be any other practical use for it. We never used it for conferences, mind you, but it's always nice to have a conference room.
Tonight, however, it was packed to capacity. Apparently Tananda had rounded up the whole household, including Markie and Bunny, before locating Massha and me, and everyone was already seated as we walked in.
"Can we get started now?" Aahz asked caustically. "I do have other things to do, you know."
"Really?" Chumley sneered. "Like what?"
"Like talking to the Geek about that invitation," my partner shot back.
"Without talking to your partner first?"
"I didn't say I was going to refuse or accept. I just want to talk to him about..."
"Can we table the argument for the moment?" I interrupted. "I want to hear what Tananda has to say."
"Thanks, Skeeve," she said, flashing me a quick smile before dropping back into her solemn manner. "I guess you all know I was moving out of here. Well, poking around the Bazaar, I heard a rumor that's changed my mind. If it's true, we're all going to have our hands full dealing with it."
She paused, but no one else said anything. For a change, we were all giving her our undivided attention.
"I guess I should drop the shoe first, then we can all go on from there. The talk on the street is that someone's hired the Ax to do a number on Skeeve."
There was a few heartbeats of silence; then the room exploded.
"Why should anyone..."
"Who's hired the Ax?"
"Where did you hear..."
"Hold it! HOLD IT!" Tananda shouted, holding up her hands for silence. "I can only answer one question at a time...but I'll warn you in advance, I don't have that many answers to start with."
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