Nunzio might not be an intellectual giant or the swiftest with I've known, but I found his simple honesty touching...not to mention the loyalty it implied.
"Well, you've got a job here as long as I've got anything to say about it." I assured him.
"Thanks, Boss. I was startin' to get a little tired of how the Mob operates, know what I mean?" That rang a bell in my mind.
"Speaking of that, Nunzio, do you think the Mob would ever get involved with something like this character assassination thing?''
The bodyguard's brow furrowed with the effort of thinking.
"Naw!" he said at last. "Mostly people pay us not to do things. If we do have to do a number on someone, it's usually to make an example of them and we do something flashy like burn down their house or break their legs. Who would know it if we wrecked their career? What Tananda was sayin' about the Ax was interesting, but it's just not our style."
"Not even for the right price?" I urged. "How much do you think it would take to get Don Bruce to send someone in here after us?"
"I dunno. I'd have to say at least...wait a minute! Are you askin' if Bunny's the Ax?"
"Well, she did..."
"Forget it. Boss. Even if she could handle the job, which I'm not too sure she could, Don Bruce would never send her after you. Heck, you're one of his favorite chieftains right now. You should hear him..."
Nunzio suddenly pressed his palms against his cheeks to make exaggerated jowls as he spoke. "...Dat Skeeve, he's really got it on the ball, know what I mean? Mercy! If I had a hundred like him I could take over dis whole organization."
His imitation of Don Bruce was so perfect I had to laugh.
"That's great, Nunzio. Has he ever seen you do that?"
"I'm still employed and breathin', aren't I?" he winked. "Seriously, though. You're barkin' up the wrong tree with Bunny. Believe me, you're the apple of her uncle's eye right now."
"I suppose you're right," I sighed. "If you are, though, it leaves me right back where I started. Who is the Ax and what can..."
"Hi guys! Is that a private conversation, or can anyone join?"
We glanced up to find Bunny and Markie entering the garden.
"C'mon over. Bunny!" I waved, nudging Nunzio slightly in the ribs. "We were just going to..."
"GLEEP!!!"
Suddenly my dragon was in front of me. Crouching and tense, he didn't look playful at all. I had only seen him like this a couple of times before, and then...
"STOP IT, GLEEP! GLEEP!!!" I screamed, realizing too late what was about to happen.
Fortunately, Nunzio was quicker than I was. From his sitting position he threw himself forward in a body check against my pet's neck, just as the dragon let loose with a stream of fire. The flames leapt forward to harmlessly scorch a wall.
Bunny swept Markie behind her with one arm.
"Geez! What was..."
"I'll get him!" Markie cried, balling up her fists.
"MARKIE!! STOP!!"
"But Daddy..."
"Just hold it. Okay? Nunzio?"
"I've got him, Boss," he called, both hands wrapped securely around Gleep's snout as the dragon struggled to get free.
"Bunny? You and Markie get inside! Now!!!"
The two of them hurried from sight, and I turned my attention to my pet.
Gleep seemed to have calmed down as fast as he had exploded, now that Bunny and Markie were gone. Nunzio was stroking her neck soothingly while staring at me in wide-eyed amazement.
"I dunno what happened there, Boss, but he seems okay now."
"What happened," I said grimly, "was Gleep trying to protect me from something or someone he saw as a threat."
"But Boss..."
"Look Nunzio, I know you mean well, but Gleep and I go back a long way. I trust his instincts more than I do my own judgment.''
"But..."
"I want you to do two things right away. First, put Gleep back in his stable...I think he's had enough exercise for one day. Then get word to Don Bruce. I want to have a little talk with him about his 'present'!"
Chapter Sixteen
"I thought we were friends!"
-Banquo
"I TELL you, partner, this is crazy!"
"Like heck it is!"
"Bunny can't be the Ax! She's a space cadet."
"That's what she'd like us to think. I found out different!"
"Really? How?"
"By...well, by talking to her."
I spotted the flaw in my logic as soon as I said it, and Aahz wasn't far behind.
"Skeeve," he said solemnly, "has it occurred to you that if she's the Ax and you're her target, that you would probably be the last person she would relax around? Do you really think you could trick her into giving away her I.Q. in a simple conversation?"
"Well...maybe she was being clever. It could be that it was her way of trying to throw us off the track."
My partner didn't say anything to that. He just cocked his head and raised one eyebrow very high.
"It could be," I repeated lamely.
"C'mon, Skeeve. Give."
"What?"
"Even you need more evidence than that before you go off half-cocked. What are you holding back?"
He had me. I was just afraid that he was going to find my real reason even less believable than the one I had already stated.
"Okay," I said with a sigh. "If you really want to know, what finally convinced me was that Gleep doesn't like her."
"Gleep? You mean that stupid dragon of yours? That Gleep?"
"Gleep isn't st..."
"Partner, your dragon doesn't like me! That doesn't make me the Ax!!"
"He's never tried to fry you, either!"
That one stopped him for a moment. "He did that? He really let fly at Bunny?"
"That's right. If Nunzio hadn't been there..."
As if summoned by the mention of his name, the bodyguard stuck his head into the room.
"Hey, Boss! Don Bruce is here."
"Show him in."
"I still think you're making a mistake," Aahz warned, leaning against a wall.
"Maybe," I said grimly. "With luck I'll get Don Bruce to confirm my suspicions before I show my cards."
"This I've got to see."
"There you are, Skeeve. The boys said you wanted to see me."
Don Bruce is the Mob's fairy godfather. I've never seen him dressed in anything that wasn't lavender, and today was no exception. His ensemble included shorts, sandals, a floppy brimmed hat, and a sports shirt with large dark purple flowers printed all over it. Maybe my wardrobe sessions with Bunny were making me overly sensitive on the subject of clothes, but his attire hardly seemed appropriate for one of the most powerful men in the Mob.
Even his dark glasses had violet lenses.
"You know, this is quite a place you got here. Never been here before, but I heard a lot about it in the yearly report. It doesn't look this big from the outside."
"We like to keep a low profile," I said.
"Yeah, I know. It's like I keep tellin' 'em back at Mob Central, you run a class operation. I like that. Makes us all look good.''
I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. The last thing I wanted to discuss with Don Bruce was our current operation.
"Like some wine?" Aahz chimed in, coming to my rescue.
"It's a little early, but why not? So! What is it you wanted to see me about?"
"It's about Bunny."
"Bunny? Oh yeah. How's she workin' out?"
Even if I hadn't already been suspicious, Don Bruce's response would have seemed overly casual. Aahz caught it too, raising his eyebrow again as he poured the wine.
"I thought we should have a little chat about why you sent her here."
"What's to chat about? You needed a moll, and I figured..."
"I mean the real reason."
Our guest paused, glanced back and forth between Aahz and me a couple of times, then shrugged his shoulders. "She told you, huh? Funny, I woul
d have thought that was one secret she would have kept."
"Actually, I figured it out all by myself. In fact, when the subject came up, she denied it."
"Always said you were smart, Skeeve. Now I see you're smart enough to get me to admit to what you couldn't trick out of Bunny. Pretty good."
I shot a triumphant glance at Aahz, who was suddenly very busy with the wine. Despite my feeling of victory over having puzzled out the identity of the Ax, I was still more than a little annoyed.
"What I can't figure out," I said, "is why you tried it in the first place. I've always played it pretty straight with you."
At least Don Bruce had the grace to look embarrassed. "I know, I know. It seemed like a good idea at the time, is all. I was in a bit of a spot, and it seemed like a harmless way out."
"Harmless? Harmless! That's my whole life and career we're talking about."
"Hey! C'mon, Skeeve. Aren't you exaggerating a little bit there! I don't think..."
"Exaggerating??"
"Well, I still think you'd make a good husband for her..."
"Exaggerating? Aahz, are you listening to..."
As I turned to appeal to my partner, I noticed he was laughing so hard he was spilling the wine. Of all the reactions I might have expected from him, laughing wasn't...
Then it hit me.
"Husband?!?!?"
"Of course. Isn't that what we've been talkin' about?"
"Skeeve here thinks that your niece is the Ax and that you turned her loose on him to destroy his career," my partner managed between gasps.
"The Ax???"
"HUSBAND????"
"Are you crazy??"
"One of us is!!"
"How about both?" Aahz grinned, stepping between us. "Wine, anyone?"
"But he said..."
"What about..."
"Gentlemen, gentlemen. It's clear that communications have gotten a little fouled up between the two of you. I suggest you each take some wine and we'll start all over again from the top."
Almost mechanically, we both reached for the wine, eyeing each other all the while like angry cats.
"Very good," my partner nodded. "Now then, Don Bruce, as the visiting team I believe you have first serve."
"What's this about the Ax!?!" the mobster demanded, leaning forward so suddenly half the wine sloshed out of his glass.
"You know who the Ax is??"
"I know what he is! The question is, what does he have to do with you and Bunny?"
"We're heard recently that someone's hired the Ax to do a number on Skeeve," Aahz supplied.
"...Right about the same time Bunny showed up," I added.
"And that's supposed to make her the Ax?"
"Well, there has been some trouble since she arrived."
"Like what?"
"Welll...Tananda left because of things that were said when she found out that Bunny was in my bedroom one morning."
"Tananda? The same Tananda that said 'Hi' to me when I walked in here today?"
"She...ummm...came back."
"I see. What else?"
"She scared off my girlfriend."
"Girlfriend? You got a girlfriend?"
"Well, not exactly...but I might have had one if Bunny wasn't here."
"Uh-huh. Aahz, haven't you ever told him the 'bird in the hand' story?"
"I try, but he isn't big on listening."
I can always count on my partner to rally to my defense in times of crisis.
"What else?"
"Ummm..."
"Tell him!" Aahz smiled.
"Tell me what?"
"My dragon doesn't like her."
"I'm not surprised. She's never gotten along with animals...at least the four-footed kind. I don't see where that makes her the Ax, though."
"It's...it's just that on top of the other evidence..."
My voice trailed off in front of Don Bruce's stony stare.
"You know, Skeeve," he said at last. "As much as I like you, there are times, like now, I wish you was on the other side of the law. If the D.A.s put together a case like you do, we could cut our bribe budget by ninety percent, and our attorney's fees by a hundred percent!"
"But..."
"Now listen close, 'cause I'm only goin' to go over this once. You're the representative for the Mob, and me, here at the Bazaar. If you look bad, then we look bad. Got it? What possible sense would it make for us to hire someone to make you, and us, look bad?"
On the ropes, I glanced at Aahz for support.
"That was going to be the next question I was going to ask, partner."
Terrific.
"Well," Don Bruce announced, standing up. "If that's settled, I guess I can go now."
"Not so fast," my partner smiled, holding up a hand. "There's still the matter of the question that Skeeve asked: if Bunny isn't the Ax, what's she doing here? What was that you were saying about a husband?"
The mobster sank back into his chair and reached for his wine, all the while avoiding my eyes.
"I'm not gettin' any younger," he said. "Some day I'm goin' to retire, and I thought I should maybe start lookin' around for a replacement. It's always nice to have 'em in the family...the real family, I mean, and since I got an unmarried niece..."
"Whoa! Wait a minute," Aahz interrupted. "Are you saying that you're considering Skeeve as your eventual replacement in the Mob?"
"It's a possibility. Why not? Like I said, he runs a class operation and he's smart...at least I used to think so."
"Don Bruce I...I don't know what to say," I said honestly.
"Then don't say nothin'!" he responded grimly. "Whatever's goin' to happen is a long way off. That's why I didn't say anything to you direct. I'm not ready to retire yet."
"Oh." I didn't know whether to feel disappointment or relief.
"About Bunny?" my partner prompted.
The mobster shrugged. "What's to say that hasn't already been said? She's my niece, he's one of my favorite chieftains. I thought it would be a good idea to put 'em close to each other and see if anything happened."
"I...I don't know," I said thoughtfully. "I mean, Bunny's nice enough...especially now that I know she isn't the Ax. I just don't think I'm ready to get married yet."
"Didn't say you were," Don Bruce shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, Skeeve. I'm not tryin' to push you into this. I know it'll take time. Like I said, I just fixed it so you two could meet and see if anything develops...that's all. If it works out, fine. If it doesn't, also fine. I'm not about to try to force things or kid myself that you two will make a pair if you won't. If nothing else, you've got a pretty good accountant while you find out...and from lookin' over your financial figures you could use one."
"Izzatso?"
He had finally tweaked Aahz close to home...or his wallet, which in his case is the same thing.
"What's wrong with our finances? We're doing okay."
"Okay isn't soarin'. You boys got no plan. The way I see it, you've spent so much time livin' hand-to-mouth you've never learned what to do with money except stack it and spend it. Bunny can show you how to make your money work for you."
Aahz rubbed his chin thoughtfully. It was interesting to see my partner caught between pride and greed.
"I dunno," he said at last. "It sounds good, and we'll probably look into it eventually, but we're a little tight right now."
"The way I hear it, you're tight all the time," Don Bruce commented drily.
"No. I mean right now we're really tight for finances. We've got a lot of capital tied up in the big game tonight."
"Big game? What big game?"
"Skeeve is going head to head with the Sen-Sen Ante Kid at dragon poker tonight. It's a challenge match."
"That's why I wanted to talk to you about Bunny," I said. "Since I thought she was the Ax, I didn't want her around to cause trouble at the game."
"Why didn't anyone tell me about this game?" Don Bruce demanded. "It wasn't in your report!"
"It's come up sinc
e then."
"What are the stakes?"
I looked at Aahz. I had been so busy trying to learn how dragon poker was played that I had never gotten around to asking about the stakes.
For some reason, my partner suddenly looked uncomfortable.
"Table stakes," he said.
"Table stakes?" I frowned. "What's that?"
I half-expected him to tell me he'd explain later, but instead he addressed the subject with surprising enthusiasm.
"In a table stakes game, each of you starts with a certain amount of money. Then you play until one of you is out of chips, or..."
"I know what table stakes are," Don Bruce interrupted. "What I want to know is how much you're playing for."
Aahz hesitated, then shrugged. "A quarter of a million each."
"A QUARTER OF A MILLION???"
I hadn't hit that note since my voice changed.
"Didn't you know?" the mobster scowled.
"We hadn't told him," my partner sighed. "I was afraid that if he knew what the stakes were, he'd clutch. We were just going to give him the stack of chips to play without telling him how much they were worth."
"A quarter of a million?" I repeated, a little hoarser this time.
"See?" Aahz grinned. "You're clutching."
"But, Aahz, do we have a quarter of a million to spare?"
My partner's grin faded and he started avoiding my eyes.
"I can answer that one, Skeeve," Don Bruce said. "No one has a quarter of a million to spare. Even if you've got it, you don't have it to spare, know what I mean?"
"It's not going to take all our money," Aahz said slowly. "The others have chipped in out of their savings, too: Tananda, Chumley, Massha, even Guido and Nunzio. We've all got a piece of the action."
"Us too," the mobster declared. "Put the Mob down for half."
I'm not sure who was more surprised, Aahz or me. But Aahz recovered first.
"That's nice of you, Don Bruce, but you don't understand what's really happening here. Skeeve here is a rank beginner at the game. He had one lucky night, and by the time the rumor mill got through with it, he had drawn a challenge from the Kid. He can't refuse without looking foolish, and with the Ax on the loose we can't afford any bad press we can avoid. That's why we're pooling our money, so Skeeve can go in there and lose gracefully. The actual outcome is preordained. The Kid's going to eat him alive."
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