by D. J. Manly
“You ever done this before?” He was breathing hard.
“Yes, but it’s been a while.”
“We don’t have to,” he whispered. “You can just suck my cock.”
“No, oh no, I want to. I want you.”
He smiled at me, a real, genuine smile and my heart almost went into spasm. Everything was worth it to see that smile.
Diego lifted my legs. “It’s going to hurt.”
“I know, but just at first.”
“I don’t have a condom but I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone for at least two years and my last AIDS test was negative.”
“Me too.”
He chuckled a little. “I wasn’t worried about you.”
I felt his cock at my entrance and I tried to relax. He was a big guy but he was incredibly gentle. I couldn’t believe it. He touched me, caressed my nipples, stroked my cock, kissed me so tenderly it startled me and by the time it really began to hurt, it was almost over. Then Diego lost control. He fucked me fast and furious and used my ass exactly as I dreamt he would.
He pulled out at one point and put me on the floor on all fours and took me again. I dragged the sheet with me and stuffed it into my mouth as I moaned with pleasure.
He fucked my ass, jerked my cock, and pinched my nipples all at the same time and, bathed in sweat, I floated into ecstasy.
We lay there on the floor of the cell, no bloody air, just stifling heat and he held my hand.
“Tell me about him,” I asked him when we both could breathe normally again. “Tell me about your brother. What was his name?”
“Steve … he was my younger brother. There was only the two of us. I looked out for him. All he wanted was to be like me and I was a … I am a no-good son of a bitch.”
“No,” I said, “you’ve changed, Diego.”
“He wouldn’t listen to me. He wouldn’t get out. He thought he could ride on my rep. I knew this would happen.”
“Have you heard from your parents?”
“Parents?” he echoed, sounding bitter. “We have no parents. My mother died when we were kids. Our father was a no-good drunk. He still is. I haven’t spoken to him since I left home. He used to beat the crap out of me. I’d stand in the way so Steven wouldn’t get it.”
I moved closer to him and hugged him, laying my head on his chest. “I’m so sorry. You think the warden might reconsider about letting you go?”
He shook his head. “Michaels gave me permission. The police are the ones resisting. I understand. I’m just sad, that’s all. I told my brother not to visit me in here until he changed his ways. I regret that now.”
“You tried to help him.”
“Yeah. It didn’t do much good, did it?”
I fell asleep there but somehow when the lights flicked on in the morning, I was back in the top bunk.
Chapter Four
Another week went by and still no Alvaro. I was beginning to suspect that he’d abandoned me. I thought that what had happened between Diego and me would bring us closer but Diego seemed distant afterward, perhaps regretting it.
I waited every night for him to touch me, but he didn’t.
One Saturday, Diego grabbed my arm and dragged me down a hallway. I was excited, laughing. I thought he was going to take me into a supply room somewhere and ravish me. Instead he took me into the weight room. “Okay, I’m going to toughen you up,” he said, “teach you how to defend yourself.”
Not exactly the most romantic thing but it was definitely Diego’s way of telling me he cared. Every chance he got after that he worked with me, taught me how to punch, taught me how to fight dirty, and he stood by while I worked on building some muscle mass. All the while the Nazis were watching and waiting.
It was six weeks later when Alvaro showed up on visiting day. I had managed to leave him a message to tell him that Diego would meet with him if he brought the money and came alone.
Alvaro came alone as I had asked him to, and the first thing he asked was, “Where is he?”
“He didn’t know you were coming today. I’ll tell the guard,” I said. “But I can’t guarantee he’ll come.”
“You said he would.”
“I said he would with notice.”
“I got your cash. It wasn’t easy. I’m taking money out of Mama’s pockets.”
“You took this from Mama?” I was horrified. “I don’t want it then.” I shoved it back at him. “You fuck. You stole this from Mama. Give it back to her.”
“I took a little at a time. She won’t miss it. The gang provides.”
“I’m not taking money from my own mother.”
“Keep your voice down.” He was looking around. “So, you look good.”
I didn’t bother to answer. I knew he’d only come to see Diego, and he’d never really cared about me, not the way Diego had cared about his younger brother.
We didn’t talk for a little while, and then Diego came in the door. He paused, filling the entire doorway for a moment, and then entered.
Alvaro got up, acting like the king himself had appeared. He put his hand out for a gang handshake but it was ignored.
“Alvaro, Diego,” I said.
“It’s an honor to meet you, sir,” he said.
My brother had never called anyone sir in his life. Diego Mendez must have one hell of a rep.
Diego nodded, folding his arms across his chest.
“I want to thank you for protecting my little brother here. I owe you. If there is anything I or my boys can do for you when you get out, name it.”
Diego began to speak in Spanish. “You are nothing and there is nothing you can do for me. In a year or so, you’ll join your brother here or be dead. The Matadors care nothing about you. They don’t even know you exist. You’re fodder. If they do know you, they’ll use you. If you were smart, you’d take off those colors and choose life. What you did to your brother is something only a coward would do. Get out of my sight and don’t you ever ask to see me again, unless you decide to be a man and fess up to what you did. You hear me?”
I stood there with my jaw agape and Alvaro actually looked embarrassed as Diego stared him in the eye for a minute and then turned and left the room.
Alvaro walked out two minutes later without saying a word. He never ever said good-bye.
That night when the lights went out, I was the one standing at the glass, looking out. Diego was in his bunk but I knew he was awake. “He doesn’t care about me.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
I was surprised at the answer. My eyes stung with tears. “You could have at least…”
“What? Lied to you? If it’s any consolation, he doesn’t care about himself either. His masculinity is wrapped up in that gang; it’s his identity and nothing is more important than that … acting tough and being tough. It’s all he knows because underneath there’s nothing else.”
The tears streamed down my cheeks. “I love my brother.”
“I know but you’ve got to let him go or he’s going to drag you down with him.”
Diego’s arms were around me suddenly and I turned to face him. He held me close to him. “Oh God,” I whispered, “I want you so badly. Please, Diego, take me. Make me yours.”
He reached down and stroked my hair. “No. First, you must belong to yourself before you can belong to anyone else. Love yourself, Yan, and forget about your brother. Keep studying and get out of this place, make something of your life.”
I tightened my hold on him and he kissed me, deeply, passionately, and completely and I would have done anything for him.
“Please,” I whispered, my body trembling, “fuck me.”
He moaned against me and took my mouth again and suddenly our pants were on the floor and I was moving with him to the bed. This time the sex was rough and fast but it was what we both wanted, what we needed, and I woke up in his arms, realizing that the lights would flash on at any moment. I woke him and stood, waiting as the call to rise came.
W
e went about our day, my studies and his work in the mail room, and all our free time was spent in training. I put on weight and I knew how to throw a punch. I felt more confident. And I was completely and desperately in love.
I was pretty sure that Diego, however, didn’t return my feelings. He was nice to me, protective, and as the weeks dragged on, he even fucked me occasionally but I was sure I might have been anyone as far as he was concerned. It was more lust than anything else.
Then all hell broke loose. They always say that just when you think you’re safe, that’s when you are in the most danger.
Diego couldn’t watch me every second although he had put his protective seal on me which meant that most kept their distance. But Duncan was out for blood.
The Nazis, of course, had been biding their time. Diego was working in the mail room and I’d just come out of my study lesson and was heading back to the cell. One of the guards approached me and asked me to come with him.
“What for?” I asked.
“Stop asking questions and come on,” he barked, dragging me down the hallway.
I’d heard stories about corrupt guards, of course, and payoffs, so when he grabbed me by the back of the neck and shoved me into the gym and closed the door, I knew what was going on.
I tried to escape, but the door was locked. I turned around, my guts in knots. The door on the other side of the gym opened and there was Duncan with three of his gang. I desperately turned around again but it was in vain. I was fucked six ways from hell, and I knew it.
“Hello, Yan,” Duncan announced. He smiled like a crocodile.
I prepared to fight them but they were four big guys. I could only fight so long and that was it. I wasn’t going to win this one.
* * * *
When I opened my eyes, I wasn’t sure where I was. I was hurting all over and hooked up to tubes. There was a police officer on my door and I knew that I wasn’t in the infirmary. I was in the hospital.
Everything swam in front of me as I tried to focus, tried to open eyes that were puffed shut. It all came back. All of them beat me, stripped me, humiliated me, made me suck their cocks and then they all raped me, one after another. It hurt like hell. The others had stood around, yelling obscenities. Then it stopped. Everything. It was like a fury, a hurricane. Bodies flew across the room, and I heard Diego’s voice cry out in Spanish, son of a bitch, hijo de puta! Then I lost consciousness.
I was happy to see my mother and not so thrilled to see Alvaro, but he seemed to be genuinely concerned. When my mother left, Alvaro took a chair beside me. “Are you okay?”
“I’ve got broken ribs, a broken arm, contusions, a concussion, and my face looks like a Halloween mask. Besides that, I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry. Where in hell was Mendez?”
“He was in a meeting. The guard set me up. Diego saved my life. Now he’s probably in deep shit. Do you know what happened to those Nazis?”
“No. But if Mendez got his hands on them, they’re probably dead.”
“I hope not.”
“What do you mean? They almost killed you.”
“Diego was getting out. He was changing his life. This is going to set him back, maybe put back his parole. This is all my fault.”
“You got a thing for him. He was the leader of the Matadors. He’s no fag.”
“Maybe not,” I said. “But things are different in prison.”
He didn’t answer. He just got up and left.
I was in the hospital for a month. The warden came to see me and asked me a lot of questions. The guard was fired. “Warden,” I asked him before he left, “what’s going to happen to Diego Mendez? He saved my life.”
“He’s been in solitary off and on. He’s not doing well right now. His parole meeting that was coming up this summer has been put off. Jack Duncan died from his injuries, and the three others were all badly beaten. One lost his eye.”
“They tried to kill me, Warden. He was just trying to…”
“I know.” He nodded. “It’s unfortunate. Right now they’re trying to decide if he’ll get extra time or not.”
“That’s not fair.”
“There was a long history between Duncan and Mendez. This had nothing to do with you.”
I didn’t believe that for one second. Diego only wanted to get out. He didn’t care about the feud with Jack Duncan. He’d done this for me. He’d sacrificed everything for me, and I couldn’t help feeling responsible for that.
On the day I walked back into section C, my bruises still evident on my face, I got a sprinkling of applause. I wasn’t sure for what but I assumed it was due to the fact that Duncan had had a lot of enemies, and in part I was responsible for him being dead.
I was directed to a new cell with a guy no older than me named Sam. He’d been there only three weeks and I felt sorry for him. When I tried to say some words of comfort, he looked at me and said, “At least I’ll get some hot sex in here.”
“You’ll get raped in here,” I told him.
“It’s okay with the right guy.”
I just shook my head and went looking for a guard.
“Where is Mendez?” I asked.
“Solitary,” the guard told me with a smirk. “His new home.”
“Fuck,” I said under my breath.
I spoke to Kimbo later and he caught me up on what I’d missed.
The three Nazis were back in circulation and they’d made a martyr out of Jack Duncan, of course. “The war is on,” Kimbo told him. “They want Mendez dead. And Mendez doesn’t seem to give a fuck anymore. He’s fighting with everyone, in solitary half the time. His parole was denied.”
“I know,” I said. “Did he get more time?”
“It hasn’t been decided. There’s a hearing coming up soon. But his behavior isn’t going to set well for him.”
“I have to see him.”
“Good luck,” Kimbo said. “Glad to see you’re okay.”
“Thanks.”
I practically got on my knees to the warden and begged to see Diego. “I think I can get through to him,” I said. “Please.”
The warden finally agreed. He arranged a meeting between us in a closed-off area and told us we would have a half hour to talk. “I hope you can get through to him. The gang squad still wants him but if he doesn’t get his act together … I don’t know what to do with him anymore. That’s why I’m letting you see him. He was our greatest hope in here, but now…”
“Can I testify for him, tell the judge what happened and…”
“I’ll speak to his lawyer,” the warden said. “Good luck.”
Luck. I’d need a hell of a lot more than that.
When Diego walked in the room, that wild look in his eyes told me he’d taken a step down from where he’d brought himself. He’d lost faith. And I had to give it back to him.
“Hey,” I said, tears in my eyes.
He gave me a hint of a smile. “You okay?”
I nodded. I wanted to hold him but a guard was just outside the door and he could see us. “You’re not.”
“I’m fine.”
“What’s happening to you? You’ve got to get back on track.”
“What for?”
“So you can get out of here and—”
“I killed a man.”
“He was a bad man. He almost killed me. He would have killed you.”
“I still killed a man,” he said. “I thought I’d…” He stopped. “Doesn’t matter. I’m never getting out of here.”
“Yes, you are,” I said. “You did this for me. You saved my life.”
“I couldn’t stand the thought…” He took a breath. “I didn’t want him hurting you, Yan.” There were tears in his eyes. He looked stricken.
I didn’t give a shit if the guard was there or not. I went into his arms, held him for a moment, then released him when I saw the guard staring. “You sacrificed everything for me. I want to help you.”
“You can’t.”
“
Yes, I can. Don’t throw it all away for Jack Duncan. He’s not worth it.”
“Watch yourself,” he said, “those Nazi fucks are just waiting to…” His fists tightened.
“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “They’ll never hurt me again. I want to be your cell mate.”
“No, stay away from me. I’m no good for you. Just like with my brother, I—”
“I love you,” I said, looking into his eyes. “Hear me. I love you. And when we get out of here, and we will, we’re going to be together because you love me too.”
He lowered his head.
“Say it,” I insisted. “Tell me.”
He raised his head. “Guard,” he called. “I want to go back to solitary.”
My heart was breaking as I watched him leave but I was determined. I wasn’t going to give up on him. Those Nazis weren’t going to win. Diego had lost his way because of me. I was going to help him find it.
Diego came out of solitary two days later. I kept working in the gym and on my studies. I was behind but I was determined to catch up.
When I went to his cell after supper, he was lying on his bunk looking up at the ceiling.
“Not reading?”
“No.”
“I missed you.”
“Don’t.”
“Can’t help it.”
“Look, you don’t owe me anything, Torres.” He sat up and stared at me.
“I’m not here because I owe you. I’m here because I—”
“Well, don’t.” He lay back down. “Just do your own thing and forget about me.”
“Don’t let those guys get to you, Diego. You’re better than them.”
“No, I’m not. Now get the fuck away from me.” He was standing and he looked ferocious but I wasn’t scared.
“Hit me if you want. I can take it. I’m not going away.”
He brushed past me and left the cell.
He did a good job of ignoring me the next few days and I was getting frustrated. Then a week later, the little blond angel in my cell named Sam who was cruising for some action announced to me that he was being transferred.
“Transferred where?” I asked, not especially interested. He’d already been passed around by the Nazis.
He licked his lips and said, “Mendez. That big hunk is going to be mine.”