by Jayne Blue
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Make it happen,” I said. “Tonight. I’m back at The Drake, same room.”
“It’s harder for me to get away now,” she said. Her voice was ragged as I hooked my fingers under the elastic of her panties and felt her skin. Her thighs shuddered as I dipped a finger into her slick folds.
“You’re a smart girl,” I said as the waiter approached our table. “You’ll figure it out.” Tora gasped as I slid two fingers inside her and felt a gush of her juices.
“Do you still need a few minutes?” our waiter asked in a cheerful voice, completely unaware of the finger fucking I was giving her.
“Why don’t you tell him what you’d like?” I turned to her.
Tora’s eyes were wide but she kept her smile frozen in place. Then she said, “My fiancé’s just stepped away, but we’ll both have the prime rib. Medium with a side of steamed vegetables.” She jolted on the first syllable of “vegetables” as I thrust my fingers in and out of her. She had her legs spread wide for me under the table.
“Sounds good,” I said. “Same here.”
The waiter nodded and gathered our menus before turning and leaving us alone again. Her eyes were still on the door and I had every confidence she’d alert me if Seth walked in. Come to think of it, I didn’t care if Seth walked in. From my observations: first, she didn’t love him; second, he was a grade A asshole to her; third, if she was in it for the money, I’d just pulled back the curtain on Seth’s soon-to-be lack of it.
I leaned in close and whispered, “I want you tonight, Tora. We only just got started the other night. There’s so much more I want to make you do.” My breath was hot against her neck and I watched tiny ripples of goose flesh form there. She hadn’t worn a bra and from this angle I could see the edges of her pink areolas as I looked down the gap where the fabric of her dress puckered. “Don’t try to tell me you don’t want it too.”
“I do,” she said, her chest rising and falling with her attempts to make her breath even. I still had two fingers inside her and I spread them apart as I thrust them in and out. I could do it. I could make her come for me right here. God, she drove me mad with how quick she got wet for me, how badly she wanted me.
“T-tomorrow,” she said. “M-maybe. I’ll try.”
“What’s wrong with tonight?”
Tora’s eyelids fluttered. She white knuckled the sides of her chair as I slowly withdrew my fingers and found her clit with my thumb. I made a slow, circular motion and her head dropped forward. “Oh, God,” she whispered. “You have to stop.”
“What will you give me if I stop?”
“I’ll come,” she said. “I promise. Tomorrow night I’ll find a way. He’s leaving for some meeting in Springfield.”
“How much do you want to?” I said. I had stopped rubbing but kept my thumb directly on the tip of her clit, pressing down gently. It was dark in the restaurant and crowded. But if anyone bothered to look at Tora closely, they would know. I used my thumb to give her sweet, delicious torture. She had her head thrown back, exposing the delicate column of her throat. Her breasts jutted out, the nipples thrust out into hard peaks from her arousal. She was in the throes of erotic ecstasy and in that instant she was mine. I realized I wanted her like that all the time.
Her eyes fluttered open and she turned her head to look at me. Her beautiful emerald eyes fixed on me with pure lust. “With everything,” she said. “I want you with everything.”
“Good,” I said, sliding my thumb over her clit one more time. Her tiny sex had grown firm under my touch as she strained to keep herself from climaxing. “That’s what you need to give me. Everything. I’m going to do things to you, Tora. Do you trust me?”
She brought her head up and straightened her back. “I think I do.”
“You need to,” I said. “I won’t do anything if you tell me to stop but I don’t want to hold back this time. Do you understand?”
She nodded. “I think so.”
“Good,” I said. Tora shifted in her chair and her eyes went wide. She was still looking toward the door and I didn’t have to turn to understand that Seth was coming back. It pained me to do it, but I pulled my hand out from inside her panties and set it in my lap.
“I ordered you the prime rib,” Tora said; she spoke slower than was usual for her as she wrestled to keep her composure. I’d had her so close to coming it was a wonder she could form words at all. Tomorrow night, I planned to fuck her senseless.
“I’m afraid I can’t stay after all,” I said. And I couldn’t. As much as I’d driven Tora to the edge, I found myself in a similar state of distress. I wasn’t about to sit around and make chit chat with Seth.
“Don’t be that way,” Seth almost whined.
“It’s not about you this time, Seth,” I said. “I’ve got a client situation. Plus, I think we’ve covered all the pertinent details. I’ll stand up with you on your wedding day. I’ll be glad to help you out with the Legacy P.A.C. but you know what you need to do to make it right. Call me when you decide.”
I rose and tossed my napkin on the table. I seemed to have rendered Seth speechless. Tora was in a similar state but her eyes flashed that green fire that I’d come to regard as mine alone. Then I turned and left them to each other.
Chapter Sixteen
Tora
Seth was in a special kind of rage after Jack left. A quiet one. I found those to be the most difficult to manage because at least when he talked or yelled, I knew what he was thinking. We didn’t stay for dinner and Seth would have walked out without paying. I hailed the waiter as quickly as I could and pulled out my credit card because Seth was already halfway to the parking garage.
“But your dinners are just coming out now!” The waiter looked crestfallen. He had recognized Seth. His picture had been in the Tribune at least three times in the last month with Miranda’s funeral and the announcement he was running for senate.
“Mr. Manning just isn’t feeling well,” I said. “Please just box them up and accept my apologies. Run this through and give yourself a thirty percent tip, please.” Seth could thank me for saving at least one potential vote except I didn’t plan on being around in November.
Lucky for me, I also had the car keys so Seth could storm off in a pout, but he wasn’t going to get farther than the car unless he hopped on the “L.” Even though he had lived in and around Chicago and the north shore his whole life, I knew he had never set foot on any type of public transportation.
He was pacing in front of his Lexus when I got there. I was almost afraid to give him the keys, but along with forgoing his dinner, he never ordered a drink. I’d been watching him very closely. Setting the Styrofoam boxes on the hood of the car I fished for the keys and tossed them to him. He got in and slammed the door. He revved the engine and actually started to pull out as I scrambled to grab the food and get around to the passenger side.
“Were you planning on leaving me here?” I asked as I slid into my seat. While my door was still open he peeled out of the parking spot. I slammed it shut, grateful I’d at least gotten my seatbelt latched before the car started moving.
“Don’t fucking talk to me,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Why are you mad at me?” I said. For a moment, my blood ran cold. Had he been watching? Had he seen Jack’s hands on me? Could he sense what was going on? No, he couldn’t. He hadn’t even been in the dining room. This was something else.
“That piece of crap jewelry was your idea. I should have known not to listen to you.”
What? I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from saying anything else. Seth was irrational. I had gotten to know how his mind worked more than I wanted. He was incapable of taking responsibility for anything. Again, this was the legacy of Miranda at work. She’d made excuses for him his whole life. He externalized everything.
I kept quiet for the remainder of the half-hour drive back to Lake Bliss. With any luck, he’d cool off before we got there.
He didn’t.
As soon as we got in the front door, Seth laid into me again.
“From now on, your job is to look how I tell you when we go out and that’s it. I can’t afford anymore bullshit in public, Tora. Do you understand?”
I nodded. I made a mask of my face so he couldn’t see my bubbling rage. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to scream back. I couldn’t risk it. Not now. I was in Miranda’s house now. I couldn’t afford to have him throw me out for even a day. We’d been here almost three days and I had yet to find a block of time alone so I could look for anything. Either Seth or Mary Barlow hovered 24/7.
“Whatever you need, baby,” I said, hating the sound of my own voice. I plastered a smile on my face and went to him, smoothing my hands over his lapels. “He’ll come around, Jack will. It’s just as much an advantage to him to have a brother in the senate, isn’t it?” I played dumb, fixing a Marilyn Monroe-esque doe-eyed stare on my face.
Seth’s shoulders relaxed and I knew I was in the clear. “Fucking right it is,” he said.
I went on my tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips. Seth kissed me back but he was rough, digging his fingers into the flesh of my upper arms. Alarm bells went off in my head. I went too far. Seth leaned forward, forcing me to bend backwards to keep from falling. He pulled me against him; his breath was hot in my face. I didn’t want this. Not after Jack.
Seth had me backed up against the wall and he tore at my dress, snapping the thin spaghetti straps. The bodice fell, exposing my breasts to him. He pawed at them with rough hands. I hadn’t seen him drink at dinner and his driving had been straight, but something was off about his eyes. He’d taken something in the parking lot or when I wasn’t looking. I was stupid for not having picked up on it. Shit. I’d gotten into a car with him!
Seth took a staggering step back and grabbed at his crotch. He meant to take me right there in the hallway of Miranda’s house. A door opened off the kitchen and Mary came out. She stopped short, her eyes wide with shock as she saw me against the wall with my dress torn. I looked at her; she must have seen the distress in my face but she set her mouth into a smirk and turned her back, quietly closing the door behind her.
Seth had his fly undone and took a few zig-zag steps toward me. He faltered; weaving toward the stairs, he sank down on one. Whatever he’d taken, he’d overdone it. He had anti-depressants, I knew, and I’d seen a healthy array of bottles in Miranda’s bathroom.
Tonight, it was my salvation.
Seth raised a hand toward me, he made a limp-wristed circle with it in some attempt to motion me toward him. I stayed against the wall. Seth slumped over and passed out against the banister.
I was shaken, badly. I gathered the torn ends of my dress and covered myself. I took a shaky step forward, then another. I put a hand on his neck. His breathing was heavy and he’d started to snore. He was lying more or less on his side. I walked around him and made my way up the stairs.
Let Mary figure out what to do with him.
***
I wanted to cry but wouldn’t. I needed to be strong. It got harder and harder. It had been so long since I left my real life behind, sometimes I wondered if it ever was real. There was no one left in my life that I wasn’t outright lying to except for Jack. With him, it was a lie of omission but he hadn’t yet pressed me for the truth.
And I wanted him. I had wanted to leave the restaurant with him and spend the night with him. The memory of his touch and the promise of more still lingered on my skin. I wanted his kisses, his fingers on my most sensitive flesh, his arms around me. I wanted him to hold me and never let go. Fuck me beyond feeling, caring ... just beyond. When he said he’d been holding back with me I couldn’t fathom what he meant. He made me feel things already that were new and exciting. He’d awakened something dark in me. And he wanted to give me even more. Drive me even further if I let him.
Seth wouldn’t know. He was leaving tomorrow. Could I risk it? Could I risk not going to Jack?
How had I let everything get so complicated? How much longer would I have to keep up the lies? Everything I did was worth it. It had to be. Still, I needed a reminder.
I picked up my phone and punched in Uncle Charlie’s number. It rang four times and I thought for sure I would get his old answering machine. Charlie refused to carry a cell phone and he still had an outgoing message tape that sang bad jingles. On the fifth ring, I heard a crash and muffled swearing ... some word that ended in “ucker.”
“Uncle Charlie?”
More swearing and then he finally answered. “Yeah!”
“Hi,” I said. “It’s me.”
“Button!” I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
“Sorry,” Charlie said several decibels lower. “Stepped on the damn cat.”
The “damn cat” pretty much had a flat tail as it was. She was an old tabby with one eye and alopecia and her name was Bonny. She hated me.
“You okay? More to the point, is Bonny okay?”
“Arrrgggh!” Uncle Charlie said. “What’s going on, Button. Isn’t it kind of late?”
I climbed into the bed I was supposed to share with Seth. It was one of the unfinished guestrooms. I refused to sleep in Miranda’s room, on her bed. In the three nights since Seth had moved me in, he had only joined me once. I crawled to the center of the bed and pulled the bright blue covers up to my chin.
“It’s only after ten,” I said.
“You don’t sound so good, Button,” Charlie said. “Are you coming down with something?”
“I’m just tired,” I said. My voice quivered and I tried to keep it steady. I needed to hear his voice but didn’t want him to sense anything in mine. “It’s been a long week.”
“How much longer until you’re done for the summer?”
“It’s a while yet,” I said. I knew Cornell’s exam schedule by heart. “Six more weeks or so.”
“What’s the matter, Button?” I heard a great heaving and something creak on the other end of the phone. It meant Charlie had just sunk down into his ancient La-Z-Boy. I’d tried for years to get him a new one but he insisted this one was “broken in just right.” It was broken all right. There was probably more duct tape than leather on it right now.
“I was just feeling a little homesick.” I tried to stick to the truth as much as I could.
“Well, we sure do miss you around here, too,” Charlie said. “You sure you can’t find a weekend or two to visit after your tests are done? Cora said she’s itching to make you some potato soup. You’re probably skinny as shit right now.”
I laughed. I could weigh five hundred pounds and Charlie would tell me I was too skinny. Cora’s potato soup was a whitish stew consisting of essentially nothing but potatoes, flour and eggs. It had the consistency of spackle. It was delicious. I missed it.
The memory was enough to push me past my breaking point. I had tried to hold it together. I should never have called Charlie in the first place. Everything bubbled over and I started to cry. Charlie knew it.
“Honey?”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m just hormonal, maybe. I don’t know. It’s just been hard, lately.”
“I miss ya too, Button,” Charlie said. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said after a great sniffle. I had nothing to blow my nose with.
“Talk.”
“No,” I said. “It’s just everything out here is harder than I thought. That’s all. I’ll be all right. I just miss being around people who know me for real, you know?”
“You’re too hard on yourself,” he said. “You’ve got to be the smartest one in all of your classes. Everyone’s gotta love you out there.”
I snorted. “I don’t know about that. Right now I feel pretty lost, Uncle Charlie.”
“Bagghh! I don’t believe it. You said that last year right before you graduated Summa Magna, whatever the fuck it was. You just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s gonna turn out all right.”
; Was it? Could it? I wanted so badly to tell him where I really was, why I was really here. It would kill him. He’d try to stop me. Maybe a part of me wanted him to.
“Uncle Charlie,” I said. “I think I just need to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this.”
“You’re doing it because you deserve to get outta the hell hole we’ve got going on down here. You’re better than the rest of us is why.”
I played with a frayed thread on the blue bedspread. I knew when I said the next thing, Charlie wouldn’t like it. I couldn’t help it, though. I had just told him the first truth in a very long time. I was close to quitting. I didn’t know how much longer I could put up with Seth and the lies.
“Charlie,” I started. “I need to see him.”
Silence on the other end. Then Charlie must have put the phone very close to his face because I heard his breath.
“Button.”
“I mean it,” I said. “It would help me.”
“It’s not what he wants,” Charlie said.
“I don’t believe that. Because he’s ashamed? Because he thinks I am? You said it yourself, the whole reason I’m out here busting my ass is for him ... or because of him. Because everyone wants me to find my own way out. So let him tell me that. I need to see him.”
“It’s a bad idea,” Charlie said. “You need to focus on your future, not the past. What’s the use in dredging up shit and getting upset over things you can’t control? Things you can’t fix.”
But I was trying to fix it. Every lie I’d told in the last year was me trying to fix it because I was the only one who could.
“I can make my own decisions about that,” I said. “I need you to talk to him. I need you to get my name on the list. Tomorrow. Will you?”
Charlie said something unintelligible.
“Please,” I said. “Please do it for me. You said you’d do anything for me, I need you to do this. Call him and get my name on the list. Call first thing in the morning.”
“It doesn’t work that fast,” he said.
“Yes, it does.”
“What if he won’t see you?”